I know it seems that a CFer "should" have a better understanding and maybe desire to achieve the perfect love. Or even have a 6th sense, but I dont know if that is true. So much is related to personality and upbringing. For example.....my husband is 1 of 9 kids. His parents died when he was very young so his life has been one big ***** hole yet he not only knows how a family should be and should feel like, he is able to obtain that. Maybe its the not having it then propelled him forward in acheiving that. BUT if thats the case why not all his brothers/sisters? Just like a CFer you would think we would have an enhanced awareness of things. Yet some dont or some cant. A person might have it deep in them, but if they were never taught how to bring it out or use it properly then its as useless as titties on a boar hog!
The subject of Love.
- Thread starter Lance2020x
- Start date
okay first of all good book suggestion: define normal. i read it in like 8th grade...but really really good. you could easily read it in a day.
and also, i think CF has effected my 'love life' or whatever, in a bad or neutral way. but it definitly hasnt helped. im much more cautious about who im attracted to, and i tend to self-sabotage myself when i find myself getting close to someone. i know im only 17, but i think im mature enough to speak about this topic. i am a...flirtatious...girl, its fun! but as soon as i get closer with anyone, i literally subconciously, self-sabotage our 'relationship'. its a major problem and my friends are really good about telling me about it, and supporting me.
i think i do this because of a) past experience (2 bfs cheating on me) and b) having CF gives you a very different outlook on life, and i think, subconciously, i believe that i shouldnt get close to anyone that i wouldnt want to marry, because i've got a short life to live, and its not worth 'dating around'
thats just my couple cents (maybe a little more then 2...
)
and also, i think CF has effected my 'love life' or whatever, in a bad or neutral way. but it definitly hasnt helped. im much more cautious about who im attracted to, and i tend to self-sabotage myself when i find myself getting close to someone. i know im only 17, but i think im mature enough to speak about this topic. i am a...flirtatious...girl, its fun! but as soon as i get closer with anyone, i literally subconciously, self-sabotage our 'relationship'. its a major problem and my friends are really good about telling me about it, and supporting me.
i think i do this because of a) past experience (2 bfs cheating on me) and b) having CF gives you a very different outlook on life, and i think, subconciously, i believe that i shouldnt get close to anyone that i wouldnt want to marry, because i've got a short life to live, and its not worth 'dating around'
thats just my couple cents (maybe a little more then 2...
)okay first of all good book suggestion: define normal. i read it in like 8th grade...but really really good. you could easily read it in a day.
and also, i think CF has effected my 'love life' or whatever, in a bad or neutral way. but it definitly hasnt helped. im much more cautious about who im attracted to, and i tend to self-sabotage myself when i find myself getting close to someone. i know im only 17, but i think im mature enough to speak about this topic. i am a...flirtatious...girl, its fun! but as soon as i get closer with anyone, i literally subconciously, self-sabotage our 'relationship'. its a major problem and my friends are really good about telling me about it, and supporting me.
i think i do this because of a) past experience (2 bfs cheating on me) and b) having CF gives you a very different outlook on life, and i think, subconciously, i believe that i shouldnt get close to anyone that i wouldnt want to marry, because i've got a short life to live, and its not worth 'dating around'
thats just my couple cents (maybe a little more then 2...)
and also, i think CF has effected my 'love life' or whatever, in a bad or neutral way. but it definitly hasnt helped. im much more cautious about who im attracted to, and i tend to self-sabotage myself when i find myself getting close to someone. i know im only 17, but i think im mature enough to speak about this topic. i am a...flirtatious...girl, its fun! but as soon as i get closer with anyone, i literally subconciously, self-sabotage our 'relationship'. its a major problem and my friends are really good about telling me about it, and supporting me.
i think i do this because of a) past experience (2 bfs cheating on me) and b) having CF gives you a very different outlook on life, and i think, subconciously, i believe that i shouldnt get close to anyone that i wouldnt want to marry, because i've got a short life to live, and its not worth 'dating around'
thats just my couple cents (maybe a little more then 2...
)okay first of all good book suggestion: define normal. i read it in like 8th grade...but really really good. you could easily read it in a day.
and also, i think CF has effected my 'love life' or whatever, in a bad or neutral way. but it definitly hasnt helped. im much more cautious about who im attracted to, and i tend to self-sabotage myself when i find myself getting close to someone. i know im only 17, but i think im mature enough to speak about this topic. i am a...flirtatious...girl, its fun! but as soon as i get closer with anyone, i literally subconciously, self-sabotage our 'relationship'. its a major problem and my friends are really good about telling me about it, and supporting me.
i think i do this because of a) past experience (2 bfs cheating on me) and b) having CF gives you a very different outlook on life, and i think, subconciously, i believe that i shouldnt get close to anyone that i wouldnt want to marry, because i've got a short life to live, and its not worth 'dating around'
thats just my couple cents (maybe a little more then 2...)
and also, i think CF has effected my 'love life' or whatever, in a bad or neutral way. but it definitly hasnt helped. im much more cautious about who im attracted to, and i tend to self-sabotage myself when i find myself getting close to someone. i know im only 17, but i think im mature enough to speak about this topic. i am a...flirtatious...girl, its fun! but as soon as i get closer with anyone, i literally subconciously, self-sabotage our 'relationship'. its a major problem and my friends are really good about telling me about it, and supporting me.
i think i do this because of a) past experience (2 bfs cheating on me) and b) having CF gives you a very different outlook on life, and i think, subconciously, i believe that i shouldnt get close to anyone that i wouldnt want to marry, because i've got a short life to live, and its not worth 'dating around'
thats just my couple cents (maybe a little more then 2...
)I think having cf (or any other life altering experience along these lines, or simply caring about someone who has had the harder road in life) can make us more sympathetic and empathetic to others; make us more appreciative of who a person is beyond the surface, and therefore we can care about someone a little easier and a little faster than someone who hasn't had to grow up and deal with the deeper issues of life at a young age. I know that's not true for everyone, and certainly not everyone all the time<img src="">- just an impression I've come away with.
I think having cf (or any other life altering experience along these lines, or simply caring about someone who has had the harder road in life) can make us more sympathetic and empathetic to others; make us more appreciative of who a person is beyond the surface, and therefore we can care about someone a little easier and a little faster than someone who hasn't had to grow up and deal with the deeper issues of life at a young age. I know that's not true for everyone, and certainly not everyone all the time<img src="">- just an impression I've come away with.
I think having cf (or any other life altering experience along these lines, or simply caring about someone who has had the harder road in life) can make us more sympathetic and empathetic to others; make us more appreciative of who a person is beyond the surface, and therefore we can care about someone a little easier and a little faster than someone who hasn't had to grow up and deal with the deeper issues of life at a young age. I know that's not true for everyone, and certainly not everyone all the time<img src="">- just an impression I've come away with.
6
65rosessamurai
Guest
Wow! A Philosophical Question! <img src="">
First, the question "What IS normal" is really a question with an undefinite answer. The only closest reply would be how "others" veiw it, yet that isn't always accurate because of their own personal experiences, views, and opinions.
Second, I would agree to the fact that some, or most, of us CF'rs have this subconciousness of not getting too close in a relationship. But, I tend to think of it as a 'fear' of how that person will accept that part about you, and at that point is when the CF'r backs away. Though, the 'fear' of death may also play a part, whether it's the fear of dying before your partner, or the other way around that the partner may have a 'fear' of living longer than you.
I think with experience in relationships, a person becomes wiser in dealing with relationships, at least as far as being able to sense when to open up and let the other person "into your heart", as you might say.
I would like to extend a reply to your question:
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Honestly people who cheat just astound me... I don't understand how someone could do it.</end quote></div>
I'd say I was borderline "grey area" in this, but it is because I realized why someone could do it! I happened to have been dating my 'now' wife, while going through the divorce procedure with the 'ex-wife'. However, many years ago, I had also thought I could never, nor want to ever cheat on my spouse. I also didn't believe in divorce, and didn't want to do that, either.
But, that's when I realized WHY someone could cheat!
Some people, usually the 'guys', have excuses to cheat. This is 'per say', but I had heard the excuse that the guy still wants to 'spread his seed', and the wife ain't enough for him. (laime, in my opinion)
Another, is the person (not ALWAYS the 'guy' in this case), despite having a good spouse, is missing an ingredient in the marriage, and searches for it outside the marriage.
The one reason that I discovered, is that of neglect. During my 11 years of marriage, I was neglected the love and affection that is found in most 'healthy' marriages. This is where the meaning of "Starving for Love" comes into play!
I don't have proof, but I do have suspicion my X was cheating on me. In my last year of marriage to her, I decided to start looking, and was quite surprised to find a compatable mate so soon!
I found it amazing how certain things in someones life, mostly things of tragedy, can change, maybe even 're-sculpture' the heart. I would never want to go in that direction again, mostly because I saw the demons living about there, but I also saw the demons in divorce, and that wasn't a pretty site, either!
I definitely feel the experience changed the way I look at my relationships, but I also believe I was doing it the 'hard way', because perhaps, in my particular case, I was a little slow in getting involved with human relationships during my teens.
As for the reply to your main question:
<b>To those who Have CF:</b> In what way(s) do you think CF has affected your love for your spouse/significant other? How do you differ (in your love, emotionally) from a person without CF?
To be honest, I don't think CF had anything to do with how I view my relationship. In the case with my previous marriage, the X still had NO concept to my health issuese, and often viewed me as "diseased", adding the phrase that if I "ever get hospitalized from my disease, that's the end of our marriage life", as her oftenly used quote.
In my new marriage, I realized I do have to work harder on my behalf, but found that marriage is a 'partnership', unlike what the last marriage was, to which CF doesn't play much into that meaning.
I also don't think my emotional love is any different than one without CF, except maybe the subconcious thought sitting in the way back of my head, hoping that the wife will be alright if she happens to live longer than I do, and that we could still have a family.
Sorry if this was a bit extended, but it seems to be one of those things where you know your age by how you perceive "Love", which in some cases is only learned by experience (good or bad!)
A P.S. for Kate...I hope you can also learn the good things in a relationship to find the one in life for you...right now at 17, you are at your learning stage, so study well, for I beleive you can someday find the right one! I was once told that you are now going through learning stages to prepare for the mate waiting for you, while your mate is also going through his learning stages before he meets with you! Though another thing I was told, "you may have to go out on 200 dates before you find the right one". (but this can work for job searching, too!)
First, the question "What IS normal" is really a question with an undefinite answer. The only closest reply would be how "others" veiw it, yet that isn't always accurate because of their own personal experiences, views, and opinions.
Second, I would agree to the fact that some, or most, of us CF'rs have this subconciousness of not getting too close in a relationship. But, I tend to think of it as a 'fear' of how that person will accept that part about you, and at that point is when the CF'r backs away. Though, the 'fear' of death may also play a part, whether it's the fear of dying before your partner, or the other way around that the partner may have a 'fear' of living longer than you.
I think with experience in relationships, a person becomes wiser in dealing with relationships, at least as far as being able to sense when to open up and let the other person "into your heart", as you might say.
I would like to extend a reply to your question:
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Honestly people who cheat just astound me... I don't understand how someone could do it.</end quote></div>
I'd say I was borderline "grey area" in this, but it is because I realized why someone could do it! I happened to have been dating my 'now' wife, while going through the divorce procedure with the 'ex-wife'. However, many years ago, I had also thought I could never, nor want to ever cheat on my spouse. I also didn't believe in divorce, and didn't want to do that, either.
But, that's when I realized WHY someone could cheat!
Some people, usually the 'guys', have excuses to cheat. This is 'per say', but I had heard the excuse that the guy still wants to 'spread his seed', and the wife ain't enough for him. (laime, in my opinion)
Another, is the person (not ALWAYS the 'guy' in this case), despite having a good spouse, is missing an ingredient in the marriage, and searches for it outside the marriage.
The one reason that I discovered, is that of neglect. During my 11 years of marriage, I was neglected the love and affection that is found in most 'healthy' marriages. This is where the meaning of "Starving for Love" comes into play!
I don't have proof, but I do have suspicion my X was cheating on me. In my last year of marriage to her, I decided to start looking, and was quite surprised to find a compatable mate so soon!
I found it amazing how certain things in someones life, mostly things of tragedy, can change, maybe even 're-sculpture' the heart. I would never want to go in that direction again, mostly because I saw the demons living about there, but I also saw the demons in divorce, and that wasn't a pretty site, either!
I definitely feel the experience changed the way I look at my relationships, but I also believe I was doing it the 'hard way', because perhaps, in my particular case, I was a little slow in getting involved with human relationships during my teens.
As for the reply to your main question:
<b>To those who Have CF:</b> In what way(s) do you think CF has affected your love for your spouse/significant other? How do you differ (in your love, emotionally) from a person without CF?
To be honest, I don't think CF had anything to do with how I view my relationship. In the case with my previous marriage, the X still had NO concept to my health issuese, and often viewed me as "diseased", adding the phrase that if I "ever get hospitalized from my disease, that's the end of our marriage life", as her oftenly used quote.
In my new marriage, I realized I do have to work harder on my behalf, but found that marriage is a 'partnership', unlike what the last marriage was, to which CF doesn't play much into that meaning.
I also don't think my emotional love is any different than one without CF, except maybe the subconcious thought sitting in the way back of my head, hoping that the wife will be alright if she happens to live longer than I do, and that we could still have a family.
Sorry if this was a bit extended, but it seems to be one of those things where you know your age by how you perceive "Love", which in some cases is only learned by experience (good or bad!)
A P.S. for Kate...I hope you can also learn the good things in a relationship to find the one in life for you...right now at 17, you are at your learning stage, so study well, for I beleive you can someday find the right one! I was once told that you are now going through learning stages to prepare for the mate waiting for you, while your mate is also going through his learning stages before he meets with you! Though another thing I was told, "you may have to go out on 200 dates before you find the right one". (but this can work for job searching, too!)
6
65rosessamurai
Guest
Wow! A Philosophical Question! <img src="">
First, the question "What IS normal" is really a question with an undefinite answer. The only closest reply would be how "others" veiw it, yet that isn't always accurate because of their own personal experiences, views, and opinions.
Second, I would agree to the fact that some, or most, of us CF'rs have this subconciousness of not getting too close in a relationship. But, I tend to think of it as a 'fear' of how that person will accept that part about you, and at that point is when the CF'r backs away. Though, the 'fear' of death may also play a part, whether it's the fear of dying before your partner, or the other way around that the partner may have a 'fear' of living longer than you.
I think with experience in relationships, a person becomes wiser in dealing with relationships, at least as far as being able to sense when to open up and let the other person "into your heart", as you might say.
I would like to extend a reply to your question:
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Honestly people who cheat just astound me... I don't understand how someone could do it.</end quote></div>
I'd say I was borderline "grey area" in this, but it is because I realized why someone could do it! I happened to have been dating my 'now' wife, while going through the divorce procedure with the 'ex-wife'. However, many years ago, I had also thought I could never, nor want to ever cheat on my spouse. I also didn't believe in divorce, and didn't want to do that, either.
But, that's when I realized WHY someone could cheat!
Some people, usually the 'guys', have excuses to cheat. This is 'per say', but I had heard the excuse that the guy still wants to 'spread his seed', and the wife ain't enough for him. (laime, in my opinion)
Another, is the person (not ALWAYS the 'guy' in this case), despite having a good spouse, is missing an ingredient in the marriage, and searches for it outside the marriage.
The one reason that I discovered, is that of neglect. During my 11 years of marriage, I was neglected the love and affection that is found in most 'healthy' marriages. This is where the meaning of "Starving for Love" comes into play!
I don't have proof, but I do have suspicion my X was cheating on me. In my last year of marriage to her, I decided to start looking, and was quite surprised to find a compatable mate so soon!
I found it amazing how certain things in someones life, mostly things of tragedy, can change, maybe even 're-sculpture' the heart. I would never want to go in that direction again, mostly because I saw the demons living about there, but I also saw the demons in divorce, and that wasn't a pretty site, either!
I definitely feel the experience changed the way I look at my relationships, but I also believe I was doing it the 'hard way', because perhaps, in my particular case, I was a little slow in getting involved with human relationships during my teens.
As for the reply to your main question:
<b>To those who Have CF:</b> In what way(s) do you think CF has affected your love for your spouse/significant other? How do you differ (in your love, emotionally) from a person without CF?
To be honest, I don't think CF had anything to do with how I view my relationship. In the case with my previous marriage, the X still had NO concept to my health issuese, and often viewed me as "diseased", adding the phrase that if I "ever get hospitalized from my disease, that's the end of our marriage life", as her oftenly used quote.
In my new marriage, I realized I do have to work harder on my behalf, but found that marriage is a 'partnership', unlike what the last marriage was, to which CF doesn't play much into that meaning.
I also don't think my emotional love is any different than one without CF, except maybe the subconcious thought sitting in the way back of my head, hoping that the wife will be alright if she happens to live longer than I do, and that we could still have a family.
Sorry if this was a bit extended, but it seems to be one of those things where you know your age by how you perceive "Love", which in some cases is only learned by experience (good or bad!)
A P.S. for Kate...I hope you can also learn the good things in a relationship to find the one in life for you...right now at 17, you are at your learning stage, so study well, for I beleive you can someday find the right one! I was once told that you are now going through learning stages to prepare for the mate waiting for you, while your mate is also going through his learning stages before he meets with you! Though another thing I was told, "you may have to go out on 200 dates before you find the right one". (but this can work for job searching, too!)
First, the question "What IS normal" is really a question with an undefinite answer. The only closest reply would be how "others" veiw it, yet that isn't always accurate because of their own personal experiences, views, and opinions.
Second, I would agree to the fact that some, or most, of us CF'rs have this subconciousness of not getting too close in a relationship. But, I tend to think of it as a 'fear' of how that person will accept that part about you, and at that point is when the CF'r backs away. Though, the 'fear' of death may also play a part, whether it's the fear of dying before your partner, or the other way around that the partner may have a 'fear' of living longer than you.
I think with experience in relationships, a person becomes wiser in dealing with relationships, at least as far as being able to sense when to open up and let the other person "into your heart", as you might say.
I would like to extend a reply to your question:
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Honestly people who cheat just astound me... I don't understand how someone could do it.</end quote></div>
I'd say I was borderline "grey area" in this, but it is because I realized why someone could do it! I happened to have been dating my 'now' wife, while going through the divorce procedure with the 'ex-wife'. However, many years ago, I had also thought I could never, nor want to ever cheat on my spouse. I also didn't believe in divorce, and didn't want to do that, either.
But, that's when I realized WHY someone could cheat!
Some people, usually the 'guys', have excuses to cheat. This is 'per say', but I had heard the excuse that the guy still wants to 'spread his seed', and the wife ain't enough for him. (laime, in my opinion)
Another, is the person (not ALWAYS the 'guy' in this case), despite having a good spouse, is missing an ingredient in the marriage, and searches for it outside the marriage.
The one reason that I discovered, is that of neglect. During my 11 years of marriage, I was neglected the love and affection that is found in most 'healthy' marriages. This is where the meaning of "Starving for Love" comes into play!
I don't have proof, but I do have suspicion my X was cheating on me. In my last year of marriage to her, I decided to start looking, and was quite surprised to find a compatable mate so soon!
I found it amazing how certain things in someones life, mostly things of tragedy, can change, maybe even 're-sculpture' the heart. I would never want to go in that direction again, mostly because I saw the demons living about there, but I also saw the demons in divorce, and that wasn't a pretty site, either!
I definitely feel the experience changed the way I look at my relationships, but I also believe I was doing it the 'hard way', because perhaps, in my particular case, I was a little slow in getting involved with human relationships during my teens.
As for the reply to your main question:
<b>To those who Have CF:</b> In what way(s) do you think CF has affected your love for your spouse/significant other? How do you differ (in your love, emotionally) from a person without CF?
To be honest, I don't think CF had anything to do with how I view my relationship. In the case with my previous marriage, the X still had NO concept to my health issuese, and often viewed me as "diseased", adding the phrase that if I "ever get hospitalized from my disease, that's the end of our marriage life", as her oftenly used quote.
In my new marriage, I realized I do have to work harder on my behalf, but found that marriage is a 'partnership', unlike what the last marriage was, to which CF doesn't play much into that meaning.
I also don't think my emotional love is any different than one without CF, except maybe the subconcious thought sitting in the way back of my head, hoping that the wife will be alright if she happens to live longer than I do, and that we could still have a family.
Sorry if this was a bit extended, but it seems to be one of those things where you know your age by how you perceive "Love", which in some cases is only learned by experience (good or bad!)
A P.S. for Kate...I hope you can also learn the good things in a relationship to find the one in life for you...right now at 17, you are at your learning stage, so study well, for I beleive you can someday find the right one! I was once told that you are now going through learning stages to prepare for the mate waiting for you, while your mate is also going through his learning stages before he meets with you! Though another thing I was told, "you may have to go out on 200 dates before you find the right one". (but this can work for job searching, too!)
6
65rosessamurai
Guest
Wow! A Philosophical Question! <img src="">
First, the question "What IS normal" is really a question with an undefinite answer. The only closest reply would be how "others" veiw it, yet that isn't always accurate because of their own personal experiences, views, and opinions.
Second, I would agree to the fact that some, or most, of us CF'rs have this subconciousness of not getting too close in a relationship. But, I tend to think of it as a 'fear' of how that person will accept that part about you, and at that point is when the CF'r backs away. Though, the 'fear' of death may also play a part, whether it's the fear of dying before your partner, or the other way around that the partner may have a 'fear' of living longer than you.
I think with experience in relationships, a person becomes wiser in dealing with relationships, at least as far as being able to sense when to open up and let the other person "into your heart", as you might say.
I would like to extend a reply to your question:
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Honestly people who cheat just astound me... I don't understand how someone could do it.</end quote></div>
I'd say I was borderline "grey area" in this, but it is because I realized why someone could do it! I happened to have been dating my 'now' wife, while going through the divorce procedure with the 'ex-wife'. However, many years ago, I had also thought I could never, nor want to ever cheat on my spouse. I also didn't believe in divorce, and didn't want to do that, either.
But, that's when I realized WHY someone could cheat!
Some people, usually the 'guys', have excuses to cheat. This is 'per say', but I had heard the excuse that the guy still wants to 'spread his seed', and the wife ain't enough for him. (laime, in my opinion)
Another, is the person (not ALWAYS the 'guy' in this case), despite having a good spouse, is missing an ingredient in the marriage, and searches for it outside the marriage.
The one reason that I discovered, is that of neglect. During my 11 years of marriage, I was neglected the love and affection that is found in most 'healthy' marriages. This is where the meaning of "Starving for Love" comes into play!
I don't have proof, but I do have suspicion my X was cheating on me. In my last year of marriage to her, I decided to start looking, and was quite surprised to find a compatable mate so soon!
I found it amazing how certain things in someones life, mostly things of tragedy, can change, maybe even 're-sculpture' the heart. I would never want to go in that direction again, mostly because I saw the demons living about there, but I also saw the demons in divorce, and that wasn't a pretty site, either!
I definitely feel the experience changed the way I look at my relationships, but I also believe I was doing it the 'hard way', because perhaps, in my particular case, I was a little slow in getting involved with human relationships during my teens.
As for the reply to your main question:
<b>To those who Have CF:</b> In what way(s) do you think CF has affected your love for your spouse/significant other? How do you differ (in your love, emotionally) from a person without CF?
To be honest, I don't think CF had anything to do with how I view my relationship. In the case with my previous marriage, the X still had NO concept to my health issuese, and often viewed me as "diseased", adding the phrase that if I "ever get hospitalized from my disease, that's the end of our marriage life", as her oftenly used quote.
In my new marriage, I realized I do have to work harder on my behalf, but found that marriage is a 'partnership', unlike what the last marriage was, to which CF doesn't play much into that meaning.
I also don't think my emotional love is any different than one without CF, except maybe the subconcious thought sitting in the way back of my head, hoping that the wife will be alright if she happens to live longer than I do, and that we could still have a family.
Sorry if this was a bit extended, but it seems to be one of those things where you know your age by how you perceive "Love", which in some cases is only learned by experience (good or bad!)
A P.S. for Kate...I hope you can also learn the good things in a relationship to find the one in life for you...right now at 17, you are at your learning stage, so study well, for I beleive you can someday find the right one! I was once told that you are now going through learning stages to prepare for the mate waiting for you, while your mate is also going through his learning stages before he meets with you! Though another thing I was told, "you may have to go out on 200 dates before you find the right one". (but this can work for job searching, too!)
First, the question "What IS normal" is really a question with an undefinite answer. The only closest reply would be how "others" veiw it, yet that isn't always accurate because of their own personal experiences, views, and opinions.
Second, I would agree to the fact that some, or most, of us CF'rs have this subconciousness of not getting too close in a relationship. But, I tend to think of it as a 'fear' of how that person will accept that part about you, and at that point is when the CF'r backs away. Though, the 'fear' of death may also play a part, whether it's the fear of dying before your partner, or the other way around that the partner may have a 'fear' of living longer than you.
I think with experience in relationships, a person becomes wiser in dealing with relationships, at least as far as being able to sense when to open up and let the other person "into your heart", as you might say.
I would like to extend a reply to your question:
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>Honestly people who cheat just astound me... I don't understand how someone could do it.</end quote></div>
I'd say I was borderline "grey area" in this, but it is because I realized why someone could do it! I happened to have been dating my 'now' wife, while going through the divorce procedure with the 'ex-wife'. However, many years ago, I had also thought I could never, nor want to ever cheat on my spouse. I also didn't believe in divorce, and didn't want to do that, either.
But, that's when I realized WHY someone could cheat!
Some people, usually the 'guys', have excuses to cheat. This is 'per say', but I had heard the excuse that the guy still wants to 'spread his seed', and the wife ain't enough for him. (laime, in my opinion)
Another, is the person (not ALWAYS the 'guy' in this case), despite having a good spouse, is missing an ingredient in the marriage, and searches for it outside the marriage.
The one reason that I discovered, is that of neglect. During my 11 years of marriage, I was neglected the love and affection that is found in most 'healthy' marriages. This is where the meaning of "Starving for Love" comes into play!
I don't have proof, but I do have suspicion my X was cheating on me. In my last year of marriage to her, I decided to start looking, and was quite surprised to find a compatable mate so soon!
I found it amazing how certain things in someones life, mostly things of tragedy, can change, maybe even 're-sculpture' the heart. I would never want to go in that direction again, mostly because I saw the demons living about there, but I also saw the demons in divorce, and that wasn't a pretty site, either!
I definitely feel the experience changed the way I look at my relationships, but I also believe I was doing it the 'hard way', because perhaps, in my particular case, I was a little slow in getting involved with human relationships during my teens.
As for the reply to your main question:
<b>To those who Have CF:</b> In what way(s) do you think CF has affected your love for your spouse/significant other? How do you differ (in your love, emotionally) from a person without CF?
To be honest, I don't think CF had anything to do with how I view my relationship. In the case with my previous marriage, the X still had NO concept to my health issuese, and often viewed me as "diseased", adding the phrase that if I "ever get hospitalized from my disease, that's the end of our marriage life", as her oftenly used quote.
In my new marriage, I realized I do have to work harder on my behalf, but found that marriage is a 'partnership', unlike what the last marriage was, to which CF doesn't play much into that meaning.
I also don't think my emotional love is any different than one without CF, except maybe the subconcious thought sitting in the way back of my head, hoping that the wife will be alright if she happens to live longer than I do, and that we could still have a family.
Sorry if this was a bit extended, but it seems to be one of those things where you know your age by how you perceive "Love", which in some cases is only learned by experience (good or bad!)
A P.S. for Kate...I hope you can also learn the good things in a relationship to find the one in life for you...right now at 17, you are at your learning stage, so study well, for I beleive you can someday find the right one! I was once told that you are now going through learning stages to prepare for the mate waiting for you, while your mate is also going through his learning stages before he meets with you! Though another thing I was told, "you may have to go out on 200 dates before you find the right one". (but this can work for job searching, too!)
littledebbie
New member
I have not read all the responses so if I repeat someone..sorry.
For me personally I don't say I love you to every guy who takes a dip in my dating pool. I don't believe love lives where there hasn't been hard times. Saying I love you when everything is rainbows and chocolate kisses is all fine and dandy but say that after I haven't showered for a few days and I'm wadded up in a ball on the couch feeling like crap trying to weedle you into going to the store to get me juice. Now who loves who? And I don't mean the hard times need to be about my health heck they can even be his hard times. but I am definitely about actions. I don't want to hear I love you, I want to see I love you.
And that is probably only related to CF in that since for my age I have probably had a few more hard times than some I think i have a few more walls up and I'm a little more careful about who i let myself rely on.
Also, to the original poster... I think there is a wide range of "love"s. I once had a teacher tell me that english is one of the few languages that has only one word for Love and most languages have more that and they are more descriptive about the type of love, like a family love, or a human to human love or a friendship love or a I want to kiss you all over love <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> I know I can think of many people I could honestly say I love you too and in each instance I would have meant something different. Oh and don't forget puppy love...you know when you look into those big sweet googly eyes and they are sooo sweet and funny and you want to cuddle up with it oooohhhhhhh........
For me personally I don't say I love you to every guy who takes a dip in my dating pool. I don't believe love lives where there hasn't been hard times. Saying I love you when everything is rainbows and chocolate kisses is all fine and dandy but say that after I haven't showered for a few days and I'm wadded up in a ball on the couch feeling like crap trying to weedle you into going to the store to get me juice. Now who loves who? And I don't mean the hard times need to be about my health heck they can even be his hard times. but I am definitely about actions. I don't want to hear I love you, I want to see I love you.
And that is probably only related to CF in that since for my age I have probably had a few more hard times than some I think i have a few more walls up and I'm a little more careful about who i let myself rely on.
Also, to the original poster... I think there is a wide range of "love"s. I once had a teacher tell me that english is one of the few languages that has only one word for Love and most languages have more that and they are more descriptive about the type of love, like a family love, or a human to human love or a friendship love or a I want to kiss you all over love <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> I know I can think of many people I could honestly say I love you too and in each instance I would have meant something different. Oh and don't forget puppy love...you know when you look into those big sweet googly eyes and they are sooo sweet and funny and you want to cuddle up with it oooohhhhhhh........
littledebbie
New member
I have not read all the responses so if I repeat someone..sorry.
For me personally I don't say I love you to every guy who takes a dip in my dating pool. I don't believe love lives where there hasn't been hard times. Saying I love you when everything is rainbows and chocolate kisses is all fine and dandy but say that after I haven't showered for a few days and I'm wadded up in a ball on the couch feeling like crap trying to weedle you into going to the store to get me juice. Now who loves who? And I don't mean the hard times need to be about my health heck they can even be his hard times. but I am definitely about actions. I don't want to hear I love you, I want to see I love you.
And that is probably only related to CF in that since for my age I have probably had a few more hard times than some I think i have a few more walls up and I'm a little more careful about who i let myself rely on.
Also, to the original poster... I think there is a wide range of "love"s. I once had a teacher tell me that english is one of the few languages that has only one word for Love and most languages have more that and they are more descriptive about the type of love, like a family love, or a human to human love or a friendship love or a I want to kiss you all over love <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> I know I can think of many people I could honestly say I love you too and in each instance I would have meant something different. Oh and don't forget puppy love...you know when you look into those big sweet googly eyes and they are sooo sweet and funny and you want to cuddle up with it oooohhhhhhh........
For me personally I don't say I love you to every guy who takes a dip in my dating pool. I don't believe love lives where there hasn't been hard times. Saying I love you when everything is rainbows and chocolate kisses is all fine and dandy but say that after I haven't showered for a few days and I'm wadded up in a ball on the couch feeling like crap trying to weedle you into going to the store to get me juice. Now who loves who? And I don't mean the hard times need to be about my health heck they can even be his hard times. but I am definitely about actions. I don't want to hear I love you, I want to see I love you.
And that is probably only related to CF in that since for my age I have probably had a few more hard times than some I think i have a few more walls up and I'm a little more careful about who i let myself rely on.
Also, to the original poster... I think there is a wide range of "love"s. I once had a teacher tell me that english is one of the few languages that has only one word for Love and most languages have more that and they are more descriptive about the type of love, like a family love, or a human to human love or a friendship love or a I want to kiss you all over love <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> I know I can think of many people I could honestly say I love you too and in each instance I would have meant something different. Oh and don't forget puppy love...you know when you look into those big sweet googly eyes and they are sooo sweet and funny and you want to cuddle up with it oooohhhhhhh........
littledebbie
New member
I have not read all the responses so if I repeat someone..sorry.
For me personally I don't say I love you to every guy who takes a dip in my dating pool. I don't believe love lives where there hasn't been hard times. Saying I love you when everything is rainbows and chocolate kisses is all fine and dandy but say that after I haven't showered for a few days and I'm wadded up in a ball on the couch feeling like crap trying to weedle you into going to the store to get me juice. Now who loves who? And I don't mean the hard times need to be about my health heck they can even be his hard times. but I am definitely about actions. I don't want to hear I love you, I want to see I love you.
And that is probably only related to CF in that since for my age I have probably had a few more hard times than some I think i have a few more walls up and I'm a little more careful about who i let myself rely on.
Also, to the original poster... I think there is a wide range of "love"s. I once had a teacher tell me that english is one of the few languages that has only one word for Love and most languages have more that and they are more descriptive about the type of love, like a family love, or a human to human love or a friendship love or a I want to kiss you all over love <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> I know I can think of many people I could honestly say I love you too and in each instance I would have meant something different. Oh and don't forget puppy love...you know when you look into those big sweet googly eyes and they are sooo sweet and funny and you want to cuddle up with it oooohhhhhhh........
For me personally I don't say I love you to every guy who takes a dip in my dating pool. I don't believe love lives where there hasn't been hard times. Saying I love you when everything is rainbows and chocolate kisses is all fine and dandy but say that after I haven't showered for a few days and I'm wadded up in a ball on the couch feeling like crap trying to weedle you into going to the store to get me juice. Now who loves who? And I don't mean the hard times need to be about my health heck they can even be his hard times. but I am definitely about actions. I don't want to hear I love you, I want to see I love you.
And that is probably only related to CF in that since for my age I have probably had a few more hard times than some I think i have a few more walls up and I'm a little more careful about who i let myself rely on.
Also, to the original poster... I think there is a wide range of "love"s. I once had a teacher tell me that english is one of the few languages that has only one word for Love and most languages have more that and they are more descriptive about the type of love, like a family love, or a human to human love or a friendship love or a I want to kiss you all over love <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0"> I know I can think of many people I could honestly say I love you too and in each instance I would have meant something different. Oh and don't forget puppy love...you know when you look into those big sweet googly eyes and they are sooo sweet and funny and you want to cuddle up with it oooohhhhhhh........