Questions to those with CF

[CaitlinJean]

My boyfriend of three years and I just decided to go on a break. It wasn't due to the disease, and he knows that. We both are just at a point in our lives where we need to be independent, although we still love each other and hope it works out someday. I am a little more weary, just because I am so young and not ready to think about marriage, but he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I do think about the trials that go along with CF that I am not sure if I can handle. Becoming a widow at a young age is hard to think about, along with not having kids. I just want to know if any of you have been through this type of situation, and how you dealt with it with your partner.

 

[CaitlinJean]

My boyfriend of three years and I just decided to go on a break. It wasn't due to the disease, and he knows that. We both are just at a point in our lives where we need to be independent, although we still love each other and hope it works out someday. I am a little more weary, just because I am so young and not ready to think about marriage, but he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I do think about the trials that go along with CF that I am not sure if I can handle. Becoming a widow at a young age is hard to think about, along with not having kids. I just want to know if any of you have been through this type of situation, and how you dealt with it with your partner.

 

[CaitlinJean]

My boyfriend of three years and I just decided to go on a break. It wasn't due to the disease, and he knows that. We both are just at a point in our lives where we need to be independent, although we still love each other and hope it works out someday. I am a little more weary, just because I am so young and not ready to think about marriage, but he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I do think about the trials that go along with CF that I am not sure if I can handle. Becoming a widow at a young age is hard to think about, along with not having kids. I just want to know if any of you have been through this type of situation, and how you dealt with it with your partner.

 

[CaitlinJean]

My boyfriend of three years and I just decided to go on a break. It wasn't due to the disease, and he knows that. We both are just at a point in our lives where we need to be independent, although we still love each other and hope it works out someday. I am a little more weary, just because I am so young and not ready to think about marriage, but he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I do think about the trials that go along with CF that I am not sure if I can handle. Becoming a widow at a young age is hard to think about, along with not having kids. I just want to know if any of you have been through this type of situation, and how you dealt with it with your partner.

 

[CaitlinJean]

My boyfriend of three years and I just decided to go on a break. It wasn't due to the disease, and he knows that. We both are just at a point in our lives where we need to be independent, although we still love each other and hope it works out someday. I am a little more weary, just because I am so young and not ready to think about marriage, but he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I do think about the trials that go along with CF that I am not sure if I can handle. Becoming a widow at a young age is hard to think about, along with not having kids. I just want to know if any of you have been through this type of situation, and how you dealt with it with your partner.

 

[CaitlinJean]

My boyfriend of three years and I just decided to go on a break. It wasn't due to the disease, and he knows that. We both are just at a point in our lives where we need to be independent, although we still love each other and hope it works out someday. I am a little more weary, just because I am so young and not ready to think about marriage, but he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I do think about the trials that go along with CF that I am not sure if I can handle. Becoming a widow at a young age is hard to think about, along with not having kids. I just want to know if any of you have been through this type of situation, and how you dealt with it with your partner.

 

[JennifersHope]

Welcome to our website, I think it is so good that you came here looking for input and that you are mature enough to realize that being with a CFer or anyone with a chronic or terminal disease is a lot of energy that must be expanded, both emotionally and physically.

I am a CFer myself, a "mild" CF and I am so much work it is unbelievabale... and I know the strain I put on the people who love me, just the simple strain of people worrying even when something is not wrong is a lot.

It is good to know that being with a CFer requires you almost always taking a back seat to your needs when they are sick, or something.

The advantages of being with a CFer would better come from a spouse or BF/GF of a CFer but from what I understand the relationships are usually more intense, more passionate, more dedication to each othe because they realize how short life is and CFers usually have their priorities right.

I personally am not to the point in my life where I am comfortable to share my life with a man yet, though I am getting closer, I just don't want to put someone though the bumpy rollercoaster of my life..

As it is, I feel horid for doing it to my family and loved ones that already are in my life.

However, from the CF spouses and BF/GF that I have met on here, these people are the most amazing people I have ever met in person or met online in my entire life. They are so dedicated, so loyal and the way that they love their CFer makes my knees weak.

Anyway.. Hope you get the answers you are looking for, I really think it is great that you came here looking for answsers, especially because this is real live people who deal with this on a regular basis..

Good Luck

Jennifer

 

[JennifersHope]

Welcome to our website, I think it is so good that you came here looking for input and that you are mature enough to realize that being with a CFer or anyone with a chronic or terminal disease is a lot of energy that must be expanded, both emotionally and physically.

I am a CFer myself, a "mild" CF and I am so much work it is unbelievabale... and I know the strain I put on the people who love me, just the simple strain of people worrying even when something is not wrong is a lot.

It is good to know that being with a CFer requires you almost always taking a back seat to your needs when they are sick, or something.

The advantages of being with a CFer would better come from a spouse or BF/GF of a CFer but from what I understand the relationships are usually more intense, more passionate, more dedication to each othe because they realize how short life is and CFers usually have their priorities right.

I personally am not to the point in my life where I am comfortable to share my life with a man yet, though I am getting closer, I just don't want to put someone though the bumpy rollercoaster of my life..

As it is, I feel horid for doing it to my family and loved ones that already are in my life.

However, from the CF spouses and BF/GF that I have met on here, these people are the most amazing people I have ever met in person or met online in my entire life. They are so dedicated, so loyal and the way that they love their CFer makes my knees weak.

Anyway.. Hope you get the answers you are looking for, I really think it is great that you came here looking for answsers, especially because this is real live people who deal with this on a regular basis..

Good Luck

Jennifer

 

[JennifersHope]

Welcome to our website, I think it is so good that you came here looking for input and that you are mature enough to realize that being with a CFer or anyone with a chronic or terminal disease is a lot of energy that must be expanded, both emotionally and physically.

I am a CFer myself, a "mild" CF and I am so much work it is unbelievabale... and I know the strain I put on the people who love me, just the simple strain of people worrying even when something is not wrong is a lot.

It is good to know that being with a CFer requires you almost always taking a back seat to your needs when they are sick, or something.

The advantages of being with a CFer would better come from a spouse or BF/GF of a CFer but from what I understand the relationships are usually more intense, more passionate, more dedication to each othe because they realize how short life is and CFers usually have their priorities right.

I personally am not to the point in my life where I am comfortable to share my life with a man yet, though I am getting closer, I just don't want to put someone though the bumpy rollercoaster of my life..

As it is, I feel horid for doing it to my family and loved ones that already are in my life.

However, from the CF spouses and BF/GF that I have met on here, these people are the most amazing people I have ever met in person or met online in my entire life. They are so dedicated, so loyal and the way that they love their CFer makes my knees weak.

Anyway.. Hope you get the answers you are looking for, I really think it is great that you came here looking for answsers, especially because this is real live people who deal with this on a regular basis..

Good Luck

Jennifer

 

[JennifersHope]

Welcome to our website, I think it is so good that you came here looking for input and that you are mature enough to realize that being with a CFer or anyone with a chronic or terminal disease is a lot of energy that must be expanded, both emotionally and physically.

I am a CFer myself, a "mild" CF and I am so much work it is unbelievabale... and I know the strain I put on the people who love me, just the simple strain of people worrying even when something is not wrong is a lot.

It is good to know that being with a CFer requires you almost always taking a back seat to your needs when they are sick, or something.

The advantages of being with a CFer would better come from a spouse or BF/GF of a CFer but from what I understand the relationships are usually more intense, more passionate, more dedication to each othe because they realize how short life is and CFers usually have their priorities right.

I personally am not to the point in my life where I am comfortable to share my life with a man yet, though I am getting closer, I just don't want to put someone though the bumpy rollercoaster of my life..

As it is, I feel horid for doing it to my family and loved ones that already are in my life.

However, from the CF spouses and BF/GF that I have met on here, these people are the most amazing people I have ever met in person or met online in my entire life. They are so dedicated, so loyal and the way that they love their CFer makes my knees weak.

Anyway.. Hope you get the answers you are looking for, I really think it is great that you came here looking for answsers, especially because this is real live people who deal with this on a regular basis..

Good Luck

Jennifer

 

[JennifersHope]

Welcome to our website, I think it is so good that you came here looking for input and that you are mature enough to realize that being with a CFer or anyone with a chronic or terminal disease is a lot of energy that must be expanded, both emotionally and physically.

I am a CFer myself, a "mild" CF and I am so much work it is unbelievabale... and I know the strain I put on the people who love me, just the simple strain of people worrying even when something is not wrong is a lot.

It is good to know that being with a CFer requires you almost always taking a back seat to your needs when they are sick, or something.

The advantages of being with a CFer would better come from a spouse or BF/GF of a CFer but from what I understand the relationships are usually more intense, more passionate, more dedication to each othe because they realize how short life is and CFers usually have their priorities right.

I personally am not to the point in my life where I am comfortable to share my life with a man yet, though I am getting closer, I just don't want to put someone though the bumpy rollercoaster of my life..

As it is, I feel horid for doing it to my family and loved ones that already are in my life.

However, from the CF spouses and BF/GF that I have met on here, these people are the most amazing people I have ever met in person or met online in my entire life. They are so dedicated, so loyal and the way that they love their CFer makes my knees weak.

Anyway.. Hope you get the answers you are looking for, I really think it is great that you came here looking for answsers, especially because this is real live people who deal with this on a regular basis..

Good Luck

Jennifer

 

[JennifersHope]

Welcome to our website, I think it is so good that you came here looking for input and that you are mature enough to realize that being with a CFer or anyone with a chronic or terminal disease is a lot of energy that must be expanded, both emotionally and physically.

I am a CFer myself, a "mild" CF and I am so much work it is unbelievabale... and I know the strain I put on the people who love me, just the simple strain of people worrying even when something is not wrong is a lot.

It is good to know that being with a CFer requires you almost always taking a back seat to your needs when they are sick, or something.

The advantages of being with a CFer would better come from a spouse or BF/GF of a CFer but from what I understand the relationships are usually more intense, more passionate, more dedication to each othe because they realize how short life is and CFers usually have their priorities right.

I personally am not to the point in my life where I am comfortable to share my life with a man yet, though I am getting closer, I just don't want to put someone though the bumpy rollercoaster of my life..

As it is, I feel horid for doing it to my family and loved ones that already are in my life.

However, from the CF spouses and BF/GF that I have met on here, these people are the most amazing people I have ever met in person or met online in my entire life. They are so dedicated, so loyal and the way that they love their CFer makes my knees weak.

Anyway.. Hope you get the answers you are looking for, I really think it is great that you came here looking for answsers, especially because this is real live people who deal with this on a regular basis..

Good Luck

Jennifer

 

[bittyhorse23]

Hiya! welcome!

It sounds like the break is partially due to the disease and that is ok. It is a hard decision and one that can not be taken into lightly. But also remember, if you love him it shouldn't matter whether or not he is sick. You should want to make the most of your lives together. There are many options to having babies with a CFer...check the pregnancy forum. If you love him and want to be with don't let the CF stop you. I don't know his case but he could live longer than you expect, or he could pass on sooner. But if you are there to help him and be with him you will make his life (no matter how long) that much happier. I am not saying stay with him for his sake I am just saying that you should really think about what it is that you want and be honest with yourself and him. If you can not deal with the disease tell him. Be upfront, let him know you are scared and that being a widow does scare you.

I went through a similar situation a few years ago and one partially now. In 2003 I got engaged to a man that I loved and who had known about the CF from the first few weeks. We had been together almost 3 years at this piont when he proposed. However after a few weeks he got cold feet and ended things with me. He told me he wasn't ready to deal with my illness and he didn't want to be a single parent one day. I was crushed to say the least but I respected his decision, it IS a hard life. I can not say that if I was healthy if I would be able to deal with the trials of marrying a CFer. We never got back together...now fast forward to the present and I am dealing with this with my (ex)boyfriend. We have been together over 4 months and as of Sunday we decided to take a break as well. He is VERY worried about my CF and very unsure if he can deal with it. So I see myself again in a similar situation although I don't have as much time invested there I do love him. But all I can do is answer his questions and hope that he makes a decision that will make him happy. I don't want him with me out of guilt!

I hope this helps and best of luck on your decision!!!

Amy

 

[bittyhorse23]

Hiya! welcome!

It sounds like the break is partially due to the disease and that is ok. It is a hard decision and one that can not be taken into lightly. But also remember, if you love him it shouldn't matter whether or not he is sick. You should want to make the most of your lives together. There are many options to having babies with a CFer...check the pregnancy forum. If you love him and want to be with don't let the CF stop you. I don't know his case but he could live longer than you expect, or he could pass on sooner. But if you are there to help him and be with him you will make his life (no matter how long) that much happier. I am not saying stay with him for his sake I am just saying that you should really think about what it is that you want and be honest with yourself and him. If you can not deal with the disease tell him. Be upfront, let him know you are scared and that being a widow does scare you.

I went through a similar situation a few years ago and one partially now. In 2003 I got engaged to a man that I loved and who had known about the CF from the first few weeks. We had been together almost 3 years at this piont when he proposed. However after a few weeks he got cold feet and ended things with me. He told me he wasn't ready to deal with my illness and he didn't want to be a single parent one day. I was crushed to say the least but I respected his decision, it IS a hard life. I can not say that if I was healthy if I would be able to deal with the trials of marrying a CFer. We never got back together...now fast forward to the present and I am dealing with this with my (ex)boyfriend. We have been together over 4 months and as of Sunday we decided to take a break as well. He is VERY worried about my CF and very unsure if he can deal with it. So I see myself again in a similar situation although I don't have as much time invested there I do love him. But all I can do is answer his questions and hope that he makes a decision that will make him happy. I don't want him with me out of guilt!

I hope this helps and best of luck on your decision!!!

Amy

 

[bittyhorse23]

Hiya! welcome!

It sounds like the break is partially due to the disease and that is ok. It is a hard decision and one that can not be taken into lightly. But also remember, if you love him it shouldn't matter whether or not he is sick. You should want to make the most of your lives together. There are many options to having babies with a CFer...check the pregnancy forum. If you love him and want to be with don't let the CF stop you. I don't know his case but he could live longer than you expect, or he could pass on sooner. But if you are there to help him and be with him you will make his life (no matter how long) that much happier. I am not saying stay with him for his sake I am just saying that you should really think about what it is that you want and be honest with yourself and him. If you can not deal with the disease tell him. Be upfront, let him know you are scared and that being a widow does scare you.

I went through a similar situation a few years ago and one partially now. In 2003 I got engaged to a man that I loved and who had known about the CF from the first few weeks. We had been together almost 3 years at this piont when he proposed. However after a few weeks he got cold feet and ended things with me. He told me he wasn't ready to deal with my illness and he didn't want to be a single parent one day. I was crushed to say the least but I respected his decision, it IS a hard life. I can not say that if I was healthy if I would be able to deal with the trials of marrying a CFer. We never got back together...now fast forward to the present and I am dealing with this with my (ex)boyfriend. We have been together over 4 months and as of Sunday we decided to take a break as well. He is VERY worried about my CF and very unsure if he can deal with it. So I see myself again in a similar situation although I don't have as much time invested there I do love him. But all I can do is answer his questions and hope that he makes a decision that will make him happy. I don't want him with me out of guilt!

I hope this helps and best of luck on your decision!!!

Amy

 

[bittyhorse23]

Hiya! welcome!

It sounds like the break is partially due to the disease and that is ok. It is a hard decision and one that can not be taken into lightly. But also remember, if you love him it shouldn't matter whether or not he is sick. You should want to make the most of your lives together. There are many options to having babies with a CFer...check the pregnancy forum. If you love him and want to be with don't let the CF stop you. I don't know his case but he could live longer than you expect, or he could pass on sooner. But if you are there to help him and be with him you will make his life (no matter how long) that much happier. I am not saying stay with him for his sake I am just saying that you should really think about what it is that you want and be honest with yourself and him. If you can not deal with the disease tell him. Be upfront, let him know you are scared and that being a widow does scare you.

I went through a similar situation a few years ago and one partially now. In 2003 I got engaged to a man that I loved and who had known about the CF from the first few weeks. We had been together almost 3 years at this piont when he proposed. However after a few weeks he got cold feet and ended things with me. He told me he wasn't ready to deal with my illness and he didn't want to be a single parent one day. I was crushed to say the least but I respected his decision, it IS a hard life. I can not say that if I was healthy if I would be able to deal with the trials of marrying a CFer. We never got back together...now fast forward to the present and I am dealing with this with my (ex)boyfriend. We have been together over 4 months and as of Sunday we decided to take a break as well. He is VERY worried about my CF and very unsure if he can deal with it. So I see myself again in a similar situation although I don't have as much time invested there I do love him. But all I can do is answer his questions and hope that he makes a decision that will make him happy. I don't want him with me out of guilt!

I hope this helps and best of luck on your decision!!!

Amy

 

[bittyhorse23]

Hiya! welcome!

It sounds like the break is partially due to the disease and that is ok. It is a hard decision and one that can not be taken into lightly. But also remember, if you love him it shouldn't matter whether or not he is sick. You should want to make the most of your lives together. There are many options to having babies with a CFer...check the pregnancy forum. If you love him and want to be with don't let the CF stop you. I don't know his case but he could live longer than you expect, or he could pass on sooner. But if you are there to help him and be with him you will make his life (no matter how long) that much happier. I am not saying stay with him for his sake I am just saying that you should really think about what it is that you want and be honest with yourself and him. If you can not deal with the disease tell him. Be upfront, let him know you are scared and that being a widow does scare you.

I went through a similar situation a few years ago and one partially now. In 2003 I got engaged to a man that I loved and who had known about the CF from the first few weeks. We had been together almost 3 years at this piont when he proposed. However after a few weeks he got cold feet and ended things with me. He told me he wasn't ready to deal with my illness and he didn't want to be a single parent one day. I was crushed to say the least but I respected his decision, it IS a hard life. I can not say that if I was healthy if I would be able to deal with the trials of marrying a CFer. We never got back together...now fast forward to the present and I am dealing with this with my (ex)boyfriend. We have been together over 4 months and as of Sunday we decided to take a break as well. He is VERY worried about my CF and very unsure if he can deal with it. So I see myself again in a similar situation although I don't have as much time invested there I do love him. But all I can do is answer his questions and hope that he makes a decision that will make him happy. I don't want him with me out of guilt!

I hope this helps and best of luck on your decision!!!

Amy

 

[bittyhorse23]

Hiya! welcome!

It sounds like the break is partially due to the disease and that is ok. It is a hard decision and one that can not be taken into lightly. But also remember, if you love him it shouldn't matter whether or not he is sick. You should want to make the most of your lives together. There are many options to having babies with a CFer...check the pregnancy forum. If you love him and want to be with don't let the CF stop you. I don't know his case but he could live longer than you expect, or he could pass on sooner. But if you are there to help him and be with him you will make his life (no matter how long) that much happier. I am not saying stay with him for his sake I am just saying that you should really think about what it is that you want and be honest with yourself and him. If you can not deal with the disease tell him. Be upfront, let him know you are scared and that being a widow does scare you.

I went through a similar situation a few years ago and one partially now. In 2003 I got engaged to a man that I loved and who had known about the CF from the first few weeks. We had been together almost 3 years at this piont when he proposed. However after a few weeks he got cold feet and ended things with me. He told me he wasn't ready to deal with my illness and he didn't want to be a single parent one day. I was crushed to say the least but I respected his decision, it IS a hard life. I can not say that if I was healthy if I would be able to deal with the trials of marrying a CFer. We never got back together...now fast forward to the present and I am dealing with this with my (ex)boyfriend. We have been together over 4 months and as of Sunday we decided to take a break as well. He is VERY worried about my CF and very unsure if he can deal with it. So I see myself again in a similar situation although I don't have as much time invested there I do love him. But all I can do is answer his questions and hope that he makes a decision that will make him happy. I don't want him with me out of guilt!

I hope this helps and best of luck on your decision!!!

Amy

 

[Wheezie]

Wow, that can be a tough one. You would probably get a lot of good support on the "partners" section of this forum. When I had some issues with my B/F (I'm the one with CF by the way), I went to the partners area and ended up getting some really good advice there. It was Lisa (AKA, blondelawyer) that said the thing that stuck with me the most. She said she didn't CHOOSE to be with someone with CF. She fell in love with someone that just happened to have CF. Love is love, she said.

So for me that says it all - if you love your boyfriend then that's it. As much as I hate using the "anything could happen to anyone at any time" analogy, in some ways that really is true. You don't know what trials and tribulations might befall you in ANY relationship you're in. In some ways, knowing all about CF ahead of time gives you an advantage!!

Having said that, I definitely understand wanting to be independent and not feeling ready to be married just yet. For me, and this is just what I would want, if my partner knew (like really deep down, realistically knew) that they didn't see a future with me, I wouldn't want them to string me along just hoping their feelings would change. If CF is not something you want to deal with, that's understandable and it's really okay. We all know how difficult the disease is and I don't think anyone would judge you negatively for making that decision. If you just need some space and alone time, but truly love your guy and see a future with him that is great!! But, if you do not see a future with him, I think it will be more painful for both of you if you hang on to the hope that you will come together again one day. Knowing you are not right for each other doesn't mean you love each other any less either.

I'm sure this will be a controversial opinion, but it really is just an opinion based on my own personal experience. Being scared about CF is one thing; being scared about your relationship is quite another. Make sure you know what it is that really scares you before you make any decisions. Best of luck to you *hugs*

 

[Wheezie]

Wow, that can be a tough one. You would probably get a lot of good support on the "partners" section of this forum. When I had some issues with my B/F (I'm the one with CF by the way), I went to the partners area and ended up getting some really good advice there. It was Lisa (AKA, blondelawyer) that said the thing that stuck with me the most. She said she didn't CHOOSE to be with someone with CF. She fell in love with someone that just happened to have CF. Love is love, she said.

So for me that says it all - if you love your boyfriend then that's it. As much as I hate using the "anything could happen to anyone at any time" analogy, in some ways that really is true. You don't know what trials and tribulations might befall you in ANY relationship you're in. In some ways, knowing all about CF ahead of time gives you an advantage!!

Having said that, I definitely understand wanting to be independent and not feeling ready to be married just yet. For me, and this is just what I would want, if my partner knew (like really deep down, realistically knew) that they didn't see a future with me, I wouldn't want them to string me along just hoping their feelings would change. If CF is not something you want to deal with, that's understandable and it's really okay. We all know how difficult the disease is and I don't think anyone would judge you negatively for making that decision. If you just need some space and alone time, but truly love your guy and see a future with him that is great!! But, if you do not see a future with him, I think it will be more painful for both of you if you hang on to the hope that you will come together again one day. Knowing you are not right for each other doesn't mean you love each other any less either.

I'm sure this will be a controversial opinion, but it really is just an opinion based on my own personal experience. Being scared about CF is one thing; being scared about your relationship is quite another. Make sure you know what it is that really scares you before you make any decisions. Best of luck to you *hugs*