out of nowhere..

T

TonyaH

Guest
You would think I would be on cloud nine right now. Andrew finished his ivs yesterday and had his line removed. His lungs sound clear, his sputum has gone back to being mostly clear, other than a slight drop in lung function from 2 weeks ago, things could not have gone any better.

But here I am, in and out of some major depression. I have these extra eclipse balls in my fridge, boxes of saline and heparin on my dining room table, and I can't put them away. Life is supposed to get back to normal now and I find myself "missing" our siv chedule. Why is this?

I mean, I'm happy for Andrew and relieved that the infection is under control. But somewhere in my mind I am just not ready to get "back to normal". What is back to normal, anyway? Waiting for the next cough and asking, is this the next exacerbation? I think I'm starting to get the first glimpse of what a rollercoaster ride this disease is. Chances are these infections will be back. And next time, chances are they will not respond so nicely to the meds. I am afraid to let life get "back to normal" and just sit and wait fo the next hill to climb.

At least when he was on the meds I had something to do. He was on medication that was making him better. I was helping him and taking care of him. Now, other than his meds, nebs, and cpt, there is nothing I can do but wait. I think being busy with him kept my mind off of things. Now that he is better, I have time to think. And worry, and cry. I hate this feeling because I am usually pretty together. I deal with situations, but choose not to look at big picture. But every time I open my fridge or walk past my dining room, "BIG PICTURE" is just staring me in the face. But I can't bring myself to put this stuff away, yet. Mentally I'm not finished with the last 23 days because I didn't deal with them when they were happening.

Whoa...this is getting way too long, and I apologize. But please let me know if any of you have ever felt this way AFTER ending ivs, and what you do to snap out of it. My husband thinks I'm crazy and should be focusing on the postive right now..because there really is so much positive. And I know that. But I just can't.
 
T

TonyaH

Guest
You would think I would be on cloud nine right now. Andrew finished his ivs yesterday and had his line removed. His lungs sound clear, his sputum has gone back to being mostly clear, other than a slight drop in lung function from 2 weeks ago, things could not have gone any better.

But here I am, in and out of some major depression. I have these extra eclipse balls in my fridge, boxes of saline and heparin on my dining room table, and I can't put them away. Life is supposed to get back to normal now and I find myself "missing" our siv chedule. Why is this?

I mean, I'm happy for Andrew and relieved that the infection is under control. But somewhere in my mind I am just not ready to get "back to normal". What is back to normal, anyway? Waiting for the next cough and asking, is this the next exacerbation? I think I'm starting to get the first glimpse of what a rollercoaster ride this disease is. Chances are these infections will be back. And next time, chances are they will not respond so nicely to the meds. I am afraid to let life get "back to normal" and just sit and wait fo the next hill to climb.

At least when he was on the meds I had something to do. He was on medication that was making him better. I was helping him and taking care of him. Now, other than his meds, nebs, and cpt, there is nothing I can do but wait. I think being busy with him kept my mind off of things. Now that he is better, I have time to think. And worry, and cry. I hate this feeling because I am usually pretty together. I deal with situations, but choose not to look at big picture. But every time I open my fridge or walk past my dining room, "BIG PICTURE" is just staring me in the face. But I can't bring myself to put this stuff away, yet. Mentally I'm not finished with the last 23 days because I didn't deal with them when they were happening.

Whoa...this is getting way too long, and I apologize. But please let me know if any of you have ever felt this way AFTER ending ivs, and what you do to snap out of it. My husband thinks I'm crazy and should be focusing on the postive right now..because there really is so much positive. And I know that. But I just can't.
 
T

TonyaH

Guest
You would think I would be on cloud nine right now. Andrew finished his ivs yesterday and had his line removed. His lungs sound clear, his sputum has gone back to being mostly clear, other than a slight drop in lung function from 2 weeks ago, things could not have gone any better.

But here I am, in and out of some major depression. I have these extra eclipse balls in my fridge, boxes of saline and heparin on my dining room table, and I can't put them away. Life is supposed to get back to normal now and I find myself "missing" our siv chedule. Why is this?

I mean, I'm happy for Andrew and relieved that the infection is under control. But somewhere in my mind I am just not ready to get "back to normal". What is back to normal, anyway? Waiting for the next cough and asking, is this the next exacerbation? I think I'm starting to get the first glimpse of what a rollercoaster ride this disease is. Chances are these infections will be back. And next time, chances are they will not respond so nicely to the meds. I am afraid to let life get "back to normal" and just sit and wait fo the next hill to climb.

At least when he was on the meds I had something to do. He was on medication that was making him better. I was helping him and taking care of him. Now, other than his meds, nebs, and cpt, there is nothing I can do but wait. I think being busy with him kept my mind off of things. Now that he is better, I have time to think. And worry, and cry. I hate this feeling because I am usually pretty together. I deal with situations, but choose not to look at big picture. But every time I open my fridge or walk past my dining room, "BIG PICTURE" is just staring me in the face. But I can't bring myself to put this stuff away, yet. Mentally I'm not finished with the last 23 days because I didn't deal with them when they were happening.

Whoa...this is getting way too long, and I apologize. But please let me know if any of you have ever felt this way AFTER ending ivs, and what you do to snap out of it. My husband thinks I'm crazy and should be focusing on the postive right now..because there really is so much positive. And I know that. But I just can't.
 
T

TonyaH

Guest
You would think I would be on cloud nine right now. Andrew finished his ivs yesterday and had his line removed. His lungs sound clear, his sputum has gone back to being mostly clear, other than a slight drop in lung function from 2 weeks ago, things could not have gone any better.

But here I am, in and out of some major depression. I have these extra eclipse balls in my fridge, boxes of saline and heparin on my dining room table, and I can't put them away. Life is supposed to get back to normal now and I find myself "missing" our siv chedule. Why is this?

I mean, I'm happy for Andrew and relieved that the infection is under control. But somewhere in my mind I am just not ready to get "back to normal". What is back to normal, anyway? Waiting for the next cough and asking, is this the next exacerbation? I think I'm starting to get the first glimpse of what a rollercoaster ride this disease is. Chances are these infections will be back. And next time, chances are they will not respond so nicely to the meds. I am afraid to let life get "back to normal" and just sit and wait fo the next hill to climb.

At least when he was on the meds I had something to do. He was on medication that was making him better. I was helping him and taking care of him. Now, other than his meds, nebs, and cpt, there is nothing I can do but wait. I think being busy with him kept my mind off of things. Now that he is better, I have time to think. And worry, and cry. I hate this feeling because I am usually pretty together. I deal with situations, but choose not to look at big picture. But every time I open my fridge or walk past my dining room, "BIG PICTURE" is just staring me in the face. But I can't bring myself to put this stuff away, yet. Mentally I'm not finished with the last 23 days because I didn't deal with them when they were happening.

Whoa...this is getting way too long, and I apologize. But please let me know if any of you have ever felt this way AFTER ending ivs, and what you do to snap out of it. My husband thinks I'm crazy and should be focusing on the postive right now..because there really is so much positive. And I know that. But I just can't.
 
T

TonyaH

Guest
You would think I would be on cloud nine right now. Andrew finished his ivs yesterday and had his line removed. His lungs sound clear, his sputum has gone back to being mostly clear, other than a slight drop in lung function from 2 weeks ago, things could not have gone any better.

But here I am, in and out of some major depression. I have these extra eclipse balls in my fridge, boxes of saline and heparin on my dining room table, and I can't put them away. Life is supposed to get back to normal now and I find myself "missing" our siv chedule. Why is this?

I mean, I'm happy for Andrew and relieved that the infection is under control. But somewhere in my mind I am just not ready to get "back to normal". What is back to normal, anyway? Waiting for the next cough and asking, is this the next exacerbation? I think I'm starting to get the first glimpse of what a rollercoaster ride this disease is. Chances are these infections will be back. And next time, chances are they will not respond so nicely to the meds. I am afraid to let life get "back to normal" and just sit and wait fo the next hill to climb.

At least when he was on the meds I had something to do. He was on medication that was making him better. I was helping him and taking care of him. Now, other than his meds, nebs, and cpt, there is nothing I can do but wait. I think being busy with him kept my mind off of things. Now that he is better, I have time to think. And worry, and cry. I hate this feeling because I am usually pretty together. I deal with situations, but choose not to look at big picture. But every time I open my fridge or walk past my dining room, "BIG PICTURE" is just staring me in the face. But I can't bring myself to put this stuff away, yet. Mentally I'm not finished with the last 23 days because I didn't deal with them when they were happening.

Whoa...this is getting way too long, and I apologize. But please let me know if any of you have ever felt this way AFTER ending ivs, and what you do to snap out of it. My husband thinks I'm crazy and should be focusing on the postive right now..because there really is so much positive. And I know that. But I just can't.
 
L

lilismom

Active member
I remember feeling similar when Lili was released from the hospital. She was there for 2 1/2 weeks during which time she was diagnosed. I worried constantly about germs around the house and out and about. We used a lot of sanitizer in those days and weeks!

It does get better, you'll go back to your normal life it just takes some time. The fear of another exaberation is always there but it will fade.
 
L

lilismom

Active member
I remember feeling similar when Lili was released from the hospital. She was there for 2 1/2 weeks during which time she was diagnosed. I worried constantly about germs around the house and out and about. We used a lot of sanitizer in those days and weeks!

It does get better, you'll go back to your normal life it just takes some time. The fear of another exaberation is always there but it will fade.
 
L

lilismom

Active member
I remember feeling similar when Lili was released from the hospital. She was there for 2 1/2 weeks during which time she was diagnosed. I worried constantly about germs around the house and out and about. We used a lot of sanitizer in those days and weeks!

It does get better, you'll go back to your normal life it just takes some time. The fear of another exaberation is always there but it will fade.
 
L

lilismom

Active member
I remember feeling similar when Lili was released from the hospital. She was there for 2 1/2 weeks during which time she was diagnosed. I worried constantly about germs around the house and out and about. We used a lot of sanitizer in those days and weeks!

It does get better, you'll go back to your normal life it just takes some time. The fear of another exaberation is always there but it will fade.
 
L

lilismom

Active member
I remember feeling similar when Lili was released from the hospital. She was there for 2 1/2 weeks during which time she was diagnosed. I worried constantly about germs around the house and out and about. We used a lot of sanitizer in those days and weeks!

It does get better, you'll go back to your normal life it just takes some time. The fear of another exaberation is always there but it will fade.
 
J

JORDYSMOM

New member
Tonya it's like that for me too. Recently I blogged about how I do great during a crisis, but as soon as things calm down, I get the anxiety and panic attacks. You are not alone. When the bad is happening, we just buckle down and handle it. At least we have something we can do. Now, there is nothing and you feel out of control. It stinks!!

I've had family members tell me "Don't look for him to get sick again, just be happy he's better." Of course we are happy when they are better, but we got a big scare when they were sick. Now we are afraid it will come back. It's like you don't want to let your guard down.

Maybe you can give yourself a project to concentrate on. Christmas is coming, so maybe start planning your meal or start your Christmas cards. If not that, find something else. Put away the meds and supplies. I know it's hard, but you will be glad you did. I clean when I'm stressed, or rearrange my furniture. My hubby jokes that it's a good thing he's not blind, because he comes home to a different arrangement every couple of weeks. LOL

I hope you feel better soon. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Stacey
 
J

JORDYSMOM

New member
Tonya it's like that for me too. Recently I blogged about how I do great during a crisis, but as soon as things calm down, I get the anxiety and panic attacks. You are not alone. When the bad is happening, we just buckle down and handle it. At least we have something we can do. Now, there is nothing and you feel out of control. It stinks!!

I've had family members tell me "Don't look for him to get sick again, just be happy he's better." Of course we are happy when they are better, but we got a big scare when they were sick. Now we are afraid it will come back. It's like you don't want to let your guard down.

Maybe you can give yourself a project to concentrate on. Christmas is coming, so maybe start planning your meal or start your Christmas cards. If not that, find something else. Put away the meds and supplies. I know it's hard, but you will be glad you did. I clean when I'm stressed, or rearrange my furniture. My hubby jokes that it's a good thing he's not blind, because he comes home to a different arrangement every couple of weeks. LOL

I hope you feel better soon. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Stacey
 
J

JORDYSMOM

New member
Tonya it's like that for me too. Recently I blogged about how I do great during a crisis, but as soon as things calm down, I get the anxiety and panic attacks. You are not alone. When the bad is happening, we just buckle down and handle it. At least we have something we can do. Now, there is nothing and you feel out of control. It stinks!!

I've had family members tell me "Don't look for him to get sick again, just be happy he's better." Of course we are happy when they are better, but we got a big scare when they were sick. Now we are afraid it will come back. It's like you don't want to let your guard down.

Maybe you can give yourself a project to concentrate on. Christmas is coming, so maybe start planning your meal or start your Christmas cards. If not that, find something else. Put away the meds and supplies. I know it's hard, but you will be glad you did. I clean when I'm stressed, or rearrange my furniture. My hubby jokes that it's a good thing he's not blind, because he comes home to a different arrangement every couple of weeks. LOL

I hope you feel better soon. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Stacey
 
J

JORDYSMOM

New member
Tonya it's like that for me too. Recently I blogged about how I do great during a crisis, but as soon as things calm down, I get the anxiety and panic attacks. You are not alone. When the bad is happening, we just buckle down and handle it. At least we have something we can do. Now, there is nothing and you feel out of control. It stinks!!

I've had family members tell me "Don't look for him to get sick again, just be happy he's better." Of course we are happy when they are better, but we got a big scare when they were sick. Now we are afraid it will come back. It's like you don't want to let your guard down.

Maybe you can give yourself a project to concentrate on. Christmas is coming, so maybe start planning your meal or start your Christmas cards. If not that, find something else. Put away the meds and supplies. I know it's hard, but you will be glad you did. I clean when I'm stressed, or rearrange my furniture. My hubby jokes that it's a good thing he's not blind, because he comes home to a different arrangement every couple of weeks. LOL

I hope you feel better soon. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Stacey
 
J

JORDYSMOM

New member
Tonya it's like that for me too. Recently I blogged about how I do great during a crisis, but as soon as things calm down, I get the anxiety and panic attacks. You are not alone. When the bad is happening, we just buckle down and handle it. At least we have something we can do. Now, there is nothing and you feel out of control. It stinks!!

I've had family members tell me "Don't look for him to get sick again, just be happy he's better." Of course we are happy when they are better, but we got a big scare when they were sick. Now we are afraid it will come back. It's like you don't want to let your guard down.

Maybe you can give yourself a project to concentrate on. Christmas is coming, so maybe start planning your meal or start your Christmas cards. If not that, find something else. Put away the meds and supplies. I know it's hard, but you will be glad you did. I clean when I'm stressed, or rearrange my furniture. My hubby jokes that it's a good thing he's not blind, because he comes home to a different arrangement every couple of weeks. LOL

I hope you feel better soon. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

Stacey
 
R

Rebjane

Super Moderator
Tonya,
I can relate to what you are saying. I think of it almost like post-traumatic stress or something. Hard to explain. I feel better too when I'm busy. I absolutely need a way to burn off the anxiety of what will happen next, even when things are going smoothly. I try to exercize and I can tell if I've skipped a few days I get very tense and irritable. I remember one CF doc said after Maggie's IV's when she was 2 1/2 years old, it'l give her another 6 months or 1 year til her next exacerbation. That totally stuck with me, arg. Keep waiting til that bomb will drop. It is important to get a tough skin and Force yourself to enjoy the good times. FOrce yourself to laugh and smile and have a glass of wine and you will enjoy yourself. It's ok to do it. BTW, Maggie still hasn't been in for IV's since she was 2 1/2 years old. SHe'll be 5 next month, so we've been lucky. Knock on wood and all that. She's had exacerbations but just treated with orals. Oh we'll be due for IV's I'm sure now that I said that. Also, I'm sure you are emotionally and physically tired, everything catches up with you then.
 
R

Rebjane

Super Moderator
Tonya,
I can relate to what you are saying. I think of it almost like post-traumatic stress or something. Hard to explain. I feel better too when I'm busy. I absolutely need a way to burn off the anxiety of what will happen next, even when things are going smoothly. I try to exercize and I can tell if I've skipped a few days I get very tense and irritable. I remember one CF doc said after Maggie's IV's when she was 2 1/2 years old, it'l give her another 6 months or 1 year til her next exacerbation. That totally stuck with me, arg. Keep waiting til that bomb will drop. It is important to get a tough skin and Force yourself to enjoy the good times. FOrce yourself to laugh and smile and have a glass of wine and you will enjoy yourself. It's ok to do it. BTW, Maggie still hasn't been in for IV's since she was 2 1/2 years old. SHe'll be 5 next month, so we've been lucky. Knock on wood and all that. She's had exacerbations but just treated with orals. Oh we'll be due for IV's I'm sure now that I said that. Also, I'm sure you are emotionally and physically tired, everything catches up with you then.
 
R

Rebjane

Super Moderator
Tonya,
I can relate to what you are saying. I think of it almost like post-traumatic stress or something. Hard to explain. I feel better too when I'm busy. I absolutely need a way to burn off the anxiety of what will happen next, even when things are going smoothly. I try to exercize and I can tell if I've skipped a few days I get very tense and irritable. I remember one CF doc said after Maggie's IV's when she was 2 1/2 years old, it'l give her another 6 months or 1 year til her next exacerbation. That totally stuck with me, arg. Keep waiting til that bomb will drop. It is important to get a tough skin and Force yourself to enjoy the good times. FOrce yourself to laugh and smile and have a glass of wine and you will enjoy yourself. It's ok to do it. BTW, Maggie still hasn't been in for IV's since she was 2 1/2 years old. SHe'll be 5 next month, so we've been lucky. Knock on wood and all that. She's had exacerbations but just treated with orals. Oh we'll be due for IV's I'm sure now that I said that. Also, I'm sure you are emotionally and physically tired, everything catches up with you then.
 
R

Rebjane

Super Moderator
Tonya,
I can relate to what you are saying. I think of it almost like post-traumatic stress or something. Hard to explain. I feel better too when I'm busy. I absolutely need a way to burn off the anxiety of what will happen next, even when things are going smoothly. I try to exercize and I can tell if I've skipped a few days I get very tense and irritable. I remember one CF doc said after Maggie's IV's when she was 2 1/2 years old, it'l give her another 6 months or 1 year til her next exacerbation. That totally stuck with me, arg. Keep waiting til that bomb will drop. It is important to get a tough skin and Force yourself to enjoy the good times. FOrce yourself to laugh and smile and have a glass of wine and you will enjoy yourself. It's ok to do it. BTW, Maggie still hasn't been in for IV's since she was 2 1/2 years old. SHe'll be 5 next month, so we've been lucky. Knock on wood and all that. She's had exacerbations but just treated with orals. Oh we'll be due for IV's I'm sure now that I said that. Also, I'm sure you are emotionally and physically tired, everything catches up with you then.
 
R

Rebjane

Super Moderator
Tonya,
I can relate to what you are saying. I think of it almost like post-traumatic stress or something. Hard to explain. I feel better too when I'm busy. I absolutely need a way to burn off the anxiety of what will happen next, even when things are going smoothly. I try to exercize and I can tell if I've skipped a few days I get very tense and irritable. I remember one CF doc said after Maggie's IV's when she was 2 1/2 years old, it'l give her another 6 months or 1 year til her next exacerbation. That totally stuck with me, arg. Keep waiting til that bomb will drop. It is important to get a tough skin and Force yourself to enjoy the good times. FOrce yourself to laugh and smile and have a glass of wine and you will enjoy yourself. It's ok to do it. BTW, Maggie still hasn't been in for IV's since she was 2 1/2 years old. SHe'll be 5 next month, so we've been lucky. Knock on wood and all that. She's had exacerbations but just treated with orals. Oh we'll be due for IV's I'm sure now that I said that. Also, I'm sure you are emotionally and physically tired, everything catches up with you then.
 
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