Road to Independence

TonyaH · Dec 5, 2009

Hey there,

I guess this question goes to both adults as well as parents who have children old enough to have gone through this already.

I have always made Andrew a part of his CF care. From an early age he could tell you what all of his meds are for, when he takes them, etc. He is 11 years old, turning 12 in January, and as of now I still lay all of his orals and nebs out for him every day. Lately he has been surprising me by starting his nebs himself. He seems to be doing a fine job, but I worry about things like cleanliness, and if he's really huffing hard enough after his vest, etc etc. So, when I realize he has started, I usually drop what I'm doing and stay close by so I can make sure he does everything in the right order, and does it correctly, without him feeling that I'm "keeping tabs" on him.

Can you share your story of independence?..How old were you when you were resonsible for all of your own nebs,,how old you were when you felt your mom allowed you to do your meds each day? I'm not planning to walk away from his treatment. He still needs guidance. But I want to make sure I'm letting him take these steps at the right age. I like the responsibilty I'm seeing, and don't want to squelch. Also, any tips on how I can make him feel independent but still be watchful and aware of everything he is doing?

Thank you!!!

TonyaH · Dec 5, 2009

Hey there,

I guess this question goes to both adults as well as parents who have children old enough to have gone through this already.

I have always made Andrew a part of his CF care. From an early age he could tell you what all of his meds are for, when he takes them, etc. He is 11 years old, turning 12 in January, and as of now I still lay all of his orals and nebs out for him every day. Lately he has been surprising me by starting his nebs himself. He seems to be doing a fine job, but I worry about things like cleanliness, and if he's really huffing hard enough after his vest, etc etc. So, when I realize he has started, I usually drop what I'm doing and stay close by so I can make sure he does everything in the right order, and does it correctly, without him feeling that I'm "keeping tabs" on him.

Can you share your story of independence?..How old were you when you were resonsible for all of your own nebs,,how old you were when you felt your mom allowed you to do your meds each day? I'm not planning to walk away from his treatment. He still needs guidance. But I want to make sure I'm letting him take these steps at the right age. I like the responsibilty I'm seeing, and don't want to squelch. Also, any tips on how I can make him feel independent but still be watchful and aware of everything he is doing?

Thank you!!!

TonyaH · Dec 5, 2009

Hey there,

I guess this question goes to both adults as well as parents who have children old enough to have gone through this already.

I have always made Andrew a part of his CF care. From an early age he could tell you what all of his meds are for, when he takes them, etc. He is 11 years old, turning 12 in January, and as of now I still lay all of his orals and nebs out for him every day. Lately he has been surprising me by starting his nebs himself. He seems to be doing a fine job, but I worry about things like cleanliness, and if he's really huffing hard enough after his vest, etc etc. So, when I realize he has started, I usually drop what I'm doing and stay close by so I can make sure he does everything in the right order, and does it correctly, without him feeling that I'm "keeping tabs" on him.

Can you share your story of independence?..How old were you when you were resonsible for all of your own nebs,,how old you were when you felt your mom allowed you to do your meds each day? I'm not planning to walk away from his treatment. He still needs guidance. But I want to make sure I'm letting him take these steps at the right age. I like the responsibilty I'm seeing, and don't want to squelch. Also, any tips on how I can make him feel independent but still be watchful and aware of everything he is doing?

Thank you!!!

TonyaH · Dec 5, 2009

Hey there,

I guess this question goes to both adults as well as parents who have children old enough to have gone through this already.

I have always made Andrew a part of his CF care. From an early age he could tell you what all of his meds are for, when he takes them, etc. He is 11 years old, turning 12 in January, and as of now I still lay all of his orals and nebs out for him every day. Lately he has been surprising me by starting his nebs himself. He seems to be doing a fine job, but I worry about things like cleanliness, and if he's really huffing hard enough after his vest, etc etc. So, when I realize he has started, I usually drop what I'm doing and stay close by so I can make sure he does everything in the right order, and does it correctly, without him feeling that I'm "keeping tabs" on him.

Can you share your story of independence?..How old were you when you were resonsible for all of your own nebs,,how old you were when you felt your mom allowed you to do your meds each day? I'm not planning to walk away from his treatment. He still needs guidance. But I want to make sure I'm letting him take these steps at the right age. I like the responsibilty I'm seeing, and don't want to squelch. Also, any tips on how I can make him feel independent but still be watchful and aware of everything he is doing?

Thank you!!!

TonyaH · Dec 5, 2009

Hey there,
 
 I guess this question goes to both adults as well as parents who have children old enough to have gone through this already.
 
 I have always made Andrew a part of his CF care. From an early age he could tell you what all of his meds are for, when he takes them, etc. He is 11 years old, turning 12 in January, and as of now I still lay all of his orals and nebs out for him every day. Lately he has been surprising me by starting his nebs himself. He seems to be doing a fine job, but I worry about things like cleanliness, and if he's really huffing hard enough after his vest, etc etc. So, when I realize he has started, I usually drop what I'm doing and stay close by so I can make sure he does everything in the right order, and does it correctly, without him feeling that I'm "keeping tabs" on him.
 
 Can you share your story of independence?..How old were you when you were resonsible for all of your own nebs,,how old you were when you felt your mom allowed you to do your meds each day? I'm not planning to walk away from his treatment. He still needs guidance. But I want to make sure I'm letting him take these steps at the right age. I like the responsibilty I'm seeing, and don't want to squelch. Also, any tips on how I can make him feel independent but still be watchful and aware of everything he is doing?
 
 Thank you!!!

amysmom · Dec 5, 2009

It sounds like you're doing a great job and already done alot of things right!

I did the same thing with our daughter (she's 28 years old now) - stayed close to keep an eye on her but slowly had her take over all her treatments and medication except for washing the nebs, which I did until she left for college.

The night before she turned 13 though, she told me she wasn't going to do any more treatments or take any medicine. (ugh) After explaining to her all of the consequences, she still wasn't budging. So we took away a trip she was going on with a friend to Palm Springs for 2 weeks. (Hated doing that.)

It worked though but at that point I realized I was going to have to change things so that we wouldn't be battling CF at the same time she was starting the typical teenage rebellion stuff.

After discussing this with her doctor, he and I agreed that Amy would be talking to him directly about her medications and treatments. Any (rebellion) problems she had, she would now call him and he would be the one she'd argue with instead of us.

Also, when she went to her appointments, she would go in the room alone. Her doctor would call me later and fill me in on everything.

This did two things - eliminated CF as a rebelling tool and also continued her towards the ultimate goal of having her completely independent (and responsible) for everything CF by the time she was 18 years old.

It worked like magic! Amy called her doctor only once complaining about something she didn't want to do. They 'negotiated' a solution. It fit perfectly for a teenager who thought she could run her own life anyway!

amysmom · Dec 5, 2009

It sounds like you're doing a great job and already done alot of things right!

I did the same thing with our daughter (she's 28 years old now) - stayed close to keep an eye on her but slowly had her take over all her treatments and medication except for washing the nebs, which I did until she left for college.

The night before she turned 13 though, she told me she wasn't going to do any more treatments or take any medicine. (ugh) After explaining to her all of the consequences, she still wasn't budging. So we took away a trip she was going on with a friend to Palm Springs for 2 weeks. (Hated doing that.)

It worked though but at that point I realized I was going to have to change things so that we wouldn't be battling CF at the same time she was starting the typical teenage rebellion stuff.

After discussing this with her doctor, he and I agreed that Amy would be talking to him directly about her medications and treatments. Any (rebellion) problems she had, she would now call him and he would be the one she'd argue with instead of us.

Also, when she went to her appointments, she would go in the room alone. Her doctor would call me later and fill me in on everything.

This did two things - eliminated CF as a rebelling tool and also continued her towards the ultimate goal of having her completely independent (and responsible) for everything CF by the time she was 18 years old.

It worked like magic! Amy called her doctor only once complaining about something she didn't want to do. They 'negotiated' a solution. It fit perfectly for a teenager who thought she could run her own life anyway!

amysmom · Dec 5, 2009

It sounds like you're doing a great job and already done alot of things right!

I did the same thing with our daughter (she's 28 years old now) - stayed close to keep an eye on her but slowly had her take over all her treatments and medication except for washing the nebs, which I did until she left for college.

The night before she turned 13 though, she told me she wasn't going to do any more treatments or take any medicine. (ugh) After explaining to her all of the consequences, she still wasn't budging. So we took away a trip she was going on with a friend to Palm Springs for 2 weeks. (Hated doing that.)

It worked though but at that point I realized I was going to have to change things so that we wouldn't be battling CF at the same time she was starting the typical teenage rebellion stuff.

After discussing this with her doctor, he and I agreed that Amy would be talking to him directly about her medications and treatments. Any (rebellion) problems she had, she would now call him and he would be the one she'd argue with instead of us.

Also, when she went to her appointments, she would go in the room alone. Her doctor would call me later and fill me in on everything.

This did two things - eliminated CF as a rebelling tool and also continued her towards the ultimate goal of having her completely independent (and responsible) for everything CF by the time she was 18 years old.

It worked like magic! Amy called her doctor only once complaining about something she didn't want to do. They 'negotiated' a solution. It fit perfectly for a teenager who thought she could run her own life anyway!

amysmom · Dec 5, 2009

It sounds like you're doing a great job and already done alot of things right!

I did the same thing with our daughter (she's 28 years old now) - stayed close to keep an eye on her but slowly had her take over all her treatments and medication except for washing the nebs, which I did until she left for college.

The night before she turned 13 though, she told me she wasn't going to do any more treatments or take any medicine. (ugh) After explaining to her all of the consequences, she still wasn't budging. So we took away a trip she was going on with a friend to Palm Springs for 2 weeks. (Hated doing that.)

It worked though but at that point I realized I was going to have to change things so that we wouldn't be battling CF at the same time she was starting the typical teenage rebellion stuff.

After discussing this with her doctor, he and I agreed that Amy would be talking to him directly about her medications and treatments. Any (rebellion) problems she had, she would now call him and he would be the one she'd argue with instead of us.

Also, when she went to her appointments, she would go in the room alone. Her doctor would call me later and fill me in on everything.

This did two things - eliminated CF as a rebelling tool and also continued her towards the ultimate goal of having her completely independent (and responsible) for everything CF by the time she was 18 years old.

It worked like magic! Amy called her doctor only once complaining about something she didn't want to do. They 'negotiated' a solution. It fit perfectly for a teenager who thought she could run her own life anyway!

amysmom · Dec 5, 2009

It sounds like you're doing a great job and already done alot of things right!
 
 I did the same thing with our daughter (she's 28 years old now) - stayed close to keep an eye on her but slowly had her take over all her treatments and medication except for washing the nebs, which I did until she left for college.
 
 The night before she turned 13 though, she told me she wasn't going to do any more treatments or take any medicine. (ugh) After explaining to her all of the consequences, she still wasn't budging. So we took away a trip she was going on with a friend to Palm Springs for 2 weeks. (Hated doing that.)
 
 It worked though but at that point I realized I was going to have to change things so that we wouldn't be battling CF at the same time she was starting the typical teenage rebellion stuff.
 
 After discussing this with her doctor, he and I agreed that Amy would be talking to him directly about her medications and treatments. Any (rebellion) problems she had, she would now call him and he would be the one she'd argue with instead of us.
 
 Also, when she went to her appointments, she would go in the room alone. Her doctor would call me later and fill me in on everything.
 
 This did two things - eliminated CF as a rebelling tool and also continued her towards the ultimate goal of having her completely independent (and responsible) for everything CF by the time she was 18 years old.
 
 It worked like magic! Amy called her doctor only once complaining about something she didn't want to do. They 'negotiated' a solution. It fit perfectly for a teenager who thought she could run her own life anyway!

NYCLawGirl · Dec 5, 2009

hi there,

your approach sounds perfect to me. make yourself somewhat available and keep a bit of an eye on him, but don't let him feel as though you don't trust him with his meds or that you're "hovering" over him. i started taking control of my meds entirely right around his age, and then gradually was also given responsibility for things like renewals (that was more like early high school) and picking up my own local scripts (once i had a car). i'm positive that my parents "watched" me for a while after each of these steps, but i wasn't really aware of it. they also encouraged me to track my treatments, etc, at first. i used paper (i'm so old!) but i think cfvoice.com has an awesome treatment tracker function.

by the time i was 14 or so i kept my treatment machines in my room and my orals in my bathroom and did them completely alone, although i mixed nebs in the kitchen where my meds/cups were. i think i was a tiny bit older when my parents stopped saying things like "do your treatment now" -- that probably happened about the same time as I started going to bed AFTER my parents! i know that by the time i left for college i was completely independent.

i will admit that as a teen i "experimented" a bit with skipping treatments, stopping nebs before they were done if i was tired, not really huffing, etc. i think many (not all) cfers kind of go through that. my parents solved this problem by having my doctor and RT talk to me alone at clinic, so that they wouldn't be "nagging" and i would see how important that sort of stuff really was. i think your son might benefit from this too -- maybe next time you're at clinic arrange for his doctor to see him "man to man" without you in the room (oh, the grown up feeling of that talk with the doctor without mom!) and explain that he's starting to take over his own treatments and that this is a big step and one that he should take pride in doing well, and also sort of go over proper cleaning/huffing/etc techniques just as a helpful refresher. the conversation will simultaneously acknowledge your son's new responsibility for himself and how proud you are of him taking that step, while still reinforcing that proper technique is important and the "adults" are going to be "helping him out" for now as he makes the transition. afterward you could take him out for lunch or a treat and ask him to tell you about the discussion and it would give you a chance to voice your support and agreement with the doctor. just a thought.

good luck and congrats on your proactive and responsible young man!

NYCLawGirl · Dec 5, 2009

hi there,

your approach sounds perfect to me. make yourself somewhat available and keep a bit of an eye on him, but don't let him feel as though you don't trust him with his meds or that you're "hovering" over him. i started taking control of my meds entirely right around his age, and then gradually was also given responsibility for things like renewals (that was more like early high school) and picking up my own local scripts (once i had a car). i'm positive that my parents "watched" me for a while after each of these steps, but i wasn't really aware of it. they also encouraged me to track my treatments, etc, at first. i used paper (i'm so old!) but i think cfvoice.com has an awesome treatment tracker function.

by the time i was 14 or so i kept my treatment machines in my room and my orals in my bathroom and did them completely alone, although i mixed nebs in the kitchen where my meds/cups were. i think i was a tiny bit older when my parents stopped saying things like "do your treatment now" -- that probably happened about the same time as I started going to bed AFTER my parents! i know that by the time i left for college i was completely independent.

i will admit that as a teen i "experimented" a bit with skipping treatments, stopping nebs before they were done if i was tired, not really huffing, etc. i think many (not all) cfers kind of go through that. my parents solved this problem by having my doctor and RT talk to me alone at clinic, so that they wouldn't be "nagging" and i would see how important that sort of stuff really was. i think your son might benefit from this too -- maybe next time you're at clinic arrange for his doctor to see him "man to man" without you in the room (oh, the grown up feeling of that talk with the doctor without mom!) and explain that he's starting to take over his own treatments and that this is a big step and one that he should take pride in doing well, and also sort of go over proper cleaning/huffing/etc techniques just as a helpful refresher. the conversation will simultaneously acknowledge your son's new responsibility for himself and how proud you are of him taking that step, while still reinforcing that proper technique is important and the "adults" are going to be "helping him out" for now as he makes the transition. afterward you could take him out for lunch or a treat and ask him to tell you about the discussion and it would give you a chance to voice your support and agreement with the doctor. just a thought.

good luck and congrats on your proactive and responsible young man!

NYCLawGirl · Dec 5, 2009

hi there,

your approach sounds perfect to me. make yourself somewhat available and keep a bit of an eye on him, but don't let him feel as though you don't trust him with his meds or that you're "hovering" over him. i started taking control of my meds entirely right around his age, and then gradually was also given responsibility for things like renewals (that was more like early high school) and picking up my own local scripts (once i had a car). i'm positive that my parents "watched" me for a while after each of these steps, but i wasn't really aware of it. they also encouraged me to track my treatments, etc, at first. i used paper (i'm so old!) but i think cfvoice.com has an awesome treatment tracker function.

by the time i was 14 or so i kept my treatment machines in my room and my orals in my bathroom and did them completely alone, although i mixed nebs in the kitchen where my meds/cups were. i think i was a tiny bit older when my parents stopped saying things like "do your treatment now" -- that probably happened about the same time as I started going to bed AFTER my parents! i know that by the time i left for college i was completely independent.

i will admit that as a teen i "experimented" a bit with skipping treatments, stopping nebs before they were done if i was tired, not really huffing, etc. i think many (not all) cfers kind of go through that. my parents solved this problem by having my doctor and RT talk to me alone at clinic, so that they wouldn't be "nagging" and i would see how important that sort of stuff really was. i think your son might benefit from this too -- maybe next time you're at clinic arrange for his doctor to see him "man to man" without you in the room (oh, the grown up feeling of that talk with the doctor without mom!) and explain that he's starting to take over his own treatments and that this is a big step and one that he should take pride in doing well, and also sort of go over proper cleaning/huffing/etc techniques just as a helpful refresher. the conversation will simultaneously acknowledge your son's new responsibility for himself and how proud you are of him taking that step, while still reinforcing that proper technique is important and the "adults" are going to be "helping him out" for now as he makes the transition. afterward you could take him out for lunch or a treat and ask him to tell you about the discussion and it would give you a chance to voice your support and agreement with the doctor. just a thought.

good luck and congrats on your proactive and responsible young man!

NYCLawGirl · Dec 5, 2009

hi there,

your approach sounds perfect to me. make yourself somewhat available and keep a bit of an eye on him, but don't let him feel as though you don't trust him with his meds or that you're "hovering" over him. i started taking control of my meds entirely right around his age, and then gradually was also given responsibility for things like renewals (that was more like early high school) and picking up my own local scripts (once i had a car). i'm positive that my parents "watched" me for a while after each of these steps, but i wasn't really aware of it. they also encouraged me to track my treatments, etc, at first. i used paper (i'm so old!) but i think cfvoice.com has an awesome treatment tracker function.

by the time i was 14 or so i kept my treatment machines in my room and my orals in my bathroom and did them completely alone, although i mixed nebs in the kitchen where my meds/cups were. i think i was a tiny bit older when my parents stopped saying things like "do your treatment now" -- that probably happened about the same time as I started going to bed AFTER my parents! i know that by the time i left for college i was completely independent.

i will admit that as a teen i "experimented" a bit with skipping treatments, stopping nebs before they were done if i was tired, not really huffing, etc. i think many (not all) cfers kind of go through that. my parents solved this problem by having my doctor and RT talk to me alone at clinic, so that they wouldn't be "nagging" and i would see how important that sort of stuff really was. i think your son might benefit from this too -- maybe next time you're at clinic arrange for his doctor to see him "man to man" without you in the room (oh, the grown up feeling of that talk with the doctor without mom!) and explain that he's starting to take over his own treatments and that this is a big step and one that he should take pride in doing well, and also sort of go over proper cleaning/huffing/etc techniques just as a helpful refresher. the conversation will simultaneously acknowledge your son's new responsibility for himself and how proud you are of him taking that step, while still reinforcing that proper technique is important and the "adults" are going to be "helping him out" for now as he makes the transition. afterward you could take him out for lunch or a treat and ask him to tell you about the discussion and it would give you a chance to voice your support and agreement with the doctor. just a thought.

good luck and congrats on your proactive and responsible young man!

NYCLawGirl · Dec 5, 2009

hi there,
 
 your approach sounds perfect to me. make yourself somewhat available and keep a bit of an eye on him, but don't let him feel as though you don't trust him with his meds or that you're "hovering" over him. i started taking control of my meds entirely right around his age, and then gradually was also given responsibility for things like renewals (that was more like early high school) and picking up my own local scripts (once i had a car). i'm positive that my parents "watched" me for a while after each of these steps, but i wasn't really aware of it. they also encouraged me to track my treatments, etc, at first. i used paper (i'm so old!) but i think cfvoice.com has an awesome treatment tracker function.
 
 by the time i was 14 or so i kept my treatment machines in my room and my orals in my bathroom and did them completely alone, although i mixed nebs in the kitchen where my meds/cups were. i think i was a tiny bit older when my parents stopped saying things like "do your treatment now" -- that probably happened about the same time as I started going to bed AFTER my parents! i know that by the time i left for college i was completely independent.
 
 i will admit that as a teen i "experimented" a bit with skipping treatments, stopping nebs before they were done if i was tired, not really huffing, etc. i think many (not all) cfers kind of go through that. my parents solved this problem by having my doctor and RT talk to me alone at clinic, so that they wouldn't be "nagging" and i would see how important that sort of stuff really was. i think your son might benefit from this too -- maybe next time you're at clinic arrange for his doctor to see him "man to man" without you in the room (oh, the grown up feeling of that talk with the doctor without mom!) and explain that he's starting to take over his own treatments and that this is a big step and one that he should take pride in doing well, and also sort of go over proper cleaning/huffing/etc techniques just as a helpful refresher. the conversation will simultaneously acknowledge your son's new responsibility for himself and how proud you are of him taking that step, while still reinforcing that proper technique is important and the "adults" are going to be "helping him out" for now as he makes the transition. afterward you could take him out for lunch or a treat and ask him to tell you about the discussion and it would give you a chance to voice your support and agreement with the doctor. just a thought.
 
 good luck and congrats on your proactive and responsible young man!

NYCLawGirl · Dec 5, 2009