Today was the day that Richard went for the full body CAT Scan. And after we met with the Oncologist. Basically there are some tumor like growths in Richard's pelvis around the bladder and prostate in that area. And then there is another growth about 2 centimeters in size in the muscle cavity close to the hip on the right side. Don't know at this point if these are Cancer or not. However we do know that in July when the doctor had this same scan done that these growths were not there. Which means in the past 8 months they have appeared. Oncologist and Radiology team are having a conferance on Wednesday to discuss if they need to do a PET scan to make sure that in fact these could and are Cancer. So won't know about that until Thursday.
Saying all of this. We did ask the Doctor that if in fact they are Cancer is surgery an option to just remove it. Answer was NO it is too deep into the muscle and will not be considered. Richard told the doctor that Chemo is not an option. So basically the decision has been made to do whatever further testing needs to be done to determine what it is and then figure out something after that. Richard seems to be doing ok. Me... I feel like I'm just existing through life right now. we are still fully relying on God to carry us through this. And whatever his will is let it be done. We are content with whatever is to come. Pray for the Best, Prepare for the Worst.
I'm scared, yes absolutely. Terrified would be a better word. I'm mad... Not at anyone in paticular I just want to know why. Why is it that I wait my entire life to find this kind of love, the perfect kind the kind that no matter what I know that I am loved unconditionally. With all my flaws and crazy antics. I love this man my husband more than anything. And to see him suffer and to be so sick is just terrible. Why give this kind of love to me and make it so hard to hold onto. I want to sit on the front porch of my house with gray hair in a rocking chair watching my Sons and their Wives run around chasing my grandchildren in the front yard. And when I reach out to the chair beside me the one thing I want is for Richard's hand to be there to grab hold of mine and to take pleasure in those moments with me. Will he be there? The truth is NO probably not. I just want to know why?
Saying all of this. We did ask the Doctor that if in fact they are Cancer is surgery an option to just remove it. Answer was NO it is too deep into the muscle and will not be considered. Richard told the doctor that Chemo is not an option. So basically the decision has been made to do whatever further testing needs to be done to determine what it is and then figure out something after that. Richard seems to be doing ok. Me... I feel like I'm just existing through life right now. we are still fully relying on God to carry us through this. And whatever his will is let it be done. We are content with whatever is to come. Pray for the Best, Prepare for the Worst.
I'm scared, yes absolutely. Terrified would be a better word. I'm mad... Not at anyone in paticular I just want to know why. Why is it that I wait my entire life to find this kind of love, the perfect kind the kind that no matter what I know that I am loved unconditionally. With all my flaws and crazy antics. I love this man my husband more than anything. And to see him suffer and to be so sick is just terrible. Why give this kind of love to me and make it so hard to hold onto. I want to sit on the front porch of my house with gray hair in a rocking chair watching my Sons and their Wives run around chasing my grandchildren in the front yard. And when I reach out to the chair beside me the one thing I want is for Richard's hand to be there to grab hold of mine and to take pleasure in those moments with me. Will he be there? The truth is NO probably not. I just want to know why?