sueharris269
New member
My son is 16 yrs old and a sophomore in HS. He is trying to find his place and struggles with peer pressure. I need some advice as he is beginning to give in to some bad habits and we are butting heads a lot. Anyone?
Parents with HSrs w/CF
- Thread starter sueharris269
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I know this is not going to make sense, but let it happen. It will be uncomfortable for you; it will go against everything that you have been trying to do for 16 years. But, he is going to continue to rebel as long as there is pressure on him to not rebel. If it has to happen, let him be hospitalized. It will teach him very quickly. I would also suggest talking privately to his doctor about what is going on, sending your son to an appointment by himself, and having the doctor scare the hell out of him. I think that may be the only way to teach him what he is doing will have negative effects on his health. I'm really sorry you are having to deal with this; I'm almost 21, and my parents never had to deal with this with me, but I did struggle with compliance for awhile. I got pretty sick (it was not completely due to compliance; I caught pneumonia and didn't get over it,) but I was hospitalized for the first time and that got me on track really quickly. He'll learn.
sueharris269
New member
Yes, you are right. It is very uncomfortable. It's interesting that you mentioned hospitalization. His last clinic PFTs were down so he was put on chi pro for 14 days. He has an appt tomorrow to retest. I don't think he is going to do very well because he has been struggling lately. He has never been hospitalized since he was first diagnosed at 1.5 yrs old and I'm thinking they are going to put him in hospital.
sueharris269
New member
Very true response also! His counselor says he is trying to become independent but CF keeps him somewhat still dependent and it angers him. Right now he is at the point of not speaking to me! Does keep things quiet...
My parents were lucky in that I didn't do the stereotypical teen rebelling, but very unlucky because I did the CF rebelling. They let me do things my way so I could see the consequences. I know that sitting back and watching me harm myself by not doing treatments was one of the hardest things for them to do, but I'm grateful they did it.
Before my rebelling period, I understood the disease and its consequences. After I got back on track, I respected the disease and that has made a huge difference in how I take care of myself.
Before my rebelling period, I understood the disease and its consequences. After I got back on track, I respected the disease and that has made a huge difference in how I take care of myself.
sueharris269
New member
thank you for that honesty! It's very hard and I didn't expect it to happen, which leads to some guilt. But you have given me some hope!
Justinsmama
New member
Prayers and support from PA. My 9 year old has a rebelious streak and I know I will need it someday. Hugs to you and him.
My 14 year ols is a freshman in high school she is treated for but not officially diagnosed w CF. I'm diagnosed w CF. However, she did start rebelling treatments a bit since she had a hard time getting a schedule going with homework, band until 9 pm etc. So I let her go and she saw me stay up no matter how late to do my vest and nebs when she skipped her vest and nebs. Then she found herself hyperventilating after running in band. She got scared hands tingling, dizzy and all. I told her she chose to go to band without vesting and that was what happens when you make an adult choice.
Since then she has vested each day before band and now she wants to try track. She did cough up a mucus plug and then coughed up blood streaked mucus for days after she skipped a few treatments. I said matter of fact in passing "that sucks it looks painful". she admitted pin point chest pain relieved by vesting and coughing up the mucus plug. The key is she made the choice to schedule in her vesting and nebs not me.
i also think me showing her I will vest as late as I have to but won't skip helped. Maybe there is something you can do for your health to be a role model. Walk the dog daily, wake up earlier to have time for a healthier breakfast etc.
Best wishes, we survived September the rest of the school year should hopefully get better.
Since then she has vested each day before band and now she wants to try track. She did cough up a mucus plug and then coughed up blood streaked mucus for days after she skipped a few treatments. I said matter of fact in passing "that sucks it looks painful". she admitted pin point chest pain relieved by vesting and coughing up the mucus plug. The key is she made the choice to schedule in her vesting and nebs not me.
i also think me showing her I will vest as late as I have to but won't skip helped. Maybe there is something you can do for your health to be a role model. Walk the dog daily, wake up earlier to have time for a healthier breakfast etc.
Best wishes, we survived September the rest of the school year should hopefully get better.
sueharris269
New member
I love all these positive responses! So now I need some input ~ my son just got the news this afternoon that he needs to be hospitalized tomorrow for the 14 day Tune-up. His PFTs are done 48% since Nov of last year. I had a feeling this was coming but it still hit as a shock to all of us. Can anyone give me some insight on what to expect? We are all nervous but he is shocked and scared.
I think that if I had done that my parents would have taken away privileges - TV, iPad, iPod, cell phone, whatever. They never really had to deal with that with me. That being said, 16 is a time when a lot of kids are definitely seeking independence and control so maybe you can figure out a way to pitch taking care of himself as being independent and in control (because it is). Are you setting up his nebs for him, getting his pills ready, reminding him to do his vest, etc? I sort of naturally took on more control as I got sick of waiting for my mom to get my nebs ready, etc and by the time I was 16 I was doing all the medical stuff on my own (except washing the nebs. Always hated that and my mom still does it for me when I'm home...). Maybe the answer is in letting him fail, but maybe it's just in letting him decide when he wants to do his treatments. He's getting close to college age and he has to be responsible enough to care for himself.
One suggestion for the hospitalization is come up with a signal for your son when he wants to speak to you privately and when he wants you to step in. It has been over a year since my daughters last hospitalization and I let her do the talking when the doctor etc came in the room. As best I could I waited for her to say "mom what do you think or remember" before I gave input. We also had a sign that if she touched my right hand she wanted to talk to me privately. This worked for getting family out of the room when she needed sleep as well as getting a bad nurse out of the room.
iefisherman
New member
Trust me my teen years were hell on my parents, but when kids grow up with a lot to deal with they need to find themselves and deal with it thier own way. It has nothing to do with your job as a parent, in fact your should be proud because that want to live thier lives as themselves. Sometimes life doesn't give us as much time as others. Just be there, Deal with the stupid crap they do, and they will figure out who they are. It's going to turn out how u raised them with some influence on thier own views. He is going to explore other options, be a parent but be supportive. As I grow older I get everything my parents did. Tough love sometimes. Just remeber even though we hear things are getting better with cf, we (just my personal experience) dont think long term. We rush ourselves to do it now so we don't miss out. Hope I helped a little, because i have def. been there.
iefisherman
New member
If you or your son ever need to talk, I would be more than happy.
Something else my parents did with me growing up was be relaxed about my treatments. I was supposed to do my vest twice a day, for a total of 14 treatments a week. As long as I did 10 or 11 a week, they didn't say anything. If I stayed up late one night to study and just couldn't bring myself to wake up and do the vest the next morning, that was okay.
This system gave me the mindset that I couldn't beat myself up if I missed a treatment here or there. Yes, they are important for my health, but my life won't end tomorrow if I don't do my best tonight. Maybe try this with your son. He needs to do so many treatments a week, and as long as he can manage that, he can decide which treatments are the ones he passes on. Not only will it give him some independence, but it gives him more responsibility over his own health.
This system gave me the mindset that I couldn't beat myself up if I missed a treatment here or there. Yes, they are important for my health, but my life won't end tomorrow if I don't do my best tonight. Maybe try this with your son. He needs to do so many treatments a week, and as long as he can manage that, he can decide which treatments are the ones he passes on. Not only will it give him some independence, but it gives him more responsibility over his own health.
sueharris269
New member
First Hospitalization
Sorry, I've been away so long. My son's PFTs dropped into the 50's and he was hospitalized w/in 24 hrs for the 14 day "tune-up". Picc line antibiotics 4x per day, breathing and airway clearance treatments 4x a day. The abruptness, length of time, and fear of the unknown really threw him for a loop. We were able to get some good psychiatric help for him and I take that as a silver lining! His numbers improved into the low 90's - his pulmonologist would have liked to have kept him another 4 days, but he admitted he had pumped my son up to be going home, that if he were to renege on that, it would have done more harm than good. But D has been good about doing his treatments at home. He realized how much better he could breathe ~ another silver lining! It was long and hard on all of us but I do believe a lot of good came out of it!
Sorry, I've been away so long. My son's PFTs dropped into the 50's and he was hospitalized w/in 24 hrs for the 14 day "tune-up". Picc line antibiotics 4x per day, breathing and airway clearance treatments 4x a day. The abruptness, length of time, and fear of the unknown really threw him for a loop. We were able to get some good psychiatric help for him and I take that as a silver lining! His numbers improved into the low 90's - his pulmonologist would have liked to have kept him another 4 days, but he admitted he had pumped my son up to be going home, that if he were to renege on that, it would have done more harm than good. But D has been good about doing his treatments at home. He realized how much better he could breathe ~ another silver lining! It was long and hard on all of us but I do believe a lot of good came out of it!