Thanks for the input on my last post. May seem like I am grasping at straws here, maybe I am. I cannot profess to know how a CF patient feels, only how the mom feels. Very difficult to just sit back and watch my daughter crash and burn. Without taking any meds or treatments, how long can she continue to stay out of the hospital, keep her job , and continue this pace of staying out half the night if not all night? So, going out on a limb here.....if you are in "her" boat, e mail her once just to see if she will talk and accept the support of others who are in her situation. calie116@yahoo.com, hope that's still her address. We are in Ohio. Any chance any of you are from around this area? Maybe a face to face support is more in order. You all would know better than I.Debby
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still struggling with 20 year old
- Thread starter anonymous
- Start date
debby,i'll email your daughter. i, too, am a 20 year old CF-er [from israel] and i've been there - i didn't take any meds and didn't do any treatments, and of course the results were not pretty. i was 19 at the time.i guess maybe you, as a mom, should try to see what's going on in her life. perhaps she's reacting to something, maybe something not nice happened; obviously, she feels cf is getting in her way and feels that if she ignores it, it's not there. i can completely understand your frustration. my mom was almost hysterical when i didn't treat my cf, it drove her crazy and she just couldn't stay aside and watch. anyhow, i guess you know the situation should be changed real fast...take care,*hugs*lois
Hi DebbyAt last, a mother who is going through the same problems that I go through with my son. Although my son is a little older than your daughter, I still go through the problems that I thought he would have outgrown as a teenager. I am so frustrated with him and find myself being less and less able to cope with every day things just lately because of his health. I have been a fanatic about his health all of his life, so much so that I guess I did far too much for him and still find myself doing the same even though he is old enough to do all of his. I would love to chat with you, perhaps we can give each other some "parent" support.Sandy
Sandy and Lois....thank you so much for responding to my pleas for help. I hope the e mail address was correct that I gave you and that Lois was able to correspond with my daughter, Paula. She needs the support so much from someone in her situation. Sandy, my e mail is debarino34@yahoo.com, if you want, e mail me and we can touch base some more. Never found any support groups for CF patients or families except here. I don't get tot he computer every day but will check for any corresondance from you. Thanks again! Debby
Debby, First let me explain that I'm not a parent of a cf'er, but a person with cf who had a mother who insisted on doing everthing for me. Your daughter needs to learn that this his hers to deal with, not yours. Unfortunately, that means you'll have to let her figure out what she needs to do to stay well. I know from first hand experience how handicapping it is to have a mother who insisted on taking care of everything. Only when I was able to put some distance between my mom and me, was I able to take the necessary steps to take care of myself. Of course I always knew she'd be there for me, but I needed to figure it out on my own.... only then did I realize that no one is responsible for my health except me. I know that it's difficult to let go of the reigns after 20 or so years, but it's a necessary step for your daughter to grow. So my advice to you is to cut the umbilical cord and allow your daughter to become the woman you know she can be. You'll be pleasantly surprised at how well she takes on her own responsibilities. It may take some time, but you'll both be better off in the end. Again, I wish my own mother had done the same and that her continued doting only inhibited my own independence by not allowing me to learn how to take care of myself- even if it was the hard way to learn. At this point, there isn't anything you can say that she hasn't already heard from you, or her doctors. It's up to her to take care of herself, so leave it up to her (remember, you're always there when she asks for your help). I hope this helps- I can only speak from my own perspective, so bear in mind that this is only my opinion. Take care and God bless....