Hi, I am a 22 year old male, dx with CF at 22 months - failure to thrive/rectal prolapse. I also have anxiety, ADHD, depression, and recurring suicidal thoughts.
I take pancreatic enzymes, afflicted with pseudomonas when I was 14. I'm somewhat negligent at doing any sort of treatment, I have a Vest machine, but it's been a couple years since I've used it.
I attended university college and quit going midway into 4th semester in the Civil Engineering program due to chronic pain issue that doctors have not resolved. I currently take 50-100mg tramadol daily, doctors said there is a submucousal mass located in my colon. I received a laparoscopic endoscopic surgery this recent summer, however it did not alleviate any pain. Further tests performed yielded almost no answers. I have somewhat given up on hope of my chronic pain being resolved.
I currently live with my disabled obese father w/ Multiple sclerosis and neuropathy. Growing up was difficult, my father can be extremely verbally abusive at times and drank very heavily (hasn't touched alcohol in a couple years due to severe health issues). My mother abandoned my family when I was 8 years old. I have been smoking marijuana for 2 years now, but have been trying to cut back on it. It seems I can't run away from it however because my father is a heavy marijuana smoker and relies on me to go out and get it for him regardless that it's illegal in my state (Minnesota). He claims that it's the only thing that gives him a break from his health issues even though doctors prescribe him adequate amounts of tramadol to relieve his pain. Surprisingly my lungs are somewhat healthy, I don't recall ever having any lung infections and doctors constantly tell me my lungs sound very clear when I get a basic lung checkup. However I do cough up sticky green mucous regularly.
I have somewhat of a bad criminal past, got caught up with the wrong kids growing up and got involved with a few vandalism events. When I was 18-19 I started thieving from walmart simply for the rush of doing so (subtle hate towards walmart as well), it helped me get out my frustrations in life. I ended up with 2 misdemeanors for petty theft, quit thieving entirely since then.
I am an active musician, can play many instruments, formed a metal band 2 years ago, currently the lead guitarist. We perform every other week or so, have a full album of music written and recorded.
However I feel like this lifestyle isn't bringing me to where I wish I could be, there is almost no income generated from my music. When I try to get a job, employers don't want to hire me because of my criminal background. I have tried applying for SSDI, but recently received rejection notice.
The fork in my road is whether or not I should try to pursue going back to college, or settle with the college experience I have and continuously look for employment somewhere (seems hopeless at times), or if I should keep reapplying for SSDI. At the moment my health insurance is state paid, covers all my medical costs, if I have an income of more than $622, then I lose my insurance and will be stuck fending for myself entirely on medical costs. My student loan and credit card debts currently owed are around $16k and I have debt collectors barking at me constantly. Most days I feel completely useless and crippled by pain, depression. My anxiety keeps me from seeking out professional advice, not sure where to even look for advice. I want to move out from home because my relationship with my father is very hard to deal with. But it seems near impossible given that I need to find a job that covers all my health insurance needs and have enough money left over to pay for rent/food/etc. I feel like I'm stuck in a hole that I can't get out of. I'm not looking for a solid answer, just need honest opinions on what to do with my life. Very much appreciated to anyone that sheds some light.
I take pancreatic enzymes, afflicted with pseudomonas when I was 14. I'm somewhat negligent at doing any sort of treatment, I have a Vest machine, but it's been a couple years since I've used it.
I attended university college and quit going midway into 4th semester in the Civil Engineering program due to chronic pain issue that doctors have not resolved. I currently take 50-100mg tramadol daily, doctors said there is a submucousal mass located in my colon. I received a laparoscopic endoscopic surgery this recent summer, however it did not alleviate any pain. Further tests performed yielded almost no answers. I have somewhat given up on hope of my chronic pain being resolved.
I currently live with my disabled obese father w/ Multiple sclerosis and neuropathy. Growing up was difficult, my father can be extremely verbally abusive at times and drank very heavily (hasn't touched alcohol in a couple years due to severe health issues). My mother abandoned my family when I was 8 years old. I have been smoking marijuana for 2 years now, but have been trying to cut back on it. It seems I can't run away from it however because my father is a heavy marijuana smoker and relies on me to go out and get it for him regardless that it's illegal in my state (Minnesota). He claims that it's the only thing that gives him a break from his health issues even though doctors prescribe him adequate amounts of tramadol to relieve his pain. Surprisingly my lungs are somewhat healthy, I don't recall ever having any lung infections and doctors constantly tell me my lungs sound very clear when I get a basic lung checkup. However I do cough up sticky green mucous regularly.
I have somewhat of a bad criminal past, got caught up with the wrong kids growing up and got involved with a few vandalism events. When I was 18-19 I started thieving from walmart simply for the rush of doing so (subtle hate towards walmart as well), it helped me get out my frustrations in life. I ended up with 2 misdemeanors for petty theft, quit thieving entirely since then.
I am an active musician, can play many instruments, formed a metal band 2 years ago, currently the lead guitarist. We perform every other week or so, have a full album of music written and recorded.
However I feel like this lifestyle isn't bringing me to where I wish I could be, there is almost no income generated from my music. When I try to get a job, employers don't want to hire me because of my criminal background. I have tried applying for SSDI, but recently received rejection notice.
The fork in my road is whether or not I should try to pursue going back to college, or settle with the college experience I have and continuously look for employment somewhere (seems hopeless at times), or if I should keep reapplying for SSDI. At the moment my health insurance is state paid, covers all my medical costs, if I have an income of more than $622, then I lose my insurance and will be stuck fending for myself entirely on medical costs. My student loan and credit card debts currently owed are around $16k and I have debt collectors barking at me constantly. Most days I feel completely useless and crippled by pain, depression. My anxiety keeps me from seeking out professional advice, not sure where to even look for advice. I want to move out from home because my relationship with my father is very hard to deal with. But it seems near impossible given that I need to find a job that covers all my health insurance needs and have enough money left over to pay for rent/food/etc. I feel like I'm stuck in a hole that I can't get out of. I'm not looking for a solid answer, just need honest opinions on what to do with my life. Very much appreciated to anyone that sheds some light.