Someone turned my child into a flippin' germaphobe

[Ratatosk]

I blame my MIL.. Grr! A few weeks ago DS became obsessed with handwashing, refusing to eat something if it fell off his plate onto the table or onto his leg. It came to a head last week when I picked him up at daycare and he informed me that I would have to feed him from now on because his hand touched a feather (even though he used hand sanitizer and a handwipe). Then he refused to drink out of the juicebox I handed him because I had touched his arm to put hand sanitizer and wipe on him and therefore I was dirty. I pretty much LOST it!

We asked him what happened and he said that he dropped a peanut on our bed and ate it and then worried that he'd get sick. Did he get sick -- no. Did he get sick a few weeks earlier when he went to the petting zoo at the fair and didn't wash hands before snack time -- no... I am so completely aggravated about the whole situation.

Pretty sure he's developing OCD. Things have improved, but we're still not there. We're trying bribery, reason... It's worse when he's overly tired. This past weekend he regressed because we were at my inlaws and he stayed up late, lots of family around, including one person who KNEW about his issues and wacked him on the leg with a fly swatter. School starts in a few days and I'm pretty stressed about the whole situation. Any suggestions?

 

[Aboveallislove]

Ratatosk,
Augh. I typed out a response and lost it and need to get moving on dinner. Sorry this is choppy--first so sorry this is so stressful I KNOW. My younger brother has very severe OCD--he's a doctor and had been on disability from it for years. while it can be a learned-behavior, typically it is how a person's brain is wired--it is an anxiety disorder. Thus, while MIL might have said something that set it off, unlikely that she caused it. Unless she has OCD and he spends a ton of time with her from a learned-behavior standpoint, but then it is also going to have a heredity component. I strongly recommend finding a good therapist who does cognitive therapy. But in the meantime (or maybe trying instead), The OCD Workbook: Breaking free from OCD is an excellent family-based resource and it has the "professional" ways to address this. It is very frustrating for the family b/c it is so irrational, but the thing to keep in mind is he doesn't want to do this--it is a compulsion. But the workbook help with the ways to address specific instances. Also, stress is a trigger as it increases anxiety and OCD is the response to anxiety. So relaxation techniques (yoga, relaxation breathing, etc.) also help. There are also meds but cognitive therapy can address. My brother had issues/signs decades before it became a "problem" and if addressed then I think it would have been much just an aspect of life he had to keep on top of, instead of the dehabiliting issue it became. I'm so sorry you have this added worry--and what a JERK who would do that with a flyswatter, I think that was stupid to do to a CFer without any issue with germs!! Please PM if you need to vent or want to chat more. PS The book is available at most bookstores.
Hugs

 

[Ratatosk]

Crazy thing is that this is the kid who'd make us cringe when he'd tell us he found gum on the playground, would stick rocks and leaves up his nose, mouth or ears, eat food off the floor or ground, not wash his hands, was always digging up his nose, in his butt crack. Complete turnaround in just a few short weeks. In fact last month he went to the petting zoo at the fair and didn't wash his hands afterwards. Told us hours later and allwe could do was shrug and say, guess if he gets sick we'll deal with it. He didn't.

 

[Aboveallislove]

I know--it seems so weird how it can go "on" like that. But I know from my brother and family discussions, that the first instance might have been in second grade when they first had the anxiety where something someone said got them in a "spin" and where something before didn't cause any disquiet. Then they'd "get over it" and then later in 6th grade, something else, and then later in high school, etc. etc. Check out that workbook and see if it helps--it really is written toward the person and their family for practical (but professionally based) responses. Hang in there!

 

[concernedmom]

I second having him evaluated! I'm far from an expert on the subject; however, OCD and anxiety disorders run in my family (along with ADHD, bipolar, and schizophrenia.) While the MIL's comments certainly could have helped kick it up in high gear, if he's truly OCD, it was going to happen regardless of what your MIL said. How old is your ds? OCD symptoms often present in the years right before puberty, or early adulthood.

Even if it's a learned behavior and not OCD, a psych consult and a little therapy won't hurt. At best, you'll confirm that it was the MIL's comments and the doctor will help allay the fears (or therapy will help him work through them), or at worst, he'll get an OCD diagnosis and treatment.

Good luck!

ETA: we thought my 18 yr old nephew was OCD last year (esp since there's a genetic component.) Suddenly started washing his hands like 30 times/day (like up to the elbow, major lather, 5 minute washings), and freaking out about germs. Wouldn't eat certain things, started showering 3x/day, changing clothes frequently. Even threw out a brand new pair of expensive shoes because he'd accidentally stepped on the wing of a dead bird. Long story short, they had him evaluated, went through therapy for a couple months. Turns out he's not OCD. He does have an anxiety disorder but with therapy they taught him coping techniques. He still has some minor issues but it doesn't disrupt there lives any longer.