Marriage

[ClashPunk82]

So I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and really want to get married. However I am pretty sick and can't work so I am on disability. The thing is he doesn't make much money so he wouldn't be able to support both of us and if I was to be on his insurance he would be paying much more. Also I would lose my disability. We have decided not to formally get married but at least exchange rings and have a little party. Has anyone else decided to not get married due to their illness?

 

[anonymous]

Nicole,

I was in the exact same position as you. I was with my bf for 4 years and we got engaged. We talked to a lawyer because of all the "stuff" with CF. He said as a priest he would tell you to get married, as a lawyer just live together. We have now been together for 23 years. I don't need the state and a piece of paper to tell me that he is my husband. I can tell by our love for each other. The one thing you have to check with is if your state is a "common law" state. If it is, one of you will have to have a seperate legal address.

I check this page often - if you need anything just ask and I will try to answer the best that I can.

Good Luck

 

[anonymous]

Your being married does not make you less disabled.
I'm not sure you would lose your disability. I am married and I don't think they even asked for my husband's income for SSDI, but they did ask for it for SSI. I did not qualify for SSI because of his income, but I did qualify for SSDI based on my past earnings and obviously the fact fact that I'm disabled.
Now if you're on SSI, you could lose that if you get married.
I am no expert, but I would ask your local SSDI office if you would lose your disability or not if you got married.
Good luck<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[ClashPunk82]

Thanks for the replies. Yes I am on SSI, I always say disability, don't know why. But I was told yes, if I married I would lose that and he can't support the both of us. I would love to really be married but know it just can't happen. And I am pretty far along CF wise so basically I am just happy being with him. I just want a ring, lol! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0">

 

[Purplelungs]

I am one that wishes people get married if they want to...unfortunatly with cf its just an obstical. Do what your planning a exchange of rings and vows and a small party. I was in your situation...I got married and lost my SSI and medicaid...had to pay huge out of pocket copays....put us in debt we are still trying to pay off. If you need more info on this email me...i have been through it and learned alot.
akcooper_01@hotmail.com

 

[ClashPunk82]

What about living arrangements? How does that work out?

 

[anonymous]

In the Catholic faith there is something called a secret wedding. It takes A LOT of time, but your union would be blessed by God. Who cares what the state says!!! Good Luck

 

[ClashPunk82]

Actually my friends sister is a minister and said she would perfom a blessing if that's what we wanted. I am not exactly sure how we are going to go about this but I told him at least for right now just figure out my ring and propose to me when ytou feel ready and we will take it from there! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0">

 

[anonymous]

Because SSI is based off of your "household" income, you can loose it if you get married and your husband makes over $700 a month, yes that is correct, just $700 a month (like anyone can survive on that). If you get SSDI (because you had enough work history), your benefits won't change if you get married, get divorced or stay single. It sucks that money does have to be a consideration when thinking about getting married, but it is important to have that money keep coming in. My husband and I thought about getting divorced so he could get more benefits, but then he would loose some of my great military benefits so it's not such a great idea for our particular situation. I have heard of quite a few situatiosn where people have weddings, and just don't sign the paperwork. Most people at the ceremony didn't even know it wasn't legitimate (legal/paperwork wise), I would go for something like that-and the ring <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">.


Julie (wife to Mark 24 w/CF)

 

[ClashPunk82]

Ya, we have decided to have a little party to celebrate so it should be fun. But what about living together, we would only be able to afford an apartment but if I moved in with him I am sure I would lose my SSI. How does that all work?

 

[Purplelungs]

You say you are living with a roommate. You have to pay half of the living expenses and your own food and all other bills pertaining to you. They will ask for a paper that says how much rent, electricity, water, gas, food is...and how much you pay into it. You tell them you pay half of everything...because you are. Having a roomate doesnt affect SSI to much unless they pay things for you. So you go into this as if you are moving in with a friend or whatever that expects you to pay half of everything. I mean it works just like a marriage if you work you pay bills with your check which can amount to half of it...so your not really lying to them, just stretching the truth like we have to to get on SSI... I know people will probably hate me for saying all this. But I have been through it so believe me when I tell you this. Also you and your bf will have to sign a paper stating your just roomates and nothing more, maybe even something like your renting a room from him....sign a paper together stating that all the bills you have shown is in correct amount (they may ask for previous bills for proof) and that you pay for half. They will always ask if you are recieving any kind of money, like from parents and such...its not a good idea to tell them you are because say that they give yu $100 for your birthday if you report that they can take $100 out of your next check. If you have any more questions email me.
Amanda
akcooper_01@hotmail.com

 

[HollyCatheryn]

Others may or may not agree with this, but I'd say don't get married - at least where government is concerned. We were dealing with this in the Fall and our problem is that we are already married legally and have a child together. So if we were to get divorced, we'd have to deal with custody and then lie about living together. So, we ended up not doing that, we've had to pursue other options of insurance and income - fortunately I am able to work some. I'd say have a little ceremony and make a commitment to each other in front of friends and family so that they can support you in your relationship as "spouses." But don't do anything on paper. Saying to "just" live together does against my principles. I do believe there ought to be some sort of formal commitment and people to support, encourage and hold you accountable.Do be careful about common-law stuff as someone else said. It can get tricky if you decide to have children, but perhaps at that point financial things would be better and common-law considerations wouldn't be such a problem.

 

[anonymous]

Talking about financial "stuff", you have to think about the future not now. As you get older you acquire more things. that is what you need to worry about. It is hard, but it is the best thing we ever did. Our lawyer really explained a lot to us. I am a Catholic and it was a hard thing to tell my parents that I was not going to get married, but when I explained that it was for legal reason to protect our/his assets - they understood. As I said earlier - Catholics can have a secret marriage. It was not an easy thing to get accomplished, but it was well worth it. Remember, what matters most is that you love each other. Unfortunately when you have CF or any other disability you have to look at some things like marriage a bit differently.