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Relationship question
- Thread starter Allie
- Start date
Emily65Roses
New member
HEEHEEHEE... well you've talked to Mike. You tell me. Did I settle? <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0"> <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">
No Way! One I wouldn't settle just because I had CF, the other is I was always thinking of the guy, I didn't want him to feel like he's settling for less by me having CF and the limitations it has.
So I would reverse the question too. Does the spouse think that they settled for less because they have a less than perfect spouse with CF?
So I would reverse the question too. Does the spouse think that they settled for less because they have a less than perfect spouse with CF?
blindhearted
New member
No, I did not settle. My husband is such a wonderful man. He takes very good care of me. I did want to get married earlier than we did (like yr 2 or 3), but I understood that we needed to finish college first, get stable jobs. I did have that nagging question in the back of my mind wondering if I would live long enough, not knowing how long I would have to wait (it took six yrs).
Good question. I think cf is good for weeding out the people that wouldn't really matter in your life anyways. I find that I am very picky when it comes to women (a little bit less so when i had a few drinks heheh). One reason being that they're gonna have to be pretty open minded and able to deal with a lot of *****, and some people might not be able to handle it (although, i haven't really met anyone as of yet that have discluded me cause of cf).
I dunno, I wouldn't settle with someone i didn't really care for cause i would be afraid that i wouldn't be able to get anything better. We didn't chose to have this freaking disease. That would be kinda like letting it dictate your life a little...and i say screw that.
I dunno, i think most people here are pretty special, and offer something that a lot of people don't really have; insight on life...and just a true perspective of the world around them. I think a lot of people would be attracted to that anyways....people that are true to themselves...and just real.
Plus we can use it as like a wildcard at pubs or something to start conversation.
Kiel
I dunno, I wouldn't settle with someone i didn't really care for cause i would be afraid that i wouldn't be able to get anything better. We didn't chose to have this freaking disease. That would be kinda like letting it dictate your life a little...and i say screw that.
I dunno, i think most people here are pretty special, and offer something that a lot of people don't really have; insight on life...and just a true perspective of the world around them. I think a lot of people would be attracted to that anyways....people that are true to themselves...and just real.
Plus we can use it as like a wildcard at pubs or something to start conversation.
Kiel
thelizardqueen
New member
I haven't settled in the slightest Allie. You remember the conversation we had last night. I believe that there's one special person out there for you. If anything CF has made me very picky. I don't want to be with someone who can't handle all that me and CF entails. I want someone who will be there for me when I cough blood. Who will think I'm sexy regardless of the fact that I'm underweight. Who understands that I may not be able to have kids. Someone who realizes that yes, I may not be around to grow old with them, but the short time we have will be even more precious.
Like Kiel said - us CFer's are great at weeding out the baddies. The ones who just don't get it, nor care to get it. So no, I wouldn't and haven't settled for anything less then I deserve.
Like Kiel said - us CFer's are great at weeding out the baddies. The ones who just don't get it, nor care to get it. So no, I wouldn't and haven't settled for anything less then I deserve.
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>HairGirl</b></i>
...Does the spouse think that they settled for less because they have a less than perfect spouse with CF?</end quote></div>
I think Ender said it all, people with CF have an amazing insight to life and death like no-one else, my partner lives like there's no tomorrow which is something that attracted me in the first place...don't sell yourself short, we ALL deserve only the best...absolutely it's true that CF creates all shorts of challenges for not only people with the disease but for the their partners too, I had to make some big choices extremely quickly, but in the end it was a no contest....my heart and soul rule my head...I feel extremely fortunate for meeting someone so amazing, who's been through challenges I can hardly comprehend. I love her deeply and can't wait for her to be my wife and the mother of my children (one way or another).
sorry for jumping in on a topic aimed at CF's
Pete (forgot to sign in again....sheesh)
...Does the spouse think that they settled for less because they have a less than perfect spouse with CF?</end quote></div>
I think Ender said it all, people with CF have an amazing insight to life and death like no-one else, my partner lives like there's no tomorrow which is something that attracted me in the first place...don't sell yourself short, we ALL deserve only the best...absolutely it's true that CF creates all shorts of challenges for not only people with the disease but for the their partners too, I had to make some big choices extremely quickly, but in the end it was a no contest....my heart and soul rule my head...I feel extremely fortunate for meeting someone so amazing, who's been through challenges I can hardly comprehend. I love her deeply and can't wait for her to be my wife and the mother of my children (one way or another).
sorry for jumping in on a topic aimed at CF's
Pete (forgot to sign in again....sheesh)
Emily65Roses
New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Pete</b></i>
sorry for jumping in on a topic aimed at CF's
Pete (forgot to sign in again....sheesh)</end quote></div>
You're allowed. Don't worry. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
sorry for jumping in on a topic aimed at CF's
Pete (forgot to sign in again....sheesh)</end quote></div>
You're allowed. Don't worry. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
L
littlemisssilly
Guest
Pete,
You sound like a wonderful man...... you haven't got any brothers / friends that think similarly and are also single?? <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
You sound like a wonderful man...... you haven't got any brothers / friends that think similarly and are also single?? <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
That's actually the whole reason I asked this topic. I was thinking that Ry wouldn't have married/dated me if he was healthy. Cute, smart, funny, romantic...not usually the kind of guys I can get. So I was thinking he must have settled for me, because he was sick and didn't have time to do any better.
okay, i've totally derailed this now *headesk*
okay, i've totally derailed this now *headesk*
thelizardqueen
New member
Tsk tsk. Allie - he didn't date and marry you because he was settling. He picked you, because he was picky. He knew that you were special. Duh!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Allie</b></i>
That's actually the whole reason I asked this topic. I was thinking that Ry wouldn't have married/dated me if he was healthy. Cute, smart, funny, romantic...not usually the kind of guys I can get. So I was thinking he must have settled for me, because he was sick and didn't have time to do any better.
okay, i've totally derailed this now *headesk*</end quote></div>
Bleh blasphemy. That kinda thinking does no one good. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0"> You sound pretty amazing to me.
Kiel
That's actually the whole reason I asked this topic. I was thinking that Ry wouldn't have married/dated me if he was healthy. Cute, smart, funny, romantic...not usually the kind of guys I can get. So I was thinking he must have settled for me, because he was sick and didn't have time to do any better.
okay, i've totally derailed this now *headesk*</end quote></div>
Bleh blasphemy. That kinda thinking does no one good. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0"> You sound pretty amazing to me.
Kiel
I have to echo what everyone else has said so far. If anything, having CF made me more selective. CF is crappy and sucks energy; why bring crappy people in who will make it worse? I only wanted to let people in who would 'get it' and love me in every way. I did worry that love would never happen for me, but worry was never enough reason to make me want to jump into any old relationship.
Having CF means we have probably faced difficult times alone, and found strength in ourselves to make it through. Hence in going into a relationship, it wasn't like, I need to be with someone, anyone.
When I got married to my husband, it was because I love him and he loves me, he makes me laugh like no one else, and hundreds of other reasons. I didn't jump in because I was in a hurry or didn't feel worthy. I just couldn't help wanting to spend all my time with him. Most definitely not a settle.
Having CF means we have probably faced difficult times alone, and found strength in ourselves to make it through. Hence in going into a relationship, it wasn't like, I need to be with someone, anyone.
When I got married to my husband, it was because I love him and he loves me, he makes me laugh like no one else, and hundreds of other reasons. I didn't jump in because I was in a hurry or didn't feel worthy. I just couldn't help wanting to spend all my time with him. Most definitely not a settle.
I can see how it would be possible. If someone had proposed to me I would have said yes regardless of the quality of the relationship. But that never happened and now I'm glad. Brian is absolutely the best thing that ever happened to me. He is everything that those other guys weren't. Now I don't feel like it would be settling.
I figured that since I got stuck with less than perfect lungs I wasn't going to settle for anything less a perfect husband. I couldn't control my genes, but I sure as he** could control my choice of a life partner. I found an amazing man who has prodded and enabled me to live my life to the fullest. We have a profound relationship as friends and lovers. We have been married for 30 years.
From all that you've written about Ry, I think you should quit entertaining negative thoughts about whether he "settled" for you. He sounds as if he was WAY too smart and cared WAY too much about quality to have wanted anyone except a dynamic and loving wife. Which you were, to the max. Let Ahava know that you are the greatest wife and mother. It's the best way I can think of to honor your incredible husband.
From all that you've written about Ry, I think you should quit entertaining negative thoughts about whether he "settled" for you. He sounds as if he was WAY too smart and cared WAY too much about quality to have wanted anyone except a dynamic and loving wife. Which you were, to the max. Let Ahava know that you are the greatest wife and mother. It's the best way I can think of to honor your incredible husband.
littledebbie
New member
I have only settled with someone I'm dating when I'm not in the mood to consider being in a relationship at the moment...if you get my meaning.....
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I take breaks from my "serious" dating on occasion and just sort of "kick it" with a person for a while and i am not so picky about them. They can be fun lovinging puppies - sort of.
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when I am ready to get back to "looking" for my someone - who evidently has been waylaid by some unfortunate natural disaster (that's the current theory I'm running with anyway) - I am so ultra picky. You really have to be made of some strong stuff to sign up for all of this. i wouldn't still be single at 26 if I wasn't being picky, it's not for lack of having been asked, I just haven't been asked by the right person yet.
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My right person better hurry his a@# up I'm getting old and cats are starting to congregate near my apt.!
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I take breaks from my "serious" dating on occasion and just sort of "kick it" with a person for a while and i am not so picky about them. They can be fun lovinging puppies - sort of.
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when I am ready to get back to "looking" for my someone - who evidently has been waylaid by some unfortunate natural disaster (that's the current theory I'm running with anyway) - I am so ultra picky. You really have to be made of some strong stuff to sign up for all of this. i wouldn't still be single at 26 if I wasn't being picky, it's not for lack of having been asked, I just haven't been asked by the right person yet.
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My right person better hurry his a@# up I'm getting old and cats are starting to congregate near my apt.!
I "settled" for someone when I was 15/16. I learned the hard way that I shouldnt have, but at least I learned. I have to say that I have always been fotunate except for one jerk to find good guys. I dont think I would settle for long term, but I also think it depends on what you consider settling for. As far as Ry not picking you if he didnt have CF......I think you are way off target on that one, Allie! He was able to see the true Allie. The kind, compassionate & passionate geek who we have all grown to know & love! I think IF a CFer picks someone less then worthy of them or settles it has more to do with something other than CF!
I settled when I was younger but now I just won't do that anymore... I don't care what others think. If it was to much for a person (i.e. boyfriend/ friend/ spouse) to handle then they wouldn't be there at all. I have just recently learned this and no longer ask my boyfriend if he wants to leave or wonder why he hasn't. It's nice to finally feel that way after so long <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
lovingBenandCambree
New member
Nope Nope no settling here. Just made me more determined to find that one person who would truly understand me and all that I went through. It seems Ry did the same. We will stop at nothing to get what we want. CF makes us very determined my dear!!!
Love to you
Em
Love to you
Em