Spousal Liberties...

[Grendel]

I have told my wife for a number of reasons I do not want her smoking pot. We have fights over this time and time again. In fact, since we were dating it was an issue that was to have been respected and resolved. Suffice it to say, the relief that pot apparently brought her was of greater power, at least in the moments that it counted, than my loving request. We have concluded that she is "addicted" to it as much as one can be, (I know it is not habit forming, but she is emotionally addicted to the concept that it is the only thing that brings her stress relief). I love her no less for this fact, but it is not what I wanted in my life years ago, and I don't want it in my life now.

I will not change my views on not wanting her to use drugs as a coping mechanism. I think it is wrong, and that drugs of this nature provide a false sense of comfort. However, despite my views, I was wondering for those CFers who have spouses, do your husbands or wives require special liberties to "deal" with your CF? I know it is hard on a spouse, so I suspect we all are a generous with our loved ones. However, if your spouse does in fact require liberties for this purpose, does he or she use pot or other drugs to medicate his or her stress/pain/anxiety away?

Thanks,
Grendel
33/w CF

 

[Emily65Roses]

Sometimes Mike drinks and smokes weed, but it's not so much a liberty needed because of my CF... as much as it is that he's 19. He knows I won't tolerate that crap forever, and that after he graduates college and gets his butt in gear, gets a job, etc, it has to stop. Drinking is not as much an issue, as long as he doesn't constantly get bombed. But beers on a Saturday afternoon I don't care about. I don't think Mike's ever done anything outrageous based on the CF. He just sticks around, helps when he can, and whatever else. Course... I'm still doing pretty well, and we're not married yet. We spend a LOT of time together, and I spent this summer living at his house, but we also don't technically live together yet, which I'm sure makes a difference.

Maybe ask her why she needs special liberties to cope when you don't do anything stupid like that... and you're the one living with it? Maybe instead, you guys should spend some afternoons going for a walk, or going to dinner, or the movies or something. And it sounds like she also might benefit from counseling if she's having so much trouble with your CF that she needs to smoke pot all the time to feel relaxed. Perhaps even couples therapy would be a good idea. But this is all just a bunch of ideas, so who knows.

 

[Purplelungs]

My husband says he just needs the three things a husband needs. If I have to tell you what those are Im not going to. lol....Anyway I have heard of some spouses and parents needing antidepressants. I dont blame them either. Maybe try to get your wife into counseling with or with out some antidepressants...It might be easier for her to get off the weed if she had some professional help...or something to subsistute the emotional dependancy she has on weed. You definatly dont want her to subsitute alcohol or something worse than weed.

 

[anonymous]

PERSONALLY, I DON'T SEE A PROBLEM WITH SMOKING WEED, ALTHOUGH I DO NOT SMOKE MYSELF. I DON'T SEE THE BIG DEAL. HOWEVER IF SHE IS SMOKING IT RIGHT NEAR YOU INSTEAD OF ANOTHER ROOM, THAT'S RUDE. DOESSHEWORK? IS SHE ABLE TO MAINTAIN THE EVERYDAY FUNCTIONS OF A NORMAL LIFE? DOES SHE ALWAYS SEEM TO HAVE TO HAVE IT OR IS IT MORE OF A CASUAL THING. IF YOU GUYS HAVE SAT DOWN AND DISCUSSED THAT IT BOTHERS YOU, AND SHE CONTINUES TO SMOKE REGARDLESS, IT SOUNDS LIKE SHE HAS NO REGARD FOR YOUR FEELINGS AND THAT IS DEFINATELY A PROBLEM.....!

 

[anonymous]

Isn´t it forbidden to have pot/weed or other drugs???? So what, if the police finds it in your car/appartement and think its yours? Do you want to go to jail for your silly partners ? Cf and jail are not the best thing I bet...

Uli,43,Germany