Smoking and family events...

[Ratatosk]

Earlier this year we got notification that DH's cousin's stepdaughter was getting married in August. So we made a notation on our calendar and said, we'll have to get a hotel with a pool, so DS can play with his cousins. It'll be great 'cuz we'll be able to see a lot of out of town relatives who we only get to see every couple of years or so.

Was talking to my MIL last weekend and she says -- there's a hotel right across from the place where they're having the reception, so people won't have to worry about driving. And suddenly, I'm realizing that the wedding reception and dance are being held at the local VFW, which allows smoking -- they're exempt from the smoking ban, which was enacted last year. And years ago I attended a wedding reception at this place -- it was loud and smoke-filled. So guess we'll just be attending the wedding. MIL is kinda miffed with me -- "maybe it won't be so bad" she says with that superior church lady look of hers.

Liza

 

[anonymous]

I say go to the reception. You shouldn't keep your child from seeing family because of smoke. Maybe you can talk to the couple that is getting married and see if they can enact smoking only around the bar area at the reception. And your child could stay away from it and take regular outings outside to get fresh clean air. I know smoke is bad for CFers but I believe that it is more important your child see their family they might not see for awhile than to keep them away from a few hours of cigarette smoke. You don't have to stay the whole time anyway. I believe many older CFers will back me up on this. living a normal life is what they do on a regular basis or atleast what they strive for.

Hope this helps,
Lynsey
Mom to Avery 2yrs w/CF and Rhett 1yr. CF carrier

 

[Ratatosk]

Last summer we attended a retirement party with this same group. Was outdoors and I spent the entire time moving DS from the deck, to the garage, to inside, to the front yard, to the back yard because of smokers.

It's not an issue of one person lighting up a cigarrette -- its an issue of a number of people smoking, several of them are chain smokers. And this event is going to be held in a smoke filled bar.

 

[anonymous]

I think you have to do what you feel comfortable with. I personally don't like the idea of any young child (or adult for that matter!) being stuck in a room filled with smoke - YUCKO! Your son will probably have more fun at the pool anyway! If absolutely necessary, maybe you can attend for 30 minutes or so then head to the pool.

Oh ya, I am a parent of a CFer and I personally avoid smoke filled places just bc I cannot stand smoke (grosses me out and gives me a headache). So, even if my CFer weren't in the equation I would seriously consider skipping the event for my own good.

HTH!

 

[anonymous]

As an "older cf person" I NEVER stay where there is smoke. I am grateful that while growing up and living with my parents they never allowed anyone to smoke around me either. Go to the wedding and wish them well. Hold no hard feelings toward your relatives. Hopefully they can respect that you are concerned parents just doing what you are supposed to be doing and that is protecting DS from harmful smoke. Certainly we all know that smoke is harmful for everyone but it is especially harmful for those with lung issues.

 

[anonymous]

I would NEVER bring my girls to an event where there is smoking!!

If the "family" cared that much about seeing us -- then they should NOT allow smoking!! Deb<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

 

[anonymous]

I know what you are going through. We have been invited to a wedding and I said we were all coming and then my mom told me that the reception will be smoking. I have 3 children and 2 have cf and my son has just stopped coughing but he is on Tobi right now. I decided we are not going. It is my cousins wedding and hope he understands they are all heavy smokers and it usually burns my eyes within 15 min. I am sending a card with money with my mom.

Mother of a 9yr old w/cf, 5yr old w/cf , and 2 yr old w/out cf

 

[wanderlost]

well I know I am not the norm - and I would have to say no matter, what do what you are comfortable with - you won't have a good time if you are worried about the smoke. However, I think that if you protect your child at all possible times from adverse exposures, such as smoke, then spending a few hours at the reception probably won't hurt him. As someone said, you will not always be able to protect him from smoke - but a family gathering might be one time to make an exception - whereas another outing might need cancelling. Just my two cents - though I am glad my parents took me places and didn't always hold me back just because of CF (which isn't to imply that I ran around smoke filled places with my parents, but only that sometimes the occasion was worth the risk, whatever that "risk" might have been).

 

[melleemac]

I will never take my boys to an inside event which allows smoking! In fact, I fell out with my mother over 6 months ago because I told her as long as she was smoking inside my boys would not be allowed to visit. Both boys have severe lung problems, and if thats what it take to maintain their health than so be it. I guess she didnt think it was important cos we havent spoke since.

 

[wanderlost]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>melleemac</b></i>

I will never take my boys to an inside event which allows smoking! In fact, I fell out with my mother over 6 months ago because I told her as long as she was smoking inside my boys would not be allowed to visit. Both boys have severe lung problems, and if thats what it take to maintain their health than so be it. I guess she didnt think it was important cos we havent spoke since.</end quote></div>

I think Melleemac has a good point too - health status should prbably play into such a decision as well. Obviously a sicker child should be more shielded from toxins than a healthier one.

 

[anonymous]

Wanderlost -- you were a beautiful bride. God Blessyou and your children!!

Deb<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

 

[dyza]

What is the VWF? And why are they exempt from any ban. Scotland has a smoking ban now in enclosed public places, England follows suit next year and we also have exemptions to the ban, palaces are exempt, so unless we are going to a royal wedding, our weddings here are smoke free......... You would think family would be the first to stub out smoking around family with CF. I know our family do ,and at functions [before the ban]. I smoked for 20 years and found it really difficult to give it up, even after my son's dx, I have never smoked any where near him, only smoked at work, so I guess I'm saying is that it is difficult to give up, remember it is an addiction, but family, come on, theres no need for it, if only they would stop and think

 

[anonymous]

I wasn't in any way suggesting you put your child in harms way. Just that you see if you can somehow get the best of both worlds. If inside the reception there is no refuge from smoke then don't stay. However maybe you could go and check it out then leave if necessary. We have family members who smoke as well and it is hard for us too that they don't just quit. They do however know that they can't smoke around Avery and that they must only smoke outside (they do this anyway). I hope you can understand where I am coming from. As much as we should be our childs biggest advocate we should also try and make sure they live normal lives and do not miss important people/events in their lives.

Take Care,
Lynsey- Mom to Avery 2yrs. w/CF and Rhett 1 yr. CF carrier

 

[Ratatosk]

VFW is the Veterans of Foreign Wars Club. In our city, they only allow smoking in bars where minors aren't allowed. Some states have enacted smoking bans, others it's left up to the local city government.

The wedding reception is in a city that voted on a smoking ban, but the local regulations allow smoking in restaurants and bars after 8 p.m. and social clubs are exempt from the ban.

 

[wanderlost]

thanks deb!

 

[Scarlett81]

I stay away from smoke in every way I can-and my family knows never to smoke around me b/c they're informed of my illness. Second hand smoke IS a big deal to us-we are fighting the damage every day in a million ways-why be around smoke that damages lung tissue or causes embarassing coughing fits?

And if my relatives smoked around me anyway-sorry, this is just my opinion only don't mean to offend anyone-but they wouldn't be worth knowing to me. I don't like selfish people.

 

[miesl]

I would refuse to go. Plus, I would send a note in the card saying - "We would have loved attending, but our health concerns about smoking outweighed our desire to go." (I'm a passive aggressive Minnesotan, what do you expect?)

It's disrespectful and rude for family members to ignore your valid health concerns and expect you to attend events that will compromise the health of your son. It's BS and it peeves me off. (Can you tell I've had to deal with it concerning my asthma for years?) Now that I'm with someone with similar anti-smoking health concerns... we just don't go places where it will be.

 

[anonymous]

I have two daughters w/CF, and I refuse to take them anywhere that allows smoking. Even some restraunts that have non-smoking sections because they are not completely seperated from the rest of the building. I am not overprotective at all, but I wish to keep their little lungs from being damaged at such a tender age. We have attending parties, maybe for the first 1/2 hour or so, before I can actually smell the smoke, or see the smoke. And then, we are out the door! My girls are 6 and 8, and I just tell them that smoke will kill them. And I am pretty blunt about it. I do not want them around it at all. I am just scared to death that they are going to grow up and try smoking and think it's ok. They do not want to be around it either. I have pressed it so hard into them. If they see someone smoking anywhere near us, they mention it to me, and we move. I am proud that they are already recognizing it as a danger to their livelyhood, even at such a young age.

Your family will understand if you can't attend the reception. And maybe by mentioning it this time, other family members will think about it during future family event planning.

 

[anonymous]

Forget the CF part of it - it's absurd to suggest there are positive benefits of exposing a child (or anyone else for that matter) to smoke. It is an avoidable health hazard. Calling it unavoidable is like saying you should encourage your kids to stand in traffic so they can get used to dodging cars or feeding a baby alcohol so it can get prepared for drinking in those same smoky bars. The only difference is that drinkers seldom spill their drinks into the mouths of non-drinking bystanders while smokers seem to think it's the responsibility of non-smokers to stay out of their way if they don't want a lungful of second-hand smoke. and yes, I have a pretty big grudge against smokers and already know it's a bit on the hostile side.

 

[Scarlett81]

I guess I get annoyed at it-but I have some family members I love very much that do smoke. But-they know when you come to my house you either go in your car or all the way to the woods-like 100 ft.

They just know, so it's never been a problem. As an adult I have never come across an friend or family member that hasn't respected this. But I've been very vocal with people-explained thoroughly.

Once my mom and I were in an elevator-at a hospital!-and this lady was smoking so my mom politely asked her put the cigarette out cause 'my daughter has a serious lung disease, cf, and we're on our way upstairs for a procedure'. The woman took a puff-and blew it in our faces!! I can't believe my mom didn't punch her! I think I might of! But in this day and age, you get sued!