moms-what type of help do you have?

mamaScarlett · Apr 7, 2009

i know this doesn't solely relate to pregnancy, but i've made so many friends in this category i feel like its my 'safe' place.

i am feeling inadequate, tired and don't know what direction to go in.
we're trying to set up a weekly schedule so i can fit in 3 workouts per week. i am trying to be a responsible parent, and responsible cf patient.
i'm religious with therapy and meds. this is the one other thing i could be dedicating myself to.
i don't know how to do it though-my hope was to do workouts at home, but i'm finding this tough.
when my 2 yr old naps, i want to sleep. and noon (her nap time) is when i get energy slumps.
today i tried getting up early and i was too tired to workout.
going to the gym would be great. i talked to hubby about it and he said he could take 1 workout per week, i could ask my MIL for the 2nd, and he suggested i call my mom.
i wanted to start looking for hired help 1 day per week-someone to watch lo for 6, 7 hours and do light cleaning. -plus a day for me to workout, do groceries, run errands free without clipping lo in and out of the car seat 20 times...and have a little peace.
he said its...ok....but he'd prefer to exhaust family (free) help first before doing that. i can see that.
the problem is, my mom and i have a very strained relationship. i love my mom, but she is very self centered.

i was raised in an abusive home, and it wasn't until the past couple years that we have mended ways.
but the feelings are deep with me.
i called her today to talk about the schedule stuff, and was turned down flat.
it was awful. she can still bring out those awful feelings from the past with me. make me feel like a tiny little idiot.
our relationship is getting worse and worse and i feel like i need a break.
i hope hubby understands, i don't think having her help us is a healthy answer for our family. i love her, but sometimes a respectful distance is better than a close tie.

when i talk to the cf center, i know they assume that i have all this help bc of my big family. my in laws are amazing-but how much can i ask of them?
i feel so guilty asking for help.

who do you ask for help? how much is too much and how does asking make you feel?

mamaScarlett · Apr 7, 2009

i know this doesn't solely relate to pregnancy, but i've made so many friends in this category i feel like its my 'safe' place.

i am feeling inadequate, tired and don't know what direction to go in.
we're trying to set up a weekly schedule so i can fit in 3 workouts per week. i am trying to be a responsible parent, and responsible cf patient.
i'm religious with therapy and meds. this is the one other thing i could be dedicating myself to.
i don't know how to do it though-my hope was to do workouts at home, but i'm finding this tough.
when my 2 yr old naps, i want to sleep. and noon (her nap time) is when i get energy slumps.
today i tried getting up early and i was too tired to workout.
going to the gym would be great. i talked to hubby about it and he said he could take 1 workout per week, i could ask my MIL for the 2nd, and he suggested i call my mom.
i wanted to start looking for hired help 1 day per week-someone to watch lo for 6, 7 hours and do light cleaning. -plus a day for me to workout, do groceries, run errands free without clipping lo in and out of the car seat 20 times...and have a little peace.
he said its...ok....but he'd prefer to exhaust family (free) help first before doing that. i can see that.
the problem is, my mom and i have a very strained relationship. i love my mom, but she is very self centered.

i was raised in an abusive home, and it wasn't until the past couple years that we have mended ways.
but the feelings are deep with me.
i called her today to talk about the schedule stuff, and was turned down flat.
it was awful. she can still bring out those awful feelings from the past with me. make me feel like a tiny little idiot.
our relationship is getting worse and worse and i feel like i need a break.
i hope hubby understands, i don't think having her help us is a healthy answer for our family. i love her, but sometimes a respectful distance is better than a close tie.

when i talk to the cf center, i know they assume that i have all this help bc of my big family. my in laws are amazing-but how much can i ask of them?
i feel so guilty asking for help.

who do you ask for help? how much is too much and how does asking make you feel?

mamaScarlett · Apr 7, 2009

i know this doesn't solely relate to pregnancy, but i've made so many friends in this category i feel like its my 'safe' place.

i am feeling inadequate, tired and don't know what direction to go in.
we're trying to set up a weekly schedule so i can fit in 3 workouts per week. i am trying to be a responsible parent, and responsible cf patient.
i'm religious with therapy and meds. this is the one other thing i could be dedicating myself to.
i don't know how to do it though-my hope was to do workouts at home, but i'm finding this tough.
when my 2 yr old naps, i want to sleep. and noon (her nap time) is when i get energy slumps.
today i tried getting up early and i was too tired to workout.
going to the gym would be great. i talked to hubby about it and he said he could take 1 workout per week, i could ask my MIL for the 2nd, and he suggested i call my mom.
i wanted to start looking for hired help 1 day per week-someone to watch lo for 6, 7 hours and do light cleaning. -plus a day for me to workout, do groceries, run errands free without clipping lo in and out of the car seat 20 times...and have a little peace.
he said its...ok....but he'd prefer to exhaust family (free) help first before doing that. i can see that.
the problem is, my mom and i have a very strained relationship. i love my mom, but she is very self centered.

i was raised in an abusive home, and it wasn't until the past couple years that we have mended ways.
but the feelings are deep with me.
i called her today to talk about the schedule stuff, and was turned down flat.
it was awful. she can still bring out those awful feelings from the past with me. make me feel like a tiny little idiot.
our relationship is getting worse and worse and i feel like i need a break.
i hope hubby understands, i don't think having her help us is a healthy answer for our family. i love her, but sometimes a respectful distance is better than a close tie.

when i talk to the cf center, i know they assume that i have all this help bc of my big family. my in laws are amazing-but how much can i ask of them?
i feel so guilty asking for help.

who do you ask for help? how much is too much and how does asking make you feel?

mamaScarlett · Apr 7, 2009

i know this doesn't solely relate to pregnancy, but i've made so many friends in this category i feel like its my 'safe' place.

i am feeling inadequate, tired and don't know what direction to go in.
we're trying to set up a weekly schedule so i can fit in 3 workouts per week. i am trying to be a responsible parent, and responsible cf patient.
i'm religious with therapy and meds. this is the one other thing i could be dedicating myself to.
i don't know how to do it though-my hope was to do workouts at home, but i'm finding this tough.
when my 2 yr old naps, i want to sleep. and noon (her nap time) is when i get energy slumps.
today i tried getting up early and i was too tired to workout.
going to the gym would be great. i talked to hubby about it and he said he could take 1 workout per week, i could ask my MIL for the 2nd, and he suggested i call my mom.
i wanted to start looking for hired help 1 day per week-someone to watch lo for 6, 7 hours and do light cleaning. -plus a day for me to workout, do groceries, run errands free without clipping lo in and out of the car seat 20 times...and have a little peace.
he said its...ok....but he'd prefer to exhaust family (free) help first before doing that. i can see that.
the problem is, my mom and i have a very strained relationship. i love my mom, but she is very self centered.

i was raised in an abusive home, and it wasn't until the past couple years that we have mended ways.
but the feelings are deep with me.
i called her today to talk about the schedule stuff, and was turned down flat.
it was awful. she can still bring out those awful feelings from the past with me. make me feel like a tiny little idiot.
our relationship is getting worse and worse and i feel like i need a break.
i hope hubby understands, i don't think having her help us is a healthy answer for our family. i love her, but sometimes a respectful distance is better than a close tie.

when i talk to the cf center, i know they assume that i have all this help bc of my big family. my in laws are amazing-but how much can i ask of them?
i feel so guilty asking for help.

who do you ask for help? how much is too much and how does asking make you feel?

mamaScarlett · Apr 7, 2009

i know this doesn't solely relate to pregnancy, but i've made so many friends in this category i feel like its my 'safe' place.
 
 i am feeling inadequate, tired and don't know what direction to go in.
 we're trying to set up a weekly schedule so i can fit in 3 workouts per week. i am trying to be a responsible parent, and responsible cf patient.
 i'm religious with therapy and meds. this is the one other thing i could be dedicating myself to.
 i don't know how to do it though-my hope was to do workouts at home, but i'm finding this tough.
 when my 2 yr old naps, i want to sleep. and noon (her nap time) is when i get energy slumps.
 today i tried getting up early and i was too tired to workout.
 going to the gym would be great. i talked to hubby about it and he said he could take 1 workout per week, i could ask my MIL for the 2nd, and he suggested i call my mom.
 i wanted to start looking for hired help 1 day per week-someone to watch lo for 6, 7 hours and do light cleaning. -plus a day for me to workout, do groceries, run errands free without clipping lo in and out of the car seat 20 times...and have a little peace.
 he said its...ok....but he'd prefer to exhaust family (free) help first before doing that. i can see that.
 the problem is, my mom and i have a very strained relationship. i love my mom, but she is very self centered.
 
 i was raised in an abusive home, and it wasn't until the past couple years that we have mended ways.
 but the feelings are deep with me.
 i called her today to talk about the schedule stuff, and was turned down flat.
 it was awful. she can still bring out those awful feelings from the past with me. make me feel like a tiny little idiot.
 our relationship is getting worse and worse and i feel like i need a break.
 i hope hubby understands, i don't think having her help us is a healthy answer for our family. i love her, but sometimes a respectful distance is better than a close tie.
 
 when i talk to the cf center, i know they assume that i have all this help bc of my big family. my in laws are amazing-but how much can i ask of them?
 i feel so guilty asking for help.
 
 who do you ask for help? how much is too much and how does asking make you feel?

hopesiris · Apr 7, 2009

I hear you about not having help. My CF doc asked some questions about how our house is run and who handles child care. Her reaction was a loud "WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS???" My feelings about it is that I can't change the circumstances and I'm not going to stop my life over it. I'll just do the best I can.

We only ask my husbands side of the family to babysit when we have a doctor appointment or a special occasion. It's not enough but at least it's something. We watch our nephew too and it helps them a lot since they also don't have much support. Maybe you can just ask for help and see what kind of response you get. You can also do nice things for them when they help you out like give a small gift.

hopesiris · Apr 7, 2009

I hear you about not having help. My CF doc asked some questions about how our house is run and who handles child care. Her reaction was a loud "WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS???" My feelings about it is that I can't change the circumstances and I'm not going to stop my life over it. I'll just do the best I can.

We only ask my husbands side of the family to babysit when we have a doctor appointment or a special occasion. It's not enough but at least it's something. We watch our nephew too and it helps them a lot since they also don't have much support. Maybe you can just ask for help and see what kind of response you get. You can also do nice things for them when they help you out like give a small gift.

hopesiris · Apr 7, 2009

I hear you about not having help. My CF doc asked some questions about how our house is run and who handles child care. Her reaction was a loud "WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS???" My feelings about it is that I can't change the circumstances and I'm not going to stop my life over it. I'll just do the best I can.

We only ask my husbands side of the family to babysit when we have a doctor appointment or a special occasion. It's not enough but at least it's something. We watch our nephew too and it helps them a lot since they also don't have much support. Maybe you can just ask for help and see what kind of response you get. You can also do nice things for them when they help you out like give a small gift.

hopesiris · Apr 7, 2009

I hear you about not having help. My CF doc asked some questions about how our house is run and who handles child care. Her reaction was a loud "WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS???" My feelings about it is that I can't change the circumstances and I'm not going to stop my life over it. I'll just do the best I can.

We only ask my husbands side of the family to babysit when we have a doctor appointment or a special occasion. It's not enough but at least it's something. We watch our nephew too and it helps them a lot since they also don't have much support. Maybe you can just ask for help and see what kind of response you get. You can also do nice things for them when they help you out like give a small gift.

hopesiris · Apr 7, 2009

I hear you about not having help. My CF doc asked some questions about how our house is run and who handles child care. Her reaction was a loud "WHERE ARE YOUR PARENTS???" My feelings about it is that I can't change the circumstances and I'm not going to stop my life over it. I'll just do the best I can.
 
 We only ask my husbands side of the family to babysit when we have a doctor appointment or a special occasion. It's not enough but at least it's something. We watch our nephew too and it helps them a lot since they also don't have much support. Maybe you can just ask for help and see what kind of response you get. You can also do nice things for them when they help you out like give a small gift.

Jeana · Apr 7, 2009

I hear you about feeling guilty asking the same people for help over and over. You're lucky you have some family nearby (the inlaws that are willing to help). Since I don't have family nearby, I have to rely on friends.

One of my good friends is moving and will no longer be able to help. Another of my friends I've used repeatedly to watch my son while I was in the hospital and I would feel awful asking her for a small favor after that. And a close coworker watched my son for one week, which turned into two.

The only things I can think of to maybe get in your exercise would be church related and again depending on the church. Many of the churches in my community do an AWANAs night once a week, where kids go and learn memory verses, play games, etc. for a couple of hours. I drop Chris off there and that gives my husband and I two hours free, although that won't be the case with a new baby. Then, my brother's church has one night a week that they offer free babysitting, so couples can have a date night. I also use the Fred Meyer's play place while shopping, so I'm not dragging around a 4-year-old.

Lots of luck! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

Jeana · Apr 7, 2009

I hear you about feeling guilty asking the same people for help over and over. You're lucky you have some family nearby (the inlaws that are willing to help). Since I don't have family nearby, I have to rely on friends.

One of my good friends is moving and will no longer be able to help. Another of my friends I've used repeatedly to watch my son while I was in the hospital and I would feel awful asking her for a small favor after that. And a close coworker watched my son for one week, which turned into two.

The only things I can think of to maybe get in your exercise would be church related and again depending on the church. Many of the churches in my community do an AWANAs night once a week, where kids go and learn memory verses, play games, etc. for a couple of hours. I drop Chris off there and that gives my husband and I two hours free, although that won't be the case with a new baby. Then, my brother's church has one night a week that they offer free babysitting, so couples can have a date night. I also use the Fred Meyer's play place while shopping, so I'm not dragging around a 4-year-old.

Lots of luck! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

Jeana · Apr 7, 2009

I hear you about feeling guilty asking the same people for help over and over. You're lucky you have some family nearby (the inlaws that are willing to help). Since I don't have family nearby, I have to rely on friends.

One of my good friends is moving and will no longer be able to help. Another of my friends I've used repeatedly to watch my son while I was in the hospital and I would feel awful asking her for a small favor after that. And a close coworker watched my son for one week, which turned into two.

The only things I can think of to maybe get in your exercise would be church related and again depending on the church. Many of the churches in my community do an AWANAs night once a week, where kids go and learn memory verses, play games, etc. for a couple of hours. I drop Chris off there and that gives my husband and I two hours free, although that won't be the case with a new baby. Then, my brother's church has one night a week that they offer free babysitting, so couples can have a date night. I also use the Fred Meyer's play place while shopping, so I'm not dragging around a 4-year-old.

Lots of luck! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

Jeana · Apr 7, 2009

I hear you about feeling guilty asking the same people for help over and over. You're lucky you have some family nearby (the inlaws that are willing to help). Since I don't have family nearby, I have to rely on friends.

One of my good friends is moving and will no longer be able to help. Another of my friends I've used repeatedly to watch my son while I was in the hospital and I would feel awful asking her for a small favor after that. And a close coworker watched my son for one week, which turned into two.

The only things I can think of to maybe get in your exercise would be church related and again depending on the church. Many of the churches in my community do an AWANAs night once a week, where kids go and learn memory verses, play games, etc. for a couple of hours. I drop Chris off there and that gives my husband and I two hours free, although that won't be the case with a new baby. Then, my brother's church has one night a week that they offer free babysitting, so couples can have a date night. I also use the Fred Meyer's play place while shopping, so I'm not dragging around a 4-year-old.

Lots of luck! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

Jeana · Apr 7, 2009

I hear you about feeling guilty asking the same people for help over and over. You're lucky you have some family nearby (the inlaws that are willing to help). Since I don't have family nearby, I have to rely on friends.
 
 One of my good friends is moving and will no longer be able to help. Another of my friends I've used repeatedly to watch my son while I was in the hospital and I would feel awful asking her for a small favor after that. And a close coworker watched my son for one week, which turned into two.
 
 The only things I can think of to maybe get in your exercise would be church related and again depending on the church. Many of the churches in my community do an AWANAs night once a week, where kids go and learn memory verses, play games, etc. for a couple of hours. I drop Chris off there and that gives my husband and I two hours free, although that won't be the case with a new baby. Then, my brother's church has one night a week that they offer free babysitting, so couples can have a date night. I also use the Fred Meyer's play place while shopping, so I'm not dragging around a 4-year-old.
 
 Lots of luck! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

jaimers · Apr 8, 2009