The Great Christmas Debacle

A

AleksandraKaczynska

New member
Hi,
<br />
<br />I've been doing it for 3 years.... I know how it feels...I guess Joanna's first - then grandparents and aunts and so on...
<br />And it's not only Christmas <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">
<br />My family doeasn't understand and chooses to say:" You have a healthy child" or it's just a sneeze!!! and of goes tempers.... <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">
<br />We also usually don't ask people over - after such visits I have lots of cleaing - esspecially if there are kids... <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> wash bathroom, toys, floor, doorhandles and so on... I ask people over to the garden instead - not home. At doorstep I ask to wash hands first .... sometimes it gets unpleasant - esspecially with older guest and my motherinlaw! sic!
<br />But I stay firm by it. After two years of quarrals it finally sunk into her - although she think Joanna's cf is a mistake.... since her friends friend has a cf child and it looks different.... <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0">
<br />When we go over - I try to be late and phone to ask someone I can trust to tell the truth - usually my mom (my mom is acctually second to know everything about Joann's health and goes to clinics with me - but it took time for her to adjust also - about 1,5 year)- are everybody healthy....If not - we don't go....
<br />There's always a talk about this after - but it seems to get better now and more - a question is everything o.k. - not quarrals intsead. The worst is with my brother - but it seems to be changing finally also too.
<br />Last year I went to Christmas to my mom and she invited my brother parents inlaw and they brough their sister... she was sick. She was afraid to move or talk - not to caugth or anything and they tried to hide it from us. The argument was taht what where they supposed to do - it's christmas!
<br />This Year I asked my mom so it won't be like this - since we're atsying over with her and i'll propobly be just from hospital with a new born <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-happy.gif" border="0"> ( We don't know where Joanna sister has cf or not - we didn't do the prenantal tests)
<br />When i told my mom about this - she said"What can I do? - well i answered"but I can't do otherwise - what would you do?" And she promissed to ask everybody who'll be comming before through phone - but I guess I have to talk to her about this once more - so it sinks in! But my mom has been to clinics with us and talked to doctors and so on....
<br />Smoking - the only I got through - is smoking is outside when Joanna is about - my dad is heavy smoker.
<br />I guess the hardest was the begining couse I was not given a chance but to be rude to my family? at least that's what they thought then.
<br />
<br />Be strong - if not you then who?
<br />Wish us luck in being "strong" also <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
<br />Aleksandra
<br />
 
G

grantsmom

Guest
It can be so frustrating! I think I have tried every way possible to get my husbands family to understand the concept of germ control. Being polite and asking nicely never seemed to sink in. It seems that every holiday or family function someone feeds Grant from their fork or even having him taste something off of their finger. Thats so gross. I tell them I dont even share food or drinks with him. It makes me furious.
When he was a baby I did not allow anyone to hold him if they didn't use handgel. This seemed to cause huge family drama. Even his grandparent just stopped holding him because he thought I was being "over protective". Last year the day before Christmas eve I found out that at the baby sitters(which is my husbands aunt)that they had let Grant use someone elses toothbrush. I was devastated. I thought that of everyone in my husbands family that she was the one that "got it". Since then I have had to get really tough. If it means skipping a family function so be it.
 
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grantsmom

Guest
It can be so frustrating! I think I have tried every way possible to get my husbands family to understand the concept of germ control. Being polite and asking nicely never seemed to sink in. It seems that every holiday or family function someone feeds Grant from their fork or even having him taste something off of their finger. Thats so gross. I tell them I dont even share food or drinks with him. It makes me furious.
When he was a baby I did not allow anyone to hold him if they didn't use handgel. This seemed to cause huge family drama. Even his grandparent just stopped holding him because he thought I was being "over protective". Last year the day before Christmas eve I found out that at the baby sitters(which is my husbands aunt)that they had let Grant use someone elses toothbrush. I was devastated. I thought that of everyone in my husbands family that she was the one that "got it". Since then I have had to get really tough. If it means skipping a family function so be it.
 
G

grantsmom

Guest
It can be so frustrating! I think I have tried every way possible to get my husbands family to understand the concept of germ control. Being polite and asking nicely never seemed to sink in. It seems that every holiday or family function someone feeds Grant from their fork or even having him taste something off of their finger. Thats so gross. I tell them I dont even share food or drinks with him. It makes me furious.
<br /> When he was a baby I did not allow anyone to hold him if they didn't use handgel. This seemed to cause huge family drama. Even his grandparent just stopped holding him because he thought I was being "over protective". Last year the day before Christmas eve I found out that at the baby sitters(which is my husbands aunt)that they had let Grant use someone elses toothbrush. I was devastated. I thought that of everyone in my husbands family that she was the one that "got it". Since then I have had to get really tough. If it means skipping a family function so be it.
 
C

Cherylwithone

Guest
I don't think people stop to think it's just not the person with the illness that they can do harm to but also a child that might also be healthy otherwise, can have their holiday ruined.

People now adays think it's all about them. It's not. If your sick or one of your kids is sick then you need to keep your butt at home. I would never dream of attending any event being sick.

So sorry your having to deal with something like this.
 
C

Cherylwithone

Guest
I don't think people stop to think it's just not the person with the illness that they can do harm to but also a child that might also be healthy otherwise, can have their holiday ruined.

People now adays think it's all about them. It's not. If your sick or one of your kids is sick then you need to keep your butt at home. I would never dream of attending any event being sick.

So sorry your having to deal with something like this.
 
C

Cherylwithone

Guest
I don't think people stop to think it's just not the person with the illness that they can do harm to but also a child that might also be healthy otherwise, can have their holiday ruined.
<br />
<br />People now adays think it's all about them. It's not. If your sick or one of your kids is sick then you need to keep your butt at home. I would never dream of attending any event being sick.
<br />
<br />So sorry your having to deal with something like this.
 
R

Ratatosk

Administrator
Staff member
Ugh the sharing of food and drinks drives me nuts as well. Funny thing is a last 4th of July DH's cousin called me and offered to stay home because she had laryngitis and she's one who gets it the same time each year, so it's probably allergy related. So I wasn't concerned. Plus, I knew DS would be outside while she would be inside visiting with the ladies as she'd just had a baby who would also be indoors. Halfway thru the day I realized I'd been drinking out of her diet coke can which was sitting on the counter. Bleah. No harm, no foul. I didn't get ill. But eeeeww!
 
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Ratatosk

Administrator
Staff member
Ugh the sharing of food and drinks drives me nuts as well. Funny thing is a last 4th of July DH's cousin called me and offered to stay home because she had laryngitis and she's one who gets it the same time each year, so it's probably allergy related. So I wasn't concerned. Plus, I knew DS would be outside while she would be inside visiting with the ladies as she'd just had a baby who would also be indoors. Halfway thru the day I realized I'd been drinking out of her diet coke can which was sitting on the counter. Bleah. No harm, no foul. I didn't get ill. But eeeeww!
 
R

Ratatosk

Administrator
Staff member
Ugh the sharing of food and drinks drives me nuts as well. Funny thing is a last 4th of July DH's cousin called me and offered to stay home because she had laryngitis and she's one who gets it the same time each year, so it's probably allergy related. So I wasn't concerned. Plus, I knew DS would be outside while she would be inside visiting with the ladies as she'd just had a baby who would also be indoors. Halfway thru the day I realized I'd been drinking out of her diet coke can which was sitting on the counter. Bleah. No harm, no foul. I didn't get ill. But eeeeww!
 
L

longhorn4life

New member
You know, I really don't worry about it. It seems like my grandparents are more worried about me catching people's germs than I am. I just live my life and not worry what anyone else is doing. If they're sick, well, they have as much right to attend functions as I do. Where do I get off telling them they can't go? And I'm sure not going to sit home alone! I just try not to get too near them, and maybe I think to take a precaution or two like washing my hands extra times, but that's as far as I'm willing to put myself or others out. And I'm also not really picky about sharing drinks and food. I'm always letting people sip out of my cups. I really don't see the point in putting myself in a plastic bubble. So I'm more easily susceptible to catching things than others... So what? If I lived my life like that then I wouldn't HAVE a life. Living isn't just breathing and eating and your body sustaining itself. If you don't actually LIVE then there's really no point in being here, is there? My advice is that ya'll should stop worrying so much. Everyone gets sick sometimes, everyone dies at some point... It's part of life. But that's no reason to be so scared you miss out on the good stuff.
 
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longhorn4life

New member
You know, I really don't worry about it. It seems like my grandparents are more worried about me catching people's germs than I am. I just live my life and not worry what anyone else is doing. If they're sick, well, they have as much right to attend functions as I do. Where do I get off telling them they can't go? And I'm sure not going to sit home alone! I just try not to get too near them, and maybe I think to take a precaution or two like washing my hands extra times, but that's as far as I'm willing to put myself or others out. And I'm also not really picky about sharing drinks and food. I'm always letting people sip out of my cups. I really don't see the point in putting myself in a plastic bubble. So I'm more easily susceptible to catching things than others... So what? If I lived my life like that then I wouldn't HAVE a life. Living isn't just breathing and eating and your body sustaining itself. If you don't actually LIVE then there's really no point in being here, is there? My advice is that ya'll should stop worrying so much. Everyone gets sick sometimes, everyone dies at some point... It's part of life. But that's no reason to be so scared you miss out on the good stuff.
 
L

longhorn4life

New member
You know, I really don't worry about it. It seems like my grandparents are more worried about me catching people's germs than I am. I just live my life and not worry what anyone else is doing. If they're sick, well, they have as much right to attend functions as I do. Where do I get off telling them they can't go? And I'm sure not going to sit home alone! I just try not to get too near them, and maybe I think to take a precaution or two like washing my hands extra times, but that's as far as I'm willing to put myself or others out. And I'm also not really picky about sharing drinks and food. I'm always letting people sip out of my cups. I really don't see the point in putting myself in a plastic bubble. So I'm more easily susceptible to catching things than others... So what? If I lived my life like that then I wouldn't HAVE a life. Living isn't just breathing and eating and your body sustaining itself. If you don't actually LIVE then there's really no point in being here, is there? My advice is that ya'll should stop worrying so much. Everyone gets sick sometimes, everyone dies at some point... It's part of life. But that's no reason to be so scared you miss out on the good stuff.
 
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Ratatosk

Administrator
Staff member
Longhorn you're an adult, you can make these decisions; however, most of us are/were talking about very small children who are more suspectible to things because they haven't been able to build up immunity. And many of us have spent weeks, if not months with sick children in the hospital and on ivs and would prefer avoiding it if possible. We realize our kids can't live in a bubble; however, we also have to protect them from less considerate individuals. A few years ago, my adult niece who "just had a cold" was sharing drinks and bites of food with my son while their grandma was babysitting. I found out AFTER the fact and wouldn've made other arrangements for a babysitter had I known prior to this that she had bacterial pneumonia.

And things like the common cold, someone with laryngitis, I'm not so concerned with. But it's the people with more serious illnesses who tend to be sneaky and claim it's just a cold yet have a hacking cough, fever. Things like pneumonia, strep, influenza... Common sense would say they should stay home, but they'd rather spread germs and "happiness". Halloween a relative brought her VERY sick child over to my inlaws house -- high fever, stomach bug -- then the next day she posted on facebook how terriblly sick her child was before, during and after trick or treating.

I'm going to err on the side of caution. I'd rather not risk lung damage because Aunt Darla has MRSA pneumonia and can't keep her distance.
 
R

Ratatosk

Administrator
Staff member
Longhorn you're an adult, you can make these decisions; however, most of us are/were talking about very small children who are more suspectible to things because they haven't been able to build up immunity. And many of us have spent weeks, if not months with sick children in the hospital and on ivs and would prefer avoiding it if possible. We realize our kids can't live in a bubble; however, we also have to protect them from less considerate individuals. A few years ago, my adult niece who "just had a cold" was sharing drinks and bites of food with my son while their grandma was babysitting. I found out AFTER the fact and wouldn've made other arrangements for a babysitter had I known prior to this that she had bacterial pneumonia.

And things like the common cold, someone with laryngitis, I'm not so concerned with. But it's the people with more serious illnesses who tend to be sneaky and claim it's just a cold yet have a hacking cough, fever. Things like pneumonia, strep, influenza... Common sense would say they should stay home, but they'd rather spread germs and "happiness". Halloween a relative brought her VERY sick child over to my inlaws house -- high fever, stomach bug -- then the next day she posted on facebook how terriblly sick her child was before, during and after trick or treating.

I'm going to err on the side of caution. I'd rather not risk lung damage because Aunt Darla has MRSA pneumonia and can't keep her distance.
 
R

Ratatosk

Administrator
Staff member
Longhorn you're an adult, you can make these decisions; however, most of us are/were talking about very small children who are more suspectible to things because they haven't been able to build up immunity. And many of us have spent weeks, if not months with sick children in the hospital and on ivs and would prefer avoiding it if possible. We realize our kids can't live in a bubble; however, we also have to protect them from less considerate individuals. A few years ago, my adult niece who "just had a cold" was sharing drinks and bites of food with my son while their grandma was babysitting. I found out AFTER the fact and wouldn've made other arrangements for a babysitter had I known prior to this that she had bacterial pneumonia.
<br />
<br />And things like the common cold, someone with laryngitis, I'm not so concerned with. But it's the people with more serious illnesses who tend to be sneaky and claim it's just a cold yet have a hacking cough, fever. Things like pneumonia, strep, influenza... Common sense would say they should stay home, but they'd rather spread germs and "happiness". Halloween a relative brought her VERY sick child over to my inlaws house -- high fever, stomach bug -- then the next day she posted on facebook how terriblly sick her child was before, during and after trick or treating.
<br />
<br />I'm going to err on the side of caution. I'd rather not risk lung damage because Aunt Darla has MRSA pneumonia and can't keep her distance.
 
J

JennifersHope

New member
I agree as an adult you can make whatever decisions you want to and live your life as you choose. I have always made decisions based on me and many time through caution to the wind. I did that as an adult. OF course now with a Non CF dx it probably was okay that I did that.

For the moms and dads though, that is heart wrenching. These are their babies, that they have cried over, begged God to protect and heal. It scares the life out of them and they are trying very hard to find a balance between what is okay and what is dangerous. A small child can not protect themselves and a parent needs to think, should I let my kid be around a sick person for a few hours of fun at the expense of watching them get held down to get an IV or a PICC line it and weeks of antibiotics?

I have said this a million times and I will say it a million more. It is so much easier to be the patient then it is to be the parent of a child that you watch helplessly get sick.

I give all you mom kudos for doing the right thing. For trying to figure this out. I don't have the right answers for anything.

I just wish you didn't have to worry about so many different things.
 
J

JennifersHope

New member
I agree as an adult you can make whatever decisions you want to and live your life as you choose. I have always made decisions based on me and many time through caution to the wind. I did that as an adult. OF course now with a Non CF dx it probably was okay that I did that.

For the moms and dads though, that is heart wrenching. These are their babies, that they have cried over, begged God to protect and heal. It scares the life out of them and they are trying very hard to find a balance between what is okay and what is dangerous. A small child can not protect themselves and a parent needs to think, should I let my kid be around a sick person for a few hours of fun at the expense of watching them get held down to get an IV or a PICC line it and weeks of antibiotics?

I have said this a million times and I will say it a million more. It is so much easier to be the patient then it is to be the parent of a child that you watch helplessly get sick.

I give all you mom kudos for doing the right thing. For trying to figure this out. I don't have the right answers for anything.

I just wish you didn't have to worry about so many different things.
 
J

JennifersHope

New member
I agree as an adult you can make whatever decisions you want to and live your life as you choose. I have always made decisions based on me and many time through caution to the wind. I did that as an adult. OF course now with a Non CF dx it probably was okay that I did that.
<br />
<br />For the moms and dads though, that is heart wrenching. These are their babies, that they have cried over, begged God to protect and heal. It scares the life out of them and they are trying very hard to find a balance between what is okay and what is dangerous. A small child can not protect themselves and a parent needs to think, should I let my kid be around a sick person for a few hours of fun at the expense of watching them get held down to get an IV or a PICC line it and weeks of antibiotics?
<br />
<br />I have said this a million times and I will say it a million more. It is so much easier to be the patient then it is to be the parent of a child that you watch helplessly get sick.
<br />
<br />I give all you mom kudos for doing the right thing. For trying to figure this out. I don't have the right answers for anything.
<br />
<br />I just wish you didn't have to worry about so many different things.
 
S

SadiesMom

New member
Unfortuneately, their health comes first, even if that means missing out on fun events or family gatherings. In reality, sick people shouldn't be around anyone else, especially kids (CF or no CF), and should keep their germs to themselves. Alas, that hardly ever happens. We were going to cancel our Thanksgiving plans because our friend's baby had croop and they were bringing him. They decided last minute not to come, and we could go, but I didn't pressure them not to come, we just said if they showed up, we would politley excuse ourselves and have dinner at home. We never flatly say that's the reason we are leaving, so as to avoid conflict, but it's generally known. I consider myself to be a "go-with-the-flow" kind of mom, so I try not to jump the gun or threaten anyone. I wait til the event arrives and kind of play it by ear.
 
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