New & Question about having a family

B

BethanyAnne

New member
Hi everyone I am fairly new to this site...I have posted a couple times, but over the course of time so I wouldn't say I'm frequent member, but I have been lately and would like to continue to be so I thought I would tell a little about me first and then go ahead with my question...

*My name is Bethany
*I am 23 yrs. old
*I have CF & CFRD
*I'm from a very small town - LaGrange, OH
*I now live in Nashville, TN<img src="i/expressions/musicnote.gif" border="0">
*I was pursuing a music career in Nashille and because of health reasons (health insurance) have recently gone back to school to be a teacher.
*I used to dance for the NBA Cleveland Cavaliers in Ohio
*I have a younger sister, Kimberly, 18 who is a carrier of the gene and Mackenzie, who is 11 and has CF

Okay, sooo my boyfriend of almost 5 years now is really incredible - first of all, I think anyone who knows your situation and still wants to be with you forever is pretty remarkable! But, besides that point we do plan on getting married in the next couple of years when I finish school and we do want to have a family. We talk about our dreams of a family quite often actually. Well, he is a singer/songwriter and he went to LA this week on a writing trip...I actually got sick the day after he left..I think I contracted some sort of bug (it is that time ofyer and everyone seems to be getting sick) so I called my doc and started antibiotics right away. Well, this whole week fell flat for me (school wise, chore wise, eating wise)...Basically, I got nothing done. Yesterday (friday) rolled around and I just started to think about how when I (we as in those who have CF) get sick it takes our bodies a lot longer to recover than people w/out CF. My body got so weak I could barely take care of myself and the things that need to be done and I got to thinkin' how hard it would be if I had kids (and not to mention my boyfriend travels a lot so I would be by myself most of the time)...I dn't think I could do it and fairly for kids to have th kind of life they deserve. This broke me down. The thought of not being able to have a family ripped me apart and broke into major tears... Okay, so now that you know the background here are my questions to all women/men who have children, are thinking about children or really anyone who has a thought on this...
Do you feel this way too? Have you felt this way? Do you have help at home? If so, how much help do you have? What do you do when you get sick and you have kids??

I have been a babysitter since high school and am friends with a lot of mothers (not to mention watching my mom raise my little sister, Mackenzie) and I realize kids are so much time and energy that I just might not be able to give them...what are your thoughts on this?? Please share...<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
 
B

BethanyAnne

New member
Hi everyone I am fairly new to this site...I have posted a couple times, but over the course of time so I wouldn't say I'm frequent member, but I have been lately and would like to continue to be so I thought I would tell a little about me first and then go ahead with my question...

*My name is Bethany
*I am 23 yrs. old
*I have CF & CFRD
*I'm from a very small town - LaGrange, OH
*I now live in Nashville, TN<img src="i/expressions/musicnote.gif" border="0">
*I was pursuing a music career in Nashille and because of health reasons (health insurance) have recently gone back to school to be a teacher.
*I used to dance for the NBA Cleveland Cavaliers in Ohio
*I have a younger sister, Kimberly, 18 who is a carrier of the gene and Mackenzie, who is 11 and has CF

Okay, sooo my boyfriend of almost 5 years now is really incredible - first of all, I think anyone who knows your situation and still wants to be with you forever is pretty remarkable! But, besides that point we do plan on getting married in the next couple of years when I finish school and we do want to have a family. We talk about our dreams of a family quite often actually. Well, he is a singer/songwriter and he went to LA this week on a writing trip...I actually got sick the day after he left..I think I contracted some sort of bug (it is that time ofyer and everyone seems to be getting sick) so I called my doc and started antibiotics right away. Well, this whole week fell flat for me (school wise, chore wise, eating wise)...Basically, I got nothing done. Yesterday (friday) rolled around and I just started to think about how when I (we as in those who have CF) get sick it takes our bodies a lot longer to recover than people w/out CF. My body got so weak I could barely take care of myself and the things that need to be done and I got to thinkin' how hard it would be if I had kids (and not to mention my boyfriend travels a lot so I would be by myself most of the time)...I dn't think I could do it and fairly for kids to have th kind of life they deserve. This broke me down. The thought of not being able to have a family ripped me apart and broke into major tears... Okay, so now that you know the background here are my questions to all women/men who have children, are thinking about children or really anyone who has a thought on this...
Do you feel this way too? Have you felt this way? Do you have help at home? If so, how much help do you have? What do you do when you get sick and you have kids??

I have been a babysitter since high school and am friends with a lot of mothers (not to mention watching my mom raise my little sister, Mackenzie) and I realize kids are so much time and energy that I just might not be able to give them...what are your thoughts on this?? Please share...<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
 
B

BethanyAnne

New member
Hi everyone I am fairly new to this site...I have posted a couple times, but over the course of time so I wouldn't say I'm frequent member, but I have been lately and would like to continue to be so I thought I would tell a little about me first and then go ahead with my question...
<br />
<br />*My name is Bethany
<br />*I am 23 yrs. old
<br />*I have CF & CFRD
<br />*I'm from a very small town - LaGrange, OH
<br />*I now live in Nashville, TN<img src="i/expressions/musicnote.gif" border="0">
<br />*I was pursuing a music career in Nashille and because of health reasons (health insurance) have recently gone back to school to be a teacher.
<br />*I used to dance for the NBA Cleveland Cavaliers in Ohio
<br />*I have a younger sister, Kimberly, 18 who is a carrier of the gene and Mackenzie, who is 11 and has CF
<br />
<br />Okay, sooo my boyfriend of almost 5 years now is really incredible - first of all, I think anyone who knows your situation and still wants to be with you forever is pretty remarkable! But, besides that point we do plan on getting married in the next couple of years when I finish school and we do want to have a family. We talk about our dreams of a family quite often actually. Well, he is a singer/songwriter and he went to LA this week on a writing trip...I actually got sick the day after he left..I think I contracted some sort of bug (it is that time ofyer and everyone seems to be getting sick) so I called my doc and started antibiotics right away. Well, this whole week fell flat for me (school wise, chore wise, eating wise)...Basically, I got nothing done. Yesterday (friday) rolled around and I just started to think about how when I (we as in those who have CF) get sick it takes our bodies a lot longer to recover than people w/out CF. My body got so weak I could barely take care of myself and the things that need to be done and I got to thinkin' how hard it would be if I had kids (and not to mention my boyfriend travels a lot so I would be by myself most of the time)...I dn't think I could do it and fairly for kids to have th kind of life they deserve. This broke me down. The thought of not being able to have a family ripped me apart and broke into major tears... Okay, so now that you know the background here are my questions to all women/men who have children, are thinking about children or really anyone who has a thought on this...
<br />Do you feel this way too? Have you felt this way? Do you have help at home? If so, how much help do you have? What do you do when you get sick and you have kids??
<br />
<br />I have been a babysitter since high school and am friends with a lot of mothers (not to mention watching my mom raise my little sister, Mackenzie) and I realize kids are so much time and energy that I just might not be able to give them...what are your thoughts on this?? Please share...<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
 
M

mamaScarlett

Active member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>BethanyAnne</b></i>


Do you feel this way too? Have you felt this way? Do you have help at home? If so, how much help do you have? What do you do when you get sick and you have kids??

[/IMG]</end quote></div>

Welcome Bethany! 1st off you sound like a hardworking, smart young woman who is planning her life out-not running into fast decisions. GOOD JOB! 2nd your boyfriend sounds wonderful! I remember when I was dating my boyfriend (now my husband of 8 years), after my first severe hospital stay, my friends told me-"We knew after he stuck around for all the bad stuff and not just the good stuff that he was a keeper!"

I have a 3.5 year old daughter and a 2nd baby on the way. I'm 28. Do I ever feel overwhelmed?-YES! Do I get sick? Yes. Do I need to be in the hospital sometimes? Yes.
Yes Yes and Yes.
Is it all worth it? Yes.
Having a family when you have Cf is to be judged very much on an individual basis. Like each Cfer is different-Each couple is different and SO much goes into making the decision.
I'm sure some out there would disagree, but one of the biggest factors in my opinion is your career. When you have Cf and decide to be a mom-that is your career. I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule, but overall it is just too much to be a mother with Cf and have an out of home career-at least when the kids are very small or before school begins.
As far as getting sick-its not 'what if you get sick?'-its 'when you get sick'. You WILL get sick.
You will need to go to the hospital at times. Its inevitable.
And its part of your care. You have to be the most healthy you can be short term and long term to be there for your child.
You find a way to do it. My husband has somewhat flexible work so he can help occasionally. We have deliberately chosen to live close to his parents so that I have help often. I couldn't do it without their help!
My care routine/chest pt never gets interrupted. It takes first priority. I am very scheduled. If I miss my chest pt, I will get sick. My daughter has tv time while I do chest pt. Its our routine-like brushing your teeth every day. Honestly, now that I'm a mom, I rarely get sick. Maybe once a year. I think its bc being a mom has forced me to take such excellent care of myself.
When I'm really sick at home-I up my routine even more. I let the house go. I let the little things go. If I'm too tired to cook-hubby gets take out or I ask for help-something I had to learn to do. Most people really do want to help. If my sister in law is making dinner I ask her to cook us extra.
I stay in my pjs all day-get up, do chest pt. Feed my daughter and myself. Lay on the sofa while she plays or watches tv. And just do that all day until I feel better. If I need more rest she goes to grandma's for a few hours.
If I'm in the hospital she stays with grandma until I'm better. My husband brings her to the hospital to see me every other day. Its not easy-its very emotional. But your child only knows his or her normal. To her, its exciting sleep over time at Grandma's.
About every 6 weeks or so I have someone come in and clean the house really well. Between that I do light touchups. Its a big help. I don't do tons of playdates, fancy dinners or ladies lunches. We try to keep it as simple as possible.
And I don't feel deprived at all!!! To me the greatest joy is from my daughter and the time my hubby, her and I have together. Its the best ever.
Even though I have cf, honestly I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I think its bc I work hard to get what I have. And thats a good feeling. I appreciate the little things in life 100 times more.
The only other thing I'd say is when making this decision you must honestly consider your level of health. You and your doctor have to go over your pfts to see if you're healthy enough to have a pregnancy. There might be things you can do to work on your pfts, to improve them. This decision has to be made with the help of a great Cf center.
Wish you the best with all you do! Keep us posted and feel free to ask questions anytime!
 
M

mamaScarlett

Active member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>BethanyAnne</b></i>


Do you feel this way too? Have you felt this way? Do you have help at home? If so, how much help do you have? What do you do when you get sick and you have kids??

[/IMG]</end quote>

Welcome Bethany! 1st off you sound like a hardworking, smart young woman who is planning her life out-not running into fast decisions. GOOD JOB! 2nd your boyfriend sounds wonderful! I remember when I was dating my boyfriend (now my husband of 8 years), after my first severe hospital stay, my friends told me-"We knew after he stuck around for all the bad stuff and not just the good stuff that he was a keeper!"

I have a 3.5 year old daughter and a 2nd baby on the way. I'm 28. Do I ever feel overwhelmed?-YES! Do I get sick? Yes. Do I need to be in the hospital sometimes? Yes.
Yes Yes and Yes.
Is it all worth it? Yes.
Having a family when you have Cf is to be judged very much on an individual basis. Like each Cfer is different-Each couple is different and SO much goes into making the decision.
I'm sure some out there would disagree, but one of the biggest factors in my opinion is your career. When you have Cf and decide to be a mom-that is your career. I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule, but overall it is just too much to be a mother with Cf and have an out of home career-at least when the kids are very small or before school begins.
As far as getting sick-its not 'what if you get sick?'-its 'when you get sick'. You WILL get sick.
You will need to go to the hospital at times. Its inevitable.
And its part of your care. You have to be the most healthy you can be short term and long term to be there for your child.
You find a way to do it. My husband has somewhat flexible work so he can help occasionally. We have deliberately chosen to live close to his parents so that I have help often. I couldn't do it without their help!
My care routine/chest pt never gets interrupted. It takes first priority. I am very scheduled. If I miss my chest pt, I will get sick. My daughter has tv time while I do chest pt. Its our routine-like brushing your teeth every day. Honestly, now that I'm a mom, I rarely get sick. Maybe once a year. I think its bc being a mom has forced me to take such excellent care of myself.
When I'm really sick at home-I up my routine even more. I let the house go. I let the little things go. If I'm too tired to cook-hubby gets take out or I ask for help-something I had to learn to do. Most people really do want to help. If my sister in law is making dinner I ask her to cook us extra.
I stay in my pjs all day-get up, do chest pt. Feed my daughter and myself. Lay on the sofa while she plays or watches tv. And just do that all day until I feel better. If I need more rest she goes to grandma's for a few hours.
If I'm in the hospital she stays with grandma until I'm better. My husband brings her to the hospital to see me every other day. Its not easy-its very emotional. But your child only knows his or her normal. To her, its exciting sleep over time at Grandma's.
About every 6 weeks or so I have someone come in and clean the house really well. Between that I do light touchups. Its a big help. I don't do tons of playdates, fancy dinners or ladies lunches. We try to keep it as simple as possible.
And I don't feel deprived at all!!! To me the greatest joy is from my daughter and the time my hubby, her and I have together. Its the best ever.
Even though I have cf, honestly I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I think its bc I work hard to get what I have. And thats a good feeling. I appreciate the little things in life 100 times more.
The only other thing I'd say is when making this decision you must honestly consider your level of health. You and your doctor have to go over your pfts to see if you're healthy enough to have a pregnancy. There might be things you can do to work on your pfts, to improve them. This decision has to be made with the help of a great Cf center.
Wish you the best with all you do! Keep us posted and feel free to ask questions anytime!
 
M

mamaScarlett

Active member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>BethanyAnne</b></i>
<br />
<br />
<br />Do you feel this way too? Have you felt this way? Do you have help at home? If so, how much help do you have? What do you do when you get sick and you have kids??
<br />
<br />[/IMG]</end quote>
<br />
<br />Welcome Bethany! 1st off you sound like a hardworking, smart young woman who is planning her life out-not running into fast decisions. GOOD JOB! 2nd your boyfriend sounds wonderful! I remember when I was dating my boyfriend (now my husband of 8 years), after my first severe hospital stay, my friends told me-"We knew after he stuck around for all the bad stuff and not just the good stuff that he was a keeper!"
<br />
<br />I have a 3.5 year old daughter and a 2nd baby on the way. I'm 28. Do I ever feel overwhelmed?-YES! Do I get sick? Yes. Do I need to be in the hospital sometimes? Yes.
<br />Yes Yes and Yes.
<br />Is it all worth it? Yes.
<br />Having a family when you have Cf is to be judged very much on an individual basis. Like each Cfer is different-Each couple is different and SO much goes into making the decision.
<br />I'm sure some out there would disagree, but one of the biggest factors in my opinion is your career. When you have Cf and decide to be a mom-that is your career. I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule, but overall it is just too much to be a mother with Cf and have an out of home career-at least when the kids are very small or before school begins.
<br />As far as getting sick-its not 'what if you get sick?'-its 'when you get sick'. You WILL get sick.
<br />You will need to go to the hospital at times. Its inevitable.
<br />And its part of your care. You have to be the most healthy you can be short term and long term to be there for your child.
<br />You find a way to do it. My husband has somewhat flexible work so he can help occasionally. We have deliberately chosen to live close to his parents so that I have help often. I couldn't do it without their help!
<br />My care routine/chest pt never gets interrupted. It takes first priority. I am very scheduled. If I miss my chest pt, I will get sick. My daughter has tv time while I do chest pt. Its our routine-like brushing your teeth every day. Honestly, now that I'm a mom, I rarely get sick. Maybe once a year. I think its bc being a mom has forced me to take such excellent care of myself.
<br />When I'm really sick at home-I up my routine even more. I let the house go. I let the little things go. If I'm too tired to cook-hubby gets take out or I ask for help-something I had to learn to do. Most people really do want to help. If my sister in law is making dinner I ask her to cook us extra.
<br />I stay in my pjs all day-get up, do chest pt. Feed my daughter and myself. Lay on the sofa while she plays or watches tv. And just do that all day until I feel better. If I need more rest she goes to grandma's for a few hours.
<br />If I'm in the hospital she stays with grandma until I'm better. My husband brings her to the hospital to see me every other day. Its not easy-its very emotional. But your child only knows his or her normal. To her, its exciting sleep over time at Grandma's.
<br />About every 6 weeks or so I have someone come in and clean the house really well. Between that I do light touchups. Its a big help. I don't do tons of playdates, fancy dinners or ladies lunches. We try to keep it as simple as possible.
<br />And I don't feel deprived at all!!! To me the greatest joy is from my daughter and the time my hubby, her and I have together. Its the best ever.
<br />Even though I have cf, honestly I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I think its bc I work hard to get what I have. And thats a good feeling. I appreciate the little things in life 100 times more.
<br />The only other thing I'd say is when making this decision you must honestly consider your level of health. You and your doctor have to go over your pfts to see if you're healthy enough to have a pregnancy. There might be things you can do to work on your pfts, to improve them. This decision has to be made with the help of a great Cf center.
<br />Wish you the best with all you do! Keep us posted and feel free to ask questions anytime!
 
K

Keepercjr

Guest
Hi Bethany!

I have 2 kids, a boy who is 5.5 and a girl who is 2. Basically, for us, it comes down to living near family. My parents live around the corner from us and my husband's parents live across town. They help as much as they can (mostly my parents but his parents do pitch in when needed). I would not have had #2 w/o having family support around. I also have a house keeper who comes every 2 weeks. If I were sicker we agreed she would come more often. She cleans the floors, cleans the kitchens and bathrooms and straightens up. I try to do upkeep between her visits but it doesn't always happen. You have to let things go sometimes.

As to being sick while having kids, I can't really touch on that much. I haven't been in the hospital for CF reasons since I was pregnant with my son. I did spend 1 night and have surgery for my gall bladder this summer and it was tough but everyone survived and the kids did way better than I thought they would. If I feel run down, things just get let go (I don't clean and don't cook then).

If you can't live near family, the best thing would be to make friends with lots of moms or a small community (Like a church). That way there could be some shared responsibility when you're sick and your husband isn't home.

I really think there comes a strength when you are 100% responsible for a little human - you just find it inside and get it done. You may only do it 50% or even 10% but at the bare minimum everyone at least gets fed. Everything else can wait <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

Good luck with everything! Having a plan is key
 
K

Keepercjr

Guest
Hi Bethany!

I have 2 kids, a boy who is 5.5 and a girl who is 2. Basically, for us, it comes down to living near family. My parents live around the corner from us and my husband's parents live across town. They help as much as they can (mostly my parents but his parents do pitch in when needed). I would not have had #2 w/o having family support around. I also have a house keeper who comes every 2 weeks. If I were sicker we agreed she would come more often. She cleans the floors, cleans the kitchens and bathrooms and straightens up. I try to do upkeep between her visits but it doesn't always happen. You have to let things go sometimes.

As to being sick while having kids, I can't really touch on that much. I haven't been in the hospital for CF reasons since I was pregnant with my son. I did spend 1 night and have surgery for my gall bladder this summer and it was tough but everyone survived and the kids did way better than I thought they would. If I feel run down, things just get let go (I don't clean and don't cook then).

If you can't live near family, the best thing would be to make friends with lots of moms or a small community (Like a church). That way there could be some shared responsibility when you're sick and your husband isn't home.

I really think there comes a strength when you are 100% responsible for a little human - you just find it inside and get it done. You may only do it 50% or even 10% but at the bare minimum everyone at least gets fed. Everything else can wait <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

Good luck with everything! Having a plan is key
 
K

Keepercjr

Guest
Hi Bethany!
<br />
<br />I have 2 kids, a boy who is 5.5 and a girl who is 2. Basically, for us, it comes down to living near family. My parents live around the corner from us and my husband's parents live across town. They help as much as they can (mostly my parents but his parents do pitch in when needed). I would not have had #2 w/o having family support around. I also have a house keeper who comes every 2 weeks. If I were sicker we agreed she would come more often. She cleans the floors, cleans the kitchens and bathrooms and straightens up. I try to do upkeep between her visits but it doesn't always happen. You have to let things go sometimes.
<br />
<br />As to being sick while having kids, I can't really touch on that much. I haven't been in the hospital for CF reasons since I was pregnant with my son. I did spend 1 night and have surgery for my gall bladder this summer and it was tough but everyone survived and the kids did way better than I thought they would. If I feel run down, things just get let go (I don't clean and don't cook then).
<br />
<br />If you can't live near family, the best thing would be to make friends with lots of moms or a small community (Like a church). That way there could be some shared responsibility when you're sick and your husband isn't home.
<br />
<br />I really think there comes a strength when you are 100% responsible for a little human - you just find it inside and get it done. You may only do it 50% or even 10% but at the bare minimum everyone at least gets fed. Everything else can wait <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
<br />
<br />Good luck with everything! Having a plan is key
 
B

BethanyAnne

New member
Thank ladies! I really appreciate you telling me your stories and I feel like when I'm ready I'll probably be asking more questions, but I'll also be a little more prepared with the information you gave me <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
B

BethanyAnne

New member
Thank ladies! I really appreciate you telling me your stories and I feel like when I'm ready I'll probably be asking more questions, but I'll also be a little more prepared with the information you gave me <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
B

BethanyAnne

New member
Thank ladies! I really appreciate you telling me your stories and I feel like when I'm ready I'll probably be asking more questions, but I'll also be a little more prepared with the information you gave me <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
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