Pregnancy blues

mamaScarlett · Apr 4, 2011

I feel so guilty posting this, but I have to, and hope that it may even help someone else eventually.
Basically this whole pregnancy I have had such incredible mood swings, mostly tons of crying for absolutely no reason. It kind of feels like a sneeze coming on-I have to just let it out and then I go on with my day. Its purely physical, not really for any specific reason.
I remember with my daughter I cried over cheesy commercials. This is like that, but x100, for any thing.
I am snapping at my husband non stop. Everything he does drives me nuts. I don't even want to talk to him.
I am nesting like a crazy person-organizing everything anally and freaking out if it gets messed up. I'm happiest when I'm cleaning something. With my 1st preg, I remember at this stage (3rd trimester), my symptoms were much more physical, aches and pains. This time its all hormonal stuff I guess.
Whats really frustrating to me is that I'm just having a hard time picturing this baby. Its like I feel my body going through something but I keep forgetting this is all about a little person coming.
With my daughter I had no trouble focusing on the baby, and on the coming birth, and all that. This time its like I don't feel that, or keep forgetting it. I keep thinking, I've worked sooo hard for this, what if I get this baby and I still feel so down and stressed? What if its not as glorious as the first time?

mamaScarlett · Apr 4, 2011

I feel so guilty posting this, but I have to, and hope that it may even help someone else eventually.
Basically this whole pregnancy I have had such incredible mood swings, mostly tons of crying for absolutely no reason. It kind of feels like a sneeze coming on-I have to just let it out and then I go on with my day. Its purely physical, not really for any specific reason.
I remember with my daughter I cried over cheesy commercials. This is like that, but x100, for any thing.
I am snapping at my husband non stop. Everything he does drives me nuts. I don't even want to talk to him.
I am nesting like a crazy person-organizing everything anally and freaking out if it gets messed up. I'm happiest when I'm cleaning something. With my 1st preg, I remember at this stage (3rd trimester), my symptoms were much more physical, aches and pains. This time its all hormonal stuff I guess.
Whats really frustrating to me is that I'm just having a hard time picturing this baby. Its like I feel my body going through something but I keep forgetting this is all about a little person coming.
With my daughter I had no trouble focusing on the baby, and on the coming birth, and all that. This time its like I don't feel that, or keep forgetting it. I keep thinking, I've worked sooo hard for this, what if I get this baby and I still feel so down and stressed? What if its not as glorious as the first time?

mamaScarlett · Apr 4, 2011

I feel so guilty posting this, but I have to, and hope that it may even help someone else eventually.
 Basically this whole pregnancy I have had such incredible mood swings, mostly tons of crying for absolutely no reason. It kind of feels like a sneeze coming on-I have to just let it out and then I go on with my day. Its purely physical, not really for any specific reason.
 I remember with my daughter I cried over cheesy commercials. This is like that, but x100, for any thing.
 I am snapping at my husband non stop. Everything he does drives me nuts. I don't even want to talk to him.
 I am nesting like a crazy person-organizing everything anally and freaking out if it gets messed up. I'm happiest when I'm cleaning something. With my 1st preg, I remember at this stage (3rd trimester), my symptoms were much more physical, aches and pains. This time its all hormonal stuff I guess.
 Whats really frustrating to me is that I'm just having a hard time picturing this baby. Its like I feel my body going through something but I keep forgetting this is all about a little person coming.
 With my daughter I had no trouble focusing on the baby, and on the coming birth, and all that. This time its like I don't feel that, or keep forgetting it. I keep thinking, I've worked sooo hard for this, what if I get this baby and I still feel so down and stressed? What if its not as glorious as the first time?

serendipity730 · Apr 4, 2011

Hi,

I'm not pregnant (tho I really hope to be soon!), but my sister had post (and I suppose pre) partum depression. I think you should definitely discuss this with your OB. I don't necessarily think it will get better (hope it does) with the birth of your little one. Maybe you should consider taking an antidepressant or talking to a therapist. You should def. talk to someone. I hope everything goes well!

serendipity730 · Apr 4, 2011

Hi,

I'm not pregnant (tho I really hope to be soon!), but my sister had post (and I suppose pre) partum depression. I think you should definitely discuss this with your OB. I don't necessarily think it will get better (hope it does) with the birth of your little one. Maybe you should consider taking an antidepressant or talking to a therapist. You should def. talk to someone. I hope everything goes well!

serendipity730 · Apr 4, 2011

Hi,
 
 I'm not pregnant (tho I really hope to be soon!), but my sister had post (and I suppose pre) partum depression. I think you should definitely discuss this with your OB. I don't necessarily think it will get better (hope it does) with the birth of your little one. Maybe you should consider taking an antidepressant or talking to a therapist. You should def. talk to someone. I hope everything goes well!

Melissa75 · Apr 4, 2011

I agree with Mary. Talk to a therapist and your OB/GYN. Your brain chemicals are pulling a number on you and it doesn't sound like a fun. ((hugs))

That said, there is nothing incorrect in feeling stressed and worried about adding another child to your family. Your feelings that it won't be as glorious as the first time are, in my experience, right on target. You will not have nearly the time to focus on your new baby as you did with your first. You will not have as much time for yourself either--because when you offload one child, you will feel you need to give attention to the other. And you will have to control and battle feelings of guilt along the lines of "what have I done to my first one's life?" and "What fraction of attention is my second one getting from me?"

So it won't be a glorious one-on-one mommy-baby symbiosis, but it will be awesome in other ways. You will spend so much less time freaking out about everything a new mom worries about. You will know "this too shall pass" and you will savor it more. You will feel glory every time they smile or laugh at each other...or they nap at the same time.

Melissa75 · Apr 4, 2011

I agree with Mary. Talk to a therapist and your OB/GYN. Your brain chemicals are pulling a number on you and it doesn't sound like a fun. ((hugs))

That said, there is nothing incorrect in feeling stressed and worried about adding another child to your family. Your feelings that it won't be as glorious as the first time are, in my experience, right on target. You will not have nearly the time to focus on your new baby as you did with your first. You will not have as much time for yourself either--because when you offload one child, you will feel you need to give attention to the other. And you will have to control and battle feelings of guilt along the lines of "what have I done to my first one's life?" and "What fraction of attention is my second one getting from me?"

So it won't be a glorious one-on-one mommy-baby symbiosis, but it will be awesome in other ways. You will spend so much less time freaking out about everything a new mom worries about. You will know "this too shall pass" and you will savor it more. You will feel glory every time they smile or laugh at each other...or they nap at the same time.

Melissa75 · Apr 4, 2011

I agree with Mary. Talk to a therapist and your OB/GYN. Your brain chemicals are pulling a number on you and it doesn't sound like a fun. ((hugs))
 
 That said, there is nothing incorrect in feeling stressed and worried about adding another child to your family. Your feelings that it won't be as glorious as the first time are, in my experience, right on target. You will not have nearly the time to focus on your new baby as you did with your first. You will not have as much time for yourself either--because when you offload one child, you will feel you need to give attention to the other. And you will have to control and battle feelings of guilt along the lines of "what have I done to my first one's life?" and "What fraction of attention is my second one getting from me?"
 
 So it won't be a glorious one-on-one mommy-baby symbiosis, but it will be awesome in other ways. You will spend so much less time freaking out about everything a new mom worries about. You will know "this too shall pass" and you will savor it more. You will feel glory every time they smile or laugh at each other...or they nap at the same time.

mamaScarlett · Apr 4, 2011

I have been chemically depressed before and been on antidepressants. (I've also been in therapy for years)
These feelings are in no way like my past feelings with depression. Not to say thats not what it is, necessarily, but its feels completely different. For example, I have interest in many things, lots of energy, laugh at normal stuff, and overall feel really driven in life.
This is more like a hormonal rush, a wave that comes over me a few times a day. Like as soon as I put dd down for her nap and sit down to eat lunch, I start crying for totally no reason. I let it out, and then go about the day like nothing happened. Maybe its cubconciously feeling overwhelmed that this is probably the last few days of me eating a meal alone in peace and quiet. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
If it worsens after the baby is born then I'll def look into treatment. I had a close friend with post partum depression, and that was very similar seeming to my bouts with depression in the past-like a gray cloud that just never goes away.
I don't know why my emotional swings are so much more amplified this pregnancy for some reason. Alot of it is fears about adding more responsibility to my life too I guess, like you said Melissa.
The other thing is I keep comparing this pregnancy to the last one. The last one I was healthy and happy from start to finish, and this pregnancy I've been overwhelmed by virus after virus, and a couple health crises. Plus the stress of caring for a 3 yr old this time when all I had to do the last pregnancy was sit around and read baby books and decorate the room.

mamaScarlett · Apr 4, 2011

I have been chemically depressed before and been on antidepressants. (I've also been in therapy for years)
These feelings are in no way like my past feelings with depression. Not to say thats not what it is, necessarily, but its feels completely different. For example, I have interest in many things, lots of energy, laugh at normal stuff, and overall feel really driven in life.
This is more like a hormonal rush, a wave that comes over me a few times a day. Like as soon as I put dd down for her nap and sit down to eat lunch, I start crying for totally no reason. I let it out, and then go about the day like nothing happened. Maybe its cubconciously feeling overwhelmed that this is probably the last few days of me eating a meal alone in peace and quiet. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
If it worsens after the baby is born then I'll def look into treatment. I had a close friend with post partum depression, and that was very similar seeming to my bouts with depression in the past-like a gray cloud that just never goes away.
I don't know why my emotional swings are so much more amplified this pregnancy for some reason. Alot of it is fears about adding more responsibility to my life too I guess, like you said Melissa.
The other thing is I keep comparing this pregnancy to the last one. The last one I was healthy and happy from start to finish, and this pregnancy I've been overwhelmed by virus after virus, and a couple health crises. Plus the stress of caring for a 3 yr old this time when all I had to do the last pregnancy was sit around and read baby books and decorate the room.

mamaScarlett · Apr 4, 2011

I have been chemically depressed before and been on antidepressants. (I've also been in therapy for years)
 These feelings are in no way like my past feelings with depression. Not to say thats not what it is, necessarily, but its feels completely different. For example, I have interest in many things, lots of energy, laugh at normal stuff, and overall feel really driven in life.
 This is more like a hormonal rush, a wave that comes over me a few times a day. Like as soon as I put dd down for her nap and sit down to eat lunch, I start crying for totally no reason. I let it out, and then go about the day like nothing happened. Maybe its cubconciously feeling overwhelmed that this is probably the last few days of me eating a meal alone in peace and quiet. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
 If it worsens after the baby is born then I'll def look into treatment. I had a close friend with post partum depression, and that was very similar seeming to my bouts with depression in the past-like a gray cloud that just never goes away.
 I don't know why my emotional swings are so much more amplified this pregnancy for some reason. Alot of it is fears about adding more responsibility to my life too I guess, like you said Melissa.
 The other thing is I keep comparing this pregnancy to the last one. The last one I was healthy and happy from start to finish, and this pregnancy I've been overwhelmed by virus after virus, and a couple health crises. Plus the stress of caring for a 3 yr old this time when all I had to do the last pregnancy was sit around and read baby books and decorate the room.

rpcvchina · Apr 4, 2011

You sound like excatly how I've felt since 2009, when our daughter was born with CF. I have been researching and looking into vitamins to help with feelings of this "gray-cloud." In truth, I felt well during my pregnancies since I was taking organic, prenatal vitamins. I've been reading that a lot of this is due to vitamin B problems. You can go to your obgyn and have a blood test to see if it's 1) vitamin B 2) thyroid 3) iron 4) low blood sugar. There is certainly a reason. It's worth looking into.

BTW, congratulations on your second! You're really an inspiration for parents of children with CF. There is so much we're told they can't do, but actually so much they CAN do!!

rpcvchina · Apr 4, 2011

You sound like excatly how I've felt since 2009, when our daughter was born with CF. I have been researching and looking into vitamins to help with feelings of this "gray-cloud." In truth, I felt well during my pregnancies since I was taking organic, prenatal vitamins. I've been reading that a lot of this is due to vitamin B problems. You can go to your obgyn and have a blood test to see if it's 1) vitamin B 2) thyroid 3) iron 4) low blood sugar. There is certainly a reason. It's worth looking into.

BTW, congratulations on your second! You're really an inspiration for parents of children with CF. There is so much we're told they can't do, but actually so much they CAN do!!

rpcvchina · Apr 4, 2011

You sound like excatly how I've felt since 2009, when our daughter was born with CF. I have been researching and looking into vitamins to help with feelings of this "gray-cloud." In truth, I felt well during my pregnancies since I was taking organic, prenatal vitamins. I've been reading that a lot of this is due to vitamin B problems. You can go to your obgyn and have a blood test to see if it's 1) vitamin B 2) thyroid 3) iron 4) low blood sugar. There is certainly a reason. It's worth looking into.
 
 BTW, congratulations on your second! You're really an inspiration for parents of children with CF. There is so much we're told they can't do, but actually so much they CAN do!!

mamaScarlett · Apr 5, 2011

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: rpcvchina
There is so much we're told they can't do, but actually so much they CAN do!!</end quote></div>

I feel the same way. I know of course that not everyone with cf can (or wants to) have children. But I always say, whatever your dream is, fight to get it whether thats owning a home, marriage, going to school, or mountain climbing!
On a side note, after I had my first baby I got very very sick 1 yr later due to weird complications (not related to pregnancy.) Laying so sick in that hospital bed at the time I didn't know that one year later I'd be climbing Mt. Sinai in Egypt and planning my 2nd pregnancy. Health has its ups and downs, always will. You have to keep dreaming and planning though.
thank you for the comments so far...

mamaScarlett · Apr 5, 2011

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: rpcvchina
There is so much we're told they can't do, but actually so much they CAN do!!</end quote>

I feel the same way. I know of course that not everyone with cf can (or wants to) have children. But I always say, whatever your dream is, fight to get it whether thats owning a home, marriage, going to school, or mountain climbing!
On a side note, after I had my first baby I got very very sick 1 yr later due to weird complications (not related to pregnancy.) Laying so sick in that hospital bed at the time I didn't know that one year later I'd be climbing Mt. Sinai in Egypt and planning my 2nd pregnancy. Health has its ups and downs, always will. You have to keep dreaming and planning though.
thank you for the comments so far...

mamaScarlett · Apr 5, 2011

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Originally posted by: rpcvchina
 There is so much we're told they can't do, but actually so much they CAN do!!</end quote>
 
 I feel the same way. I know of course that not everyone with cf can (or wants to) have children. But I always say, whatever your dream is, fight to get it whether thats owning a home, marriage, going to school, or mountain climbing!
 On a side note, after I had my first baby I got very very sick 1 yr later due to weird complications (not related to pregnancy.) Laying so sick in that hospital bed at the time I didn't know that one year later I'd be climbing Mt. Sinai in Egypt and planning my 2nd pregnancy. Health has its ups and downs, always will. You have to keep dreaming and planning though.
 thank you for the comments so far...

cindylou · Apr 6, 2011

I'm not pregnant (yet), but I have noticed for years that when my body is under a lot of physical stress, I cry. There doesn't even have to be anything actually WRONG in my life... but it will always happen! From what you're writing, it sounds to me like maybe something similar is happening to you - that your body is so stressed from motherhood + pregnancy (not to mention all those hormones) that it needs a release.

cindylou · Apr 6, 2011

I'm not pregnant (yet), but I have noticed for years that when my body is under a lot of physical stress, I cry. There doesn't even have to be anything actually WRONG in my life... but it will always happen! From what you're writing, it sounds to me like maybe something similar is happening to you - that your body is so stressed from motherhood + pregnancy (not to mention all those hormones) that it needs a release.

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