Also Tanja congratulations on such a big effort taking care of your little CFer's mostly on your own. Husbands do tend to work a lot. I too am in a similar situation except my husband works away on the mines approximately 4 weeks at a time. My step son lives with us full time and I have my 2 little CFer's as well. It really is such hard work but they are worth every bit.
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Non-vaccinated Step kids
- Thread starter Tessalonikki
- Start date
Also Tanja congratulations on such a big effort taking care of your little CFer's mostly on your own. Husbands do tend to work a lot. I too am in a similar situation except my husband works away on the mines approximately 4 weeks at a time. My step son lives with us full time and I have my 2 little CFer's as well. It really is such hard work but they are worth every bit.
Purplelungz
New member
I had the chicken poks when I was 11. By that time i was in and out of the hospital couple times a year but when I had the chickenpoks i didnt need any ivs or anything. I think i had an oral antibotic cant remember. I just remember being itchy. It didnt do any damage other than some scars and ruin my Christmas vacation. lol.
I am curious about your step daughter. How old is she? I am wondering because even though she isnt vaccinated having a cold that lasts that long is very odd. Something else might be going on. Could it be possible she has cf as well? I mean its your husbands daughter right? and he has the gene so her mother could as well. I dunno it just sounds odd she is getting sick so much, with her mother not getting her treated doesnt help any. Help doesnt mean jump on the drug wagon asap but when its justified yes (like strep). Shes walking a thin line with her daughter's health that could get her taken away or even worse case senerio she could die.
I am curious about your step daughter. How old is she? I am wondering because even though she isnt vaccinated having a cold that lasts that long is very odd. Something else might be going on. Could it be possible she has cf as well? I mean its your husbands daughter right? and he has the gene so her mother could as well. I dunno it just sounds odd she is getting sick so much, with her mother not getting her treated doesnt help any. Help doesnt mean jump on the drug wagon asap but when its justified yes (like strep). Shes walking a thin line with her daughter's health that could get her taken away or even worse case senerio she could die.
Purplelungz
New member
I had the chicken poks when I was 11. By that time i was in and out of the hospital couple times a year but when I had the chickenpoks i didnt need any ivs or anything. I think i had an oral antibotic cant remember. I just remember being itchy. It didnt do any damage other than some scars and ruin my Christmas vacation. lol.
I am curious about your step daughter. How old is she? I am wondering because even though she isnt vaccinated having a cold that lasts that long is very odd. Something else might be going on. Could it be possible she has cf as well? I mean its your husbands daughter right? and he has the gene so her mother could as well. I dunno it just sounds odd she is getting sick so much, with her mother not getting her treated doesnt help any. Help doesnt mean jump on the drug wagon asap but when its justified yes (like strep). Shes walking a thin line with her daughter's health that could get her taken away or even worse case senerio she could die.
I am curious about your step daughter. How old is she? I am wondering because even though she isnt vaccinated having a cold that lasts that long is very odd. Something else might be going on. Could it be possible she has cf as well? I mean its your husbands daughter right? and he has the gene so her mother could as well. I dunno it just sounds odd she is getting sick so much, with her mother not getting her treated doesnt help any. Help doesnt mean jump on the drug wagon asap but when its justified yes (like strep). Shes walking a thin line with her daughter's health that could get her taken away or even worse case senerio she could die.
Hi Tanja,
I am in a similiar family type situation...I have two daughters with CF, a son without CF and 2 step sons. When my husband and I married, I had sole custody of my 3 children and he had joint custody of his two. The boys were vaccinated so that wasn't an issue, but they were constantly sick. It drove me crazy. I spend many nights crying and worrying about what the girls were going to catch. We would have them for two weeks and they'd just be getting better then their mother would take them for two weeks and they'd come back sick, EVERY SINGLE TIME. She refuses to speak to me about the children (she says they are none of my business even though they live with me), so I could not discuss anything with her. My husband tried but it would go in one ear and out the other. Well, eventually as time went on (2 1/2 years or so into the marriage) their mother went off the deep end and was put in the hospital for a suicide attempt (which occured in front of the kids) and that led to a major custody battle. We eventually won and now the kids live permanently with us. We also moved 1500 miles away so they don't have constant contact with her. They do go see her four times a year and spend usually a week (two in the summer) and they still tend to come back sick.
The reason I'm telling you all this is that in the five years we've been dealing with this this I can honestly say the girls have never caught anything worse than a slight cold from the boys (and I can't say for sure it was from them). I can definately see both sides of the issue but do you think it's really any more likely that your children will catch something from your step daughter than from some other family member, a person at the grocery store or at school (when they go to school?) By no means do I take this lightly and say you shouldn't protect your children, but to what extreme? I don't think it's good for the children to be seperated. Also, I don't think it's fair to limit your husband's contact with his child. How does he feel about it? I know it was hard on my husband to feel like his children were a burden to myself and my children. I tried really hard not to make him feel that way but I know he did.
Obviously you have to do what you think is best. These are your children and you are ultimately responsible for them. Just try to see it from all sides and make the decision that's best for all concerned. When I married my husband I also became mother to his children and that gives me a certain responsibility. I would no sooner kick my step children out of my house than I would by own biological son who does not have CF. What if it were him who kept getting sick? Those are things I had to think about a lot. It's not the child's fault. You can take precautions like seperating them if she's really ill or running a temperature. Maybe your husband should take his daughter to the dr and see why she keeps getting sick. Maybe the problem can be addressed so this doesn't continue to happen. I know my son lived with strep for years (he was on antiobiotics every other month but it would always come back until he finally had his tonsils removed) and neither of the girls ever once caught it.
I'm sorry for rambling but this is a big issue and not one to take lightly. It can be very hard on not only you and the children but on your marriage. Your husband may feel resentful and that can be a burden to the marriage...I just wanted to share my experience with you to let you know you are not alone and things usually aren't as bad as they seem. My girls are still extremely healthy. My 11 year old has not been in the hospital since she was 3 and my 6 year old (to be 7 next month) has never been hospitalized for lung problems (she's had some out patient sinus surgeries, but no lung problems).
Oh, one more thing...about the vaccinations...I may be completely wrong here but wouldn't your children be okay as long as they were vaccinated? Even if your step daughter caught the illnesses we vaccinate against (which I understand is pretty uncommon these days, but you never know), wouldn't your children still be protected from them? I mean, obviously you'd still want to keep them away when she is sick, no sense just being careless, but is it really a big risk to them that she's not vaccinated? I'm really not sure. As far as chicken pox, I was really scared when my daughter got it from my son because I had also been told it could be really bad for her. She had a very severe case of chicken pox but not a single problem otherwise. She recovered just like my non CF son did.
Best of luck to you whatever you decide.
I am in a similiar family type situation...I have two daughters with CF, a son without CF and 2 step sons. When my husband and I married, I had sole custody of my 3 children and he had joint custody of his two. The boys were vaccinated so that wasn't an issue, but they were constantly sick. It drove me crazy. I spend many nights crying and worrying about what the girls were going to catch. We would have them for two weeks and they'd just be getting better then their mother would take them for two weeks and they'd come back sick, EVERY SINGLE TIME. She refuses to speak to me about the children (she says they are none of my business even though they live with me), so I could not discuss anything with her. My husband tried but it would go in one ear and out the other. Well, eventually as time went on (2 1/2 years or so into the marriage) their mother went off the deep end and was put in the hospital for a suicide attempt (which occured in front of the kids) and that led to a major custody battle. We eventually won and now the kids live permanently with us. We also moved 1500 miles away so they don't have constant contact with her. They do go see her four times a year and spend usually a week (two in the summer) and they still tend to come back sick.
The reason I'm telling you all this is that in the five years we've been dealing with this this I can honestly say the girls have never caught anything worse than a slight cold from the boys (and I can't say for sure it was from them). I can definately see both sides of the issue but do you think it's really any more likely that your children will catch something from your step daughter than from some other family member, a person at the grocery store or at school (when they go to school?) By no means do I take this lightly and say you shouldn't protect your children, but to what extreme? I don't think it's good for the children to be seperated. Also, I don't think it's fair to limit your husband's contact with his child. How does he feel about it? I know it was hard on my husband to feel like his children were a burden to myself and my children. I tried really hard not to make him feel that way but I know he did.
Obviously you have to do what you think is best. These are your children and you are ultimately responsible for them. Just try to see it from all sides and make the decision that's best for all concerned. When I married my husband I also became mother to his children and that gives me a certain responsibility. I would no sooner kick my step children out of my house than I would by own biological son who does not have CF. What if it were him who kept getting sick? Those are things I had to think about a lot. It's not the child's fault. You can take precautions like seperating them if she's really ill or running a temperature. Maybe your husband should take his daughter to the dr and see why she keeps getting sick. Maybe the problem can be addressed so this doesn't continue to happen. I know my son lived with strep for years (he was on antiobiotics every other month but it would always come back until he finally had his tonsils removed) and neither of the girls ever once caught it.
I'm sorry for rambling but this is a big issue and not one to take lightly. It can be very hard on not only you and the children but on your marriage. Your husband may feel resentful and that can be a burden to the marriage...I just wanted to share my experience with you to let you know you are not alone and things usually aren't as bad as they seem. My girls are still extremely healthy. My 11 year old has not been in the hospital since she was 3 and my 6 year old (to be 7 next month) has never been hospitalized for lung problems (she's had some out patient sinus surgeries, but no lung problems).
Oh, one more thing...about the vaccinations...I may be completely wrong here but wouldn't your children be okay as long as they were vaccinated? Even if your step daughter caught the illnesses we vaccinate against (which I understand is pretty uncommon these days, but you never know), wouldn't your children still be protected from them? I mean, obviously you'd still want to keep them away when she is sick, no sense just being careless, but is it really a big risk to them that she's not vaccinated? I'm really not sure. As far as chicken pox, I was really scared when my daughter got it from my son because I had also been told it could be really bad for her. She had a very severe case of chicken pox but not a single problem otherwise. She recovered just like my non CF son did.
Best of luck to you whatever you decide.
Hi Tanja,
I am in a similiar family type situation...I have two daughters with CF, a son without CF and 2 step sons. When my husband and I married, I had sole custody of my 3 children and he had joint custody of his two. The boys were vaccinated so that wasn't an issue, but they were constantly sick. It drove me crazy. I spend many nights crying and worrying about what the girls were going to catch. We would have them for two weeks and they'd just be getting better then their mother would take them for two weeks and they'd come back sick, EVERY SINGLE TIME. She refuses to speak to me about the children (she says they are none of my business even though they live with me), so I could not discuss anything with her. My husband tried but it would go in one ear and out the other. Well, eventually as time went on (2 1/2 years or so into the marriage) their mother went off the deep end and was put in the hospital for a suicide attempt (which occured in front of the kids) and that led to a major custody battle. We eventually won and now the kids live permanently with us. We also moved 1500 miles away so they don't have constant contact with her. They do go see her four times a year and spend usually a week (two in the summer) and they still tend to come back sick.
The reason I'm telling you all this is that in the five years we've been dealing with this this I can honestly say the girls have never caught anything worse than a slight cold from the boys (and I can't say for sure it was from them). I can definately see both sides of the issue but do you think it's really any more likely that your children will catch something from your step daughter than from some other family member, a person at the grocery store or at school (when they go to school?) By no means do I take this lightly and say you shouldn't protect your children, but to what extreme? I don't think it's good for the children to be seperated. Also, I don't think it's fair to limit your husband's contact with his child. How does he feel about it? I know it was hard on my husband to feel like his children were a burden to myself and my children. I tried really hard not to make him feel that way but I know he did.
Obviously you have to do what you think is best. These are your children and you are ultimately responsible for them. Just try to see it from all sides and make the decision that's best for all concerned. When I married my husband I also became mother to his children and that gives me a certain responsibility. I would no sooner kick my step children out of my house than I would by own biological son who does not have CF. What if it were him who kept getting sick? Those are things I had to think about a lot. It's not the child's fault. You can take precautions like seperating them if she's really ill or running a temperature. Maybe your husband should take his daughter to the dr and see why she keeps getting sick. Maybe the problem can be addressed so this doesn't continue to happen. I know my son lived with strep for years (he was on antiobiotics every other month but it would always come back until he finally had his tonsils removed) and neither of the girls ever once caught it.
I'm sorry for rambling but this is a big issue and not one to take lightly. It can be very hard on not only you and the children but on your marriage. Your husband may feel resentful and that can be a burden to the marriage...I just wanted to share my experience with you to let you know you are not alone and things usually aren't as bad as they seem. My girls are still extremely healthy. My 11 year old has not been in the hospital since she was 3 and my 6 year old (to be 7 next month) has never been hospitalized for lung problems (she's had some out patient sinus surgeries, but no lung problems).
Oh, one more thing...about the vaccinations...I may be completely wrong here but wouldn't your children be okay as long as they were vaccinated? Even if your step daughter caught the illnesses we vaccinate against (which I understand is pretty uncommon these days, but you never know), wouldn't your children still be protected from them? I mean, obviously you'd still want to keep them away when she is sick, no sense just being careless, but is it really a big risk to them that she's not vaccinated? I'm really not sure. As far as chicken pox, I was really scared when my daughter got it from my son because I had also been told it could be really bad for her. She had a very severe case of chicken pox but not a single problem otherwise. She recovered just like my non CF son did.
Best of luck to you whatever you decide.
I am in a similiar family type situation...I have two daughters with CF, a son without CF and 2 step sons. When my husband and I married, I had sole custody of my 3 children and he had joint custody of his two. The boys were vaccinated so that wasn't an issue, but they were constantly sick. It drove me crazy. I spend many nights crying and worrying about what the girls were going to catch. We would have them for two weeks and they'd just be getting better then their mother would take them for two weeks and they'd come back sick, EVERY SINGLE TIME. She refuses to speak to me about the children (she says they are none of my business even though they live with me), so I could not discuss anything with her. My husband tried but it would go in one ear and out the other. Well, eventually as time went on (2 1/2 years or so into the marriage) their mother went off the deep end and was put in the hospital for a suicide attempt (which occured in front of the kids) and that led to a major custody battle. We eventually won and now the kids live permanently with us. We also moved 1500 miles away so they don't have constant contact with her. They do go see her four times a year and spend usually a week (two in the summer) and they still tend to come back sick.
The reason I'm telling you all this is that in the five years we've been dealing with this this I can honestly say the girls have never caught anything worse than a slight cold from the boys (and I can't say for sure it was from them). I can definately see both sides of the issue but do you think it's really any more likely that your children will catch something from your step daughter than from some other family member, a person at the grocery store or at school (when they go to school?) By no means do I take this lightly and say you shouldn't protect your children, but to what extreme? I don't think it's good for the children to be seperated. Also, I don't think it's fair to limit your husband's contact with his child. How does he feel about it? I know it was hard on my husband to feel like his children were a burden to myself and my children. I tried really hard not to make him feel that way but I know he did.
Obviously you have to do what you think is best. These are your children and you are ultimately responsible for them. Just try to see it from all sides and make the decision that's best for all concerned. When I married my husband I also became mother to his children and that gives me a certain responsibility. I would no sooner kick my step children out of my house than I would by own biological son who does not have CF. What if it were him who kept getting sick? Those are things I had to think about a lot. It's not the child's fault. You can take precautions like seperating them if she's really ill or running a temperature. Maybe your husband should take his daughter to the dr and see why she keeps getting sick. Maybe the problem can be addressed so this doesn't continue to happen. I know my son lived with strep for years (he was on antiobiotics every other month but it would always come back until he finally had his tonsils removed) and neither of the girls ever once caught it.
I'm sorry for rambling but this is a big issue and not one to take lightly. It can be very hard on not only you and the children but on your marriage. Your husband may feel resentful and that can be a burden to the marriage...I just wanted to share my experience with you to let you know you are not alone and things usually aren't as bad as they seem. My girls are still extremely healthy. My 11 year old has not been in the hospital since she was 3 and my 6 year old (to be 7 next month) has never been hospitalized for lung problems (she's had some out patient sinus surgeries, but no lung problems).
Oh, one more thing...about the vaccinations...I may be completely wrong here but wouldn't your children be okay as long as they were vaccinated? Even if your step daughter caught the illnesses we vaccinate against (which I understand is pretty uncommon these days, but you never know), wouldn't your children still be protected from them? I mean, obviously you'd still want to keep them away when she is sick, no sense just being careless, but is it really a big risk to them that she's not vaccinated? I'm really not sure. As far as chicken pox, I was really scared when my daughter got it from my son because I had also been told it could be really bad for her. She had a very severe case of chicken pox but not a single problem otherwise. She recovered just like my non CF son did.
Best of luck to you whatever you decide.
Wow Dee, it really sounds like you have your hands very full as well. But thanks, and it is a lot of work and my two are very close in age. With them and our dog (who is 4 and doesn't know he is a dog) it tends to get very busy, but like you said they are so worth it. Then again I really do not know any other way as it has been like this from the time I got my baby home form the hospital.
Tanja
Mom of Nicky 3 and Tessa 14 months both w/CF
Tanja
Mom of Nicky 3 and Tessa 14 months both w/CF
Wow Dee, it really sounds like you have your hands very full as well. But thanks, and it is a lot of work and my two are very close in age. With them and our dog (who is 4 and doesn't know he is a dog) it tends to get very busy, but like you said they are so worth it. Then again I really do not know any other way as it has been like this from the time I got my baby home form the hospital.
Tanja
Mom of Nicky 3 and Tessa 14 months both w/CF
Tanja
Mom of Nicky 3 and Tessa 14 months both w/CF
Tessalonikki
New member
Hi Renee,
Thank you for sharing your situation, which btw. I commend you for taking on and doing all you are doing. Your situation could not have been easy either blending the two families like you have. I hope eventually I will get there as well.
For us it is a little different. When I met my husband I knew he had a daughter and I did not have any children and actually was told my whole life I could not have any. LOL.
We lived in separate states at the time and considering his daughter I packed up and moved. The transition went relatively well for me and I never really got too involved with his Exwife in the beginning. I did not feel it was really my place. My step daughter and I (we lovingly call each other stepmonster) have a great relationship, I love her like she is one of mine and always have. My husband and his realtionship with his ex is and was very strained. He just cannot deal with her without getting into it if you know what I mean. She is actually very nice, but has some very strange views on western medicine and parenting issues. She and my husband have joint custody of the child, but he mostly lets her do whatever she wants because he avoids any confrontation like the pest. So she spent time with us whenever she wanted or when we needed to help out and it was great.
When my boy was born and we had the CF diagnosis, he has already been in the NICU for months and had surgeries and procedures done, all changed. My stepdaughter was not allowed to see him in the hospital because she was not vaccinated. (hospital rules) When he finally did come home, all the doctors have warned us and stressed the fact that we should not have her in his living environment as is was too risky for him, but the ultimate desicion was up to us. I did not know enough about CF, much less care for a child ( keep in mind I never thought I could have any) that all was too new for me to take in and I backed off.
Now I have known my stepdaughter and her mother for 5 years and I have worked incredibly hard over the last two years to become friends with her and have an amicable relationship where I know she trusts me with her child and doesn't second guess everything we might do. (She is very health oriented, 100 % organic, no medications unless holistic, no sweets, no sugar etc. for her child) Now I do not have a problem with this at all, quite the opposite. But it is hard to comprehend when it comes from someone that does not live by these rules herself. It only seems to apply to the child and I am not convinced that she really knows what she is talking about. Without getting into it too much more. I have spent the last three years educating her on CF and stressed the importance of please letting me know if something is going on, then at least we can make the desicion together, however nothing worked. Now I am not sure if she is just not capable of understanding or just plain does not care, because it could possibly inconvenience her. The Strep incident put me over the top......we have added my stepdaughter to our healthinsurance to make sure we can see the same doctors etc.(and have her covered if something might happen) and when she was diagnosed the mother was told to put her antibiotics - she refused. She treated her instead with "good natural antibiotics", and sore throat spray found in the healthfoodstore and send here back to school two days later, disregarding everything the doctors recommended.She called me in a panic that night because her fever spiked.My husband dropped everything in his business raced over there with Tylenol, Digital Fever thermometer and anything else he could find in the drugstore that he thought might help, and then she did not want to give her any of it. My husband was so furious with her, he almost blew my two years of work to build up our friendship. Needless to say he does not want to get involved with the Mom when it comes to any confrontations even if they concern his daughter. In his defense I have to say that he is Italian and he loves his children more then anything and he is a great dad when he is around. I guess he just chooses at the moment to put his responsibility into providing for the families and thinks that his share is done. All else seems to be up to me, and it is actually I, that is getting resentful for having to carry the full load. So before xmas after she brought her to us sick for the third time, and the kids got it again, I couldn't take it anymore and I laid down the law of no more. I found an alternative for her to go to after school, which works great cause they also tutor with homework. And I told her I will be happy to meet them anywhere outside in parks etc and we will talk a lot over the phone until at least the flu season was over and my kids had a chance to recouperate( Spelling?) Last week at Nicky's 3rd birthday i had them over and I was going to have her for a bit this weekend and low and behold for the first time this morning she called and told me that "our" girl woke up with a sore throat and a cough and it would be better if she did not come around the kids until we know more. YEAHHHH!!!! I almost cried Iwas so happy.
So maybe my being tough finally got through to her, but I also thank everyone for your great input and advise and in the future I will keep a much more open mind. Thanks also for all the chickenpocks info this helped immensly......now if I could just get my husband to NOT put his business but us on one of his priority lists I would be the happiest person alive.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
Also thank you for having this forum. For the first time in three years I feel like I am not fighting CF alone... And I apologize for rambling on like that....
Tanja (Mom to Nicky 3 and Tessa14 months) both w/CF
Thank you for sharing your situation, which btw. I commend you for taking on and doing all you are doing. Your situation could not have been easy either blending the two families like you have. I hope eventually I will get there as well.
For us it is a little different. When I met my husband I knew he had a daughter and I did not have any children and actually was told my whole life I could not have any. LOL.
We lived in separate states at the time and considering his daughter I packed up and moved. The transition went relatively well for me and I never really got too involved with his Exwife in the beginning. I did not feel it was really my place. My step daughter and I (we lovingly call each other stepmonster) have a great relationship, I love her like she is one of mine and always have. My husband and his realtionship with his ex is and was very strained. He just cannot deal with her without getting into it if you know what I mean. She is actually very nice, but has some very strange views on western medicine and parenting issues. She and my husband have joint custody of the child, but he mostly lets her do whatever she wants because he avoids any confrontation like the pest. So she spent time with us whenever she wanted or when we needed to help out and it was great.
When my boy was born and we had the CF diagnosis, he has already been in the NICU for months and had surgeries and procedures done, all changed. My stepdaughter was not allowed to see him in the hospital because she was not vaccinated. (hospital rules) When he finally did come home, all the doctors have warned us and stressed the fact that we should not have her in his living environment as is was too risky for him, but the ultimate desicion was up to us. I did not know enough about CF, much less care for a child ( keep in mind I never thought I could have any) that all was too new for me to take in and I backed off.
Now I have known my stepdaughter and her mother for 5 years and I have worked incredibly hard over the last two years to become friends with her and have an amicable relationship where I know she trusts me with her child and doesn't second guess everything we might do. (She is very health oriented, 100 % organic, no medications unless holistic, no sweets, no sugar etc. for her child) Now I do not have a problem with this at all, quite the opposite. But it is hard to comprehend when it comes from someone that does not live by these rules herself. It only seems to apply to the child and I am not convinced that she really knows what she is talking about. Without getting into it too much more. I have spent the last three years educating her on CF and stressed the importance of please letting me know if something is going on, then at least we can make the desicion together, however nothing worked. Now I am not sure if she is just not capable of understanding or just plain does not care, because it could possibly inconvenience her. The Strep incident put me over the top......we have added my stepdaughter to our healthinsurance to make sure we can see the same doctors etc.(and have her covered if something might happen) and when she was diagnosed the mother was told to put her antibiotics - she refused. She treated her instead with "good natural antibiotics", and sore throat spray found in the healthfoodstore and send here back to school two days later, disregarding everything the doctors recommended.She called me in a panic that night because her fever spiked.My husband dropped everything in his business raced over there with Tylenol, Digital Fever thermometer and anything else he could find in the drugstore that he thought might help, and then she did not want to give her any of it. My husband was so furious with her, he almost blew my two years of work to build up our friendship. Needless to say he does not want to get involved with the Mom when it comes to any confrontations even if they concern his daughter. In his defense I have to say that he is Italian and he loves his children more then anything and he is a great dad when he is around. I guess he just chooses at the moment to put his responsibility into providing for the families and thinks that his share is done. All else seems to be up to me, and it is actually I, that is getting resentful for having to carry the full load. So before xmas after she brought her to us sick for the third time, and the kids got it again, I couldn't take it anymore and I laid down the law of no more. I found an alternative for her to go to after school, which works great cause they also tutor with homework. And I told her I will be happy to meet them anywhere outside in parks etc and we will talk a lot over the phone until at least the flu season was over and my kids had a chance to recouperate( Spelling?) Last week at Nicky's 3rd birthday i had them over and I was going to have her for a bit this weekend and low and behold for the first time this morning she called and told me that "our" girl woke up with a sore throat and a cough and it would be better if she did not come around the kids until we know more. YEAHHHH!!!! I almost cried Iwas so happy.
So maybe my being tough finally got through to her, but I also thank everyone for your great input and advise and in the future I will keep a much more open mind. Thanks also for all the chickenpocks info this helped immensly......now if I could just get my husband to NOT put his business but us on one of his priority lists I would be the happiest person alive.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
Also thank you for having this forum. For the first time in three years I feel like I am not fighting CF alone... And I apologize for rambling on like that....
Tanja (Mom to Nicky 3 and Tessa14 months) both w/CF
Tessalonikki
New member
Hi Renee,
Thank you for sharing your situation, which btw. I commend you for taking on and doing all you are doing. Your situation could not have been easy either blending the two families like you have. I hope eventually I will get there as well.
For us it is a little different. When I met my husband I knew he had a daughter and I did not have any children and actually was told my whole life I could not have any. LOL.
We lived in separate states at the time and considering his daughter I packed up and moved. The transition went relatively well for me and I never really got too involved with his Exwife in the beginning. I did not feel it was really my place. My step daughter and I (we lovingly call each other stepmonster) have a great relationship, I love her like she is one of mine and always have. My husband and his realtionship with his ex is and was very strained. He just cannot deal with her without getting into it if you know what I mean. She is actually very nice, but has some very strange views on western medicine and parenting issues. She and my husband have joint custody of the child, but he mostly lets her do whatever she wants because he avoids any confrontation like the pest. So she spent time with us whenever she wanted or when we needed to help out and it was great.
When my boy was born and we had the CF diagnosis, he has already been in the NICU for months and had surgeries and procedures done, all changed. My stepdaughter was not allowed to see him in the hospital because she was not vaccinated. (hospital rules) When he finally did come home, all the doctors have warned us and stressed the fact that we should not have her in his living environment as is was too risky for him, but the ultimate desicion was up to us. I did not know enough about CF, much less care for a child ( keep in mind I never thought I could have any) that all was too new for me to take in and I backed off.
Now I have known my stepdaughter and her mother for 5 years and I have worked incredibly hard over the last two years to become friends with her and have an amicable relationship where I know she trusts me with her child and doesn't second guess everything we might do. (She is very health oriented, 100 % organic, no medications unless holistic, no sweets, no sugar etc. for her child) Now I do not have a problem with this at all, quite the opposite. But it is hard to comprehend when it comes from someone that does not live by these rules herself. It only seems to apply to the child and I am not convinced that she really knows what she is talking about. Without getting into it too much more. I have spent the last three years educating her on CF and stressed the importance of please letting me know if something is going on, then at least we can make the desicion together, however nothing worked. Now I am not sure if she is just not capable of understanding or just plain does not care, because it could possibly inconvenience her. The Strep incident put me over the top......we have added my stepdaughter to our healthinsurance to make sure we can see the same doctors etc.(and have her covered if something might happen) and when she was diagnosed the mother was told to put her antibiotics - she refused. She treated her instead with "good natural antibiotics", and sore throat spray found in the healthfoodstore and send here back to school two days later, disregarding everything the doctors recommended.She called me in a panic that night because her fever spiked.My husband dropped everything in his business raced over there with Tylenol, Digital Fever thermometer and anything else he could find in the drugstore that he thought might help, and then she did not want to give her any of it. My husband was so furious with her, he almost blew my two years of work to build up our friendship. Needless to say he does not want to get involved with the Mom when it comes to any confrontations even if they concern his daughter. In his defense I have to say that he is Italian and he loves his children more then anything and he is a great dad when he is around. I guess he just chooses at the moment to put his responsibility into providing for the families and thinks that his share is done. All else seems to be up to me, and it is actually I, that is getting resentful for having to carry the full load. So before xmas after she brought her to us sick for the third time, and the kids got it again, I couldn't take it anymore and I laid down the law of no more. I found an alternative for her to go to after school, which works great cause they also tutor with homework. And I told her I will be happy to meet them anywhere outside in parks etc and we will talk a lot over the phone until at least the flu season was over and my kids had a chance to recouperate( Spelling?) Last week at Nicky's 3rd birthday i had them over and I was going to have her for a bit this weekend and low and behold for the first time this morning she called and told me that "our" girl woke up with a sore throat and a cough and it would be better if she did not come around the kids until we know more. YEAHHHH!!!! I almost cried Iwas so happy.
So maybe my being tough finally got through to her, but I also thank everyone for your great input and advise and in the future I will keep a much more open mind. Thanks also for all the chickenpocks info this helped immensly......now if I could just get my husband to NOT put his business but us on one of his priority lists I would be the happiest person alive.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
Also thank you for having this forum. For the first time in three years I feel like I am not fighting CF alone... And I apologize for rambling on like that....
Tanja (Mom to Nicky 3 and Tessa14 months) both w/CF
Thank you for sharing your situation, which btw. I commend you for taking on and doing all you are doing. Your situation could not have been easy either blending the two families like you have. I hope eventually I will get there as well.
For us it is a little different. When I met my husband I knew he had a daughter and I did not have any children and actually was told my whole life I could not have any. LOL.
We lived in separate states at the time and considering his daughter I packed up and moved. The transition went relatively well for me and I never really got too involved with his Exwife in the beginning. I did not feel it was really my place. My step daughter and I (we lovingly call each other stepmonster) have a great relationship, I love her like she is one of mine and always have. My husband and his realtionship with his ex is and was very strained. He just cannot deal with her without getting into it if you know what I mean. She is actually very nice, but has some very strange views on western medicine and parenting issues. She and my husband have joint custody of the child, but he mostly lets her do whatever she wants because he avoids any confrontation like the pest. So she spent time with us whenever she wanted or when we needed to help out and it was great.
When my boy was born and we had the CF diagnosis, he has already been in the NICU for months and had surgeries and procedures done, all changed. My stepdaughter was not allowed to see him in the hospital because she was not vaccinated. (hospital rules) When he finally did come home, all the doctors have warned us and stressed the fact that we should not have her in his living environment as is was too risky for him, but the ultimate desicion was up to us. I did not know enough about CF, much less care for a child ( keep in mind I never thought I could have any) that all was too new for me to take in and I backed off.
Now I have known my stepdaughter and her mother for 5 years and I have worked incredibly hard over the last two years to become friends with her and have an amicable relationship where I know she trusts me with her child and doesn't second guess everything we might do. (She is very health oriented, 100 % organic, no medications unless holistic, no sweets, no sugar etc. for her child) Now I do not have a problem with this at all, quite the opposite. But it is hard to comprehend when it comes from someone that does not live by these rules herself. It only seems to apply to the child and I am not convinced that she really knows what she is talking about. Without getting into it too much more. I have spent the last three years educating her on CF and stressed the importance of please letting me know if something is going on, then at least we can make the desicion together, however nothing worked. Now I am not sure if she is just not capable of understanding or just plain does not care, because it could possibly inconvenience her. The Strep incident put me over the top......we have added my stepdaughter to our healthinsurance to make sure we can see the same doctors etc.(and have her covered if something might happen) and when she was diagnosed the mother was told to put her antibiotics - she refused. She treated her instead with "good natural antibiotics", and sore throat spray found in the healthfoodstore and send here back to school two days later, disregarding everything the doctors recommended.She called me in a panic that night because her fever spiked.My husband dropped everything in his business raced over there with Tylenol, Digital Fever thermometer and anything else he could find in the drugstore that he thought might help, and then she did not want to give her any of it. My husband was so furious with her, he almost blew my two years of work to build up our friendship. Needless to say he does not want to get involved with the Mom when it comes to any confrontations even if they concern his daughter. In his defense I have to say that he is Italian and he loves his children more then anything and he is a great dad when he is around. I guess he just chooses at the moment to put his responsibility into providing for the families and thinks that his share is done. All else seems to be up to me, and it is actually I, that is getting resentful for having to carry the full load. So before xmas after she brought her to us sick for the third time, and the kids got it again, I couldn't take it anymore and I laid down the law of no more. I found an alternative for her to go to after school, which works great cause they also tutor with homework. And I told her I will be happy to meet them anywhere outside in parks etc and we will talk a lot over the phone until at least the flu season was over and my kids had a chance to recouperate( Spelling?) Last week at Nicky's 3rd birthday i had them over and I was going to have her for a bit this weekend and low and behold for the first time this morning she called and told me that "our" girl woke up with a sore throat and a cough and it would be better if she did not come around the kids until we know more. YEAHHHH!!!! I almost cried Iwas so happy.
So maybe my being tough finally got through to her, but I also thank everyone for your great input and advise and in the future I will keep a much more open mind. Thanks also for all the chickenpocks info this helped immensly......now if I could just get my husband to NOT put his business but us on one of his priority lists I would be the happiest person alive.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
Also thank you for having this forum. For the first time in three years I feel like I am not fighting CF alone... And I apologize for rambling on like that....
Tanja (Mom to Nicky 3 and Tessa14 months) both w/CF
I feel extactly the same about this site Tanja. Before stumbling across these forums, I had so many unanswered questions about future possibilities. I have a much clearer picture of what the older CFer's seem to go through now and it helps to understand it more in so many ways.
Being that our kids are so close in age if you ever want to talk then feel free to email me at diana.james2@bigpond.com.au
Or anyone else for that matter!
Being that our kids are so close in age if you ever want to talk then feel free to email me at diana.james2@bigpond.com.au
Or anyone else for that matter!
I feel extactly the same about this site Tanja. Before stumbling across these forums, I had so many unanswered questions about future possibilities. I have a much clearer picture of what the older CFer's seem to go through now and it helps to understand it more in so many ways.
Being that our kids are so close in age if you ever want to talk then feel free to email me at diana.james2@bigpond.com.au
Or anyone else for that matter!
Being that our kids are so close in age if you ever want to talk then feel free to email me at diana.james2@bigpond.com.au
Or anyone else for that matter!
One thing I keep seeing people posting is that your children should be ok since they are vaccinated. I think everyone's losing sight of the fact that these are TODDLERS and therefore do NOT have all of their immunizations yet. Furthermore, you were advised by the cf team to avoid your stepdd when your ds was an INFANT and had received NO immunizations. The sad fact is that even immunized children are NOT completely safe as NO vaccine confers 100% immunity. However, assuming your stepdd is well at the time of the visit, the risk of passing a serious illness to your children is extremely low once they've been fully immunized. Unfortunately, this is NOT the case with your children. Although their immunizations may be up to date, neither one is considered fully immunized. My oldest ds (no cf) was up to date on his immunizations at 12 months. He also did not attend daycare and was really only around other children at the grocery, restaraunts, etc. However, he STILL ended up with whooping cough from a non-immunized child (ds's immunization was not complete for pertussis because he was only 1 year and hadn't finished the full schedule of vaccines for DPT.) Thankfully, since he was partially immunized, he developed what the dr's considered a mild case of whooping cough. Mild case as in 2 ER visits, 6 dr visits, 8 weeks of illness, bronchodilators & antibiotics plus 6 weeks of no sleep for longer than 1-2 hours at a time (since that is the longest ds would go between major whooping cough fits.) It was NOT fun and ds did NOT have cf. I should add that this was during the summer months (July, August, and beg of Sep.)
I understand the reason many people do not vaccinate and I agree with their right to choose not to. However, I do think when people make that choice, they should be responsible for the potential ramifications to others. As in, they need to monitor their child closely for signs of major illnesses, and they need to avoid exposing immunocompromised children or those with serious chronic medical problems (specifically by keeping them away from them during times of illness.) The sad fact is that, as we all know, a very serious illness can start out mild but quickly become serious.
Personally, I agree with your choice to limit your children's exposure to their step sister. When they are a little older, and when they are fully immunized, things will be different. In the interim, if the ex refuses to notify you in advance when the child is sick, unless you can teach the child to monitor her own health and notify you, there does exist the possibility that your children could be exposed to and catch a potentially serious illness. I agree with your choice.
Hopefully, however, the recent change in the ex's behavior will continue. This would be best for everyone - you can make an informed choice for your children's health before the visit.
Also, I just want to clarify, IF the stepdd were immunized, I would agree that there shouldn't be restrictions on the visits. Likewise, once the OP's children are fully vaccinated, I wouldn't restrict visitations either. I do agree that this is a SAD situation for ALL of the kids, as well as the father, BUT the children's health needs to be most important.
I understand the reason many people do not vaccinate and I agree with their right to choose not to. However, I do think when people make that choice, they should be responsible for the potential ramifications to others. As in, they need to monitor their child closely for signs of major illnesses, and they need to avoid exposing immunocompromised children or those with serious chronic medical problems (specifically by keeping them away from them during times of illness.) The sad fact is that, as we all know, a very serious illness can start out mild but quickly become serious.
Personally, I agree with your choice to limit your children's exposure to their step sister. When they are a little older, and when they are fully immunized, things will be different. In the interim, if the ex refuses to notify you in advance when the child is sick, unless you can teach the child to monitor her own health and notify you, there does exist the possibility that your children could be exposed to and catch a potentially serious illness. I agree with your choice.
Hopefully, however, the recent change in the ex's behavior will continue. This would be best for everyone - you can make an informed choice for your children's health before the visit.
Also, I just want to clarify, IF the stepdd were immunized, I would agree that there shouldn't be restrictions on the visits. Likewise, once the OP's children are fully vaccinated, I wouldn't restrict visitations either. I do agree that this is a SAD situation for ALL of the kids, as well as the father, BUT the children's health needs to be most important.
One thing I keep seeing people posting is that your children should be ok since they are vaccinated. I think everyone's losing sight of the fact that these are TODDLERS and therefore do NOT have all of their immunizations yet. Furthermore, you were advised by the cf team to avoid your stepdd when your ds was an INFANT and had received NO immunizations. The sad fact is that even immunized children are NOT completely safe as NO vaccine confers 100% immunity. However, assuming your stepdd is well at the time of the visit, the risk of passing a serious illness to your children is extremely low once they've been fully immunized. Unfortunately, this is NOT the case with your children. Although their immunizations may be up to date, neither one is considered fully immunized. My oldest ds (no cf) was up to date on his immunizations at 12 months. He also did not attend daycare and was really only around other children at the grocery, restaraunts, etc. However, he STILL ended up with whooping cough from a non-immunized child (ds's immunization was not complete for pertussis because he was only 1 year and hadn't finished the full schedule of vaccines for DPT.) Thankfully, since he was partially immunized, he developed what the dr's considered a mild case of whooping cough. Mild case as in 2 ER visits, 6 dr visits, 8 weeks of illness, bronchodilators & antibiotics plus 6 weeks of no sleep for longer than 1-2 hours at a time (since that is the longest ds would go between major whooping cough fits.) It was NOT fun and ds did NOT have cf. I should add that this was during the summer months (July, August, and beg of Sep.)
I understand the reason many people do not vaccinate and I agree with their right to choose not to. However, I do think when people make that choice, they should be responsible for the potential ramifications to others. As in, they need to monitor their child closely for signs of major illnesses, and they need to avoid exposing immunocompromised children or those with serious chronic medical problems (specifically by keeping them away from them during times of illness.) The sad fact is that, as we all know, a very serious illness can start out mild but quickly become serious.
Personally, I agree with your choice to limit your children's exposure to their step sister. When they are a little older, and when they are fully immunized, things will be different. In the interim, if the ex refuses to notify you in advance when the child is sick, unless you can teach the child to monitor her own health and notify you, there does exist the possibility that your children could be exposed to and catch a potentially serious illness. I agree with your choice.
Hopefully, however, the recent change in the ex's behavior will continue. This would be best for everyone - you can make an informed choice for your children's health before the visit.
Also, I just want to clarify, IF the stepdd were immunized, I would agree that there shouldn't be restrictions on the visits. Likewise, once the OP's children are fully vaccinated, I wouldn't restrict visitations either. I do agree that this is a SAD situation for ALL of the kids, as well as the father, BUT the children's health needs to be most important.
I understand the reason many people do not vaccinate and I agree with their right to choose not to. However, I do think when people make that choice, they should be responsible for the potential ramifications to others. As in, they need to monitor their child closely for signs of major illnesses, and they need to avoid exposing immunocompromised children or those with serious chronic medical problems (specifically by keeping them away from them during times of illness.) The sad fact is that, as we all know, a very serious illness can start out mild but quickly become serious.
Personally, I agree with your choice to limit your children's exposure to their step sister. When they are a little older, and when they are fully immunized, things will be different. In the interim, if the ex refuses to notify you in advance when the child is sick, unless you can teach the child to monitor her own health and notify you, there does exist the possibility that your children could be exposed to and catch a potentially serious illness. I agree with your choice.
Hopefully, however, the recent change in the ex's behavior will continue. This would be best for everyone - you can make an informed choice for your children's health before the visit.
Also, I just want to clarify, IF the stepdd were immunized, I would agree that there shouldn't be restrictions on the visits. Likewise, once the OP's children are fully vaccinated, I wouldn't restrict visitations either. I do agree that this is a SAD situation for ALL of the kids, as well as the father, BUT the children's health needs to be most important.