Stressed out Mom needs advice. : (

dillman

New member
My girlfriend works for the Love and Logic Company and has recommended the same book to me. I haven't read it yet either but she says it's a great book. I am a mother of a 15-year-old boy with CF who is still pretty compliant...thank goodness. I worry about how he will behave as he gets older and becomes more independent. My heart goes out to you! You sound like a wonderful, caring mother who simply loves her daughter and just wants what's best for her. I believe that some day your daughter will see that and realize how much you cared for her during this difficult time. We were told (when my son was diagnosed) that the teen years would be very difficult due to rebellion. Maybe your daughter is just going through it a little later. My wish for you is that you and your daughter can find peace, strength, and happiness very soon! God Bless!
 

dillman

New member
My girlfriend works for the Love and Logic Company and has recommended the same book to me. I haven't read it yet either but she says it's a great book. I am a mother of a 15-year-old boy with CF who is still pretty compliant...thank goodness. I worry about how he will behave as he gets older and becomes more independent. My heart goes out to you! You sound like a wonderful, caring mother who simply loves her daughter and just wants what's best for her. I believe that some day your daughter will see that and realize how much you cared for her during this difficult time. We were told (when my son was diagnosed) that the teen years would be very difficult due to rebellion. Maybe your daughter is just going through it a little later. My wish for you is that you and your daughter can find peace, strength, and happiness very soon! God Bless!
 

dillman

New member
My girlfriend works for the Love and Logic Company and has recommended the same book to me. I haven't read it yet either but she says it's a great book. I am a mother of a 15-year-old boy with CF who is still pretty compliant...thank goodness. I worry about how he will behave as he gets older and becomes more independent. My heart goes out to you! You sound like a wonderful, caring mother who simply loves her daughter and just wants what's best for her. I believe that some day your daughter will see that and realize how much you cared for her during this difficult time. We were told (when my son was diagnosed) that the teen years would be very difficult due to rebellion. Maybe your daughter is just going through it a little later. My wish for you is that you and your daughter can find peace, strength, and happiness very soon! God Bless!
 

dillman

New member
My girlfriend works for the Love and Logic Company and has recommended the same book to me. I haven't read it yet either but she says it's a great book. I am a mother of a 15-year-old boy with CF who is still pretty compliant...thank goodness. I worry about how he will behave as he gets older and becomes more independent. My heart goes out to you! You sound like a wonderful, caring mother who simply loves her daughter and just wants what's best for her. I believe that some day your daughter will see that and realize how much you cared for her during this difficult time. We were told (when my son was diagnosed) that the teen years would be very difficult due to rebellion. Maybe your daughter is just going through it a little later. My wish for you is that you and your daughter can find peace, strength, and happiness very soon! God Bless!
 

dillman

New member
My girlfriend works for the Love and Logic Company and has recommended the same book to me. I haven't read it yet either but she says it's a great book. I am a mother of a 15-year-old boy with CF who is still pretty compliant...thank goodness. I worry about how he will behave as he gets older and becomes more independent. My heart goes out to you! You sound like a wonderful, caring mother who simply loves her daughter and just wants what's best for her. I believe that some day your daughter will see that and realize how much you cared for her during this difficult time. We were told (when my son was diagnosed) that the teen years would be very difficult due to rebellion. Maybe your daughter is just going through it a little later. My wish for you is that you and your daughter can find peace, strength, and happiness very soon! God Bless!
 

smotherly

New member
I am also new to this forum, however I am also an old cf mom. We had some similar issues a couple of years ago. My now 23 year old went thru an extended period of rejecting all treatment and all concern from the people who loved her. She expressed that if she could not live her life as normally as possible than she did not care to live. Effectively commiting a slow suicide. After many, many fights and angry words, I realized that nothing I was going to say or do was going to convince her to work on her health issues. We came dangerously close to losing her thru one bought with pneumonia. That's when I sat down with her, and told her that I understood that she was tired of the fight. It was THE single most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I requested that she fill out a living will to establish her wants and needs so there would be no confusion for us when the time came. I advised her to see a therapist to fill this out according to her wishes and not ours. Finally, sometime thru the therapy, she found the will to live again. She started with her treatments, and found to regain ground that had been lost. She eventually completed her bachelors degree and is now working on her masters. The damage was done to her body, but we have a clear understanding now of everyones place with this illness. I don't want the end of her life to be filled with yelling, and anger towards us. Or us toward her. And that was the first decision I had to come to terms with as her mother. Regardless of how it ended, with her giving up or fighting to the bitter end, it was still going to be the same end result. And for both of our sakes anger wasnt the emotion I wanted between us. Please try to find a way to accept what you can not change. It's very difficult, but she is in charge of her care and you can not make her do it. Don't let anger be the last thing you remember about your relationship. You will still cry alot, you will still want to fix it. But if we could, we already would have. God bless you and good luck.
 

smotherly

New member
I am also new to this forum, however I am also an old cf mom. We had some similar issues a couple of years ago. My now 23 year old went thru an extended period of rejecting all treatment and all concern from the people who loved her. She expressed that if she could not live her life as normally as possible than she did not care to live. Effectively commiting a slow suicide. After many, many fights and angry words, I realized that nothing I was going to say or do was going to convince her to work on her health issues. We came dangerously close to losing her thru one bought with pneumonia. That's when I sat down with her, and told her that I understood that she was tired of the fight. It was THE single most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I requested that she fill out a living will to establish her wants and needs so there would be no confusion for us when the time came. I advised her to see a therapist to fill this out according to her wishes and not ours. Finally, sometime thru the therapy, she found the will to live again. She started with her treatments, and found to regain ground that had been lost. She eventually completed her bachelors degree and is now working on her masters. The damage was done to her body, but we have a clear understanding now of everyones place with this illness. I don't want the end of her life to be filled with yelling, and anger towards us. Or us toward her. And that was the first decision I had to come to terms with as her mother. Regardless of how it ended, with her giving up or fighting to the bitter end, it was still going to be the same end result. And for both of our sakes anger wasnt the emotion I wanted between us. Please try to find a way to accept what you can not change. It's very difficult, but she is in charge of her care and you can not make her do it. Don't let anger be the last thing you remember about your relationship. You will still cry alot, you will still want to fix it. But if we could, we already would have. God bless you and good luck.
 

smotherly

New member
I am also new to this forum, however I am also an old cf mom. We had some similar issues a couple of years ago. My now 23 year old went thru an extended period of rejecting all treatment and all concern from the people who loved her. She expressed that if she could not live her life as normally as possible than she did not care to live. Effectively commiting a slow suicide. After many, many fights and angry words, I realized that nothing I was going to say or do was going to convince her to work on her health issues. We came dangerously close to losing her thru one bought with pneumonia. That's when I sat down with her, and told her that I understood that she was tired of the fight. It was THE single most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I requested that she fill out a living will to establish her wants and needs so there would be no confusion for us when the time came. I advised her to see a therapist to fill this out according to her wishes and not ours. Finally, sometime thru the therapy, she found the will to live again. She started with her treatments, and found to regain ground that had been lost. She eventually completed her bachelors degree and is now working on her masters. The damage was done to her body, but we have a clear understanding now of everyones place with this illness. I don't want the end of her life to be filled with yelling, and anger towards us. Or us toward her. And that was the first decision I had to come to terms with as her mother. Regardless of how it ended, with her giving up or fighting to the bitter end, it was still going to be the same end result. And for both of our sakes anger wasnt the emotion I wanted between us. Please try to find a way to accept what you can not change. It's very difficult, but she is in charge of her care and you can not make her do it. Don't let anger be the last thing you remember about your relationship. You will still cry alot, you will still want to fix it. But if we could, we already would have. God bless you and good luck.
 

smotherly

New member
I am also new to this forum, however I am also an old cf mom. We had some similar issues a couple of years ago. My now 23 year old went thru an extended period of rejecting all treatment and all concern from the people who loved her. She expressed that if she could not live her life as normally as possible than she did not care to live. Effectively commiting a slow suicide. After many, many fights and angry words, I realized that nothing I was going to say or do was going to convince her to work on her health issues. We came dangerously close to losing her thru one bought with pneumonia. That's when I sat down with her, and told her that I understood that she was tired of the fight. It was THE single most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I requested that she fill out a living will to establish her wants and needs so there would be no confusion for us when the time came. I advised her to see a therapist to fill this out according to her wishes and not ours. Finally, sometime thru the therapy, she found the will to live again. She started with her treatments, and found to regain ground that had been lost. She eventually completed her bachelors degree and is now working on her masters. The damage was done to her body, but we have a clear understanding now of everyones place with this illness. I don't want the end of her life to be filled with yelling, and anger towards us. Or us toward her. And that was the first decision I had to come to terms with as her mother. Regardless of how it ended, with her giving up or fighting to the bitter end, it was still going to be the same end result. And for both of our sakes anger wasnt the emotion I wanted between us. Please try to find a way to accept what you can not change. It's very difficult, but she is in charge of her care and you can not make her do it. Don't let anger be the last thing you remember about your relationship. You will still cry alot, you will still want to fix it. But if we could, we already would have. God bless you and good luck.
 

smotherly

New member
I am also new to this forum, however I am also an old cf mom. We had some similar issues a couple of years ago. My now 23 year old went thru an extended period of rejecting all treatment and all concern from the people who loved her. She expressed that if she could not live her life as normally as possible than she did not care to live. Effectively commiting a slow suicide. After many, many fights and angry words, I realized that nothing I was going to say or do was going to convince her to work on her health issues. We came dangerously close to losing her thru one bought with pneumonia. That's when I sat down with her, and told her that I understood that she was tired of the fight. It was THE single most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I requested that she fill out a living will to establish her wants and needs so there would be no confusion for us when the time came. I advised her to see a therapist to fill this out according to her wishes and not ours. Finally, sometime thru the therapy, she found the will to live again. She started with her treatments, and found to regain ground that had been lost. She eventually completed her bachelors degree and is now working on her masters. The damage was done to her body, but we have a clear understanding now of everyones place with this illness. I don't want the end of her life to be filled with yelling, and anger towards us. Or us toward her. And that was the first decision I had to come to terms with as her mother. Regardless of how it ended, with her giving up or fighting to the bitter end, it was still going to be the same end result. And for both of our sakes anger wasnt the emotion I wanted between us. Please try to find a way to accept what you can not change. It's very difficult, but she is in charge of her care and you can not make her do it. Don't let anger be the last thing you remember about your relationship. You will still cry alot, you will still want to fix it. But if we could, we already would have. God bless you and good luck.
 

SnickerJunky

New member
Smotherly..your post hit home in so many ways. You are exactly right.

I do have an update tho. We found out that she has a huge abscess in her left lung, which has been causing alot of her inability to ever get back to a good baseline after her tuneups. Now she's in the hospital for 4 weeks on IV therapy, to get it to shrink and GO AWAY. I'm so relieved to have a positive end in sight. I've also been 3 rounds with psychiatry who tried tossing her aside, saying, "She knew better than to go to her friend's grave, but she did it anway. What do you want, she's 20". <thud> So I have her Internal Medicine team taking charge of her anti-depressants and they have rearranged everything and have her on a great combo that is also causing her to eat, eat, eat! She seems so much better already. The only bad thing that's happened lately is the fact that she was in the hospital last night and missed seeing Celine Dion, who we had tickets for since December 07! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> She was devastated. But I told her that we will most definitely go see her next time, and that she BETTER be able to go too, lol.

So hopefully, after everything, things are on the upswing with her. She even said she applied for a job at Blockbuster. Thanks for all of your support! (((Hugs to all of you!)))
 

SnickerJunky

New member
Smotherly..your post hit home in so many ways. You are exactly right.

I do have an update tho. We found out that she has a huge abscess in her left lung, which has been causing alot of her inability to ever get back to a good baseline after her tuneups. Now she's in the hospital for 4 weeks on IV therapy, to get it to shrink and GO AWAY. I'm so relieved to have a positive end in sight. I've also been 3 rounds with psychiatry who tried tossing her aside, saying, "She knew better than to go to her friend's grave, but she did it anway. What do you want, she's 20". <thud> So I have her Internal Medicine team taking charge of her anti-depressants and they have rearranged everything and have her on a great combo that is also causing her to eat, eat, eat! She seems so much better already. The only bad thing that's happened lately is the fact that she was in the hospital last night and missed seeing Celine Dion, who we had tickets for since December 07! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> She was devastated. But I told her that we will most definitely go see her next time, and that she BETTER be able to go too, lol.

So hopefully, after everything, things are on the upswing with her. She even said she applied for a job at Blockbuster. Thanks for all of your support! (((Hugs to all of you!)))
 

SnickerJunky

New member
Smotherly..your post hit home in so many ways. You are exactly right.

I do have an update tho. We found out that she has a huge abscess in her left lung, which has been causing alot of her inability to ever get back to a good baseline after her tuneups. Now she's in the hospital for 4 weeks on IV therapy, to get it to shrink and GO AWAY. I'm so relieved to have a positive end in sight. I've also been 3 rounds with psychiatry who tried tossing her aside, saying, "She knew better than to go to her friend's grave, but she did it anway. What do you want, she's 20". <thud> So I have her Internal Medicine team taking charge of her anti-depressants and they have rearranged everything and have her on a great combo that is also causing her to eat, eat, eat! She seems so much better already. The only bad thing that's happened lately is the fact that she was in the hospital last night and missed seeing Celine Dion, who we had tickets for since December 07! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> She was devastated. But I told her that we will most definitely go see her next time, and that she BETTER be able to go too, lol.

So hopefully, after everything, things are on the upswing with her. She even said she applied for a job at Blockbuster. Thanks for all of your support! (((Hugs to all of you!)))
 

SnickerJunky

New member
Smotherly..your post hit home in so many ways. You are exactly right.

I do have an update tho. We found out that she has a huge abscess in her left lung, which has been causing alot of her inability to ever get back to a good baseline after her tuneups. Now she's in the hospital for 4 weeks on IV therapy, to get it to shrink and GO AWAY. I'm so relieved to have a positive end in sight. I've also been 3 rounds with psychiatry who tried tossing her aside, saying, "She knew better than to go to her friend's grave, but she did it anway. What do you want, she's 20". <thud> So I have her Internal Medicine team taking charge of her anti-depressants and they have rearranged everything and have her on a great combo that is also causing her to eat, eat, eat! She seems so much better already. The only bad thing that's happened lately is the fact that she was in the hospital last night and missed seeing Celine Dion, who we had tickets for since December 07! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> She was devastated. But I told her that we will most definitely go see her next time, and that she BETTER be able to go too, lol.

So hopefully, after everything, things are on the upswing with her. She even said she applied for a job at Blockbuster. Thanks for all of your support! (((Hugs to all of you!)))
 

SnickerJunky

New member
Smotherly..your post hit home in so many ways. You are exactly right.
<br />
<br />I do have an update tho. We found out that she has a huge abscess in her left lung, which has been causing alot of her inability to ever get back to a good baseline after her tuneups. Now she's in the hospital for 4 weeks on IV therapy, to get it to shrink and GO AWAY. I'm so relieved to have a positive end in sight. I've also been 3 rounds with psychiatry who tried tossing her aside, saying, "She knew better than to go to her friend's grave, but she did it anway. What do you want, she's 20". <thud> So I have her Internal Medicine team taking charge of her anti-depressants and they have rearranged everything and have her on a great combo that is also causing her to eat, eat, eat! She seems so much better already. The only bad thing that's happened lately is the fact that she was in the hospital last night and missed seeing Celine Dion, who we had tickets for since December 07! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> She was devastated. But I told her that we will most definitely go see her next time, and that she BETTER be able to go too, lol.
<br />
<br />So hopefully, after everything, things are on the upswing with her. She even said she applied for a job at Blockbuster. Thanks for all of your support! (((Hugs to all of you!)))
 

dswilson67

New member
Hi, I'm an old CF mom too. My son Dan is 19 and he has gone through the times of not doing treatments and such, mostly during his high school years. It seemed the more I asked him to do the treatment the more he would turn a deaf ear. He too would only do enough treatments to make him feel better. His senior year was not great for us, he was sick most of the year and would not even agree to go to the doctor until he was so sick he could barely breath. Then he would end up in the hospital. I really don't think he really started to take his health seriously until he started college and decided he was sick and tired of being sick of tired. I honestly think his "only doing enough treatment to feel better" has caused the bug he has to be resistant to the drugs they normally go to make him better. He has been on IV treatments 7 times in the last two years.

I guess what I am trying to say, I backed off and made him responsible for his health. I had to do it for my piece of mind. It was choices he was making no matter how much I nagged him. And even though he has had a real trouble with his health I think that is making him responsible for wanting to feel better.

I hope this helps some.


Deb
 

dswilson67

New member
Hi, I'm an old CF mom too. My son Dan is 19 and he has gone through the times of not doing treatments and such, mostly during his high school years. It seemed the more I asked him to do the treatment the more he would turn a deaf ear. He too would only do enough treatments to make him feel better. His senior year was not great for us, he was sick most of the year and would not even agree to go to the doctor until he was so sick he could barely breath. Then he would end up in the hospital. I really don't think he really started to take his health seriously until he started college and decided he was sick and tired of being sick of tired. I honestly think his "only doing enough treatment to feel better" has caused the bug he has to be resistant to the drugs they normally go to make him better. He has been on IV treatments 7 times in the last two years.

I guess what I am trying to say, I backed off and made him responsible for his health. I had to do it for my piece of mind. It was choices he was making no matter how much I nagged him. And even though he has had a real trouble with his health I think that is making him responsible for wanting to feel better.

I hope this helps some.


Deb
 

dswilson67

New member
Hi, I'm an old CF mom too. My son Dan is 19 and he has gone through the times of not doing treatments and such, mostly during his high school years. It seemed the more I asked him to do the treatment the more he would turn a deaf ear. He too would only do enough treatments to make him feel better. His senior year was not great for us, he was sick most of the year and would not even agree to go to the doctor until he was so sick he could barely breath. Then he would end up in the hospital. I really don't think he really started to take his health seriously until he started college and decided he was sick and tired of being sick of tired. I honestly think his "only doing enough treatment to feel better" has caused the bug he has to be resistant to the drugs they normally go to make him better. He has been on IV treatments 7 times in the last two years.

I guess what I am trying to say, I backed off and made him responsible for his health. I had to do it for my piece of mind. It was choices he was making no matter how much I nagged him. And even though he has had a real trouble with his health I think that is making him responsible for wanting to feel better.

I hope this helps some.


Deb
 

dswilson67

New member
Hi, I'm an old CF mom too. My son Dan is 19 and he has gone through the times of not doing treatments and such, mostly during his high school years. It seemed the more I asked him to do the treatment the more he would turn a deaf ear. He too would only do enough treatments to make him feel better. His senior year was not great for us, he was sick most of the year and would not even agree to go to the doctor until he was so sick he could barely breath. Then he would end up in the hospital. I really don't think he really started to take his health seriously until he started college and decided he was sick and tired of being sick of tired. I honestly think his "only doing enough treatment to feel better" has caused the bug he has to be resistant to the drugs they normally go to make him better. He has been on IV treatments 7 times in the last two years.

I guess what I am trying to say, I backed off and made him responsible for his health. I had to do it for my piece of mind. It was choices he was making no matter how much I nagged him. And even though he has had a real trouble with his health I think that is making him responsible for wanting to feel better.

I hope this helps some.


Deb
 

dswilson67

New member
Hi, I'm an old CF mom too. My son Dan is 19 and he has gone through the times of not doing treatments and such, mostly during his high school years. It seemed the more I asked him to do the treatment the more he would turn a deaf ear. He too would only do enough treatments to make him feel better. His senior year was not great for us, he was sick most of the year and would not even agree to go to the doctor until he was so sick he could barely breath. Then he would end up in the hospital. I really don't think he really started to take his health seriously until he started college and decided he was sick and tired of being sick of tired. I honestly think his "only doing enough treatment to feel better" has caused the bug he has to be resistant to the drugs they normally go to make him better. He has been on IV treatments 7 times in the last two years.
<br />
<br />I guess what I am trying to say, I backed off and made him responsible for his health. I had to do it for my piece of mind. It was choices he was making no matter how much I nagged him. And even though he has had a real trouble with his health I think that is making him responsible for wanting to feel better.
<br />
<br />I hope this helps some.
<br />
<br />
<br />Deb
 
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