RELATIONSHIPS

[2DIE4Corey]

@nocode: yeah u do it the same way i do. i let ppl know that its a lungproblem, which let me havin pneumonia one time a year and that my immune system is weaker than from "normal" people... this works really good. And regarding life expectancy... its a foreign word for me, cause u know a sane person or we can cross the street, get hited by a car and can die. So I dont think how old I will get or could get. And nobody has the right to say: you will become this and that age...
<br />
<br />and like u said, use it as a trump card, u r definitely right, cause ppl look really shocked, when they hear what u have to, takin meds, inhalations, seein docs a few times a year or more often and stuff like that. I just cant handle conversations like : "u r so poor and i really dont know how u can handle it in that way" ...
<br />... i mean u know, i dont know an other life, so what shells... ) thank u so much for ur reply!!

 

[scottguy]

Ya know its interesting...so I'll summarize as best as I know how. (hope a man's opinions are welcome on this thread). I went to a private school before high school, so all the kids I grew up with knew what CF was about...even if only the very basics...going into high school and dating, then college and...we can say dating...was a total 'fish out of water' experience, just becuase I felt like (and still do) I am just built differently than everyone...physically and emotionally...I was with one gal for a long time, and at one point she told me that she couldn't be married to someone who might be on disability by the time they are 30...end of story. I am married now...2 years almost...and it has been the furthest thing from easy. No matter how much someone loves you, they cannot hide from emotions such as shame, fear, guilt...and as similar as those feelings are in us CF'ers...its kind of like a bizarro version...they feel these things for different reason...and most of the friction in my life comes from the non-CF'ers just trying to understand things...how we can accept death at young ages...how we fight in the face of constant pain...things that I don't believe most people encounter until they are much, much older..if at all. For whatever that was worth...I hope it helped.
People love and care and have a tremendous capacity for these things, sadly, though, the darker angels of our existence are ever ready to ruin them. I encourage you to love as much as you can with this life, be open, but know that your worth will never come from another person...you already got it...share it.

 

[scottguy]

Ya know its interesting...so I'll summarize as best as I know how. (hope a man's opinions are welcome on this thread). I went to a private school before high school, so all the kids I grew up with knew what CF was about...even if only the very basics...going into high school and dating, then college and...we can say dating...was a total 'fish out of water' experience, just becuase I felt like (and still do) I am just built differently than everyone...physically and emotionally...I was with one gal for a long time, and at one point she told me that she couldn't be married to someone who might be on disability by the time they are 30...end of story. I am married now...2 years almost...and it has been the furthest thing from easy. No matter how much someone loves you, they cannot hide from emotions such as shame, fear, guilt...and as similar as those feelings are in us CF'ers...its kind of like a bizarro version...they feel these things for different reason...and most of the friction in my life comes from the non-CF'ers just trying to understand things...how we can accept death at young ages...how we fight in the face of constant pain...things that I don't believe most people encounter until they are much, much older..if at all. For whatever that was worth...I hope it helped.
People love and care and have a tremendous capacity for these things, sadly, though, the darker angels of our existence are ever ready to ruin them. I encourage you to love as much as you can with this life, be open, but know that your worth will never come from another person...you already got it...share it.

 

[scottguy]

Ya know its interesting...so I'll summarize as best as I know how. (hope a man's opinions are welcome on this thread). I went to a private school before high school, so all the kids I grew up with knew what CF was about...even if only the very basics...going into high school and dating, then college and...we can say dating...was a total 'fish out of water' experience, just becuase I felt like (and still do) I am just built differently than everyone...physically and emotionally...I was with one gal for a long time, and at one point she told me that she couldn't be married to someone who might be on disability by the time they are 30...end of story. I am married now...2 years almost...and it has been the furthest thing from easy. No matter how much someone loves you, they cannot hide from emotions such as shame, fear, guilt...and as similar as those feelings are in us CF'ers...its kind of like a bizarro version...they feel these things for different reason...and most of the friction in my life comes from the non-CF'ers just trying to understand things...how we can accept death at young ages...how we fight in the face of constant pain...things that I don't believe most people encounter until they are much, much older..if at all. For whatever that was worth...I hope it helped.
<br />People love and care and have a tremendous capacity for these things, sadly, though, the darker angels of our existence are ever ready to ruin them. I encourage you to love as much as you can with this life, be open, but know that your worth will never come from another person...you already got it...share it.

 

[TleighsHusband]

From the other side -- definitely you can have a great relationship! In fact, I think you can have a deeper relationship sometimes because of what you have to go through together -- it either drives you together or apart which is kinda scary especially for the one that has CF. Tiffany and I were friends before we started dating so I already knew about her CF before we started dating. I didn't quite know all the details, but we were in freshman speech together in college and she did an informative speech on CF which is how I learned that she had it and some of the basics. We really never talked life expectancy in great detail at the beginning although I had a couple very serious conversations with my parents and her parents (we were 19 when we started dating) that forced me early on in the relationship to consider the issues of marrying someone with CF. I started going to her CF appointments as soon as I could which informed me even more. My viewpoint was that any life spent together was better than never having spent any of our life together! So whether that was 5 years, 10 years, 15 years or 40 years we were going to relish all of it!

 

[TleighsHusband]

From the other side -- definitely you can have a great relationship! In fact, I think you can have a deeper relationship sometimes because of what you have to go through together -- it either drives you together or apart which is kinda scary especially for the one that has CF. Tiffany and I were friends before we started dating so I already knew about her CF before we started dating. I didn't quite know all the details, but we were in freshman speech together in college and she did an informative speech on CF which is how I learned that she had it and some of the basics. We really never talked life expectancy in great detail at the beginning although I had a couple very serious conversations with my parents and her parents (we were 19 when we started dating) that forced me early on in the relationship to consider the issues of marrying someone with CF. I started going to her CF appointments as soon as I could which informed me even more. My viewpoint was that any life spent together was better than never having spent any of our life together! So whether that was 5 years, 10 years, 15 years or 40 years we were going to relish all of it!

 

[TleighsHusband]

From the other side -- definitely you can have a great relationship! In fact, I think you can have a deeper relationship sometimes because of what you have to go through together -- it either drives you together or apart which is kinda scary especially for the one that has CF. Tiffany and I were friends before we started dating so I already knew about her CF before we started dating. I didn't quite know all the details, but we were in freshman speech together in college and she did an informative speech on CF which is how I learned that she had it and some of the basics. We really never talked life expectancy in great detail at the beginning although I had a couple very serious conversations with my parents and her parents (we were 19 when we started dating) that forced me early on in the relationship to consider the issues of marrying someone with CF. I started going to her CF appointments as soon as I could which informed me even more. My viewpoint was that any life spent together was better than never having spent any of our life together! So whether that was 5 years, 10 years, 15 years or 40 years we were going to relish all of it!

 

[falloutboygurl16]

mmm ive been in a couple long term relationships.
all of them ending for different reasons.
with my current boyfriend ....we met on plenty of fish and i had put that i had cystic fibrosis on my profile.
he messaged me first and he actually looked it up to find out more info on it and what it affects.
ive always been upfront with telling someone what is wrong with me because it is a lot easier than "beating around the bush"
ive honestly never had a problem with a guy not wanting to date me because of my disease.
a relationship has never ended because of it either.
maybe im just really lucky to find the guys that i have...but i think that being honest from the get-go is the best way to be.
im not scared to tell someone about my CF...its a part of me and i have to deal with it everyday...if a guy couldnt handle me having this i wouldnt want to date him in the first place because it shows his insecurity or fear or lack of being able to handle things.
my boyfriend is amazing and supports me 100%.
he never misses any of my dr appts and my doctors love him because he PUSHES me to do better at the things i lack at..
the only problem i have is feeling guilty for having CF and being with him. i feel its not fair to him sometimes because who wants to be with someone that might not live too long?
but he always assures me that he knew from the beginning before we started dating and that he wouldnt have it any other way..he loves me for me CF and all. <3


hun just be confident in yourself and dont fear how guys will think of you because of your CF..its only a part of you.

 

[falloutboygurl16]

mmm ive been in a couple long term relationships.
all of them ending for different reasons.
with my current boyfriend ....we met on plenty of fish and i had put that i had cystic fibrosis on my profile.
he messaged me first and he actually looked it up to find out more info on it and what it affects.
ive always been upfront with telling someone what is wrong with me because it is a lot easier than "beating around the bush"
ive honestly never had a problem with a guy not wanting to date me because of my disease.
a relationship has never ended because of it either.
maybe im just really lucky to find the guys that i have...but i think that being honest from the get-go is the best way to be.
im not scared to tell someone about my CF...its a part of me and i have to deal with it everyday...if a guy couldnt handle me having this i wouldnt want to date him in the first place because it shows his insecurity or fear or lack of being able to handle things.
my boyfriend is amazing and supports me 100%.
he never misses any of my dr appts and my doctors love him because he PUSHES me to do better at the things i lack at..
the only problem i have is feeling guilty for having CF and being with him. i feel its not fair to him sometimes because who wants to be with someone that might not live too long?
but he always assures me that he knew from the beginning before we started dating and that he wouldnt have it any other way..he loves me for me CF and all. <3


hun just be confident in yourself and dont fear how guys will think of you because of your CF..its only a part of you.

 

[falloutboygurl16]

mmm ive been in a couple long term relationships.
<br />all of them ending for different reasons.
<br />with my current boyfriend ....we met on plenty of fish and i had put that i had cystic fibrosis on my profile.
<br />he messaged me first and he actually looked it up to find out more info on it and what it affects.
<br />ive always been upfront with telling someone what is wrong with me because it is a lot easier than "beating around the bush"
<br />ive honestly never had a problem with a guy not wanting to date me because of my disease.
<br />a relationship has never ended because of it either.
<br />maybe im just really lucky to find the guys that i have...but i think that being honest from the get-go is the best way to be.
<br />im not scared to tell someone about my CF...its a part of me and i have to deal with it everyday...if a guy couldnt handle me having this i wouldnt want to date him in the first place because it shows his insecurity or fear or lack of being able to handle things.
<br />my boyfriend is amazing and supports me 100%.
<br />he never misses any of my dr appts and my doctors love him because he PUSHES me to do better at the things i lack at..
<br />the only problem i have is feeling guilty for having CF and being with him. i feel its not fair to him sometimes because who wants to be with someone that might not live too long?
<br />but he always assures me that he knew from the beginning before we started dating and that he wouldnt have it any other way..he loves me for me CF and all. <3
<br />
<br />
<br />hun just be confident in yourself and dont fear how guys will think of you because of your CF..its only a part of you.
<br />

 

[Sorenda25]

Im 31 years old living with CF all my life.  I can tell you I have a lot of experience with guys in this area.  I've had many relationships but like you non were longterm.  For on the guys in highschool were a little more understanding, but it still bothered them that I was not totally on track.  It was only until college  my CF get more difficult hence my relationships.  Most guys were afraid to get too close because they were afraid I would die on them.  Others couldnt handle the role Cf played in my life. And you know what Im talking about; coughing, trying not to spit anything up.  which would be bathroom trips.  Unfortunately for a while I let that play on emotions and it made me think that Im not meant to have someone in my life.  When you go out with different guys ...you learn who will stay? and who will leave.  Most guys who get scared are usually the guys you dont want to have anyway. The guys that sympathize, listen, and understand are the ones that you want to stay.  Relationships are complicated enough but Cf definitely makes it more complicated. Sometimes I myself get scared too because I think can he really handle this?? Am I being fair to him.  But these are also when the insecurities take over.  And then there are guys who say they accept your disease but then they lie to you about other things.  So while your being honest ...They are being dishonest.  That happened to me recently.  I met a guy thought he was really sweet, a total gentleman.  So I opened my heart again.  We talked all night one time...I felt like he really understoood me.  I also decided to tell him about my CF. He wasnt taken back or anything.  He basically joked and said I know CPR, Hemlic remover..I laughed and thought that was funny.  I felt it was right to tell him.  I had made that mistake before and it didnt turn out good.  Then suddenly I got sick, couldnt see him for a awhile.  I had to go on IVs using my port.  He said I was worth waiting for !!!! I was like I found the guy of my dreams...unfortunately  it turned out he was also seeing someone else.  He announced that on facebook.  I was dumbfounded.  But see I felt that I didnt do anything wrong.  I was totally upfront.  He was the dishonest one.  It hurt but I know it had nothing to do with the fact I had CF. The guy was just a plain jerk.  Im still learning about myself and things keep changeing with my Cf but I have to realize that guys will come and go but there's only one that will stay...and thats the one who will probably be their for you.  With CF thats what you need.  I just hope someday I find the right guy too. 

 

[Sorenda25]

Im 31 years old living with CF all my life. I can tell you Ihave a lot of experience with guys in this area. I've had many relationships but like you non were longterm. For on the guys in highschool were a little more understanding, but it still bothered them that I was not totally on track. It was only until college my CF get more difficult hence my relationships. Most guys were afraid to get too close because they were afraid I would die on them. Others couldnt handle the role Cf played in my life. And you know what Im talking about; coughing, trying not to spit anything up. which would be bathroom trips. Unfortunately for a while I let that play on emotions and it made me think that Im not meant to have someone in my life. When you go out with different guys ...you learn who will stay? and who will leave. Most guys who get scared are usually the guys you dont want to have anyway. The guys that sympathize, listen, and understand are the ones that you want to stay. Relationships are complicated enough but Cf definitely makes it more complicated.Sometimes I myself get scared too because I think can he really handle this?? Am I being fair to him. But these are also when the insecurities take over. And then there are guys who say they accept your disease but then they lie to you about other things. So while your being honest ...They are being dishonest. That happened to me recently. I met a guy thought he was really sweet, a total gentleman. So I opened my heart again. We talked all night one time...I felt like he really understoood me. I also decided to tell him about my CF. He wasnt taken back or anything. He basically joked and said I know CPR, Hemlic remover..I laughed and thought that was funny. I felt it was right to tell him. I had made that mistake before and it didnt turn out good. Then suddenlyI got sick, couldnt see him for a awhile. I had to go on IVs using my port. He said I was worth waiting for !!!! I was like I found the guy of my dreams...unfortunately it turned out he was also seeing someone else. He announced thaton facebook. I was dumbfounded. But see I felt that I didnt do anything wrong. I was totally upfront. He was the dishonest one. It hurt but I know it had nothing to do with the fact I had CF. The guy was just a plain jerk. Im still learning about myself and things keep changeing with my Cf but I have to realize that guys will come and go but there's only one that will stay...and thats the one who will probably be their for you. With CF thats what you need. I just hope someday I find the right guy too.

 

[Sorenda25]

<p>Im 31 years old living with CF all my life. I can tell you Ihave a lot of experience with guys in this area. I've had many relationships but like you non were longterm. For on the guys in highschool were a little more understanding, but it still bothered them that I was not totally on track. It was only until college my CF get more difficult hence my relationships. Most guys were afraid to get too close because they were afraid I would die on them. Others couldnt handle the role Cf played in my life. And you know what Im talking about; coughing, trying not to spit anything up. which would be bathroom trips. Unfortunately for a while I let that play on emotions and it made me think that Im not meant to have someone in my life. When you go out with different guys ...you learn who will stay? and who will leave. Most guys who get scared are usually the guys you dont want to have anyway. The guys that sympathize, listen, and understand are the ones that you want to stay. Relationships are complicated enough but Cf definitely makes it more complicated.Sometimes I myself get scared too because I think can he really handle this?? Am I being fair to him. But these are also when the insecurities take over. And then there are guys who say they accept your disease but then they lie to you about other things. So while your being honest ...They are being dishonest. That happened to me recently. I met a guy thought he was really sweet, a total gentleman. So I opened my heart again. We talked all night one time...I felt like he really understoood me. I also decided to tell him about my CF. He wasnt taken back or anything. He basically joked and said I know CPR, Hemlic remover..I laughed and thought that was funny. I felt it was right to tell him. I had made that mistake before and it didnt turn out good. Then suddenlyI got sick, couldnt see him for a awhile. I had to go on IVs using my port. He said I was worth waiting for !!!! I was like I found the guy of my dreams...unfortunately it turned out he was also seeing someone else. He announced thaton facebook. I was dumbfounded. But see I felt that I didnt do anything wrong. I was totally upfront. He was the dishonest one. It hurt but I know it had nothing to do with the fact I had CF. The guy was just a plain jerk. Im still learning about myself and things keep changeing with my Cf but I have to realize that guys will come and go but there's only one that will stay...and thats the one who will probably be their for you. With CF thats what you need. I just hope someday I find the right guy too.

 

[beleache]

Hi Delia,
 I have been in 2 long term relationships & while neither my ex husband or my current husband (I was diagnosed @ 44 y/o) new I had cf we all knew something serious was wrong..
 It does take a special person to deal with health issues but they are definitely out there !!  & btw I think CFers are some pretty special ppl & we deserve to have a good, kind & loving person in our lives & we are worth it !!
 Take care <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">  joni

 

[beleache]

Hi Delia,
I have been in 2 long term relationships & while neither my ex husband or my current husband (I was diagnosed @ 44 y/o) new I had cf we all knew something serious was wrong..
It does take a special person to deal with health issues but they are definitely out there !! & btw I think CFers are some pretty special ppl & we deserve to have a good, kind & loving person in our lives & we are worth it !!
Take care <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> joni

 

[beleache]

<p>Hi Delia,
<p>I have been in 2 long term relationships & while neither my ex husband or my current husband (I was diagnosed @ 44 y/o) new I had cf we all knew something serious was wrong..
<p>It does take a special person to deal with health issues but they are definitely out there !! & btw I think CFers are some pretty special ppl & we deserve to have a good, kind & loving person in our lives & we are worth it !!
<p>Take care <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> joni