On Motherhood and Decisions

M

mamaScarlett

Active member
Its been a while.
I've been reading some of your stories of new babies, babies soon to come-and a huge huge congratulations to all of you. I'll be reading more details and catching up more soon.
To hopeful moms that are waiting and hoping-I've been there and my heart goes out to you and warm thoughts.

The age old battle continues...what should I do???
God, how do you all cope with it?! This disease is exhausting to manage day in and day out, the constant worry and work, and worry for the future. I want to do the right thing for my daughter, and the right thing for me too. But I just don't know what it is yet.

My LO is almost 2 1/2 now. I never thought I'd even get to have her. If you don't have a child yet, of course i know youre thinking-god, you have one, just be grateful! I know, but believe me, its not that easy. And its not about me.
I want my LO to have a sibling, to go through life with, cry with and be strong with.
For me, the decision to have a 2nd child is 10 times harder than the first decision.

For me, at this point I am as healthy as I was before I had my baby. So thats a huge accomplishment. My pfts are back up to baseline and I haven't been sick in a while.
If my lungs were bad it would be an obvious decision-no option. But now, I just don't know. Am I 'able' to have another baby?-Yes. Do I want to go through the work again, the worry-I don't know. I know its worth it, but its the worry.
I guess its the long term damage I worry about. Basically there is just no information out there on long term affects of pregnancy. There's case by case info, but each cf pregnancy and situation is sooooo different.

And there is this emotional side too-and for moms out there that are in the same debate I'm in, or have more than one child, see if you can relate to this at all: its the 'I don't deserve it' thing. I mean, I have CF!! Cf!! Wasn't I supposed to be dead by 12? And I was never supposed to have a child. OMG, I should just be grateful and shut up. Don't jinx what you've got, right? But should we sell ourselves short for the rest of our lives bc our parents were told we wouldn't live to 12? No, we shouldn't, but the downside is that I have to live with the worry and fear for the rest of my life.

All I can say, if you haven't yet been on the side I'm on you don't know. Once you have that baby you want to do everything in your being and soul to be the best parent. Thats why I sit on this Vest for 3 hours a day. Thats also why I want my daughter to have a sibling.

I appreciate anyone that took the time to read this. Of course I know no one can read this and say, you should do this, or that... But the thing is, NO ONE in my life (besides my hubby) can understand what it is to live day in and out with cf, and no one gets the uncertainty we deal with. People look at me and say-you look healthy, sure you can have another baby. But its not that simple.

Maybe I do worry too much-ok, I know I do.
If anyone can relate to any of this please yell out so I know I'm not alone!
thanks!!
xoxox
 
M

mamaScarlett

Active member
Its been a while.
I've been reading some of your stories of new babies, babies soon to come-and a huge huge congratulations to all of you. I'll be reading more details and catching up more soon.
To hopeful moms that are waiting and hoping-I've been there and my heart goes out to you and warm thoughts.

The age old battle continues...what should I do???
God, how do you all cope with it?! This disease is exhausting to manage day in and day out, the constant worry and work, and worry for the future. I want to do the right thing for my daughter, and the right thing for me too. But I just don't know what it is yet.

My LO is almost 2 1/2 now. I never thought I'd even get to have her. If you don't have a child yet, of course i know youre thinking-god, you have one, just be grateful! I know, but believe me, its not that easy. And its not about me.
I want my LO to have a sibling, to go through life with, cry with and be strong with.
For me, the decision to have a 2nd child is 10 times harder than the first decision.

For me, at this point I am as healthy as I was before I had my baby. So thats a huge accomplishment. My pfts are back up to baseline and I haven't been sick in a while.
If my lungs were bad it would be an obvious decision-no option. But now, I just don't know. Am I 'able' to have another baby?-Yes. Do I want to go through the work again, the worry-I don't know. I know its worth it, but its the worry.
I guess its the long term damage I worry about. Basically there is just no information out there on long term affects of pregnancy. There's case by case info, but each cf pregnancy and situation is sooooo different.

And there is this emotional side too-and for moms out there that are in the same debate I'm in, or have more than one child, see if you can relate to this at all: its the 'I don't deserve it' thing. I mean, I have CF!! Cf!! Wasn't I supposed to be dead by 12? And I was never supposed to have a child. OMG, I should just be grateful and shut up. Don't jinx what you've got, right? But should we sell ourselves short for the rest of our lives bc our parents were told we wouldn't live to 12? No, we shouldn't, but the downside is that I have to live with the worry and fear for the rest of my life.

All I can say, if you haven't yet been on the side I'm on you don't know. Once you have that baby you want to do everything in your being and soul to be the best parent. Thats why I sit on this Vest for 3 hours a day. Thats also why I want my daughter to have a sibling.

I appreciate anyone that took the time to read this. Of course I know no one can read this and say, you should do this, or that... But the thing is, NO ONE in my life (besides my hubby) can understand what it is to live day in and out with cf, and no one gets the uncertainty we deal with. People look at me and say-you look healthy, sure you can have another baby. But its not that simple.

Maybe I do worry too much-ok, I know I do.
If anyone can relate to any of this please yell out so I know I'm not alone!
thanks!!
xoxox
 
M

mamaScarlett

Active member
Its been a while.
I've been reading some of your stories of new babies, babies soon to come-and a huge huge congratulations to all of you. I'll be reading more details and catching up more soon.
To hopeful moms that are waiting and hoping-I've been there and my heart goes out to you and warm thoughts.

The age old battle continues...what should I do???
God, how do you all cope with it?! This disease is exhausting to manage day in and day out, the constant worry and work, and worry for the future. I want to do the right thing for my daughter, and the right thing for me too. But I just don't know what it is yet.

My LO is almost 2 1/2 now. I never thought I'd even get to have her. If you don't have a child yet, of course i know youre thinking-god, you have one, just be grateful! I know, but believe me, its not that easy. And its not about me.
I want my LO to have a sibling, to go through life with, cry with and be strong with.
For me, the decision to have a 2nd child is 10 times harder than the first decision.

For me, at this point I am as healthy as I was before I had my baby. So thats a huge accomplishment. My pfts are back up to baseline and I haven't been sick in a while.
If my lungs were bad it would be an obvious decision-no option. But now, I just don't know. Am I 'able' to have another baby?-Yes. Do I want to go through the work again, the worry-I don't know. I know its worth it, but its the worry.
I guess its the long term damage I worry about. Basically there is just no information out there on long term affects of pregnancy. There's case by case info, but each cf pregnancy and situation is sooooo different.

And there is this emotional side too-and for moms out there that are in the same debate I'm in, or have more than one child, see if you can relate to this at all: its the 'I don't deserve it' thing. I mean, I have CF!! Cf!! Wasn't I supposed to be dead by 12? And I was never supposed to have a child. OMG, I should just be grateful and shut up. Don't jinx what you've got, right? But should we sell ourselves short for the rest of our lives bc our parents were told we wouldn't live to 12? No, we shouldn't, but the downside is that I have to live with the worry and fear for the rest of my life.

All I can say, if you haven't yet been on the side I'm on you don't know. Once you have that baby you want to do everything in your being and soul to be the best parent. Thats why I sit on this Vest for 3 hours a day. Thats also why I want my daughter to have a sibling.

I appreciate anyone that took the time to read this. Of course I know no one can read this and say, you should do this, or that... But the thing is, NO ONE in my life (besides my hubby) can understand what it is to live day in and out with cf, and no one gets the uncertainty we deal with. People look at me and say-you look healthy, sure you can have another baby. But its not that simple.

Maybe I do worry too much-ok, I know I do.
If anyone can relate to any of this please yell out so I know I'm not alone!
thanks!!
xoxox
 
M

mamaScarlett

Active member
Its been a while.
I've been reading some of your stories of new babies, babies soon to come-and a huge huge congratulations to all of you. I'll be reading more details and catching up more soon.
To hopeful moms that are waiting and hoping-I've been there and my heart goes out to you and warm thoughts.

The age old battle continues...what should I do???
God, how do you all cope with it?! This disease is exhausting to manage day in and day out, the constant worry and work, and worry for the future. I want to do the right thing for my daughter, and the right thing for me too. But I just don't know what it is yet.

My LO is almost 2 1/2 now. I never thought I'd even get to have her. If you don't have a child yet, of course i know youre thinking-god, you have one, just be grateful! I know, but believe me, its not that easy. And its not about me.
I want my LO to have a sibling, to go through life with, cry with and be strong with.
For me, the decision to have a 2nd child is 10 times harder than the first decision.

For me, at this point I am as healthy as I was before I had my baby. So thats a huge accomplishment. My pfts are back up to baseline and I haven't been sick in a while.
If my lungs were bad it would be an obvious decision-no option. But now, I just don't know. Am I 'able' to have another baby?-Yes. Do I want to go through the work again, the worry-I don't know. I know its worth it, but its the worry.
I guess its the long term damage I worry about. Basically there is just no information out there on long term affects of pregnancy. There's case by case info, but each cf pregnancy and situation is sooooo different.

And there is this emotional side too-and for moms out there that are in the same debate I'm in, or have more than one child, see if you can relate to this at all: its the 'I don't deserve it' thing. I mean, I have CF!! Cf!! Wasn't I supposed to be dead by 12? And I was never supposed to have a child. OMG, I should just be grateful and shut up. Don't jinx what you've got, right? But should we sell ourselves short for the rest of our lives bc our parents were told we wouldn't live to 12? No, we shouldn't, but the downside is that I have to live with the worry and fear for the rest of my life.

All I can say, if you haven't yet been on the side I'm on you don't know. Once you have that baby you want to do everything in your being and soul to be the best parent. Thats why I sit on this Vest for 3 hours a day. Thats also why I want my daughter to have a sibling.

I appreciate anyone that took the time to read this. Of course I know no one can read this and say, you should do this, or that... But the thing is, NO ONE in my life (besides my hubby) can understand what it is to live day in and out with cf, and no one gets the uncertainty we deal with. People look at me and say-you look healthy, sure you can have another baby. But its not that simple.

Maybe I do worry too much-ok, I know I do.
If anyone can relate to any of this please yell out so I know I'm not alone!
thanks!!
xoxox
 
M

mamaScarlett

Active member
Its been a while.
<br />I've been reading some of your stories of new babies, babies soon to come-and a huge huge congratulations to all of you. I'll be reading more details and catching up more soon.
<br />To hopeful moms that are waiting and hoping-I've been there and my heart goes out to you and warm thoughts.
<br />
<br />The age old battle continues...what should I do???
<br />God, how do you all cope with it?! This disease is exhausting to manage day in and day out, the constant worry and work, and worry for the future. I want to do the right thing for my daughter, and the right thing for me too. But I just don't know what it is yet.
<br />
<br />My LO is almost 2 1/2 now. I never thought I'd even get to have her. If you don't have a child yet, of course i know youre thinking-god, you have one, just be grateful! I know, but believe me, its not that easy. And its not about me.
<br />I want my LO to have a sibling, to go through life with, cry with and be strong with.
<br />For me, the decision to have a 2nd child is 10 times harder than the first decision.
<br />
<br />For me, at this point I am as healthy as I was before I had my baby. So thats a huge accomplishment. My pfts are back up to baseline and I haven't been sick in a while.
<br />If my lungs were bad it would be an obvious decision-no option. But now, I just don't know. Am I 'able' to have another baby?-Yes. Do I want to go through the work again, the worry-I don't know. I know its worth it, but its the worry.
<br />I guess its the long term damage I worry about. Basically there is just no information out there on long term affects of pregnancy. There's case by case info, but each cf pregnancy and situation is sooooo different.
<br />
<br />And there is this emotional side too-and for moms out there that are in the same debate I'm in, or have more than one child, see if you can relate to this at all: its the 'I don't deserve it' thing. I mean, I have CF!! Cf!! Wasn't I supposed to be dead by 12? And I was never supposed to have a child. OMG, I should just be grateful and shut up. Don't jinx what you've got, right? But should we sell ourselves short for the rest of our lives bc our parents were told we wouldn't live to 12? No, we shouldn't, but the downside is that I have to live with the worry and fear for the rest of my life.
<br />
<br />All I can say, if you haven't yet been on the side I'm on you don't know. Once you have that baby you want to do everything in your being and soul to be the best parent. Thats why I sit on this Vest for 3 hours a day. Thats also why I want my daughter to have a sibling.
<br />
<br />I appreciate anyone that took the time to read this. Of course I know no one can read this and say, you should do this, or that... But the thing is, NO ONE in my life (besides my hubby) can understand what it is to live day in and out with cf, and no one gets the uncertainty we deal with. People look at me and say-you look healthy, sure you can have another baby. But its not that simple.
<br />
<br />Maybe I do worry too much-ok, I know I do.
<br />If anyone can relate to any of this please yell out so I know I'm not alone!
<br />thanks!!
<br />xoxox
 
J

jbrandonAW

New member
I've been in the same boat. I have one daughter. I love her to pieces. I used to want a TON of kids...but now I am settling for just her. Its alot of work for me and its hard work (I also have 3 stepkids so she does have siblings). I am not at a baseline I would like to be at to have another kid.

I think it boils down to what you want...but I know its a hard decision.
 
J

jbrandonAW

New member
I've been in the same boat. I have one daughter. I love her to pieces. I used to want a TON of kids...but now I am settling for just her. Its alot of work for me and its hard work (I also have 3 stepkids so she does have siblings). I am not at a baseline I would like to be at to have another kid.

I think it boils down to what you want...but I know its a hard decision.
 
J

jbrandonAW

New member
I've been in the same boat. I have one daughter. I love her to pieces. I used to want a TON of kids...but now I am settling for just her. Its alot of work for me and its hard work (I also have 3 stepkids so she does have siblings). I am not at a baseline I would like to be at to have another kid.

I think it boils down to what you want...but I know its a hard decision.
 
J

jbrandonAW

New member
I've been in the same boat. I have one daughter. I love her to pieces. I used to want a TON of kids...but now I am settling for just her. Its alot of work for me and its hard work (I also have 3 stepkids so she does have siblings). I am not at a baseline I would like to be at to have another kid.

I think it boils down to what you want...but I know its a hard decision.
 
J

jbrandonAW

New member
I've been in the same boat. I have one daughter. I love her to pieces. I used to want a TON of kids...but now I am settling for just her. Its alot of work for me and its hard work (I also have 3 stepkids so she does have siblings). I am not at a baseline I would like to be at to have another kid.
<br />
<br />I think it boils down to what you want...but I know its a hard decision.
 
L

LouLou

New member
I understand the difficulty in the decision you are trying to make. And I hear you loud and clear. No one can make it for you even if it seems cut & dry to them because of your (relative) good health.

For me it is currently pretty clear that another child is not in our cards because my health is not stable. I haven't lost lung function but I don't even want to imagine what enduring a pregnancy would be like on my system in its present state. I'm slowly but surely regaining my stability.

The feeling of wanting to give your child a sibling is definitely strong. Being an only child seems so lonesome but then again it is the only thing the child would know...sort of like us having cf. One thing I think of is would I rather be around for my son or give him a sibling? Not that it would definitely kill me but what if it did.
I guess a more powerful way to say it is from the child's perspective..Would you rather have your mom or your sibling? I think most of us would rather have our mom around to raise us than trade that for having a sibling.

With V 7_7_0 on the horizon, sooner than later for me, since I'll hopefully be able to participate in PH.3 which will get me access to drug for as long as it takes to get
through (or be bonged by) the FDA. That is my future - not making babies - for the forseeable future...for me, for my son and for other's with cf.

You mention the word "worry" a few times in your post. On the upside, I hear from many a mom that they were not nearly as worried with the second as they were the first. So at least you'd have that going for you. I know for me the worry caused stress on my body that I did not let go of which compiled with fatigue that took it's toll.

Keep us posted on your thought progression:)
 
L

LouLou

New member
I understand the difficulty in the decision you are trying to make. And I hear you loud and clear. No one can make it for you even if it seems cut & dry to them because of your (relative) good health.

For me it is currently pretty clear that another child is not in our cards because my health is not stable. I haven't lost lung function but I don't even want to imagine what enduring a pregnancy would be like on my system in its present state. I'm slowly but surely regaining my stability.

The feeling of wanting to give your child a sibling is definitely strong. Being an only child seems so lonesome but then again it is the only thing the child would know...sort of like us having cf. One thing I think of is would I rather be around for my son or give him a sibling? Not that it would definitely kill me but what if it did.
I guess a more powerful way to say it is from the child's perspective..Would you rather have your mom or your sibling? I think most of us would rather have our mom around to raise us than trade that for having a sibling.

With V 7_7_0 on the horizon, sooner than later for me, since I'll hopefully be able to participate in PH.3 which will get me access to drug for as long as it takes to get
through (or be bonged by) the FDA. That is my future - not making babies - for the forseeable future...for me, for my son and for other's with cf.

You mention the word "worry" a few times in your post. On the upside, I hear from many a mom that they were not nearly as worried with the second as they were the first. So at least you'd have that going for you. I know for me the worry caused stress on my body that I did not let go of which compiled with fatigue that took it's toll.

Keep us posted on your thought progression:)
 
L

LouLou

New member
I understand the difficulty in the decision you are trying to make. And I hear you loud and clear. No one can make it for you even if it seems cut & dry to them because of your (relative) good health.

For me it is currently pretty clear that another child is not in our cards because my health is not stable. I haven't lost lung function but I don't even want to imagine what enduring a pregnancy would be like on my system in its present state. I'm slowly but surely regaining my stability.

The feeling of wanting to give your child a sibling is definitely strong. Being an only child seems so lonesome but then again it is the only thing the child would know...sort of like us having cf. One thing I think of is would I rather be around for my son or give him a sibling? Not that it would definitely kill me but what if it did.
I guess a more powerful way to say it is from the child's perspective..Would you rather have your mom or your sibling? I think most of us would rather have our mom around to raise us than trade that for having a sibling.

With V 7_7_0 on the horizon, sooner than later for me, since I'll hopefully be able to participate in PH.3 which will get me access to drug for as long as it takes to get
through (or be bonged by) the FDA. That is my future - not making babies - for the forseeable future...for me, for my son and for other's with cf.

You mention the word "worry" a few times in your post. On the upside, I hear from many a mom that they were not nearly as worried with the second as they were the first. So at least you'd have that going for you. I know for me the worry caused stress on my body that I did not let go of which compiled with fatigue that took it's toll.

Keep us posted on your thought progression:)
 
L

LouLou

New member
I understand the difficulty in the decision you are trying to make. And I hear you loud and clear. No one can make it for you even if it seems cut & dry to them because of your (relative) good health.

For me it is currently pretty clear that another child is not in our cards because my health is not stable. I haven't lost lung function but I don't even want to imagine what enduring a pregnancy would be like on my system in its present state. I'm slowly but surely regaining my stability.

The feeling of wanting to give your child a sibling is definitely strong. Being an only child seems so lonesome but then again it is the only thing the child would know...sort of like us having cf. One thing I think of is would I rather be around for my son or give him a sibling? Not that it would definitely kill me but what if it did.
I guess a more powerful way to say it is from the child's perspective..Would you rather have your mom or your sibling? I think most of us would rather have our mom around to raise us than trade that for having a sibling.

With V 7_7_0 on the horizon, sooner than later for me, since I'll hopefully be able to participate in PH.3 which will get me access to drug for as long as it takes to get
through (or be bonged by) the FDA. That is my future - not making babies - for the forseeable future...for me, for my son and for other's with cf.

You mention the word "worry" a few times in your post. On the upside, I hear from many a mom that they were not nearly as worried with the second as they were the first. So at least you'd have that going for you. I know for me the worry caused stress on my body that I did not let go of which compiled with fatigue that took it's toll.

Keep us posted on your thought progression:)
 
L

LouLou

New member
I understand the difficulty in the decision you are trying to make. And I hear you loud and clear. No one can make it for you even if it seems cut & dry to them because of your (relative) good health.
<br />
<br />For me it is currently pretty clear that another child is not in our cards because my health is not stable. I haven't lost lung function but I don't even want to imagine what enduring a pregnancy would be like on my system in its present state. I'm slowly but surely regaining my stability.
<br />
<br />The feeling of wanting to give your child a sibling is definitely strong. Being an only child seems so lonesome but then again it is the only thing the child would know...sort of like us having cf. One thing I think of is would I rather be around for my son or give him a sibling? Not that it would definitely kill me but what if it did.
<br />I guess a more powerful way to say it is from the child's perspective..Would you rather have your mom or your sibling? I think most of us would rather have our mom around to raise us than trade that for having a sibling.
<br />
<br />With V 7_7_0 on the horizon, sooner than later for me, since I'll hopefully be able to participate in PH.3 which will get me access to drug for as long as it takes to get
<br /> through (or be bonged by) the FDA. That is my future - not making babies - for the forseeable future...for me, for my son and for other's with cf.
<br />
<br />You mention the word "worry" a few times in your post. On the upside, I hear from many a mom that they were not nearly as worried with the second as they were the first. So at least you'd have that going for you. I know for me the worry caused stress on my body that I did not let go of which compiled with fatigue that took it's toll.
<br />
<br />Keep us posted on your thought progression:)
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
When Jazz was almost 2 years old, Dr. Walker asked during an appointment if we are thinking about having another.

Immediately I said NO. She drilled & drilled. I finally asked her if she knew something I didnt. She said No, but that Moms tend to get the urge when their others hit about 2.

I told her No again, but for the next 3 weeks I tortured myself wondering if I really didnt want another. I came up with names. I had a dream that I had another girl. My Mom had a dream that I called her & told her I was pregnant again. BTW I never told my Mom what Dr. Walker asked.

Finally one day I was feeling lousy & Jazz was sick as a dog. It was THEN that I realized it would never happen. NO matter how much I "dreamed" of another child....it couldnt happen.

I couldnt handle a newborn, Jazz & myself if any of us got sick. It also wasnt fair to Robert, Jazz or the baby as I got sicker.

It is started out as a tough decision until that one night laying down with Jazz coughing my head off while trying to comfort her.

HUGS Christian!
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
When Jazz was almost 2 years old, Dr. Walker asked during an appointment if we are thinking about having another.

Immediately I said NO. She drilled & drilled. I finally asked her if she knew something I didnt. She said No, but that Moms tend to get the urge when their others hit about 2.

I told her No again, but for the next 3 weeks I tortured myself wondering if I really didnt want another. I came up with names. I had a dream that I had another girl. My Mom had a dream that I called her & told her I was pregnant again. BTW I never told my Mom what Dr. Walker asked.

Finally one day I was feeling lousy & Jazz was sick as a dog. It was THEN that I realized it would never happen. NO matter how much I "dreamed" of another child....it couldnt happen.

I couldnt handle a newborn, Jazz & myself if any of us got sick. It also wasnt fair to Robert, Jazz or the baby as I got sicker.

It is started out as a tough decision until that one night laying down with Jazz coughing my head off while trying to comfort her.

HUGS Christian!
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
When Jazz was almost 2 years old, Dr. Walker asked during an appointment if we are thinking about having another.

Immediately I said NO. She drilled & drilled. I finally asked her if she knew something I didnt. She said No, but that Moms tend to get the urge when their others hit about 2.

I told her No again, but for the next 3 weeks I tortured myself wondering if I really didnt want another. I came up with names. I had a dream that I had another girl. My Mom had a dream that I called her & told her I was pregnant again. BTW I never told my Mom what Dr. Walker asked.

Finally one day I was feeling lousy & Jazz was sick as a dog. It was THEN that I realized it would never happen. NO matter how much I "dreamed" of another child....it couldnt happen.

I couldnt handle a newborn, Jazz & myself if any of us got sick. It also wasnt fair to Robert, Jazz or the baby as I got sicker.

It is started out as a tough decision until that one night laying down with Jazz coughing my head off while trying to comfort her.

HUGS Christian!
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
When Jazz was almost 2 years old, Dr. Walker asked during an appointment if we are thinking about having another.

Immediately I said NO. She drilled & drilled. I finally asked her if she knew something I didnt. She said No, but that Moms tend to get the urge when their others hit about 2.

I told her No again, but for the next 3 weeks I tortured myself wondering if I really didnt want another. I came up with names. I had a dream that I had another girl. My Mom had a dream that I called her & told her I was pregnant again. BTW I never told my Mom what Dr. Walker asked.

Finally one day I was feeling lousy & Jazz was sick as a dog. It was THEN that I realized it would never happen. NO matter how much I "dreamed" of another child....it couldnt happen.

I couldnt handle a newborn, Jazz & myself if any of us got sick. It also wasnt fair to Robert, Jazz or the baby as I got sicker.

It is started out as a tough decision until that one night laying down with Jazz coughing my head off while trying to comfort her.

HUGS Christian!
 
J

JazzysMom

New member
When Jazz was almost 2 years old, Dr. Walker asked during an appointment if we are thinking about having another.
<br />
<br />Immediately I said NO. She drilled & drilled. I finally asked her if she knew something I didnt. She said No, but that Moms tend to get the urge when their others hit about 2.
<br />
<br />I told her No again, but for the next 3 weeks I tortured myself wondering if I really didnt want another. I came up with names. I had a dream that I had another girl. My Mom had a dream that I called her & told her I was pregnant again. BTW I never told my Mom what Dr. Walker asked.
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<br />Finally one day I was feeling lousy & Jazz was sick as a dog. It was THEN that I realized it would never happen. NO matter how much I "dreamed" of another child....it couldnt happen.
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<br />I couldnt handle a newborn, Jazz & myself if any of us got sick. It also wasnt fair to Robert, Jazz or the baby as I got sicker.
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<br />It is started out as a tough decision until that one night laying down with Jazz coughing my head off while trying to comfort her.
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<br />HUGS Christian!
 
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