Unfortuneately, their health comes first, even if that means missing out on fun events or family gatherings. In reality, sick people shouldn't be around anyone else, especially kids (CF or no CF), and should keep their germs to themselves. Alas, that hardly ever happens. We were going to cancel our Thanksgiving plans because our friend's baby had croop and they were bringing him. They decided last minute not to come, and we could go, but I didn't pressure them not to come, we just said if they showed up, we would politley excuse ourselves and have dinner at home. We never flatly say that's the reason we are leaving, so as to avoid conflict, but it's generally known. I consider myself to be a "go-with-the-flow" kind of mom, so I try not to jump the gun or threaten anyone. I wait til the event arrives and kind of play it by ear.
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The Great Christmas Debacle
- Thread starter MaeFlower
- Start date
Unfortuneately, their health comes first, even if that means missing out on fun events or family gatherings. In reality, sick people shouldn't be around anyone else, especially kids (CF or no CF), and should keep their germs to themselves. Alas, that hardly ever happens. We were going to cancel our Thanksgiving plans because our friend's baby had croop and they were bringing him. They decided last minute not to come, and we could go, but I didn't pressure them not to come, we just said if they showed up, we would politley excuse ourselves and have dinner at home. We never flatly say that's the reason we are leaving, so as to avoid conflict, but it's generally known. I consider myself to be a "go-with-the-flow" kind of mom, so I try not to jump the gun or threaten anyone. I wait til the event arrives and kind of play it by ear.
Agggh! This has nothing to do with germs/cf -- just family pressure around the holidays and since they don't come here to post -- a vent.
8 years ago at Christmas we were going to announce that after a zillion years of marriage that we were finally pregnant. My inlaws instead after 30+ years of the same tradition, decided to travel to spend the holidays with my BIL & his family instead. DH was heartbroken. His parents decided start a new tradition of spending every other xmas here where DH's family has a huge gathering.
So every other year my MIL is with us and her sisters/nieces/nephews and she sulks because my BIL and his family don't come back here anymore and every year I say to DH, if she's going to be in such a foul mood maybe they should just spend EVERY christmas out of town. I know she's jealous of her sisters whose children & grandchildren are all together.
Now this year they're leaving town to spend it with the BIL -- mainly because his adult children arrive for their loot and leave. But here's my vent -- my FIL & MIL always pressure us to go with them out of town and we refuse. I don't travel to AZ to my family, we don't travel. Well, the other night they inappropriately started working on DS to convince him that we should drive 5 hours in the car to see his uncle. Grrr!
Yeah, way to go to get me to do something. Crab at me for refusing to bend on this and then go behind our backs and work on a 7-year old. I used to LOVE the holidays, but for the past 8 years this has really started getting old. It's all about DS and making sure he has a wonderful holiday season. Sigh...
8 years ago at Christmas we were going to announce that after a zillion years of marriage that we were finally pregnant. My inlaws instead after 30+ years of the same tradition, decided to travel to spend the holidays with my BIL & his family instead. DH was heartbroken. His parents decided start a new tradition of spending every other xmas here where DH's family has a huge gathering.
So every other year my MIL is with us and her sisters/nieces/nephews and she sulks because my BIL and his family don't come back here anymore and every year I say to DH, if she's going to be in such a foul mood maybe they should just spend EVERY christmas out of town. I know she's jealous of her sisters whose children & grandchildren are all together.
Now this year they're leaving town to spend it with the BIL -- mainly because his adult children arrive for their loot and leave. But here's my vent -- my FIL & MIL always pressure us to go with them out of town and we refuse. I don't travel to AZ to my family, we don't travel. Well, the other night they inappropriately started working on DS to convince him that we should drive 5 hours in the car to see his uncle. Grrr!
Yeah, way to go to get me to do something. Crab at me for refusing to bend on this and then go behind our backs and work on a 7-year old. I used to LOVE the holidays, but for the past 8 years this has really started getting old. It's all about DS and making sure he has a wonderful holiday season. Sigh...
Agggh! This has nothing to do with germs/cf -- just family pressure around the holidays and since they don't come here to post -- a vent.
8 years ago at Christmas we were going to announce that after a zillion years of marriage that we were finally pregnant. My inlaws instead after 30+ years of the same tradition, decided to travel to spend the holidays with my BIL & his family instead. DH was heartbroken. His parents decided start a new tradition of spending every other xmas here where DH's family has a huge gathering.
So every other year my MIL is with us and her sisters/nieces/nephews and she sulks because my BIL and his family don't come back here anymore and every year I say to DH, if she's going to be in such a foul mood maybe they should just spend EVERY christmas out of town. I know she's jealous of her sisters whose children & grandchildren are all together.
Now this year they're leaving town to spend it with the BIL -- mainly because his adult children arrive for their loot and leave. But here's my vent -- my FIL & MIL always pressure us to go with them out of town and we refuse. I don't travel to AZ to my family, we don't travel. Well, the other night they inappropriately started working on DS to convince him that we should drive 5 hours in the car to see his uncle. Grrr!
Yeah, way to go to get me to do something. Crab at me for refusing to bend on this and then go behind our backs and work on a 7-year old. I used to LOVE the holidays, but for the past 8 years this has really started getting old. It's all about DS and making sure he has a wonderful holiday season. Sigh...
8 years ago at Christmas we were going to announce that after a zillion years of marriage that we were finally pregnant. My inlaws instead after 30+ years of the same tradition, decided to travel to spend the holidays with my BIL & his family instead. DH was heartbroken. His parents decided start a new tradition of spending every other xmas here where DH's family has a huge gathering.
So every other year my MIL is with us and her sisters/nieces/nephews and she sulks because my BIL and his family don't come back here anymore and every year I say to DH, if she's going to be in such a foul mood maybe they should just spend EVERY christmas out of town. I know she's jealous of her sisters whose children & grandchildren are all together.
Now this year they're leaving town to spend it with the BIL -- mainly because his adult children arrive for their loot and leave. But here's my vent -- my FIL & MIL always pressure us to go with them out of town and we refuse. I don't travel to AZ to my family, we don't travel. Well, the other night they inappropriately started working on DS to convince him that we should drive 5 hours in the car to see his uncle. Grrr!
Yeah, way to go to get me to do something. Crab at me for refusing to bend on this and then go behind our backs and work on a 7-year old. I used to LOVE the holidays, but for the past 8 years this has really started getting old. It's all about DS and making sure he has a wonderful holiday season. Sigh...
Agggh! This has nothing to do with germs/cf -- just family pressure around the holidays and since they don't come here to post -- a vent.
<br />
<br />8 years ago at Christmas we were going to announce that after a zillion years of marriage that we were finally pregnant. My inlaws instead after 30+ years of the same tradition, decided to travel to spend the holidays with my BIL & his family instead. DH was heartbroken. His parents decided start a new tradition of spending every other xmas here where DH's family has a huge gathering.
<br />
<br />So every other year my MIL is with us and her sisters/nieces/nephews and she sulks because my BIL and his family don't come back here anymore and every year I say to DH, if she's going to be in such a foul mood maybe they should just spend EVERY christmas out of town. I know she's jealous of her sisters whose children & grandchildren are all together.
<br />
<br />Now this year they're leaving town to spend it with the BIL -- mainly because his adult children arrive for their loot and leave. But here's my vent -- my FIL & MIL always pressure us to go with them out of town and we refuse. I don't travel to AZ to my family, we don't travel. Well, the other night they inappropriately started working on DS to convince him that we should drive 5 hours in the car to see his uncle. Grrr!
<br />
<br />Yeah, way to go to get me to do something. Crab at me for refusing to bend on this and then go behind our backs and work on a 7-year old. I used to LOVE the holidays, but for the past 8 years this has really started getting old. It's all about DS and making sure he has a wonderful holiday season. Sigh...
<br />
<br />8 years ago at Christmas we were going to announce that after a zillion years of marriage that we were finally pregnant. My inlaws instead after 30+ years of the same tradition, decided to travel to spend the holidays with my BIL & his family instead. DH was heartbroken. His parents decided start a new tradition of spending every other xmas here where DH's family has a huge gathering.
<br />
<br />So every other year my MIL is with us and her sisters/nieces/nephews and she sulks because my BIL and his family don't come back here anymore and every year I say to DH, if she's going to be in such a foul mood maybe they should just spend EVERY christmas out of town. I know she's jealous of her sisters whose children & grandchildren are all together.
<br />
<br />Now this year they're leaving town to spend it with the BIL -- mainly because his adult children arrive for their loot and leave. But here's my vent -- my FIL & MIL always pressure us to go with them out of town and we refuse. I don't travel to AZ to my family, we don't travel. Well, the other night they inappropriately started working on DS to convince him that we should drive 5 hours in the car to see his uncle. Grrr!
<br />
<br />Yeah, way to go to get me to do something. Crab at me for refusing to bend on this and then go behind our backs and work on a 7-year old. I used to LOVE the holidays, but for the past 8 years this has really started getting old. It's all about DS and making sure he has a wonderful holiday season. Sigh...
We also have this problem around holidays, or any other family function birthdays, etc. It is hard to judge I usually say that we just won't attend if it is at someone elses house. But if it's at our house I will ask them not to attend. I try not to be mean about it and I do feel bad but it is what it is. I can't help it. And Trevor certainly can't be around sick people. Most of our family are pretty good about telling us ahead of time.
However, We do have an issue with smoking. My step-mom and my dad have been not smoking in their house for about a year now. They go outside and change their shirts when they come in and everything, no questions. But my inlaws just don't get it. They have six grandchildren and choose not to see my two because they would rather smoke in the house. They do not come to visit us at our home even thought we have told them that they are more than welcome to come see they boys anytime they want. I can't help but be so mad at them for choosing smoking over my kids. My SIL put on my MIL facebook the other day that she was a great mom and grandmom. I wanted to comment and say NO, NO she is not. Maybe to the other four grandchildren but not to mine. She choses not to see them. I just don't get it. How can I not be mad? I am having a very difficult time with it because it has not been solved they seem to be fine with just not seeing them.
Have any of you had a problem with relative that don't understand how bad it could be. Even though he looks healthy now.. he could be worse. I have thought about asking them to go to clinic with us so they could see and ask the doc question but I don't know. My husband is fine with it just being that way, they just don't see them. I don't know..its so frustrating.
However, We do have an issue with smoking. My step-mom and my dad have been not smoking in their house for about a year now. They go outside and change their shirts when they come in and everything, no questions. But my inlaws just don't get it. They have six grandchildren and choose not to see my two because they would rather smoke in the house. They do not come to visit us at our home even thought we have told them that they are more than welcome to come see they boys anytime they want. I can't help but be so mad at them for choosing smoking over my kids. My SIL put on my MIL facebook the other day that she was a great mom and grandmom. I wanted to comment and say NO, NO she is not. Maybe to the other four grandchildren but not to mine. She choses not to see them. I just don't get it. How can I not be mad? I am having a very difficult time with it because it has not been solved they seem to be fine with just not seeing them.
Have any of you had a problem with relative that don't understand how bad it could be. Even though he looks healthy now.. he could be worse. I have thought about asking them to go to clinic with us so they could see and ask the doc question but I don't know. My husband is fine with it just being that way, they just don't see them. I don't know..its so frustrating.
We also have this problem around holidays, or any other family function birthdays, etc. It is hard to judge I usually say that we just won't attend if it is at someone elses house. But if it's at our house I will ask them not to attend. I try not to be mean about it and I do feel bad but it is what it is. I can't help it. And Trevor certainly can't be around sick people. Most of our family are pretty good about telling us ahead of time.
However, We do have an issue with smoking. My step-mom and my dad have been not smoking in their house for about a year now. They go outside and change their shirts when they come in and everything, no questions. But my inlaws just don't get it. They have six grandchildren and choose not to see my two because they would rather smoke in the house. They do not come to visit us at our home even thought we have told them that they are more than welcome to come see they boys anytime they want. I can't help but be so mad at them for choosing smoking over my kids. My SIL put on my MIL facebook the other day that she was a great mom and grandmom. I wanted to comment and say NO, NO she is not. Maybe to the other four grandchildren but not to mine. She choses not to see them. I just don't get it. How can I not be mad? I am having a very difficult time with it because it has not been solved they seem to be fine with just not seeing them.
Have any of you had a problem with relative that don't understand how bad it could be. Even though he looks healthy now.. he could be worse. I have thought about asking them to go to clinic with us so they could see and ask the doc question but I don't know. My husband is fine with it just being that way, they just don't see them. I don't know..its so frustrating.
However, We do have an issue with smoking. My step-mom and my dad have been not smoking in their house for about a year now. They go outside and change their shirts when they come in and everything, no questions. But my inlaws just don't get it. They have six grandchildren and choose not to see my two because they would rather smoke in the house. They do not come to visit us at our home even thought we have told them that they are more than welcome to come see they boys anytime they want. I can't help but be so mad at them for choosing smoking over my kids. My SIL put on my MIL facebook the other day that she was a great mom and grandmom. I wanted to comment and say NO, NO she is not. Maybe to the other four grandchildren but not to mine. She choses not to see them. I just don't get it. How can I not be mad? I am having a very difficult time with it because it has not been solved they seem to be fine with just not seeing them.
Have any of you had a problem with relative that don't understand how bad it could be. Even though he looks healthy now.. he could be worse. I have thought about asking them to go to clinic with us so they could see and ask the doc question but I don't know. My husband is fine with it just being that way, they just don't see them. I don't know..its so frustrating.
We also have this problem around holidays, or any other family function birthdays, etc. It is hard to judge I usually say that we just won't attend if it is at someone elses house. But if it's at our house I will ask them not to attend. I try not to be mean about it and I do feel bad but it is what it is. I can't help it. And Trevor certainly can't be around sick people. Most of our family are pretty good about telling us ahead of time.
<br />However, We do have an issue with smoking. My step-mom and my dad have been not smoking in their house for about a year now. They go outside and change their shirts when they come in and everything, no questions. But my inlaws just don't get it. They have six grandchildren and choose not to see my two because they would rather smoke in the house. They do not come to visit us at our home even thought we have told them that they are more than welcome to come see they boys anytime they want. I can't help but be so mad at them for choosing smoking over my kids. My SIL put on my MIL facebook the other day that she was a great mom and grandmom. I wanted to comment and say NO, NO she is not. Maybe to the other four grandchildren but not to mine. She choses not to see them. I just don't get it. How can I not be mad? I am having a very difficult time with it because it has not been solved they seem to be fine with just not seeing them.
<br />Have any of you had a problem with relative that don't understand how bad it could be. Even though he looks healthy now.. he could be worse. I have thought about asking them to go to clinic with us so they could see and ask the doc question but I don't know. My husband is fine with it just being that way, they just don't see them. I don't know..its so frustrating.
<br />However, We do have an issue with smoking. My step-mom and my dad have been not smoking in their house for about a year now. They go outside and change their shirts when they come in and everything, no questions. But my inlaws just don't get it. They have six grandchildren and choose not to see my two because they would rather smoke in the house. They do not come to visit us at our home even thought we have told them that they are more than welcome to come see they boys anytime they want. I can't help but be so mad at them for choosing smoking over my kids. My SIL put on my MIL facebook the other day that she was a great mom and grandmom. I wanted to comment and say NO, NO she is not. Maybe to the other four grandchildren but not to mine. She choses not to see them. I just don't get it. How can I not be mad? I am having a very difficult time with it because it has not been solved they seem to be fine with just not seeing them.
<br />Have any of you had a problem with relative that don't understand how bad it could be. Even though he looks healthy now.. he could be worse. I have thought about asking them to go to clinic with us so they could see and ask the doc question but I don't know. My husband is fine with it just being that way, they just don't see them. I don't know..its so frustrating.
I understand all of your frustrations. I love my in-laws and always have after 12 years of being in the family. However, because I was so blunt with letting everyone know they can not be around our daughter if they are sick, they feel as if I'm trying to cause division in the family. I don't want division any more than they do, but I do want a healthy daughter and a healthy life for her. And I don't feel as if it is selfish to tell other family members that it is also their responsibility to keep her healthy. But I think all they see us as is the "Germ Police." I have to realize they don't know what it's like to watch your child have 10 vials of blood drawn or have tubes stuck down their throat or have monitors or look at you with helpless eyes that say "please save me from this!" I know no one will ever understand like the parent, but I guess I just ask that they be compassionate and considerate. My 7month old has been through more medical procedures than they can even fathom and it doesn't even phase them. My heart just hurts to have a seemingly "normal" life. I am praying for all of you during this season and all of the holidays that bring us great stress only because we have become selfless in wanting the best for our sons and daughters, grandchildren, and family members dealing with CF or any other major illnesses.
I understand all of your frustrations. I love my in-laws and always have after 12 years of being in the family. However, because I was so blunt with letting everyone know they can not be around our daughter if they are sick, they feel as if I'm trying to cause division in the family. I don't want division any more than they do, but I do want a healthy daughter and a healthy life for her. And I don't feel as if it is selfish to tell other family members that it is also their responsibility to keep her healthy. But I think all they see us as is the "Germ Police." I have to realize they don't know what it's like to watch your child have 10 vials of blood drawn or have tubes stuck down their throat or have monitors or look at you with helpless eyes that say "please save me from this!" I know no one will ever understand like the parent, but I guess I just ask that they be compassionate and considerate. My 7month old has been through more medical procedures than they can even fathom and it doesn't even phase them. My heart just hurts to have a seemingly "normal" life. I am praying for all of you during this season and all of the holidays that bring us great stress only because we have become selfless in wanting the best for our sons and daughters, grandchildren, and family members dealing with CF or any other major illnesses.
I understand all of your frustrations. I love my in-laws and always have after 12 years of being in the family. However, because I was so blunt with letting everyone know they can not be around our daughter if they are sick, they feel as if I'm trying to cause division in the family. I don't want division any more than they do, but I do want a healthy daughter and a healthy life for her. And I don't feel as if it is selfish to tell other family members that it is also their responsibility to keep her healthy. But I think all they see us as is the "Germ Police." I have to realize they don't know what it's like to watch your child have 10 vials of blood drawn or have tubes stuck down their throat or have monitors or look at you with helpless eyes that say "please save me from this!" I know no one will ever understand like the parent, but I guess I just ask that they be compassionate and considerate. My 7month old has been through more medical procedures than they can even fathom and it doesn't even phase them. My heart just hurts to have a seemingly "normal" life. I am praying for all of you during this season and all of the holidays that bring us great stress only because we have become selfless in wanting the best for our sons and daughters, grandchildren, and family members dealing with CF or any other major illnesses.
flwrchldkb
New member
We are in the process of trying to decide what to do about Christmas. My mom's family and my husband's family are both small, so they all are aware of the risk that Payton is at of getting sick. My dad's family is very large and when I say very large I mean 70+ people. We are trying to decide how to handle Christmas since my grandma will be devestated if we don't see her, but we want to make sure that Payton is safe to go. We are talking to her cf drs on Wednesday so we can see what their outlook is on this. I wonder though if it is any different than taking her to church. There, we keep her covered and don't let anyone hold her. So would we be able to do the same thing at Christmas?
flwrchldkb
New member
We are in the process of trying to decide what to do about Christmas. My mom's family and my husband's family are both small, so they all are aware of the risk that Payton is at of getting sick. My dad's family is very large and when I say very large I mean 70+ people. We are trying to decide how to handle Christmas since my grandma will be devestated if we don't see her, but we want to make sure that Payton is safe to go. We are talking to her cf drs on Wednesday so we can see what their outlook is on this. I wonder though if it is any different than taking her to church. There, we keep her covered and don't let anyone hold her. So would we be able to do the same thing at Christmas?
flwrchldkb
New member
We are in the process of trying to decide what to do about Christmas. My mom's family and my husband's family are both small, so they all are aware of the risk that Payton is at of getting sick. My dad's family is very large and when I say very large I mean 70+ people. We are trying to decide how to handle Christmas since my grandma will be devestated if we don't see her, but we want to make sure that Payton is safe to go. We are talking to her cf drs on Wednesday so we can see what their outlook is on this. I wonder though if it is any different than taking her to church. There, we keep her covered and don't let anyone hold her. So would we be able to do the same thing at Christmas?