Off the compliance wagon

Sevenstars · Mar 26, 2008

The marathon that is our healthcare, I mean.

I am not sure why I am even posting this, I'm not sure what sort of replies I expect, I guess I just want to vent a little?

From Oct to Feb or so, I was doing my meds utterly religiously, I missed perhaps 1 or 2 doses in that WHOLE time.. and for me, this was astounding. Now I am back to where I was before... very depressed, not doing meds, not exercising (you guys might also remember some of my exercise posts from the beginning of the year).

Essentially I went from doing every single med/vitamin every day, weights and jogging everyday, to nothing. Not a thing, I barely have even left my house for the past few weeks, and I can already see it all catching up to me... I had to walk across the street to the convenience store today and it was really hard.. when I got back I coughed til I threw up.

In the words of my friend "It seems like, before, you needed -10oz of motivation to get anything done, and now you need +100oz of motivation to get anything done" and it is true... a few months ago I was doing things I arguably didn't even "need" to do, like sinus rinse, weights etc.

Anyway, I'm kind of at rock bottom here and just wondering what the hell was so different just a few months ago. :/

Sevenstars · Mar 26, 2008

The marathon that is our healthcare, I mean.

I am not sure why I am even posting this, I'm not sure what sort of replies I expect, I guess I just want to vent a little?

From Oct to Feb or so, I was doing my meds utterly religiously, I missed perhaps 1 or 2 doses in that WHOLE time.. and for me, this was astounding. Now I am back to where I was before... very depressed, not doing meds, not exercising (you guys might also remember some of my exercise posts from the beginning of the year).

Essentially I went from doing every single med/vitamin every day, weights and jogging everyday, to nothing. Not a thing, I barely have even left my house for the past few weeks, and I can already see it all catching up to me... I had to walk across the street to the convenience store today and it was really hard.. when I got back I coughed til I threw up.

In the words of my friend "It seems like, before, you needed -10oz of motivation to get anything done, and now you need +100oz of motivation to get anything done" and it is true... a few months ago I was doing things I arguably didn't even "need" to do, like sinus rinse, weights etc.

Anyway, I'm kind of at rock bottom here and just wondering what the hell was so different just a few months ago. :/

Sevenstars · Mar 26, 2008

The marathon that is our healthcare, I mean.

I am not sure why I am even posting this, I'm not sure what sort of replies I expect, I guess I just want to vent a little?

From Oct to Feb or so, I was doing my meds utterly religiously, I missed perhaps 1 or 2 doses in that WHOLE time.. and for me, this was astounding. Now I am back to where I was before... very depressed, not doing meds, not exercising (you guys might also remember some of my exercise posts from the beginning of the year).

Essentially I went from doing every single med/vitamin every day, weights and jogging everyday, to nothing. Not a thing, I barely have even left my house for the past few weeks, and I can already see it all catching up to me... I had to walk across the street to the convenience store today and it was really hard.. when I got back I coughed til I threw up.

In the words of my friend "It seems like, before, you needed -10oz of motivation to get anything done, and now you need +100oz of motivation to get anything done" and it is true... a few months ago I was doing things I arguably didn't even "need" to do, like sinus rinse, weights etc.

Anyway, I'm kind of at rock bottom here and just wondering what the hell was so different just a few months ago. :/

Sevenstars · Mar 26, 2008

The marathon that is our healthcare, I mean.

I am not sure why I am even posting this, I'm not sure what sort of replies I expect, I guess I just want to vent a little?

From Oct to Feb or so, I was doing my meds utterly religiously, I missed perhaps 1 or 2 doses in that WHOLE time.. and for me, this was astounding. Now I am back to where I was before... very depressed, not doing meds, not exercising (you guys might also remember some of my exercise posts from the beginning of the year).

Essentially I went from doing every single med/vitamin every day, weights and jogging everyday, to nothing. Not a thing, I barely have even left my house for the past few weeks, and I can already see it all catching up to me... I had to walk across the street to the convenience store today and it was really hard.. when I got back I coughed til I threw up.

In the words of my friend "It seems like, before, you needed -10oz of motivation to get anything done, and now you need +100oz of motivation to get anything done" and it is true... a few months ago I was doing things I arguably didn't even "need" to do, like sinus rinse, weights etc.

Anyway, I'm kind of at rock bottom here and just wondering what the hell was so different just a few months ago. :/

Sevenstars · Mar 26, 2008

The marathon that is our healthcare, I mean.
 
 I am not sure why I am even posting this, I'm not sure what sort of replies I expect, I guess I just want to vent a little?
 
 From Oct to Feb or so, I was doing my meds utterly religiously, I missed perhaps 1 or 2 doses in that WHOLE time.. and for me, this was astounding. Now I am back to where I was before... very depressed, not doing meds, not exercising (you guys might also remember some of my exercise posts from the beginning of the year).
 
 Essentially I went from doing every single med/vitamin every day, weights and jogging everyday, to nothing. Not a thing, I barely have even left my house for the past few weeks, and I can already see it all catching up to me... I had to walk across the street to the convenience store today and it was really hard.. when I got back I coughed til I threw up.
 
 In the words of my friend "It seems like, before, you needed -10oz of motivation to get anything done, and now you need +100oz of motivation to get anything done" and it is true... a few months ago I was doing things I arguably didn't even "need" to do, like sinus rinse, weights etc.
 
 Anyway, I'm kind of at rock bottom here and just wondering what the hell was so different just a few months ago. :/

shallowwaters · Mar 26, 2008

i can completely relate. although i have never been compliant for months at a time. i just hit rock bottom myself and im in the hospital from it. i literaly layed on my couch for about two weeks and did nothing around my house. i didnt even sleep in my own bed because it became too hard to climb up the stairs to my room. i wish i could tell you what it is that happens to make us get in these ruts, but if i knew i could fix my compliance problems lol. i just think in a way even though all the stuff we have to do to make ourselves feel better so we dont get run down, it actually does run us down to do all of it.all you can do is find it in you to pick yourself back up and start over. even if it means just doing one treatment a day or getting up to take a walk outside. i am going to have a HUGE struggle when i go home to learn to be compliant and fit it into my daily schedule. good luck im sure you can do it, hopefully you will get the motivation before too much builds up.

shallowwaters · Mar 26, 2008

i can completely relate. although i have never been compliant for months at a time. i just hit rock bottom myself and im in the hospital from it. i literaly layed on my couch for about two weeks and did nothing around my house. i didnt even sleep in my own bed because it became too hard to climb up the stairs to my room. i wish i could tell you what it is that happens to make us get in these ruts, but if i knew i could fix my compliance problems lol. i just think in a way even though all the stuff we have to do to make ourselves feel better so we dont get run down, it actually does run us down to do all of it.all you can do is find it in you to pick yourself back up and start over. even if it means just doing one treatment a day or getting up to take a walk outside. i am going to have a HUGE struggle when i go home to learn to be compliant and fit it into my daily schedule. good luck im sure you can do it, hopefully you will get the motivation before too much builds up.

shallowwaters · Mar 26, 2008

i can completely relate. although i have never been compliant for months at a time. i just hit rock bottom myself and im in the hospital from it. i literaly layed on my couch for about two weeks and did nothing around my house. i didnt even sleep in my own bed because it became too hard to climb up the stairs to my room. i wish i could tell you what it is that happens to make us get in these ruts, but if i knew i could fix my compliance problems lol. i just think in a way even though all the stuff we have to do to make ourselves feel better so we dont get run down, it actually does run us down to do all of it.all you can do is find it in you to pick yourself back up and start over. even if it means just doing one treatment a day or getting up to take a walk outside. i am going to have a HUGE struggle when i go home to learn to be compliant and fit it into my daily schedule. good luck im sure you can do it, hopefully you will get the motivation before too much builds up.

shallowwaters · Mar 26, 2008

i can completely relate. although i have never been compliant for months at a time. i just hit rock bottom myself and im in the hospital from it. i literaly layed on my couch for about two weeks and did nothing around my house. i didnt even sleep in my own bed because it became too hard to climb up the stairs to my room. i wish i could tell you what it is that happens to make us get in these ruts, but if i knew i could fix my compliance problems lol. i just think in a way even though all the stuff we have to do to make ourselves feel better so we dont get run down, it actually does run us down to do all of it.all you can do is find it in you to pick yourself back up and start over. even if it means just doing one treatment a day or getting up to take a walk outside. i am going to have a HUGE struggle when i go home to learn to be compliant and fit it into my daily schedule. good luck im sure you can do it, hopefully you will get the motivation before too much builds up.

shallowwaters · Mar 26, 2008

i can completely relate. although i have never been compliant for months at a time. i just hit rock bottom myself and im in the hospital from it. i literaly layed on my couch for about two weeks and did nothing around my house. i didnt even sleep in my own bed because it became too hard to climb up the stairs to my room. i wish i could tell you what it is that happens to make us get in these ruts, but if i knew i could fix my compliance problems lol. i just think in a way even though all the stuff we have to do to make ourselves feel better so we dont get run down, it actually does run us down to do all of it.all you can do is find it in you to pick yourself back up and start over. even if it means just doing one treatment a day or getting up to take a walk outside. i am going to have a HUGE struggle when i go home to learn to be compliant and fit it into my daily schedule. good luck im sure you can do it, hopefully you will get the motivation before too much builds up.

lightNlife · Mar 26, 2008

I think we've all been in a similar state of mind at one time or another. For me it I usually want to bail out on everything when I'm on IVs. Sometimes it just seems like it takes way too much effort just to feel halfway decent.

Are you being treated at all for depression? Sometimes the cycle of exhaustion and non-compliance can be a self-perpetuating state. You might begin to wonder if you first lost your energy, or if you first lost the will to be compliant. It sounds like there's a part of you that really wants to have some sort of fire lit under you. I wish I could tell you that there are magical words or things you can do that would put you back on track, but I don't know that there is. If depression (which doesn't necessarily mean weeping and saying 'woe is me; I hate CF' all the time) is a factor, perhaps getting that addressed will be what you need.

On the other hand, perhaps it's too overwhelming for you to even think about adding anything else to your routine. Anti-depressants would just be another thing you might disdain.

I'm so sorry you're going through this phase. When I have struggled with compliance in the past, what I've done is give myself a list of the BARE MINIMUM I was willing to do to take care of myself. Sometimes that was keep my albuterol inhaler on me at all times and be sure to take my pills with at least my biggest meal of the day. How's that for minimum?! I'm not advocating not taking meds or doing treatments; I'm just giving an example of what I did at once point.

Eventually I got some more sense knocked into me and I realized that if the MINIMUM made me feel at least a little bit okay, then why not add a bit more to it? I "I traded up" on the inhaler and did one neb treatment a day and kept the inhaler on me. Slowly, bit by bit I got back into compliance.

I hope that you'll find the support you need and the kind of friends who can keep you accountable to whatever level of compliance is best for your situation. Take it seriously and don't shrug it off, but don't be too hard on yourself either.

lightNlife · Mar 26, 2008

I think we've all been in a similar state of mind at one time or another. For me it I usually want to bail out on everything when I'm on IVs. Sometimes it just seems like it takes way too much effort just to feel halfway decent.

Are you being treated at all for depression? Sometimes the cycle of exhaustion and non-compliance can be a self-perpetuating state. You might begin to wonder if you first lost your energy, or if you first lost the will to be compliant. It sounds like there's a part of you that really wants to have some sort of fire lit under you. I wish I could tell you that there are magical words or things you can do that would put you back on track, but I don't know that there is. If depression (which doesn't necessarily mean weeping and saying 'woe is me; I hate CF' all the time) is a factor, perhaps getting that addressed will be what you need.

On the other hand, perhaps it's too overwhelming for you to even think about adding anything else to your routine. Anti-depressants would just be another thing you might disdain.

I'm so sorry you're going through this phase. When I have struggled with compliance in the past, what I've done is give myself a list of the BARE MINIMUM I was willing to do to take care of myself. Sometimes that was keep my albuterol inhaler on me at all times and be sure to take my pills with at least my biggest meal of the day. How's that for minimum?! I'm not advocating not taking meds or doing treatments; I'm just giving an example of what I did at once point.

Eventually I got some more sense knocked into me and I realized that if the MINIMUM made me feel at least a little bit okay, then why not add a bit more to it? I "I traded up" on the inhaler and did one neb treatment a day and kept the inhaler on me. Slowly, bit by bit I got back into compliance.

I hope that you'll find the support you need and the kind of friends who can keep you accountable to whatever level of compliance is best for your situation. Take it seriously and don't shrug it off, but don't be too hard on yourself either.

lightNlife · Mar 26, 2008

I think we've all been in a similar state of mind at one time or another. For me it I usually want to bail out on everything when I'm on IVs. Sometimes it just seems like it takes way too much effort just to feel halfway decent.

Are you being treated at all for depression? Sometimes the cycle of exhaustion and non-compliance can be a self-perpetuating state. You might begin to wonder if you first lost your energy, or if you first lost the will to be compliant. It sounds like there's a part of you that really wants to have some sort of fire lit under you. I wish I could tell you that there are magical words or things you can do that would put you back on track, but I don't know that there is. If depression (which doesn't necessarily mean weeping and saying 'woe is me; I hate CF' all the time) is a factor, perhaps getting that addressed will be what you need.

On the other hand, perhaps it's too overwhelming for you to even think about adding anything else to your routine. Anti-depressants would just be another thing you might disdain.

I'm so sorry you're going through this phase. When I have struggled with compliance in the past, what I've done is give myself a list of the BARE MINIMUM I was willing to do to take care of myself. Sometimes that was keep my albuterol inhaler on me at all times and be sure to take my pills with at least my biggest meal of the day. How's that for minimum?! I'm not advocating not taking meds or doing treatments; I'm just giving an example of what I did at once point.

Eventually I got some more sense knocked into me and I realized that if the MINIMUM made me feel at least a little bit okay, then why not add a bit more to it? I "I traded up" on the inhaler and did one neb treatment a day and kept the inhaler on me. Slowly, bit by bit I got back into compliance.

I hope that you'll find the support you need and the kind of friends who can keep you accountable to whatever level of compliance is best for your situation. Take it seriously and don't shrug it off, but don't be too hard on yourself either.

lightNlife · Mar 26, 2008

I think we've all been in a similar state of mind at one time or another. For me it I usually want to bail out on everything when I'm on IVs. Sometimes it just seems like it takes way too much effort just to feel halfway decent.

Are you being treated at all for depression? Sometimes the cycle of exhaustion and non-compliance can be a self-perpetuating state. You might begin to wonder if you first lost your energy, or if you first lost the will to be compliant. It sounds like there's a part of you that really wants to have some sort of fire lit under you. I wish I could tell you that there are magical words or things you can do that would put you back on track, but I don't know that there is. If depression (which doesn't necessarily mean weeping and saying 'woe is me; I hate CF' all the time) is a factor, perhaps getting that addressed will be what you need.

On the other hand, perhaps it's too overwhelming for you to even think about adding anything else to your routine. Anti-depressants would just be another thing you might disdain.

I'm so sorry you're going through this phase. When I have struggled with compliance in the past, what I've done is give myself a list of the BARE MINIMUM I was willing to do to take care of myself. Sometimes that was keep my albuterol inhaler on me at all times and be sure to take my pills with at least my biggest meal of the day. How's that for minimum?! I'm not advocating not taking meds or doing treatments; I'm just giving an example of what I did at once point.

Eventually I got some more sense knocked into me and I realized that if the MINIMUM made me feel at least a little bit okay, then why not add a bit more to it? I "I traded up" on the inhaler and did one neb treatment a day and kept the inhaler on me. Slowly, bit by bit I got back into compliance.

I hope that you'll find the support you need and the kind of friends who can keep you accountable to whatever level of compliance is best for your situation. Take it seriously and don't shrug it off, but don't be too hard on yourself either.

lightNlife · Mar 26, 2008

I think we've all been in a similar state of mind at one time or another. For me it I usually want to bail out on everything when I'm on IVs. Sometimes it just seems like it takes way too much effort just to feel halfway decent.
 
 Are you being treated at all for depression? Sometimes the cycle of exhaustion and non-compliance can be a self-perpetuating state. You might begin to wonder if you first lost your energy, or if you first lost the will to be compliant. It sounds like there's a part of you that really wants to have some sort of fire lit under you. I wish I could tell you that there are magical words or things you can do that would put you back on track, but I don't know that there is. If depression (which doesn't necessarily mean weeping and saying 'woe is me; I hate CF' all the time) is a factor, perhaps getting that addressed will be what you need.
 
 On the other hand, perhaps it's too overwhelming for you to even think about adding anything else to your routine. Anti-depressants would just be another thing you might disdain.
 
 I'm so sorry you're going through this phase. When I have struggled with compliance in the past, what I've done is give myself a list of the BARE MINIMUM I was willing to do to take care of myself. Sometimes that was keep my albuterol inhaler on me at all times and be sure to take my pills with at least my biggest meal of the day. How's that for minimum?! I'm not advocating not taking meds or doing treatments; I'm just giving an example of what I did at once point.
 
 Eventually I got some more sense knocked into me and I realized that if the MINIMUM made me feel at least a little bit okay, then why not add a bit more to it? I "I traded up" on the inhaler and did one neb treatment a day and kept the inhaler on me. Slowly, bit by bit I got back into compliance.
 
 I hope that you'll find the support you need and the kind of friends who can keep you accountable to whatever level of compliance is best for your situation. Take it seriously and don't shrug it off, but don't be too hard on yourself either.

Kelli · Mar 26, 2008

I agree about the depression. You might be mildly depressed and might benefit from a medication (well you'd have to take the med.) <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

I've been on meds before for depression or more for anxiety when I was going thru massive amounts of stress. It did help and I got off of them asap, I just needed them thru the hard stuff.

I think if you just get in the habit of doing things for yourself, it might help. Like today, I worked out...did I want to...not really. But I knew I'd feel better afterward.

Maybe start small, like a walk to the store and get yourself something good to eat/drink. Maybe go tanning, it gets you out of the house and it feels good. Just a thought.

I hope that helps, I do think we've ALL been there at one time or another! Hang in there and I hope you get out of your little slump right now!

<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
Kelli

Kelli · Mar 26, 2008

I agree about the depression. You might be mildly depressed and might benefit from a medication (well you'd have to take the med.) <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

I've been on meds before for depression or more for anxiety when I was going thru massive amounts of stress. It did help and I got off of them asap, I just needed them thru the hard stuff.

I think if you just get in the habit of doing things for yourself, it might help. Like today, I worked out...did I want to...not really. But I knew I'd feel better afterward.

Maybe start small, like a walk to the store and get yourself something good to eat/drink. Maybe go tanning, it gets you out of the house and it feels good. Just a thought.

I hope that helps, I do think we've ALL been there at one time or another! Hang in there and I hope you get out of your little slump right now!

<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
Kelli

Kelli · Mar 26, 2008

I agree about the depression. You might be mildly depressed and might benefit from a medication (well you'd have to take the med.) <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

I've been on meds before for depression or more for anxiety when I was going thru massive amounts of stress. It did help and I got off of them asap, I just needed them thru the hard stuff.

I think if you just get in the habit of doing things for yourself, it might help. Like today, I worked out...did I want to...not really. But I knew I'd feel better afterward.

Maybe start small, like a walk to the store and get yourself something good to eat/drink. Maybe go tanning, it gets you out of the house and it feels good. Just a thought.

I hope that helps, I do think we've ALL been there at one time or another! Hang in there and I hope you get out of your little slump right now!

<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
Kelli

Kelli · Mar 26, 2008

I agree about the depression. You might be mildly depressed and might benefit from a medication (well you'd have to take the med.) <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

I've been on meds before for depression or more for anxiety when I was going thru massive amounts of stress. It did help and I got off of them asap, I just needed them thru the hard stuff.

I think if you just get in the habit of doing things for yourself, it might help. Like today, I worked out...did I want to...not really. But I knew I'd feel better afterward.

Maybe start small, like a walk to the store and get yourself something good to eat/drink. Maybe go tanning, it gets you out of the house and it feels good. Just a thought.

I hope that helps, I do think we've ALL been there at one time or another! Hang in there and I hope you get out of your little slump right now!

<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
Kelli

Kelli · Mar 26, 2008

I agree about the depression. You might be mildly depressed and might benefit from a medication (well you'd have to take the med.) <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 
 I've been on meds before for depression or more for anxiety when I was going thru massive amounts of stress. It did help and I got off of them asap, I just needed them thru the hard stuff.
 
 I think if you just get in the habit of doing things for yourself, it might help. Like today, I worked out...did I want to...not really. But I knew I'd feel better afterward.
 
 Maybe start small, like a walk to the store and get yourself something good to eat/drink. Maybe go tanning, it gets you out of the house and it feels good. Just a thought.
 
 I hope that helps, I do think we've ALL been there at one time or another! Hang in there and I hope you get out of your little slump right now!
 
 <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 Kelli

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