Relationship Troubles

[CFkitty]

This is my opinion, and you don't have to follow it. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> Let me say that this is a valid concern, and one I had often before I got married.
<br />
<br />You are under no obligation to reveal that you have CF on a first date (or on a job interview). Why not enjoy yourself, and if there is a "spark", let him/her know at a later time? Just like you wouldn't unload "everything" on a first date. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but a first date is a time to get to know someone on a very basic level. Do you tell every person you make friends with that you have CF, right off?
<br />
<br />If you are coughing, tell them you have asthma. It's not a lie, because there is an asthmatic component to CF. It's like almost anything else.
<br />
<br />You are a person first, a CF patient second. Treat yourself that way and perhaps others will, too! I know it's scary, but try keeping that first date lighthearted. There's no harm in just having fun and not getting too deep. Focus on the fabulous parts of you and let them shine.
<br />
<br />Relax, and good luck!!

 

[musclemania70]

I agree with CF Kitty. I did not tell my husband about CF when we started dating. He figured it out on his own after hearing a few coughs and me saying I wasn't sick.
I wanted to see first if he was the type of person that I was interested in before I started telling more personal information about my health.

We had a few ups and downs and we were both honest with each other about fears, kids, the future before we got married. Aside from being my best friend and #1 supporter, he is a great husband.

There are people out there that are willing to take chances and love you for who you are-no matter what you bring to the table. EVERYONE has something to deal with.

Don't be afraid or give up. One of the most important things I've learned is to place value on yourself. Don't feel sorry for yourself or expect others you date to feel sorry for you. If you want to be out there meeting people, you have to find all your strengths and show others that you have value and HAVE A LOT TO OFFER. No matter what, you have got to bring something to the table. Show your strengths. Have confidence.

 

[musclemania70]

I agree with CF Kitty. I did not tell my husband about CF when we started dating. He figured it out on his own after hearing a few coughs and me saying I wasn't sick.
I wanted to see first if he was the type of person that I was interested in before I started telling more personal information about my health.

We had a few ups and downs and we were both honest with each other about fears, kids, the future before we got married. Aside from being my best friend and #1 supporter, he is a great husband.

There are people out there that are willing to take chances and love you for who you are-no matter what you bring to the table. EVERYONE has something to deal with.

Don't be afraid or give up. One of the most important things I've learned is to place value on yourself. Don't feel sorry for yourself or expect others you date to feel sorry for you. If you want to be out there meeting people, you have to find all your strengths and show others that you have value and HAVE A LOT TO OFFER. No matter what, you have got to bring something to the table. Show your strengths. Have confidence.

 

[musclemania70]

I agree with CF Kitty. I did not tell my husband about CF when we started dating. He figured it out on his own after hearing a few coughs and me saying I wasn't sick.
<br />I wanted to see first if he was the type of person that I was interested in before I started telling more personal information about my health.
<br />
<br />We had a few ups and downs and we were both honest with each other about fears, kids, the future before we got married. Aside from being my best friend and #1 supporter, he is a great husband.
<br />
<br />There are people out there that are willing to take chances and love you for who you are-no matter what you bring to the table. EVERYONE has something to deal with.
<br />
<br />Don't be afraid or give up. One of the most important things I've learned is to place value on yourself. Don't feel sorry for yourself or expect others you date to feel sorry for you. If you want to be out there meeting people, you have to find all your strengths and show others that you have value and HAVE A LOT TO OFFER. No matter what, you have got to bring something to the table. Show your strengths. Have confidence.

 

[blainelovell]

First off- HELLO everybody! I just joined this website and i find it refreshing to find a site where i can chat with "my kinda people" if you know what i mean!
This is my first topic discussion- i am very intrigued by the challenges others may face as far as relationships. I myself have dated several girls over the years, but as I'm getting older I find "new challenges" that i previously never had to deal with...
I'm 26 years old, and not in the shape i was in high school or the first few years after. When i meet girls im interested in I never say anthing about having CF. If i cough or have some breathing troubles and they start to ask questions i tell them i have asthma. Not far from the truth really!
The more i get to know somebody i find the right time to tell them "the truth" about my condition. There have been a few girls that have drawn themselves away and are now just friends, but i would say 75% of the girls I interacted with had no change of view about me. They knew who I was and what kind of person I am!
I have dated several girls over the years, and although there are a few that "got away" bc of certain reasons-- most of them stick around bc of the relationship we developed before they knew "the truth" if that makes sense!
So i guess my advice to you is start slowly and don't feel the need to spill your guts ASAP. And like others have said: HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF! Trust me- inner confidence shows thru!

 

[blainelovell]

First off- HELLO everybody! I just joined this website and i find it refreshing to find a site where i can chat with "my kinda people" if you know what i mean!
This is my first topic discussion- i am very intrigued by the challenges others may face as far as relationships. I myself have dated several girls over the years, but as I'm getting older I find "new challenges" that i previously never had to deal with...
I'm 26 years old, and not in the shape i was in high school or the first few years after. When i meet girls im interested in I never say anthing about having CF. If i cough or have some breathing troubles and they start to ask questions i tell them i have asthma. Not far from the truth really!
The more i get to know somebody i find the right time to tell them "the truth" about my condition. There have been a few girls that have drawn themselves away and are now just friends, but i would say 75% of the girls I interacted with had no change of view about me. They knew who I was and what kind of person I am!
I have dated several girls over the years, and although there are a few that "got away" bc of certain reasons-- most of them stick around bc of the relationship we developed before they knew "the truth" if that makes sense!
So i guess my advice to you is start slowly and don't feel the need to spill your guts ASAP. And like others have said: HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF! Trust me- inner confidence shows thru!

 

[blainelovell]

First off- HELLO everybody! I just joined this website and i find it refreshing to find a site where i can chat with "my kinda people" if you know what i mean!
<br /> This is my first topic discussion- i am very intrigued by the challenges others may face as far as relationships. I myself have dated several girls over the years, but as I'm getting older I find "new challenges" that i previously never had to deal with...
<br /> I'm 26 years old, and not in the shape i was in high school or the first few years after. When i meet girls im interested in I never say anthing about having CF. If i cough or have some breathing troubles and they start to ask questions i tell them i have asthma. Not far from the truth really!
<br /> The more i get to know somebody i find the right time to tell them "the truth" about my condition. There have been a few girls that have drawn themselves away and are now just friends, but i would say 75% of the girls I interacted with had no change of view about me. They knew who I was and what kind of person I am!
<br /> I have dated several girls over the years, and although there are a few that "got away" bc of certain reasons-- most of them stick around bc of the relationship we developed before they knew "the truth" if that makes sense!
<br /> So i guess my advice to you is start slowly and don't feel the need to spill your guts ASAP. And like others have said: HAVE CONFIDENCE IN YOURSELF! Trust me- inner confidence shows thru!

 

[Havoc]

I completely agree with the last few posts. Honesty is best, but you can't dump that kind of stuff on the first date, perhaps not the second, or the 10th. If the girl/guy really likes you then the CF thing shouldn't be a deal breaker. It will definitely be a deal breaker if all they know about you is that you have a terminal illness.

As an example, I met someone who had been physically and mentally abused as a child. It's pretty much all her (adoptive) parents talked about the first time I met them. She seemed pretty normal and over the stuff from her past (although probably not completely over it), but it was her family that kept bringing it up. I couldn't deal with them living in the past and bailed very quickly.

 

[Havoc]

I completely agree with the last few posts. Honesty is best, but you can't dump that kind of stuff on the first date, perhaps not the second, or the 10th. If the girl/guy really likes you then the CF thing shouldn't be a deal breaker. It will definitely be a deal breaker if all they know about you is that you have a terminal illness.

As an example, I met someone who had been physically and mentally abused as a child. It's pretty much all her (adoptive) parents talked about the first time I met them. She seemed pretty normal and over the stuff from her past (although probably not completely over it), but it was her family that kept bringing it up. I couldn't deal with them living in the past and bailed very quickly.

 

[Havoc]

I completely agree with the last few posts. Honesty is best, but you can't dump that kind of stuff on the first date, perhaps not the second, or the 10th. If the girl/guy really likes you then the CF thing shouldn't be a deal breaker. It will definitely be a deal breaker if all they know about you is that you have a terminal illness.
<br />
<br />As an example, I met someone who had been physically and mentally abused as a child. It's pretty much all her (adoptive) parents talked about the first time I met them. She seemed pretty normal and over the stuff from her past (although probably not completely over it), but it was her family that kept bringing it up. I couldn't deal with them living in the past and bailed very quickly.

 

[lilywing]

I don't tell guys early on either. In the past, I have waited 6 months to a year to tell them. That was back when I could convince people that I had asthma, when I was in a much better physical state, when I had endurance and stamina most of the time, and arthritis only some of the time, when stairs were not a nightmare, when I could sleep through (most of) the night, relatively flat, when I didn't have a port poking out of my chest, when I was working or going to school, when I could be "intimate" without coughing my guts out or even throwing up (i'm pretty sure that a guy would ask what's up with that). Basically, CF is a more debilating, invasive, and ever-present part of my life now. I keep dates short, or cancel them altogether to avoid outing myself when it's a really bad day. And that aint gonna get me far. I am just overwhelmed by all the extra stuff, hoping that someone will look past all that and still want to be with me.

 

[lilywing]

I don't tell guys early on either. In the past, I have waited 6 months to a year to tell them. That was back when I could convince people that I had asthma, when I was in a much better physical state, when I had endurance and stamina most of the time, and arthritis only some of the time, when stairs were not a nightmare, when I could sleep through (most of) the night, relatively flat, when I didn't have a port poking out of my chest, when I was working or going to school, when I could be "intimate" without coughing my guts out or even throwing up (i'm pretty sure that a guy would ask what's up with that). Basically, CF is a more debilating, invasive, and ever-present part of my life now. I keep dates short, or cancel them altogether to avoid outing myself when it's a really bad day. And that aint gonna get me far. I am just overwhelmed by all the extra stuff, hoping that someone will look past all that and still want to be with me.

 

[lilywing]

I don't tell guys early on either. In the past, I have waited 6 months to a year to tell them. That was back when I could convince people that I had asthma, when I was in a much better physical state, when I had endurance and stamina most of the time, and arthritis only some of the time, when stairs were not a nightmare, when I could sleep through (most of) the night, relatively flat, when I didn't have a port poking out of my chest, when I was working or going to school, when I could be "intimate" without coughing my guts out or even throwing up (i'm pretty sure that a guy would ask what's up with that). Basically, CF is a more debilating, invasive, and ever-present part of my life now. I keep dates short, or cancel them altogether to avoid outing myself when it's a really bad day. And that aint gonna get me far. I am just overwhelmed by all the extra stuff, hoping that someone will look past all that and still want to be with me.

 

[nmw615]

Thanks for the advice. I never thought of using the asthmatic aspect to initially explain the coughing and I'll definitely be using that.

 

[nmw615]

Thanks for the advice. I never thought of using the asthmatic aspect to initially explain the coughing and I'll definitely be using that.

 

[nmw615]

Thanks for the advice. I never thought of using the asthmatic aspect to initially explain the coughing and I'll definitely be using that.

 

[kmhbeauty]

Im 24 years old and yes its good to be honest but if your going on a first date I dont see a reason to tell someone about your CF. I have been in many relationships and I always tell them a little after we start dating. I would say at least give it 2 weeks. If your not going to go past a first day, why share your deep personal info with someone you dont know. If they ask why I am caughing I tell them I just got over a cold. really isnt lieing lol. I always wait til later to tell my personal info about who I am!

 

[kmhbeauty]

Im 24 years old and yes its good to be honest but if your going on a first date I dont see a reason to tell someone about your CF. I have been in many relationships and I always tell them a little after we start dating. I would say at least give it 2 weeks. If your not going to go past a first day, why share your deep personal info with someone you dont know. If they ask why I am caughing I tell them I just got over a cold. really isnt lieing lol. I always wait til later to tell my personal info about who I am!

 

[kmhbeauty]

Im 24 years old and yes its good to be honest but if your going on a first date I dont see a reason to tell someone about your CF. I have been in many relationships and I always tell them a little after we start dating. I would say at least give it 2 weeks. If your not going to go past a first day, why share your deep personal info with someone you dont know. If they ask why I am caughing I tell them I just got over a cold. really isnt lieing lol. I always wait til later to tell my personal info about who I am!

 

[crystalina0814]

I never told a guy I was casually dating, as I am SURE they did not disclose everything about themselves.

My husband did not even know about my CF until about 8 months into the relationship. I never acted like it was a huge deal, and I still don't. CF does not define me, so I like to let people get to know the real me first.