The daycare debate

[tapestry]

My daughter was just diagnosed with CF and her pulmonoligist said we should take her out of daycare. I'd really like to know how many of you have your children at home and how many are in daycare. For those in daycare - do you think your children are sick more often as a result? For those at home - when your child went to school do you think they were more prone to get sick then? I haven't decided one way or the other about if we should take her out of daycare and it would really help to get some perspectives from parents that have already dealt with this issue.

Thanks,
~Tapestry~

 

[allie1]

Ok.......I have never voiced my opinion about daycare but I am going to now. Remember, this is just my opinion and I don't want to offend anyone that doesn't agree. I would not put my children in daycare whether or not they had CF. Personally, I want to stay at home with my children versus having someone else take care of them all day. But, I totally understand it when parents can't afford to stay at home so I'm not critizing the parents that have to use daycare. We are by no means well off so I had to be creative about making money while staying at home. I petsit b/c I can bring my girls with me and I also open at a gym first thing in the morning. I work from 5:15am to 8:30am and this way my husband can get to work at 9:00. Even though this is hard, it is worth it to be at home with my children. They are only young once so I want to enjoy them. My 3 yr old was only diagnosed 8 months ago so I am very thankful that I kept her home b/c she has rarely been sick. I feel that if she was in daycare she would definitely have had more illnesses. I am NOT being overprotective b/c we do plenty of other things. She is very socialized b/c we are part of a couple playgroups and she has at least two playdates a week.

She will be starting preschool this year and we are starting her out slow just to ease her and her immune system into it. I do feel that preschool is necessary before starting kindergarten so they can build up some immunities before being thrown into the public school system. I hope this helps and please let me know if you have any questions. I know it's a hard decision but I think it's worth it to have one parent stay at home.

 

[anonymous]

Tapestry, we did drop our ds out of daycare as an infant. It was the right thing (in our case) to do for his lungs. THis is my opinion (and that of our drs) but very young children do NOT need daycare for socialization. If you do not have to work, it's probably in your dd's best interest health wise to NOT be in daycare during the very early years (under 3). If you do have to work, it's best to find a good in home daycare with just a few children to limit his exposure. Make sure they have a good sick policy, too. And, for what it's worth, unless your ds's health is worse than average, I DO think preschool is a good idea, preferably two years of it. At that point, the children do need socialization and they need to learn how to behave in a classroom setting (assuming you're not planning to homeschool). Baby's can get all the socialization they need from visiting with friends and family, visits to the park, play groups as they get older, story time at the library, even time in the church nursery.

However, if you NEED to work or just really want to work, do not feel guilty for putting your child in daycare. We do what we have to in order to take the best possible care of our children. Sometimes that includes working. Just look for a small setting, with only a few children, a good sick policy, and good hygiene practiced by all. I hope that helps. Good luck in your decision!!

 

[anonymous]

Last poster again, just wanted to say I agree 100% with you, allie1.

 

[anonymous]

I would really love to hear from some teens and young adults on this one. Were you in daycare back in the 80's, if so were you sick a lot. When you started kindergarten were you ill more or just the common and slightly exaserbated colds. If you were at home, how was the socilization? did you have activities outisde the house while you were kept home? did you ever go back to a public school environment? If so, were you quite ill when you entered back into the public school system.

 

[anonymous]

Tapestry,
I'm the second poster and realized that I did not give my ds's history. He started at age 5 months and was relatively healthy at that point. IT was a large daycare center. I really liked the center itself. However, the very next week my ds had his first ear infection and was literally sick non-stop until we dropped him out at the advice of his drs 3 months later. During that short 3 months, he had numerous ear infections, stomach bugs, pink eye, 2 sinus infections, spent nearly the whole time wheezing, had RSV and pneumonia. We were spending $125/wk for daycare and he was *maybe* going 2 days average per week because he was too sick. After the RSV and first pneumonia, we dropped him out and he stayed with my mom. He did have an older brother (non-cf) and cousins that he was exposed to. 8 months later, when I was nearing my due date for our dd, we started him in a small in-home daycare (my mother was 70 and couldn't watch 2 small children). His lungs had finally healed by that time and the only illnesses he'd had in the preceeding few months were ear infections. Within a month, the lung infections started again, along with more ear infections and sinus infections. However, they were not as frequent or as severe in the smaller setting as they were in the larger setting. It worked ok. At 2-1/2, he started in another daycare center. It was smaller than the original center (approx 50 children total). Now, at 6-1/2, he's in public school. He still has a lot of lung/sinus problems, esp between Aug (ragweed/mold season here) through the winter months, but he's healthier than he was when he was little. In all honesty, I very much wish I could have stayed home with him those first 3 years, partly because I have no doubt that daycare contributed to his poor health in those early years (as evidenced by the fact that he was relatively healthy before he started daycare), and partly for the reasons the first poster cited. But, in the end, he's a relatively healthy, happy, outgoing child. In the end, it is YOUR decision and yours alone to make. Go with your heart and what feels best for your family, not what any of us say. Good luck!

 

[anonymous]

Hi Tapestry,

I replied under your newly diagnosed catagory but my response should go here. So...

If you can afford to shave your husband stay home just stay home. Staying home isn't about being over protective, it is healthiest for your child, especially considering she has CF. A child in the preschool years does not have a fully developed immune system which is why CF doctors recommend a child does not go to daycare.

I have two girls and have been a stay at home Mom for 5.5 years now. I love it! It's a lot of fun to stay home and watch our little ones grow! There is a lot of freedom and a lot less stress than working. If I'd worked full time I'd be distracted from my job as a Mom and I'd be destracted from my job as an architect. I chose to focus on one. My current most important job is to be a good Mom to my two girls. My daughter with CF has already had a few hospital stays so it's nice that I didn't have to call into work and feel bad about that. It's hard enough to watch your child in the hospital.

Take it one day at a time, one hurdle at a time! You've had a lot to take in though!!!

Best wishes,

Sue, daugter 2.5 w/CF
Washington, D.C.

 

[spicyone18]

I am not a mother but I am an adult w/CF, when I was an infant my mom stayed home with me then as I got older I had a nanny that watched me every now and then. When I was three I was put in the Early Childhood Program which I loved. From then on I attened public schools. I did have my down times with IV's and what not but for the most part I was ok.

 

[EmilysMom]

I guess I am going to be one with both sides of the story. Emily was diagnosed at two days of age due to Meconium Ileus. She had surgery at three days of age and stayed in Newborn Intensive Care for a couple days. When she came home, we put her in a "bubble" and just watched her for awhile. After a couple of days, we realized that was STUPID. What kind of life was this kid going to have if she lived in a safe bubble? We started taking her out and doing things we would have done with a healthier baby. When I was ready to return to work (due to financial reasons), I couldn't find a daycare center that would take her (This was 21 years ago and people didn't really know what CF was and most were just scared of the name!) She spent days with her grandma and cousins for awhile. She eventually went into a early intervention program in our public school system that helped her get some socialization when she was 3-1/2 in preparation for kindergarten. Did this work for health purposes? I believe it did. I still would have preferred she be in daycare sooner (not just for financial reasons), but to have friends her age and not be stuck playing with mommy and daddy all the time. Her immune system seems no better or worse for it, but I will say that she didn't have her first "tune-up" until she was about 17. I think that was due to early exposure to other kids.

 

[jaime]

Tapestry,
Growing up with CF I was in daycare from the time I was about 6 years old probably until I was about 12. Because my mother was on her own, she really didnt have any choice but to put my brother and I into daycare afterschool. I have to say I dont think it had a negative impact on my health at all. Of course, you dont want to unnecessarily expose your child to germs, but he/she needs to build up an immune system.

 

[anonymous]

How do you deal with it? I'm doing research on Cystic fibrosis for my child development class

 

[NoDayButToday]

My mom HAD to return to work after my parents were divorced, though in a perfect world she would have rather stayed home with me. Doctors advised her against daycare, so I got a nanny, even though it was more expensive. I had no problem meeting other kids to interact with and be friends with, likely due in part to the fact I lived in NYC and there was simply an abundance of kids everywhere, lots of whom were not in daycare and had nannies just like me, or moms who stayed home. I can't say whether this had a negative or positive impact on my health; and really no one can say anything for sure, all they can do is speculate.

Whatever decision you make, I hope you do so guilt-free, since there is no need for guilt.

 

[anonymous]

I have not really read any of the other posts to your question of daycare because I want to tell you ny own opinion bot going by what other people say. We have 6 children all together. The oldest two come over on the weekends or whenever they want and they are not really sick. Anyways, they all go to public schools and we have not had a really bad time with colds and flus (even though I have had tuns of strep throat messages and a whooping cough message come home this year which was scary)we have been looking for the babies start school. I am a stay at home mom right now luckily. I look at it like if I can avoid all the illness they will get from school every year and cut down on the lung damage that they could have, I would in a heartbeat, which is why I will be homeschooling. I checked into it and they can do any of the activities their schoolprovides plus can be in other organizations for sports ect... they also have a course that is online where a real teacher teaches them at their own pace. Homeschooling also only takes about half the time then if they went to public school because all the x-tras, lunch, recess ect.. which will give you more time with your child. After looking at all the options my other children want to homeschool too. I dont have to worry about their immune systems because of all their brothers and sisters and friends around the area but I can be alot more cautious as to what they are exposed to and how much they are sick a WHOLE lot better then if they were in public schools. It is not just CF people that get homeschooled. Kids are homeschooled all over the world for different reasons, not just for illness!! I know I am jumping around in subjects but I didnt want to miss anything! Sorry!

I know there will be people that disagree but I just wanted to share my opinion. I want to do what will reduse the chances of sickness!!

<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[Emily65Roses]

"I dont have to worry about their immune systems because of all their brothers and sisters and friends around the area but I can be alot more cautious as to what they are exposed to and how much they are sick a WHOLE lot better then if they were in public schools."

I just wanted to say, this doesn't make much sense. Granted their brothers and sisters will bring home germs and such. But uh, if you control what they're exposed to, that doesn't help build an immune system. The whole process of building an immune system is achieved through being exposed to germs. That's the idea.

 

[anonymous]

But you dont have to expose them to EVERYTHING everyone has and all the time!

 

[Emily65Roses]

Of course not. But at some point, if they ever intend to get a job, or be among the human race, they will be exposed to everything. That's kind of how the world works, because not everyone lives in individual bubbles. Save them from it now if you like, but they'll come across it at some point and have to dive in anyway.

 

[Purplelungs]

I agree with the small daycare if you can find one. They are usually more personal and is easier to be more hygenic with fewer kids. I remember I stayed with a friend (that happened to live across the street) who watched kids...at most 5 at a time. If someone was sick she made them stay in this room in the back..domt worry it wasnt cruel because they practically had all the toys to themselves and the most attention. Most of the time no one was there sick unless it was unavoidable. I know that the lady's daughter got chicken poks and they had me around her all the time hoping I would get it, because the doctor said its easier to handle it when your younger then you wont get it again (more than likely) I never did catch the chicken poks till the sixth grade. Then my mom put me in pre k...it was a good thing socially...i didnt get sick except for maybe a cold but those are unavoidable. My parents treated me like any other kid and I thank them for that. I went to public school. I wasnt sicker for it. I was sick but it wasnt that i cought viruses or anything from other students. I had my own time table when I got sick, i would be the only one sick...and somehow i remember in elementary i avoided the colds other kids get and i thought I was in the clear and months later I would get sick...but it was the cf not other kids. I always got sick with weather changes, it would have happened at home or in public school didnt matter. I wasnt hospitalized till my 4th grade year. pretty good. I think that the exersise I got from resesse (sp?) and P.E. helped my health for as long as possible. I was in P.E. up untill 8th grade when I couldnt handle it anymore...I could have but the teachers seemed to not understand CF and wouldnt go easy on me when I needed it and my body would get over stressed...even had a P.E. teacher make me do all the other stuff everyone else was doing with a iv in my hand....So I would just worry about making CF clear to the physical ed teachers when the time comes.
I realize i have just gone on and on, probably havent made to much sense....just giving you some of my back ground. I think public school was great for me. I am a shy person as it is and had I not gone I wouldnt know how to be around other people. It depends on every person, I know some homeschooled kids that are very social and nice. I also know some homeschool kids (my nephew no cf) who shouldnt be homeschooled, he is spoiled and needs to be with kids his age or he will pay for it later in life, no one will like him...just trust me, he is 10 and still cries to get his way (admits he does it on purpose). Anyway sorry to chase that rabbit.
This is what I think...unless its unavoidable....stay with your baby until she can go to pre k ...or find a day care thats small ( i think any baby does better away from mommy afteer around 3-but i dunno)...Small day cares are good, not just for cleanliness but because they are more personal and your child can get attention when she needs it....Try public school at first...dont throw it out the window automatically. maybe even private school if yu can afford it. Its good for many many reasons besides education...children learn how to be with other people, have friendships, learn how to deal with mean people, learn they cant always get there way...anything you deal with in life they learn in school. If you do think they are getting sicker in school, then maybe you can do something.
Amanda

 

[anonymous]

Tapestry, I see a lot of for and against parents for the daycare situation. My two cents are, two each his own. If your child has CF, is recieving the optimum CF treatment and is still very sick-it is very logical to keep them at home. But if once your baby starts recieving treatment for the CF and things start to clear up for her health, you might want to rethink the decision at that point. Just my opinion though. And if you look into the teens and young adults section, you will see that a fair number of teens with CF seem to have a difficult social time. Now, being a teen is hard enough as it is-kids/teens can be mean, even without something like CF. So I believe that it is VERY important to have a strong bond of friends from the beginning. Sometimes this can be fulfilled with an at home child where you do weekly activities with other stay homes or something like that. But since your particular situation also involves the financial aspects, it might be worth it to rethink the situation after your daughter recieves some consistant CF treatment fo ra good solid amount of time, it might change things. And I am not suggesting daycare for you at this time for a socilization purpose, but moreso for the purpose of somewhat exposing your child do the common illnesses that she will be having her whole life. It's just that if it is introduced gradually when they are younger than there won't be such a shock to the body when she is exposed at a younger age. I think that NO parent should feel guilty either way, it is a personal choice and based on a very individual situation.


Julie

 

[anonymous]

Emily, no one said anything about bubbles. If I can keep my babies from getting sick as often as they would in public schools I will do that! Every time! They will have illness and have had illness but I can reduce the chance, so I will. That is exactly why I said it is MY OPINION! There pulmonologist even told me the healthier you can keep them and the longer you keep them healthy the better off they will be in the long run! I would say that they know what they are talking about.

I know how you think and you have told me, this is the way I feel!

 

[Emily65Roses]

Don't get so defensive, I was just saying. I don't care what you do with your kids, just making a point.

One other unrelated point... don't always trust your kids' doctors word as gospel. They usually know what they're talking about, I would even venture to say almost always. But work on your instinct in conjuction with what your doctors tell you, as they can very well be wrong. And as the kids' mother, you know them better than their docs do, no matter how many years those docs went to school for.