Relationship Troubles

[nmw615]

So I'm a 20 year old who has never been on a second date and I can't help but think my CF has a little bit to do with it.

I've never been one to hide my CF. I'll talk to anyone who asks and always answer questions.

The few times I have been on a date, I'm usually asked about my coughing and when I explain that I have cystic fibrosis, they've always asked for a quick lesson on what it is. I give my usual "it's a genetic lung and pancreas disease" speech. I always see something cross the guy's face and then the date is usually over. He remembers he has "something to do," or "somewhere to be" and then I never hear from him again, or he'll call to let me know that I was a "sweet, wonderful and pretty girl, but he can't deal with everything" that I come with.

It's completely discouraging to think that something completely out of my control is limiting me in such a way. I know none of those guys were right for me, because of the way they reacted, but that doesn't make it any easier sometimes.

As much as I like to consider myself "normal," it's hard when stuff like this happens, and so often.

I guess I don't really have a question or anything, I just needed to get that off my chest with people that might know what I'm talking about.

 

[nmw615]

So I'm a 20 year old who has never been on a second date and I can't help but think my CF has a little bit to do with it.

I've never been one to hide my CF. I'll talk to anyone who asks and always answer questions.

The few times I have been on a date, I'm usually asked about my coughing and when I explain that I have cystic fibrosis, they've always asked for a quick lesson on what it is. I give my usual "it's a genetic lung and pancreas disease" speech. I always see something cross the guy's face and then the date is usually over. He remembers he has "something to do," or "somewhere to be" and then I never hear from him again, or he'll call to let me know that I was a "sweet, wonderful and pretty girl, but he can't deal with everything" that I come with.

It's completely discouraging to think that something completely out of my control is limiting me in such a way. I know none of those guys were right for me, because of the way they reacted, but that doesn't make it any easier sometimes.

As much as I like to consider myself "normal," it's hard when stuff like this happens, and so often.

I guess I don't really have a question or anything, I just needed to get that off my chest with people that might know what I'm talking about.

 

[nmw615]

So I'm a 20 year old who has never been on a second date and I can't help but think my CF has a little bit to do with it.
<br />
<br />I've never been one to hide my CF. I'll talk to anyone who asks and always answer questions.
<br />
<br />The few times I have been on a date, I'm usually asked about my coughing and when I explain that I have cystic fibrosis, they've always asked for a quick lesson on what it is. I give my usual "it's a genetic lung and pancreas disease" speech. I always see something cross the guy's face and then the date is usually over. He remembers he has "something to do," or "somewhere to be" and then I never hear from him again, or he'll call to let me know that I was a "sweet, wonderful and pretty girl, but he can't deal with everything" that I come with.
<br />
<br />It's completely discouraging to think that something completely out of my control is limiting me in such a way. I know none of those guys were right for me, because of the way they reacted, but that doesn't make it any easier sometimes.
<br />
<br />As much as I like to consider myself "normal," it's hard when stuff like this happens, and so often.
<br />
<br />I guess I don't really have a question or anything, I just needed to get that off my chest with people that might know what I'm talking about.

 

[lilywing]

oh my god, i am going through the same thing right now. i am newly single at 32 years old, after a 12 year long relationship. i'm meeting new guys, and it's so hard to be rejected for something you have no control of. i would seriously rather be told that i'm too ugly/boring/etc. i really wonder if i will ever meet a guy who will accept me and want to be with me. i was in tears earlier today, and i feel so stupid, but it really is hard to deal with. i'm sorry i can't say anything encouraging, i know how you are feeling. i can't handle the pain of it all, it hurts too much to put myself out there.

 

[lilywing]

oh my god, i am going through the same thing right now. i am newly single at 32 years old, after a 12 year long relationship. i'm meeting new guys, and it's so hard to be rejected for something you have no control of. i would seriously rather be told that i'm too ugly/boring/etc. i really wonder if i will ever meet a guy who will accept me and want to be with me. i was in tears earlier today, and i feel so stupid, but it really is hard to deal with. i'm sorry i can't say anything encouraging, i know how you are feeling. i can't handle the pain of it all, it hurts too much to put myself out there.

 

[lilywing]

oh my god, i am going through the same thing right now. i am newly single at 32 years old, after a 12 year long relationship. i'm meeting new guys, and it's so hard to be rejected for something you have no control of. i would seriously rather be told that i'm too ugly/boring/etc. i really wonder if i will ever meet a guy who will accept me and want to be with me. i was in tears earlier today, and i feel so stupid, but it really is hard to deal with. i'm sorry i can't say anything encouraging, i know how you are feeling. i can't handle the pain of it all, it hurts too much to put myself out there.

 

[BlueBeam]

I made a topic about it a few months ago... I am a 24yr old guy that never could get into any form of relationship. Even if I look decent and can hold a conversation, I seem to project the ''diseased'' image and immedialty am avoided because of it.

I then started to feel extremely mad/depressed about it, I am now looked as a cold and ''maybe he's homosexual'' person in my family and group of friends. What they don't understand is how (on my side of things, being a young male) i am the opposit of what the typical women desires. Looking abnormally young, skinny, pale, (ETC) makes for a life of lonelyness.

I am however suprised to see the amount of married women around this site, maybe the ''petite'' innocent look works better for women... but between my age group, i fall in the very boddom of interest to the opposite sex.

i know my problem is half psychological... but now i'm to the point of giving up - life is pretty cool either way.

 

[BlueBeam]

I made a topic about it a few months ago... I am a 24yr old guy that never could get into any form of relationship. Even if I look decent and can hold a conversation, I seem to project the ''diseased'' image and immedialty am avoided because of it.

I then started to feel extremely mad/depressed about it, I am now looked as a cold and ''maybe he's homosexual'' person in my family and group of friends. What they don't understand is how (on my side of things, being a young male) i am the opposit of what the typical women desires. Looking abnormally young, skinny, pale, (ETC) makes for a life of lonelyness.

I am however suprised to see the amount of married women around this site, maybe the ''petite'' innocent look works better for women... but between my age group, i fall in the very boddom of interest to the opposite sex.

i know my problem is half psychological... but now i'm to the point of giving up - life is pretty cool either way.

 

[BlueBeam]

I made a topic about it a few months ago... I am a 24yr old guy that never could get into any form of relationship. Even if I look decent and can hold a conversation, I seem to project the ''diseased'' image and immedialty am avoided because of it.
<br />
<br />I then started to feel extremely mad/depressed about it, I am now looked as a cold and ''maybe he's homosexual'' person in my family and group of friends. What they don't understand is how (on my side of things, being a young male) i am the opposit of what the typical women desires. Looking abnormally young, skinny, pale, (ETC) makes for a life of lonelyness.
<br />
<br />I am however suprised to see the amount of married women around this site, maybe the ''petite'' innocent look works better for women... but between my age group, i fall in the very boddom of interest to the opposite sex.
<br />
<br />i know my problem is half psychological... but now i'm to the point of giving up - life is pretty cool either way.

 

[mamerth]

No one would date in my high school. College was a bit better... not much. The guys that asked me out thought I needed a protector-- since I was so petite. I took care of myself just fine and once they found that out they ran away. I finally found a man who understood my illness, my inner strength and my unique personality.

My family was constantly trying to set me up. I told them to leave it alone.

Yes, I am sure I projected a diseased image-- and I still do. I see life differently than most and I finally found someone who liked that.

I don't have friends... just my husband.

 

[mamerth]

No one would date in my high school. College was a bit better... not much. The guys that asked me out thought I needed a protector-- since I was so petite. I took care of myself just fine and once they found that out they ran away. I finally found a man who understood my illness, my inner strength and my unique personality.

My family was constantly trying to set me up. I told them to leave it alone.

Yes, I am sure I projected a diseased image-- and I still do. I see life differently than most and I finally found someone who liked that.

I don't have friends... just my husband.

 

[mamerth]

No one would date in my high school. College was a bit better... not much. The guys that asked me out thought I needed a protector-- since I was so petite. I took care of myself just fine and once they found that out they ran away. I finally found a man who understood my illness, my inner strength and my unique personality.
<br />
<br />My family was constantly trying to set me up. I told them to leave it alone.
<br />
<br />Yes, I am sure I projected a diseased image-- and I still do. I see life differently than most and I finally found someone who liked that.
<br />
<br />I don't have friends... just my husband.

 

[CountryGirl]

I almost never tell a guy I date about my CF on our first date, I usually wait till the second.

My friends say to put myself in his shoes...it could be for them like hearing a death sentence, even though we know thats not the truth. What if we went on a date with a guy and he told you on that first date that he had cancer and thought he might die in the next few years.
I was waiting for transplant at this time in my life so it was kinda true for me, I was dying. I never had a problem with guys running away because of my CF. Also, now that im in chronic rejection I hadn't been dating because of being so sick. My friend has set me up twice with my past two boyfriends who the last one I dated for four months and the one I'm dating now.

The one I'm dating now carries me up and down the two flights of stairs to his apt and carries my O2 because its too heavy for me. He really cares and asks me about my rejection and when he started dating me, he took it upon himself to look up what CF was online.

There ARE good guys out there. These two guys I dated knew I had CF before they met me and they knew I had had a tx and was sick again, yet they were still willing!
You'll find someone!

 

[CountryGirl]

I almost never tell a guy I date about my CF on our first date, I usually wait till the second.

My friends say to put myself in his shoes...it could be for them like hearing a death sentence, even though we know thats not the truth. What if we went on a date with a guy and he told you on that first date that he had cancer and thought he might die in the next few years.
I was waiting for transplant at this time in my life so it was kinda true for me, I was dying. I never had a problem with guys running away because of my CF. Also, now that im in chronic rejection I hadn't been dating because of being so sick. My friend has set me up twice with my past two boyfriends who the last one I dated for four months and the one I'm dating now.

The one I'm dating now carries me up and down the two flights of stairs to his apt and carries my O2 because its too heavy for me. He really cares and asks me about my rejection and when he started dating me, he took it upon himself to look up what CF was online.

There ARE good guys out there. These two guys I dated knew I had CF before they met me and they knew I had had a tx and was sick again, yet they were still willing!
You'll find someone!

 

[CountryGirl]

I almost never tell a guy I date about my CF on our first date, I usually wait till the second.
<br />
<br />My friends say to put myself in his shoes...it could be for them like hearing a death sentence, even though we know thats not the truth. What if we went on a date with a guy and he told you on that first date that he had cancer and thought he might die in the next few years.
<br />I was waiting for transplant at this time in my life so it was kinda true for me, I was dying. I never had a problem with guys running away because of my CF. Also, now that im in chronic rejection I hadn't been dating because of being so sick. My friend has set me up twice with my past two boyfriends who the last one I dated for four months and the one I'm dating now.
<br />
<br />The one I'm dating now carries me up and down the two flights of stairs to his apt and carries my O2 because its too heavy for me. He really cares and asks me about my rejection and when he started dating me, he took it upon himself to look up what CF was online.
<br />
<br />There ARE good guys out there. These two guys I dated knew I had CF before they met me and they knew I had had a tx and was sick again, yet they were still willing!
<br />You'll find someone!

 

[falloutboygurl16]

im sorry to say this has never happened to me and ive had....4 boyfriends and been on over 15 dates. im 21. well i usually talk to a guy before going on a date with him and i usually mention my cf then so it gets out of the way. i show that i dont let it BE all that i am...and usually its not a big deal. ive NEVER had a guy reject me for it at all.
i think it depends on how much confidence you have in yourself.
if you are confident then thats all that most guys see and they can usually see past being sick.

the boyfriend i have now. weve been dating for 2 months now and call us crazy but were completely in love with each other. he has witnessed the scariest moment in my entire life and he was there to basically save me. he told me he knew what he was getting himself into when he started dating me and he said he wouldnt trade it for anything. when i had a seizure basically he told me he would live through more fridays cuz thats the day it happened just to be with me.
the guy that you WANT is going to accept you sick and all. trust me. :]

 

[falloutboygurl16]

im sorry to say this has never happened to me and ive had....4 boyfriends and been on over 15 dates. im 21. well i usually talk to a guy before going on a date with him and i usually mention my cf then so it gets out of the way. i show that i dont let it BE all that i am...and usually its not a big deal. ive NEVER had a guy reject me for it at all.
i think it depends on how much confidence you have in yourself.
if you are confident then thats all that most guys see and they can usually see past being sick.

the boyfriend i have now. weve been dating for 2 months now and call us crazy but were completely in love with each other. he has witnessed the scariest moment in my entire life and he was there to basically save me. he told me he knew what he was getting himself into when he started dating me and he said he wouldnt trade it for anything. when i had a seizure basically he told me he would live through more fridays cuz thats the day it happened just to be with me.
the guy that you WANT is going to accept you sick and all. trust me. :]

 

[falloutboygurl16]

im sorry to say this has never happened to me and ive had....4 boyfriends and been on over 15 dates. im 21. well i usually talk to a guy before going on a date with him and i usually mention my cf then so it gets out of the way. i show that i dont let it BE all that i am...and usually its not a big deal. ive NEVER had a guy reject me for it at all.
<br />i think it depends on how much confidence you have in yourself.
<br />if you are confident then thats all that most guys see and they can usually see past being sick.
<br />
<br />the boyfriend i have now. weve been dating for 2 months now and call us crazy but were completely in love with each other. he has witnessed the scariest moment in my entire life and he was there to basically save me. he told me he knew what he was getting himself into when he started dating me and he said he wouldnt trade it for anything. when i had a seizure basically he told me he would live through more fridays cuz thats the day it happened just to be with me.
<br />the guy that you WANT is going to accept you sick and all. trust me. :]

 

[CFkitty]

This is my opinion, and you don't have to follow it. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> Let me say that this is a valid concern, and one I had often before I got married.

You are under no obligation to reveal that you have CF on a first date (or on a job interview). Why not enjoy yourself, and if there is a "spark", let him/her know at a later time? Just like you wouldn't unload "everything" on a first date. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but a first date is a time to get to know someone on a very basic level. Do you tell every person you make friends with that you have CF, right off?

If you are coughing, tell them you have asthma. It's not a lie, because there is an asthmatic component to CF. It's like almost anything else.

You are a person first, a CF patient second. Treat yourself that way and perhaps others will, too! I know it's scary, but try keeping that first date lighthearted. There's no harm in just having fun and not getting too deep. Focus on the fabulous parts of you and let them shine.

Relax, and good luck!!

 

[CFkitty]

This is my opinion, and you don't have to follow it. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> Let me say that this is a valid concern, and one I had often before I got married.

You are under no obligation to reveal that you have CF on a first date (or on a job interview). Why not enjoy yourself, and if there is a "spark", let him/her know at a later time? Just like you wouldn't unload "everything" on a first date. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but a first date is a time to get to know someone on a very basic level. Do you tell every person you make friends with that you have CF, right off?

If you are coughing, tell them you have asthma. It's not a lie, because there is an asthmatic component to CF. It's like almost anything else.

You are a person first, a CF patient second. Treat yourself that way and perhaps others will, too! I know it's scary, but try keeping that first date lighthearted. There's no harm in just having fun and not getting too deep. Focus on the fabulous parts of you and let them shine.

Relax, and good luck!!