Suggestions to tell my Daughter

[JazzysMom]

Suggestions on what to telmy my Daughter

My daughter is in 2nd grade this year & overall is doing much better than other years. She doesnt have the anxiety like she use to. However, my daughter is 100% tomboy like myself & my sisters. Recently another girl in class has been teasing her & calling my daughter a tomboy. I tried to explain that although this girl is making it sound like a bad thing it is not. Being a tomboy offers twice as much stuff for you to do. You can play with dolls or climb trees. You arent limited. I said how much I like the fact that she is a tomboy because we have lots of fun & I love her and am proud of her for what/who she is. She was ok with that until she asked what if the girl in question makes fun of the fact that you (meaning me, her Mom) is also a Tomboy. I told her to say with a big smile & proudly that yes she is. I know its easier said then done especially when the kid is making it sound sooooo bad. I dont know what else to do except keep reinforcing what I said. I remember the pain of cruel kids & it breaks my heart. The last few days (coincidently since the first episode with this little girl) my daughter has complained of stomach aches & diahrea. She indeed had diahrea & I kept her home yesterday, but she is actually fine except for the nerves. She did ask me when I was going to start helping in class so I spoke with the teacher this morning & she said whenever I am ready I can come in. I think my daughter needs my physical being for reinforcement. I dont mind giving it, but I want her to be sure of herself because I cant always be there. I know this is a small issue compared to what we have to face as she gets older, but it is a learning experience & I want it to be a building block for the future. Any input would be appreicated!

 

[CFHockeyMom]

I used to hate being called a Tomboy. No doubt I was a Tomboy but why does it have to have a derogatory implication. Like you say, it's a good thing to be able to climb trees or play with dolls. It also expands her circle of friends. Instead of just hanging out with the girls she can fit in with the boys to. Now that I'm older, I still hear mom's toss around the term Tomboy. They talk about it like it's a good thing but it still makes my skin crawl. To this day, I will not get a shorter style haircut for fear that it's too boy like. Yes, I know it's stupid.<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-blush.gif" border="0">

As for what to tell your daughter, I'd make sure she know the kids that are "teasing" her are in the wrong and she shouldn't ever feel bad about who she is nor should she change to fit their ideals. Right now it's not so cool to fit in with the boys but someday soon it will be and those same girls that are making fun of her will wish they knew her secret. Also, as you know, Tomboys make better wives; we're willing to do anything (football, camping, working in the garage, etc.) with our husbands and our sons. We have No Fear and we can still make a mean B-day cake! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0">

 

[JazzysMom]

Maybe it is the "phrase" of Tomboy itself. Maybe "well balanced" has a better ring to it. I thought about dropping my school during lunch today to give her a little lift would help. I will just keep reinforcing the positive & maybe consider the change of wording to give her some ammo! Thanks for your input & tomboys do make some fabulous wives because we arent afraid to get our hands dirty!

 

[anonymous]

I was a tomboy when I was young. With 2 brothers close in age to me & about 6 neighborhood boys and only one other girl on the block you either played w/ the boys or you didn't have fun. I got knocked around plenty by all of my neighborhood "brothers" which turned out to be a blessing--they toughened me up and I could kick any of the girls butts so they didn't give me much static about being a tomboy!

 

[rose4cale]

Melissa- I think you handled it quite well. It's tough to be teased no matter what it is about. It could be about being rich and if little girls say it in a mean enough tone, it's heartbreaking.

(I was just reading that and just so you know, I also was a tomboy head to toe...not rich! just an example)

 

[65rosessamurai]

I thought both my wives were "Tomboys", because the ex was also into a few sports.
Yet, my new wife is more into some of that, yet will challenge the repair of the wallpaper, or kitchen chair; unlike the previous who was "all thumbs".
Yes, a wife who's willing to help the husband does give an added "bonding" to the relationship. The other day, my wife was helping me assemble my new computer desk. I'd read the Instruction Manual (It was in Japanese) and she'd help assemble.
This brings me to an observation- I think my Mom and two sisters are tomboys!
An anectdote:
My (elder) sister was telling me about her husband's grandfather's "Initiation" for his grandsons' new brides by having them shoot an old .45 calibur pistol. The pistol has such a kickback that if you didn't hold on tight, the recoil would have it fly out of your hands and sent over your head! My brother-in-law's older sister fired it once, and it flew out of her hands! Well, my sister, being former Army, had fired weapons before, so she took a good grasp and fired! The pistol flew up over her head, but she held on, and she stopped it, with it pointing straight up in the air. That was enough for her her new grandpa!--She passed!

My new wife never fired a weapon, nor rode a horse before, but when we went to Colorado, she did that and much more! My brother in law let her drive his new Ford F-250 (Giant Truck!) and gave her a ride on his 1.3 litre motorcycle!
I'd be happy to ask my sister how she does or would deal with the situation, if her daughter was in the same circumstance. Though I agree that I think you handled it well, it's probably something I would do, if I had a daughter and she came up to me instead of Mom for that question. (Not likely, but scenario)
By the way, it's rare I see CFHockeyMom posted, I'm interested in who the Hockey Players are.

 

[CFHockeyMom]

65rosessamurai,

Both my boys play hockey.

I've gotten on the ice with them a couple of times and can still keep up with the nine year old set but give it another year or two and their hockey skills will surpass mine.

I can no longer keep up with my 11 year old. He plays "up" with the 12/13 year olds and the checking is too much for mom.

Are you a hockey fan?

 

[anonymous]

Proud tomboy here. I was more so a tomboy when i was younger. I wore boy shorts, because they fit better anyway. I hated it when I actually had to start wearing girl shorts, mainly because they were so short. Then after a while it was hard to find shorts that werent booty shorts...for a 8th grader!! Anyway. I still dressed in jeans or jean shorts and a big baggy shirt until about my sophmore year. Thats only because they changed the dress code and if you had a t-shirt on you had to tuck it in and I wasnt going to do that. So I got "girl" shirts that look girly but a tshirt that didnt go past the waist band so I didnt have to tuck it in. I have gotten a bit more girly. I do find things that are cute. I dress more girly...as in jeans/jean shorts and cute tops. Thats still my main wardrobe. I like my jeans. But I am still comfortable in tshirts and overalls. I love to go fishing, garden, shoot guns (something im starting to like)...and yet I am still a good cook, pretty artsy. I have the best of both worlds. My husband loves it. Especially the fact that im not "a phsyco chick" and "all girly". lol I still get along better with guys than I do girls....lets just face it everyone girls are annoying. I used to be made fun of for being a tomboy to. It hurt my feelings but I didnt change myself because I like being a tomboy. I think that the girls making fun are jealous, even if it is 'uncool' at that age to like cooty boys or act like them. Just like the other poster said (sorry i forgot your name) When its the cool thing to be friends with the boys, those that are making fun of your daughter will be super jealous...and either they will want to know her secret or make even more fun. Probably the latter because kids are just mean. I think you handled it just fine. Especially if she has anxiety like that it will bother her more, and you know just how to deal with it.

If I had any advice for your daughter, tomboy to tomboy (thats not her mamma lol) it would be this: Be proud of being a tomboy. You have a bigger variety of things to do and have fun with to choose from, where as a girly girl would find most of them gross, but you might think they are the most fun. Like fishing. Yes it hurts to be made fun of but you shouldnt let that change who you are. Everyone is different and everyone likes to do different things. It doesnt make a person bad, or being a tomboy or girly girl wrong. Its just who we are.
Amanda

 

[JazzysMom]

The particular girl that was really causing the anxiety left school, but its not the first year its been addressed. My daughter also likes the boy shorts because they are longer. She has VERY, VERY long legs so all girl shorts look like Daisy Dukes on her. If the problem arises again I will read the reponses on here so she can hear it from another source! Thanks!

 

[65rosessamurai]

Hi CFHockeyMom,
I'm more than a fan, I used to play from age 9 'til about 13! I went back, when I was teaching a friend how to skate in 1992, but a Judo injury prevented me from continuing (so did marriage that same year!)
I can't get any games on TV over here, and sometimes feel playing it is more fun than just watching it (That's how I am), so I don't follow it much, though still love the sport.
I know how expensive Hockey can be (my dad had me and my two brothers in Hockey at the same time), but if your boys love the sport and are doing great, all the more encouragement!

 

[Lilith]

Heh, I'm still a tomboy! That won't change for me, though. I like hanging out with guys a lot more than girls and doing guy stuff. It's more fun to me than hanging out with chicks that just want to curl their hair and cheerlead (which was the majority of girls in my high school...-_-) Not that there's anything wrong with that persay, it just isn't MY style. Used to get made fun of for my voice, too, because it's a little deeper than normal (my dad calls it my 'sexy voice' *lol*). I even play guy video games (Resident Evil 4, Devil May Cry). My uncle watched me do it and even asked me if I was a boy or a girl! Doesn't bother me, though, I take it as a compliment. Tell your daughter that she's in good company, and that everyone else's opinion doesn't matter as long as she enjoys being the way she is. Besides, she's proabably to young to think about this, but she's more likely to get a boyfriend later in life if she enjoys doing what guys do. That's how I met my b/f Rick *lol* He liked me because I wasn't like other girls. Tell her to be proud of what she is, and when the girl in question sees that she can't bring your daughter down anymore, she'll back off.