thank you guys for taking the time to respond to this and julie for asking your husband. a few of you asked questions which are fairly easy to answer. yes, we used to have more sex...like the cliche, all the time at first. but even then he said that was unusual for him. he told me a story about his ex-girlfriend getting so frustrated with him (this was many years ago) that she would get in the shower with him and basically seduce him when he was powerless! that story has come back to haunt me so many times...I DON'T WANT TO TURN INTO THAT.
i think that my bf has always had a low sex drive, from what i can figure. in addition to that, he is older than me and well, i don't think that helps anything. things like work do wear us both out. but it seems to me like it is always something! like a head ache or a stomach ache or just being too tired.
AND (hope this is not TMI) the problem is sort of compounded by the fact that for various reasons, his "tolerance" is not very high, and me being a woman, of course i am hard to please! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-tongue.gif" border="0"> and believe me, i have no problem helping myself along, but still...
two days ago i was at my bf's house and i had to leave to go home for the night. i told him that i wished i could stay so that we could fool around. he seemed to like that idea--but i really did have to go. then the next night, we go out to dinner, get home, but he's been fighting this terrible headache all night. i go to bed and he comes to kiss me good night and says he had been hoping we could fool around but between his head and me being tired, it didn't seem possible. he knows i want more sex. but i have realized that the only way for me to get what i want is to be patient, and suggstive, and to not make him feel bad or pressured. all i said to him was "you can't rush a good thing" <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
and yes, we have talked about it. several times. but we never come up with anything new. we say we won't will wait to go to bed until we are exhausted, we say this and that, and being attracted to each other is most definitly NOT the problem. but for me, i know it is kind of an insecurity or whatever, but i feel like i want the warm fuzzy feeling that comes from being intimate. and when i don't get that, i start to doubt how he feels. at least this has been my pattern.
anyway- anymore input from guys or gals would be appriciated.
thanks.