new here :) my story (in short)

rayoflight · Apr 3, 2010

thank you everyone. I told one friend about it a month ago so that's a start. I also think the reason I didnn't want anyone to know is that I didn't want to be treated differently, you know, I never wanted someone to feel sorry for me or to be known as "that girl with cf". You know how kids in school can be very cruel sometimes. I also think that if I didn't have anxiety it would be easier for me to tell my friends but now with anxiety every problem in life is so much harder for me to deal with than before. I don't take any mediaction, the doctor suggested anti- depressants for 6 months but honestly I was very scared to take them because of their side effects. It's the existential questions that bother me the most and terrifye me. And the most depressing thing is that I am 20 years old, I should enjoy as much as possible but I can't. I accepted my disease that it is something I have to live with and I've been coping preety well, my parents always say how proud of me they are for staying so strong and being positive person. But when anxiety started it changed me, it made life a living hell and I was so mad, I was battling with cf, how can I battle with this monster too?
And not finding love is the most difficult for me. I have hope when I see that a lot of you have a partner and beautiful children , I have hope that there are persons who will love you no mater what. But I don't think it will happen with me, I just cant see it.

rayoflight · Apr 3, 2010

thank you everyone. I told one friend about it a month ago so that's a start. I also think the reason I didnn't want anyone to know is that I didn't want to be treated differently, you know, I never wanted someone to feel sorry for me or to be known as "that girl with cf". You know how kids in school can be very cruel sometimes. I also think that if I didn't have anxiety it would be easier for me to tell my friends but now with anxiety every problem in life is so much harder for me to deal with than before. I don't take any mediaction, the doctor suggested anti- depressants for 6 months but honestly I was very scared to take them because of their side effects. It's the existential questions that bother me the most and terrifye me. And the most depressing thing is that I am 20 years old, I should enjoy as much as possible but I can't. I accepted my disease that it is something I have to live with and I've been coping preety well, my parents always say how proud of me they are for staying so strong and being positive person. But when anxiety started it changed me, it made life a living hell and I was so mad, I was battling with cf, how can I battle with this monster too?
And not finding love is the most difficult for me. I have hope when I see that a lot of you have a partner and beautiful children , I have hope that there are persons who will love you no mater what. But I don't think it will happen with me, I just cant see it.

rayoflight · Apr 3, 2010

thank you everyone. I told one friend about it a month ago so that's a start. I also think the reason I didnn't want anyone to know is that I didn't want to be treated differently, you know, I never wanted someone to feel sorry for me or to be known as "that girl with cf". You know how kids in school can be very cruel sometimes. I also think that if I didn't have anxiety it would be easier for me to tell my friends but now with anxiety every problem in life is so much harder for me to deal with than before. I don't take any mediaction, the doctor suggested anti- depressants for 6 months but honestly I was very scared to take them because of their side effects. It's the existential questions that bother me the most and terrifye me. And the most depressing thing is that I am 20 years old, I should enjoy as much as possible but I can't. I accepted my disease that it is something I have to live with and I've been coping preety well, my parents always say how proud of me they are for staying so strong and being positive person. But when anxiety started it changed me, it made life a living hell and I was so mad, I was battling with cf, how can I battle with this monster too?
And not finding love is the most difficult for me. I have hope when I see that a lot of you have a partner and beautiful children , I have hope that there are persons who will love you no mater what. But I don't think it will happen with me, I just cant see it.

rayoflight · Apr 3, 2010

thank you everyone. I told one friend about it a month ago so that's a start. I also think the reason I didnn't want anyone to know is that I didn't want to be treated differently, you know, I never wanted someone to feel sorry for me or to be known as "that girl with cf". You know how kids in school can be very cruel sometimes. I also think that if I didn't have anxiety it would be easier for me to tell my friends but now with anxiety every problem in life is so much harder for me to deal with than before. I don't take any mediaction, the doctor suggested anti- depressants for 6 months but honestly I was very scared to take them because of their side effects. It's the existential questions that bother me the most and terrifye me. And the most depressing thing is that I am 20 years old, I should enjoy as much as possible but I can't. I accepted my disease that it is something I have to live with and I've been coping preety well, my parents always say how proud of me they are for staying so strong and being positive person. But when anxiety started it changed me, it made life a living hell and I was so mad, I was battling with cf, how can I battle with this monster too?
And not finding love is the most difficult for me. I have hope when I see that a lot of you have a partner and beautiful children , I have hope that there are persons who will love you no mater what. But I don't think it will happen with me, I just cant see it.

rayoflight · Apr 3, 2010

thank you everyone. I told one friend about it a month ago so that's a start. I also think the reason I didnn't want anyone to know is that I didn't want to be treated differently, you know, I never wanted someone to feel sorry for me or to be known as "that girl with cf". You know how kids in school can be very cruel sometimes. I also think that if I didn't have anxiety it would be easier for me to tell my friends but now with anxiety every problem in life is so much harder for me to deal with than before. I don't take any mediaction, the doctor suggested anti- depressants for 6 months but honestly I was very scared to take them because of their side effects. It's the existential questions that bother me the most and terrifye me. And the most depressing thing is that I am 20 years old, I should enjoy as much as possible but I can't. I accepted my disease that it is something I have to live with and I've been coping preety well, my parents always say how proud of me they are for staying so strong and being positive person. But when anxiety started it changed me, it made life a living hell and I was so mad, I was battling with cf, how can I battle with this monster too?
 And not finding love is the most difficult for me. I have hope when I see that a lot of you have a partner and beautiful children , I have hope that there are persons who will love you no mater what. But I don't think it will happen with me, I just cant see it.

beleache · Apr 3, 2010

Hi again,

I think you should give the anti depressants a shot .. What do you have to lose ? It may help you get past this rough patch. I was on them twice when i felt I needed to be & they got me through what I was going through at the time.

I suggest that you read some of the young ppl's blogs.. (check out Lau Lau) She is truly inspirational & young like you.. There are many many stories like hers..

I hope you get out of your funk (I know it can be hard) & start enjoying your life.. We ALL have something to offer in this world..

Take care & God Bless You .. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0"> joni

beleache · Apr 3, 2010

Hi again,

I think you should give the anti depressants a shot .. What do you have to lose ? It may help you get past this rough patch. I was on them twice when i felt I needed to be & they got me through what I was going through at the time.

I suggest that you read some of the young ppl's blogs.. (check out Lau Lau) She is truly inspirational & young like you.. There are many many stories like hers..

I hope you get out of your funk (I know it can be hard) & start enjoying your life.. We ALL have something to offer in this world..

Take care & God Bless You .. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0"> joni

beleache · Apr 3, 2010

Hi again,

I think you should give the anti depressants a shot .. What do you have to lose ? It may help you get past this rough patch. I was on them twice when i felt I needed to be & they got me through what I was going through at the time.

I suggest that you read some of the young ppl's blogs.. (check out Lau Lau) She is truly inspirational & young like you.. There are many many stories like hers..

I hope you get out of your funk (I know it can be hard) & start enjoying your life.. We ALL have something to offer in this world..

Take care & God Bless You .. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0"> joni

beleache · Apr 3, 2010

Hi again,

I think you should give the anti depressants a shot .. What do you have to lose ? It may help you get past this rough patch. I was on them twice when i felt I needed to be & they got me through what I was going through at the time.

I suggest that you read some of the young ppl's blogs.. (check out Lau Lau) She is truly inspirational & young like you.. There are many many stories like hers..

I hope you get out of your funk (I know it can be hard) & start enjoying your life.. We ALL have something to offer in this world..

Take care & God Bless You .. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0"> joni

beleache · Apr 3, 2010

Hi again,
 
 I think you should give the anti depressants a shot .. What do you have to lose ? It may help you get past this rough patch. I was on them twice when i felt I needed to be & they got me through what I was going through at the time.
 
 I suggest that you read some of the young ppl's blogs.. (check out Lau Lau) She is truly inspirational & young like you.. There are many many stories like hers..
 
 I hope you get out of your funk (I know it can be hard) & start enjoying your life.. We ALL have something to offer in this world..
 
 Take care & God Bless You .. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0"> joni

Lance2020x · Apr 5, 2010

Hey rayoflight, first off I've got to say it's fantastic that you found us here and posted this. Just that fact is a HUGE step in the right direction. Reaching out is the first challenge.

As for the clubbed hands... everybody has something about their physical appearance that they dislike... As a guy myself, clubbed fingers aren't something that would turn me off from a girl. Just the other day I met an absolutely beautiful girl who had a huge scar across her face, none of the guys (myself included) cared at all, she was very sweet and gorgeous and carried herself with confidence, THAT is what the guys noticed, not the imperfections.

When I was younger I didn't want to tell people about my CF for the very same reason; I didn't want them to look at or treat me differently, and I didn't want pity. What I ended up discovering is that most of them ALREADY knew, and they didn't talk about it because they thought I didn't want to talk about it (since I never brought it up), but they all respected be for the fact that I wanted to live beyond my health problems and didn't want pity or special treatment.
When I tell new people about my health, I've found that it will be a big deal only if YOU think/make it a big deal.

You are who you are, and you seem like an incredible person, and if there's anybody who won't accept you for who you are and the cards that have been dealt to you... well, then you deserve better than those people and should't even waste your time on such shallow people.

Lance2020x · Apr 5, 2010

Hey rayoflight, first off I've got to say it's fantastic that you found us here and posted this. Just that fact is a HUGE step in the right direction. Reaching out is the first challenge.

As for the clubbed hands... everybody has something about their physical appearance that they dislike... As a guy myself, clubbed fingers aren't something that would turn me off from a girl. Just the other day I met an absolutely beautiful girl who had a huge scar across her face, none of the guys (myself included) cared at all, she was very sweet and gorgeous and carried herself with confidence, THAT is what the guys noticed, not the imperfections.

When I was younger I didn't want to tell people about my CF for the very same reason; I didn't want them to look at or treat me differently, and I didn't want pity. What I ended up discovering is that most of them ALREADY knew, and they didn't talk about it because they thought I didn't want to talk about it (since I never brought it up), but they all respected be for the fact that I wanted to live beyond my health problems and didn't want pity or special treatment.
When I tell new people about my health, I've found that it will be a big deal only if YOU think/make it a big deal.

You are who you are, and you seem like an incredible person, and if there's anybody who won't accept you for who you are and the cards that have been dealt to you... well, then you deserve better than those people and should't even waste your time on such shallow people.

Lance2020x · Apr 5, 2010

Hey rayoflight, first off I've got to say it's fantastic that you found us here and posted this. Just that fact is a HUGE step in the right direction. Reaching out is the first challenge.

As for the clubbed hands... everybody has something about their physical appearance that they dislike... As a guy myself, clubbed fingers aren't something that would turn me off from a girl. Just the other day I met an absolutely beautiful girl who had a huge scar across her face, none of the guys (myself included) cared at all, she was very sweet and gorgeous and carried herself with confidence, THAT is what the guys noticed, not the imperfections.

When I was younger I didn't want to tell people about my CF for the very same reason; I didn't want them to look at or treat me differently, and I didn't want pity. What I ended up discovering is that most of them ALREADY knew, and they didn't talk about it because they thought I didn't want to talk about it (since I never brought it up), but they all respected be for the fact that I wanted to live beyond my health problems and didn't want pity or special treatment.
When I tell new people about my health, I've found that it will be a big deal only if YOU think/make it a big deal.

You are who you are, and you seem like an incredible person, and if there's anybody who won't accept you for who you are and the cards that have been dealt to you... well, then you deserve better than those people and should't even waste your time on such shallow people.

Lance2020x · Apr 5, 2010

Hey rayoflight, first off I've got to say it's fantastic that you found us here and posted this. Just that fact is a HUGE step in the right direction. Reaching out is the first challenge.

As for the clubbed hands... everybody has something about their physical appearance that they dislike... As a guy myself, clubbed fingers aren't something that would turn me off from a girl. Just the other day I met an absolutely beautiful girl who had a huge scar across her face, none of the guys (myself included) cared at all, she was very sweet and gorgeous and carried herself with confidence, THAT is what the guys noticed, not the imperfections.

When I was younger I didn't want to tell people about my CF for the very same reason; I didn't want them to look at or treat me differently, and I didn't want pity. What I ended up discovering is that most of them ALREADY knew, and they didn't talk about it because they thought I didn't want to talk about it (since I never brought it up), but they all respected be for the fact that I wanted to live beyond my health problems and didn't want pity or special treatment.
When I tell new people about my health, I've found that it will be a big deal only if YOU think/make it a big deal.

You are who you are, and you seem like an incredible person, and if there's anybody who won't accept you for who you are and the cards that have been dealt to you... well, then you deserve better than those people and should't even waste your time on such shallow people.

Lance2020x · Apr 5, 2010

Hey rayoflight, first off I've got to say it's fantastic that you found us here and posted this. Just that fact is a HUGE step in the right direction. Reaching out is the first challenge.
 
 As for the clubbed hands... everybody has something about their physical appearance that they dislike... As a guy myself, clubbed fingers aren't something that would turn me off from a girl. Just the other day I met an absolutely beautiful girl who had a huge scar across her face, none of the guys (myself included) cared at all, she was very sweet and gorgeous and carried herself with confidence, THAT is what the guys noticed, not the imperfections.
 
 When I was younger I didn't want to tell people about my CF for the very same reason; I didn't want them to look at or treat me differently, and I didn't want pity. What I ended up discovering is that most of them ALREADY knew, and they didn't talk about it because they thought I didn't want to talk about it (since I never brought it up), but they all respected be for the fact that I wanted to live beyond my health problems and didn't want pity or special treatment.
 When I tell new people about my health, I've found that it will be a big deal only if YOU think/make it a big deal.
 
 You are who you are, and you seem like an incredible person, and if there's anybody who won't accept you for who you are and the cards that have been dealt to you... well, then you deserve better than those people and should't even waste your time on such shallow people.

fly30 · Apr 6, 2010