My son, strongest man i ever knew

[Nicks mom]

thank you so much for your post. I just lost my son on December 13th 2012...He was 21, and would have been 22 on january17th. It is very hard so far. He went at home. He was very sick and had been struggling to get his lungs free of infection. He was on the bipap a lot of days, but the morning he died was obviously a good one. He had gotten up really early(which within itself, because mornings were very hard most of the time) and gotten some breakfast. I know this because his toaster struessels, and chex mix was on the bed...but we found him in the chair, and he was just gone. Still warm and we know that he was not struggling to breathe, or he would have hurried over to the bipap. I am beyond devistated...even though he went peacefully, and it just looked like he just fell asleep, I am lost without him. I am not sure how i am suppose to go on. I've spent my entire adult life worrying and caring for him. I have so much in common with some of you, I feel so alone. The funeral was Tuesday, and it killed me to let him go...I know he is with God, but I miss him so much...

 

[bk]

Oh dear Lord, how to respond to this. My son, also Nick, is 24. It's just too close. I suppose going peacefully is a blessing, but it's the going part that is devastating. I'm so very sorry.

 

[Guest]

I just can't even imagine what you are going through. Prayers going your way.

 

[azdesertrat]

I'm so sorry for your loss. You & your family are in my thoughts & prayers.
All of us that live with this affliction are in this together. When we lose one, we all feel it regardless of whether we personally knew the person or not.
Please accept my sincere condolences. Your son is at the Right Hand of our Lord & Saviour.
May God bless & be with you & yours.

 

[Guest]

I am so sorry for your loss sending Prayers.

 

[Jane]

I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Nick. My heart aches for you as I have a son who is 21 too. As bk said "too close to home" .

There are many times I wonder how cf parents survive the loss of a child, as you said, we spend our whole lives caring for them. Unimaginable!

Nick is at peace, breathing freely in Heaven.

Please keep yourself well. We are all here for you.

 

[Nicks mom]

Thank you all so much, I am worried about the holidays, and his birthday....Still trying to accept this...need to know there are others who live/lived for their babies, and have to face all the downs of Cf...fears, anxiety, up at night hearing them cough, and there is nothing you can do to stop it,or protect them from pain..i always put my emotions on the back burner and took each obstacle head on and tried to show him that it was all gonna be okay, now all these emotions surface now that he is gone,,,how it feels to fear the future, the uncertainty, the hopes, I never had time to think about how I felt, it wasn't about me...now I am living with these emotions, how I felt when his FEV was slowly going down, his baseline dropping, wondering how long we really had...I know he died from his heart failing...He damaged it from not always wearing his oxygen when he should have because he didn't want people to stare...always telling him, "Honey, your lips are turning blue", and he would say"Are they"" and run to the mirror, and then put his O2 back on...all these memories that I thought didn't exist, flooding my head....no one who hasn't dealt with this disease would NEVER understand....what to do?

 

[Guest]

I cannot begin to fathom your pain. I am so very sorry. I will be praying for you and your family.

 

[Melissa75]

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[beautifulsoul]

I'm also 21. My heart aches for you knowing you have lost your son at such a young age. Stay Strong. My thoughts are with you...

Much Love,

Amber

 

[cherrysears]

I am so so sorry. My son is 14 and I cannot imagine loosing him. He and I have been to counseling together as I too am the rock. I'm learning to be sad when Taylor's sad and allow him to express his feelings more openly to me. I don't know why I felt like I was going to cry and never be able to stop if I said I hated CF and was afraid sometimes with him. In my efforts to remind Taylor to trust God and that we always have hope I didn't allow him or myself to grieve. I'm so sorry Nick had such a short, hard life. He It sounds like he was blessed and also very loved by you...that's got to have make it easier for him....to not feel alone.

 

[robbiekay]

MY prayers are with you! and my son has been sick for a very long time trying to fight this lung infections. my heart aches for you also.