Stressed out Mom needs advice. : (

J

JORDYSMOM

New member
Being the parent of a "grown" child is the hardest thing in the world! I have two of them. They make poor choices, and it is very difficult to watch. I can't tell you how many times I've asked "Why can't he just listen to me?!!"

Jordan is my CFer, and he is 18. He is not compliant with all of his treatments. In fact, he waits until he has no choice but to do his nebs. He won't put that vest on at all. I've read on this forum that a lot of CFers behaved in the same way when they were his age.

I think part of it is a control issue. Another part of it is just the age, and showing their independence. I've even been told by one individual that he felt like he was going to die young, so why spend valuable time hooked up to machines when he could be out enjoying what life he had. Of course each individual has his/her own reasons.

I have to agree with Nightwriter that you have to back off. The mom in me hates typing that. lol I know your instinct is to keep at her until she listens to you, but that will only push her away. All you can really do is be there for her, as I'm sure you have been all along.

Remember, the boyfriend may have been an influence, and a complete loser, but your daughter made her own choices. You can't blame the boyfriend, and neither can she. She has to take responsibility for her life and her health. She's the only one who can turn it around. Once she can see past all of this, she will realize the pattern that caused her health to decline. We all have to learn our own lessons in life, and some of us must do it the hard way.

I'm sorry you are going through this. We are always here to listen and support you, so vent as much as you need to.

Stacey
 
J

JORDYSMOM

New member
Being the parent of a "grown" child is the hardest thing in the world! I have two of them. They make poor choices, and it is very difficult to watch. I can't tell you how many times I've asked "Why can't he just listen to me?!!"

Jordan is my CFer, and he is 18. He is not compliant with all of his treatments. In fact, he waits until he has no choice but to do his nebs. He won't put that vest on at all. I've read on this forum that a lot of CFers behaved in the same way when they were his age.

I think part of it is a control issue. Another part of it is just the age, and showing their independence. I've even been told by one individual that he felt like he was going to die young, so why spend valuable time hooked up to machines when he could be out enjoying what life he had. Of course each individual has his/her own reasons.

I have to agree with Nightwriter that you have to back off. The mom in me hates typing that. lol I know your instinct is to keep at her until she listens to you, but that will only push her away. All you can really do is be there for her, as I'm sure you have been all along.

Remember, the boyfriend may have been an influence, and a complete loser, but your daughter made her own choices. You can't blame the boyfriend, and neither can she. She has to take responsibility for her life and her health. She's the only one who can turn it around. Once she can see past all of this, she will realize the pattern that caused her health to decline. We all have to learn our own lessons in life, and some of us must do it the hard way.

I'm sorry you are going through this. We are always here to listen and support you, so vent as much as you need to.

Stacey
 
J

JORDYSMOM

New member
Being the parent of a "grown" child is the hardest thing in the world! I have two of them. They make poor choices, and it is very difficult to watch. I can't tell you how many times I've asked "Why can't he just listen to me?!!"

Jordan is my CFer, and he is 18. He is not compliant with all of his treatments. In fact, he waits until he has no choice but to do his nebs. He won't put that vest on at all. I've read on this forum that a lot of CFers behaved in the same way when they were his age.

I think part of it is a control issue. Another part of it is just the age, and showing their independence. I've even been told by one individual that he felt like he was going to die young, so why spend valuable time hooked up to machines when he could be out enjoying what life he had. Of course each individual has his/her own reasons.

I have to agree with Nightwriter that you have to back off. The mom in me hates typing that. lol I know your instinct is to keep at her until she listens to you, but that will only push her away. All you can really do is be there for her, as I'm sure you have been all along.

Remember, the boyfriend may have been an influence, and a complete loser, but your daughter made her own choices. You can't blame the boyfriend, and neither can she. She has to take responsibility for her life and her health. She's the only one who can turn it around. Once she can see past all of this, she will realize the pattern that caused her health to decline. We all have to learn our own lessons in life, and some of us must do it the hard way.

I'm sorry you are going through this. We are always here to listen and support you, so vent as much as you need to.

Stacey
 
J

JORDYSMOM

New member
Being the parent of a "grown" child is the hardest thing in the world! I have two of them. They make poor choices, and it is very difficult to watch. I can't tell you how many times I've asked "Why can't he just listen to me?!!"

Jordan is my CFer, and he is 18. He is not compliant with all of his treatments. In fact, he waits until he has no choice but to do his nebs. He won't put that vest on at all. I've read on this forum that a lot of CFers behaved in the same way when they were his age.

I think part of it is a control issue. Another part of it is just the age, and showing their independence. I've even been told by one individual that he felt like he was going to die young, so why spend valuable time hooked up to machines when he could be out enjoying what life he had. Of course each individual has his/her own reasons.

I have to agree with Nightwriter that you have to back off. The mom in me hates typing that. lol I know your instinct is to keep at her until she listens to you, but that will only push her away. All you can really do is be there for her, as I'm sure you have been all along.

Remember, the boyfriend may have been an influence, and a complete loser, but your daughter made her own choices. You can't blame the boyfriend, and neither can she. She has to take responsibility for her life and her health. She's the only one who can turn it around. Once she can see past all of this, she will realize the pattern that caused her health to decline. We all have to learn our own lessons in life, and some of us must do it the hard way.

I'm sorry you are going through this. We are always here to listen and support you, so vent as much as you need to.

Stacey
 
J

JORDYSMOM

New member
Being the parent of a "grown" child is the hardest thing in the world! I have two of them. They make poor choices, and it is very difficult to watch. I can't tell you how many times I've asked "Why can't he just listen to me?!!"
<br />
<br />Jordan is my CFer, and he is 18. He is not compliant with all of his treatments. In fact, he waits until he has no choice but to do his nebs. He won't put that vest on at all. I've read on this forum that a lot of CFers behaved in the same way when they were his age.
<br />
<br />I think part of it is a control issue. Another part of it is just the age, and showing their independence. I've even been told by one individual that he felt like he was going to die young, so why spend valuable time hooked up to machines when he could be out enjoying what life he had. Of course each individual has his/her own reasons.
<br />
<br />I have to agree with Nightwriter that you have to back off. The mom in me hates typing that. lol I know your instinct is to keep at her until she listens to you, but that will only push her away. All you can really do is be there for her, as I'm sure you have been all along.
<br />
<br />Remember, the boyfriend may have been an influence, and a complete loser, but your daughter made her own choices. You can't blame the boyfriend, and neither can she. She has to take responsibility for her life and her health. She's the only one who can turn it around. Once she can see past all of this, she will realize the pattern that caused her health to decline. We all have to learn our own lessons in life, and some of us must do it the hard way.
<br />
<br />I'm sorry you are going through this. We are always here to listen and support you, so vent as much as you need to.
<br />
<br />Stacey
 
S

SnickerJunky

New member
Thanks for replying..I was starting to get worried, lol.

When I said he's out of her life "for the most part" I meant that he is harassing her now, to the point of her getting a restraining order and me having to get a no-tresspassing order against him. He really is a piece of work, but I had no part in them breaking up. Miraculously she realized on her own that he was bringing her down, and she broke up with him and started to "find herself" again.

Things were going pretty good for about 3 weeks when she just started backsliding with the treatments again. She gets to feeling good and stops everything, til she's coughing up a lung, practically. Then she gets mad at me for the dumbest things, and starts the whole, "I'll leave" crap, because she knows it gets to me. When she was 18 she moved in with my dad to prove that she could "because I'm 18" and that's when everything just went downhill from there. She started seeing this guy, stopped taking care of herself, something I had perfected for the past 18years, so that was a bitter pill for me, lol, and then her and the boyfriend started stealing my dad's vicodin that he had for his rheumatoid arthritis. She ended up with an accidental overdose and when I figured it all out, I told her she was going to come back home if she didn't get her act together. She promised, blah, blah, blah, and then she got sick and had to go to the ER one night. I came home and packed her bag and found a bottle of Oxycontin on her floor that had 20 pills left of 120 that were prescribed 2 weeks before. 100 pills taken in 2 weeks. And an empty bottle of codeine that was prescribed TWO days before for her cough. She thought she was invincible. I told her doctors, who had apparently already had an idea of this, but didn't have to tell me because she is over 18. :'( I couldn't believe any of it. I was just stunned. Then I figured out that she was getting the different docs-GI, Internal Medicine and Pulmonary all to write her scripts for this or that..migraines, chest pain, etc..none of them were double checking with eachother, nor were they reading charts. So it got to where i had to stay in the hospital and monitor what they were giving her because she would ask for phenergan 'round the clock becuase she "loved it"--but she would tell them she was nauseous.

Anyway, long story short (little late now, huh, lol)I moved her back home, and she was starting to do really well with taking care of herself and not taking the meds she DIDN'T need and then she got to that point where she didn't think she should have to take them because she felt good. She's ALWAYS been like that, but she's never been this unhealthy before. It's caught up with her, and I'm trying to make her realize that.

I just feel like I'm losing her, and it breaks my heart. She's 20, but she's been spoiled-my fault, I know-to the point that she really has the mentality of a 14yr old and it's so hard when that person is legally able to make their own choices and decisions. Ugh...

Thanks for listening. I'm sorry to jump in like this with my first post. I don't want to scare any of you with my story. I promise not all cf kids go thru this kind of attitude, lol.
 
S

SnickerJunky

New member
Thanks for replying..I was starting to get worried, lol.

When I said he's out of her life "for the most part" I meant that he is harassing her now, to the point of her getting a restraining order and me having to get a no-tresspassing order against him. He really is a piece of work, but I had no part in them breaking up. Miraculously she realized on her own that he was bringing her down, and she broke up with him and started to "find herself" again.

Things were going pretty good for about 3 weeks when she just started backsliding with the treatments again. She gets to feeling good and stops everything, til she's coughing up a lung, practically. Then she gets mad at me for the dumbest things, and starts the whole, "I'll leave" crap, because she knows it gets to me. When she was 18 she moved in with my dad to prove that she could "because I'm 18" and that's when everything just went downhill from there. She started seeing this guy, stopped taking care of herself, something I had perfected for the past 18years, so that was a bitter pill for me, lol, and then her and the boyfriend started stealing my dad's vicodin that he had for his rheumatoid arthritis. She ended up with an accidental overdose and when I figured it all out, I told her she was going to come back home if she didn't get her act together. She promised, blah, blah, blah, and then she got sick and had to go to the ER one night. I came home and packed her bag and found a bottle of Oxycontin on her floor that had 20 pills left of 120 that were prescribed 2 weeks before. 100 pills taken in 2 weeks. And an empty bottle of codeine that was prescribed TWO days before for her cough. She thought she was invincible. I told her doctors, who had apparently already had an idea of this, but didn't have to tell me because she is over 18. :'( I couldn't believe any of it. I was just stunned. Then I figured out that she was getting the different docs-GI, Internal Medicine and Pulmonary all to write her scripts for this or that..migraines, chest pain, etc..none of them were double checking with eachother, nor were they reading charts. So it got to where i had to stay in the hospital and monitor what they were giving her because she would ask for phenergan 'round the clock becuase she "loved it"--but she would tell them she was nauseous.

Anyway, long story short (little late now, huh, lol)I moved her back home, and she was starting to do really well with taking care of herself and not taking the meds she DIDN'T need and then she got to that point where she didn't think she should have to take them because she felt good. She's ALWAYS been like that, but she's never been this unhealthy before. It's caught up with her, and I'm trying to make her realize that.

I just feel like I'm losing her, and it breaks my heart. She's 20, but she's been spoiled-my fault, I know-to the point that she really has the mentality of a 14yr old and it's so hard when that person is legally able to make their own choices and decisions. Ugh...

Thanks for listening. I'm sorry to jump in like this with my first post. I don't want to scare any of you with my story. I promise not all cf kids go thru this kind of attitude, lol.
 
S

SnickerJunky

New member
Thanks for replying..I was starting to get worried, lol.

When I said he's out of her life "for the most part" I meant that he is harassing her now, to the point of her getting a restraining order and me having to get a no-tresspassing order against him. He really is a piece of work, but I had no part in them breaking up. Miraculously she realized on her own that he was bringing her down, and she broke up with him and started to "find herself" again.

Things were going pretty good for about 3 weeks when she just started backsliding with the treatments again. She gets to feeling good and stops everything, til she's coughing up a lung, practically. Then she gets mad at me for the dumbest things, and starts the whole, "I'll leave" crap, because she knows it gets to me. When she was 18 she moved in with my dad to prove that she could "because I'm 18" and that's when everything just went downhill from there. She started seeing this guy, stopped taking care of herself, something I had perfected for the past 18years, so that was a bitter pill for me, lol, and then her and the boyfriend started stealing my dad's vicodin that he had for his rheumatoid arthritis. She ended up with an accidental overdose and when I figured it all out, I told her she was going to come back home if she didn't get her act together. She promised, blah, blah, blah, and then she got sick and had to go to the ER one night. I came home and packed her bag and found a bottle of Oxycontin on her floor that had 20 pills left of 120 that were prescribed 2 weeks before. 100 pills taken in 2 weeks. And an empty bottle of codeine that was prescribed TWO days before for her cough. She thought she was invincible. I told her doctors, who had apparently already had an idea of this, but didn't have to tell me because she is over 18. :'( I couldn't believe any of it. I was just stunned. Then I figured out that she was getting the different docs-GI, Internal Medicine and Pulmonary all to write her scripts for this or that..migraines, chest pain, etc..none of them were double checking with eachother, nor were they reading charts. So it got to where i had to stay in the hospital and monitor what they were giving her because she would ask for phenergan 'round the clock becuase she "loved it"--but she would tell them she was nauseous.

Anyway, long story short (little late now, huh, lol)I moved her back home, and she was starting to do really well with taking care of herself and not taking the meds she DIDN'T need and then she got to that point where she didn't think she should have to take them because she felt good. She's ALWAYS been like that, but she's never been this unhealthy before. It's caught up with her, and I'm trying to make her realize that.

I just feel like I'm losing her, and it breaks my heart. She's 20, but she's been spoiled-my fault, I know-to the point that she really has the mentality of a 14yr old and it's so hard when that person is legally able to make their own choices and decisions. Ugh...

Thanks for listening. I'm sorry to jump in like this with my first post. I don't want to scare any of you with my story. I promise not all cf kids go thru this kind of attitude, lol.
 
S

SnickerJunky

New member
Thanks for replying..I was starting to get worried, lol.

When I said he's out of her life "for the most part" I meant that he is harassing her now, to the point of her getting a restraining order and me having to get a no-tresspassing order against him. He really is a piece of work, but I had no part in them breaking up. Miraculously she realized on her own that he was bringing her down, and she broke up with him and started to "find herself" again.

Things were going pretty good for about 3 weeks when she just started backsliding with the treatments again. She gets to feeling good and stops everything, til she's coughing up a lung, practically. Then she gets mad at me for the dumbest things, and starts the whole, "I'll leave" crap, because she knows it gets to me. When she was 18 she moved in with my dad to prove that she could "because I'm 18" and that's when everything just went downhill from there. She started seeing this guy, stopped taking care of herself, something I had perfected for the past 18years, so that was a bitter pill for me, lol, and then her and the boyfriend started stealing my dad's vicodin that he had for his rheumatoid arthritis. She ended up with an accidental overdose and when I figured it all out, I told her she was going to come back home if she didn't get her act together. She promised, blah, blah, blah, and then she got sick and had to go to the ER one night. I came home and packed her bag and found a bottle of Oxycontin on her floor that had 20 pills left of 120 that were prescribed 2 weeks before. 100 pills taken in 2 weeks. And an empty bottle of codeine that was prescribed TWO days before for her cough. She thought she was invincible. I told her doctors, who had apparently already had an idea of this, but didn't have to tell me because she is over 18. :'( I couldn't believe any of it. I was just stunned. Then I figured out that she was getting the different docs-GI, Internal Medicine and Pulmonary all to write her scripts for this or that..migraines, chest pain, etc..none of them were double checking with eachother, nor were they reading charts. So it got to where i had to stay in the hospital and monitor what they were giving her because she would ask for phenergan 'round the clock becuase she "loved it"--but she would tell them she was nauseous.

Anyway, long story short (little late now, huh, lol)I moved her back home, and she was starting to do really well with taking care of herself and not taking the meds she DIDN'T need and then she got to that point where she didn't think she should have to take them because she felt good. She's ALWAYS been like that, but she's never been this unhealthy before. It's caught up with her, and I'm trying to make her realize that.

I just feel like I'm losing her, and it breaks my heart. She's 20, but she's been spoiled-my fault, I know-to the point that she really has the mentality of a 14yr old and it's so hard when that person is legally able to make their own choices and decisions. Ugh...

Thanks for listening. I'm sorry to jump in like this with my first post. I don't want to scare any of you with my story. I promise not all cf kids go thru this kind of attitude, lol.
 
S

SnickerJunky

New member
Thanks for replying..I was starting to get worried, lol.
<br />
<br />When I said he's out of her life "for the most part" I meant that he is harassing her now, to the point of her getting a restraining order and me having to get a no-tresspassing order against him. He really is a piece of work, but I had no part in them breaking up. Miraculously she realized on her own that he was bringing her down, and she broke up with him and started to "find herself" again.
<br />
<br />Things were going pretty good for about 3 weeks when she just started backsliding with the treatments again. She gets to feeling good and stops everything, til she's coughing up a lung, practically. Then she gets mad at me for the dumbest things, and starts the whole, "I'll leave" crap, because she knows it gets to me. When she was 18 she moved in with my dad to prove that she could "because I'm 18" and that's when everything just went downhill from there. She started seeing this guy, stopped taking care of herself, something I had perfected for the past 18years, so that was a bitter pill for me, lol, and then her and the boyfriend started stealing my dad's vicodin that he had for his rheumatoid arthritis. She ended up with an accidental overdose and when I figured it all out, I told her she was going to come back home if she didn't get her act together. She promised, blah, blah, blah, and then she got sick and had to go to the ER one night. I came home and packed her bag and found a bottle of Oxycontin on her floor that had 20 pills left of 120 that were prescribed 2 weeks before. 100 pills taken in 2 weeks. And an empty bottle of codeine that was prescribed TWO days before for her cough. She thought she was invincible. I told her doctors, who had apparently already had an idea of this, but didn't have to tell me because she is over 18. :'( I couldn't believe any of it. I was just stunned. Then I figured out that she was getting the different docs-GI, Internal Medicine and Pulmonary all to write her scripts for this or that..migraines, chest pain, etc..none of them were double checking with eachother, nor were they reading charts. So it got to where i had to stay in the hospital and monitor what they were giving her because she would ask for phenergan 'round the clock becuase she "loved it"--but she would tell them she was nauseous.
<br />
<br />Anyway, long story short (little late now, huh, lol)I moved her back home, and she was starting to do really well with taking care of herself and not taking the meds she DIDN'T need and then she got to that point where she didn't think she should have to take them because she felt good. She's ALWAYS been like that, but she's never been this unhealthy before. It's caught up with her, and I'm trying to make her realize that.
<br />
<br />I just feel like I'm losing her, and it breaks my heart. She's 20, but she's been spoiled-my fault, I know-to the point that she really has the mentality of a 14yr old and it's so hard when that person is legally able to make their own choices and decisions. Ugh...
<br />
<br />Thanks for listening. I'm sorry to jump in like this with my first post. I don't want to scare any of you with my story. I promise not all cf kids go thru this kind of attitude, lol.
 
G

grassisgreener

New member
I am so sorry. I hope she gets control of herself soon and can straighten out her life.

I can only imagine how hard it must be as a parent. Best wishes for you both.
 
G

grassisgreener

New member
I am so sorry. I hope she gets control of herself soon and can straighten out her life.

I can only imagine how hard it must be as a parent. Best wishes for you both.
 
G

grassisgreener

New member
I am so sorry. I hope she gets control of herself soon and can straighten out her life.

I can only imagine how hard it must be as a parent. Best wishes for you both.
 
G

grassisgreener

New member
I am so sorry. I hope she gets control of herself soon and can straighten out her life.

I can only imagine how hard it must be as a parent. Best wishes for you both.
 
G

grassisgreener

New member
I am so sorry. I hope she gets control of herself soon and can straighten out her life.
<br />
<br />I can only imagine how hard it must be as a parent. Best wishes for you both.
 
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