This could be it...

E

Ellipsis

New member
Hello everyone.
So my little brother's girlfriend of 7 years was admitted to the hospital about 2 weeks ago. The first week she was doing okay and they were talking about releasing her soon. Then something happened. I'm not entirely sure what, just that her lungs stopped a week ago. It was incredibly sudden. They hooked her to a machine and put her under and she's been like that for almost a week now. Someone said she had an infection and that's what caused her to decline the way she did. The transplant surgeon had "the talk" with my brother I believe yesterday and the outlook isn't good. They can only keep you hooked up to the machine for 2 or 3 weeks because of blood poisoning. They won't do the transplant on anyone with an infection.
This morning my mother went to the hospital to be with my brother. She went the day before too. The thing is that everyone is usually home by 4-6pm. It's now 10:30pm as I type this. I can only assume the worse.
My brother has power of attorney for her because her mother passed away when she was very young and her father is less than the perfect dad. She basically has no one as far as family goes. My only guess is that they've woke her up so everyone can say their farewells. That means they'll ask my 24 year old brother permission to terminate her.
I'm just assuming. I hope I'm wrong and she kicked the infection and they started the transplant. The thing is... it doesn't seem likely. . .
Heh, I use to gripe about how they haven't cured cancer yet. Chances are that's how I'll end up going given my family history. Now, I wouldn't mind if they took everyone off that goal to cure CF so we can all die of cancer. That's far more fair.
I'll update this thread tomorrow hopefully with good news.

...I'm hoving my mouse over the "Post" button and have a strong urge to just ramble on and give more details and the full story. I've been up for almost 30 hours already. my family has never had to deal with this sort of thing. My parents have gone to a few funerals but those were all great grandparents... not a 27 year old young woman we're all close too. That's too young. We're all
Anyway... I'll update tomorrow if I can. Cross your fingers.
 
E

Ellipsis

New member
Hello everyone.
So my little brother's girlfriend of 7 years was admitted to the hospital about 2 weeks ago. The first week she was doing okay and they were talking about releasing her soon. Then something happened. I'm not entirely sure what, just that her lungs stopped a week ago. It was incredibly sudden. They hooked her to a machine and put her under and she's been like that for almost a week now. Someone said she had an infection and that's what caused her to decline the way she did. The transplant surgeon had "the talk" with my brother I believe yesterday and the outlook isn't good. They can only keep you hooked up to the machine for 2 or 3 weeks because of blood poisoning. They won't do the transplant on anyone with an infection.
This morning my mother went to the hospital to be with my brother. She went the day before too. The thing is that everyone is usually home by 4-6pm. It's now 10:30pm as I type this. I can only assume the worse.
My brother has power of attorney for her because her mother passed away when she was very young and her father is less than the perfect dad. She basically has no one as far as family goes. My only guess is that they've woke her up so everyone can say their farewells. That means they'll ask my 24 year old brother permission to terminate her.
I'm just assuming. I hope I'm wrong and she kicked the infection and they started the transplant. The thing is... it doesn't seem likely. . .
Heh, I use to gripe about how they haven't cured cancer yet. Chances are that's how I'll end up going given my family history. Now, I wouldn't mind if they took everyone off that goal to cure CF so we can all die of cancer. That's far more fair.
I'll update this thread tomorrow hopefully with good news.

...I'm hoving my mouse over the "Post" button and have a strong urge to just ramble on and give more details and the full story. I've been up for almost 30 hours already. my family has never had to deal with this sort of thing. My parents have gone to a few funerals but those were all great grandparents... not a 27 year old young woman we're all close too. That's too young. We're all
Anyway... I'll update tomorrow if I can. Cross your fingers.
 
J

JustDucky

New member
Thinking of all of you during this very difficult time....I too hope for the best. Sending prayers and good thoughts,
Jenn 40 w/CF
 
J

JustDucky

New member
Thinking of all of you during this very difficult time....I too hope for the best. Sending prayers and good thoughts,
Jenn 40 w/CF
 
E

Ellipsis

New member
Thank you for the kind comments. I've been hearing things through the grape vine so some things are probably wrong. I guess she started to show signs of blood poisoning because your lungs filter toxins from your body? I thought the liver did that. The doctors did everything, and I mean everything, to keep her alive but in the end, they woke her up at some point, told her they couldn't do anything for her. They took her off the drugs, and my little brother held onto her until her heart stopped. When she was born and the doctors told her mother she had CF. Her mother was a pretty frail woman, sickly, but she didn't have CF her self. She didn't take it very well. Her husband left her shortly after and had three healthy children with another woman. All of this was too much for her mother to bare. Raising a sick little girl all by herself. So, her mother started drinking, she soon developed pneumonia, and passed away in a hospital when Ashley was a child about 8-9 years old. I don't know where she went after that exactly. Her biological father didn't raise her so ... I asked her once and it was quite confusing. I know a bit of time she lived with her grandmother. Before that, her Uncle. I met her 7 years ago and remember going to her apartment one day after the family went out to dinner. I remember she had tons of fish. A bowl or cup of water on almost every free counter space with a Beta in every one. Those Japanese fish with the long tail. At the time, I thought it was a bit weird. I didn't realize until later maybe it was because she was lonelyl. A fish is probably the safest pet for a person with CF. She had a terrible little white frog that is still over at their house. Her and my brother lived together at the apartment for a while. Then they moved into my parent's house. At the time I was in Washington (the state). I had to move back home because my roommate bailed on me and I couldn't afford rent. So I moved back home and we all lived together for about a year. Both my parents work. My brother works for the family business and at the time she wasn't working full time, so a lot of the time it was just me and her and all her fish and it wasn't until then that I really got the chance to get to know her better. I always liked her. Sometimes you just have a good feeling about someone. Anyway, after that year, they rented a house out in the boonies and her and my brother have been living there ever since. Some time after that. We were all out celebrating someone's birthday. Somehow, I ended up going home with her and it was just the two of us. I remember telling her she had my seal of approval. I told her that I was glad my brother found a good lady like her. I think she said something along the line of, "aw well thanks you". I can still remember exactly were we were. She had always been kind to me but I think that changed things. Now we were pals. From time to time, she would bake rice crispy treats or banana bread and she would have my brother bring some for me before he went to work in the mornings. When ever the family went out for a birthday or just because, she always sat next to me. It became a tradition for us we joked about. She sat next to me on Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, and New Years. New Years was the last time I saw her... A short time after New Years, she was in the hospital. I'll probably always regret never going to see her. I'll kick my self for not spending more time with her. I'll miss not having her sitting next to me on the holidays. I'll miss how she always laughed at my lame jokes. She never got onto the transplant waiting list. She thought she had more time and was afraid of the idea of having her chest cut open. I believe they don't start to consider you for transplant until you're lungs function at 30%? Every time she went to the hospital, she always improved. Her levels rose. However, shis infection hit too suddenly. They weren't even aware of it until almost when her lungs quit. If you are afraid of the transplant surgery, remember that the alternative is death, and their are a lot of people who don't want to lose you. Through out the day today, friends of my brother have been stopping by. My mom hasn't stopped crying. My father fights it like me but it looks like he's cried too. Everyone is crying. I've been struggling not to. My face hurts. Every now and then I'll well up. A couple times while writing this, I've had to get up and walk around and take a break. I'm struggling not to fill my keyboard with tears, so I couldn't possibly fathom what my little brother is going through. Some time around 4:30pm, someone came and got their dorky dog I had been watching. He's a French Bulldog. Anyway, my brother hasn'y been alone since. His adopted sister has been with him. My other brother. His wife. Friends. Cousins. I have to thank all of them for helping him. I'm a pretty negative and pessimistic person. Still, I try my best to find the silver lining in things. Comforting thoughts or a different way to think about things. Ashley's life had some bumpy patches. However, the last 7-8 of her years were probably the best of her life. She loved my brother very much. How she died is the saddest part. The part that really makes it hard not to cry. But, if I was going to pass away, I would want to be held by someone that made my life wonderful even if but for a short time. I'm glad she passed like that. That makes it the best part. So... some closing thoughts. I hope I didn't depress anyone with this, certainly if you have CF. My life was a sad one before even this. I haven't had a job in almost 11 years. I stopped going to school. No friends at all except for her. I've basically given up on life. Suffer from depression. I rarely even leave the house. Anyway, I always admired and even envied how Ashley was always so strong, chipper, and happy. I honestly didn't expect it. I always felt like she had more to be down about but no, she was always positive and ready to give a smile to anyone. I think that's why I looked forward to seeing her. She made me feel better about everything. It was like a, "If she can be happy than so can I" sort of thing. She never judged me about my flaws but did show concern. You hear people refer to lost loved ones as, "A sunny ray of light". At least the saying goes something along those lines. I always thought it was a cheap thing to say because it just feels over used but, no, it's actually quite fitting. Anydangway, there was a point I wanted to make. I came to the conclusion that any life, even one with a few crappy parts, is far better than no life at all. I can't say for sure if that's a conclusion I came to on my own exactly, but I settled on it a couple years ago and now I don't give it any more thought. There are good moments and great parts of life to strive for. Ashley found the best part of life with my brother. Don't feel like you're cursed or the product of an angry god. Don't feel like a burden to the people who love you. Certainly never blame yourself for something that's out of your hands. Though part of the reason I'm writing this is to help me cope with it all, another part is because people with CF can relate with Ashley more than those of us that don't have CF. I feel like that makes you closer to each other than those of us without it in some unique sort of way. I feel like by default, that automatically makes you all friends, and you deserved to know this particular friends story. So, stay strong. Live life. Stay happy. If Ashley can do it so can you... and so can I.
 
E

Ellipsis

New member
Thank you for the kind comments. I've been hearing things through the grape vine so some things are probably wrong. I guess she started to show signs of blood poisoning because your lungs filter toxins from your body? I thought the liver did that. The doctors did everything, and I mean everything, to keep her alive but in the end, they woke her up at some point, told her they couldn't do anything for her. They took her off the drugs, and my little brother held onto her until her heart stopped. When she was born and the doctors told her mother she had CF. Her mother was a pretty frail woman, sickly, but she didn't have CF her self. She didn't take it very well. Her husband left her shortly after and had three healthy children with another woman. All of this was too much for her mother to bare. Raising a sick little girl all by herself. So, her mother started drinking, she soon developed pneumonia, and passed away in a hospital when Ashley was a child about 8-9 years old. I don't know where she went after that exactly. Her biological father didn't raise her so ... I asked her once and it was quite confusing. I know a bit of time she lived with her grandmother. Before that, her Uncle. I met her 7 years ago and remember going to her apartment one day after the family went out to dinner. I remember she had tons of fish. A bowl or cup of water on almost every free counter space with a Beta in every one. Those Japanese fish with the long tail. At the time, I thought it was a bit weird. I didn't realize until later maybe it was because she was lonelyl. A fish is probably the safest pet for a person with CF. She had a terrible little white frog that is still over at their house. Her and my brother lived together at the apartment for a while. Then they moved into my parent's house. At the time I was in Washington (the state). I had to move back home because my roommate bailed on me and I couldn't afford rent. So I moved back home and we all lived together for about a year. Both my parents work. My brother works for the family business and at the time she wasn't working full time, so a lot of the time it was just me and her and all her fish and it wasn't until then that I really got the chance to get to know her better. I always liked her. Sometimes you just have a good feeling about someone. Anyway, after that year, they rented a house out in the boonies and her and my brother have been living there ever since. Some time after that. We were all out celebrating someone's birthday. Somehow, I ended up going home with her and it was just the two of us. I remember telling her she had my seal of approval. I told her that I was glad my brother found a good lady like her. I think she said something along the line of, "aw well thanks you". I can still remember exactly were we were. She had always been kind to me but I think that changed things. Now we were pals. From time to time, she would bake rice crispy treats or banana bread and she would have my brother bring some for me before he went to work in the mornings. When ever the family went out for a birthday or just because, she always sat next to me. It became a tradition for us we joked about. She sat next to me on Thanksgiving, Christmas dinner, and New Years. New Years was the last time I saw her... A short time after New Years, she was in the hospital. I'll probably always regret never going to see her. I'll kick my self for not spending more time with her. I'll miss not having her sitting next to me on the holidays. I'll miss how she always laughed at my lame jokes. She never got onto the transplant waiting list. She thought she had more time and was afraid of the idea of having her chest cut open. I believe they don't start to consider you for transplant until you're lungs function at 30%? Every time she went to the hospital, she always improved. Her levels rose. However, shis infection hit too suddenly. They weren't even aware of it until almost when her lungs quit. If you are afraid of the transplant surgery, remember that the alternative is death, and their are a lot of people who don't want to lose you. Through out the day today, friends of my brother have been stopping by. My mom hasn't stopped crying. My father fights it like me but it looks like he's cried too. Everyone is crying. I've been struggling not to. My face hurts. Every now and then I'll well up. A couple times while writing this, I've had to get up and walk around and take a break. I'm struggling not to fill my keyboard with tears, so I couldn't possibly fathom what my little brother is going through. Some time around 4:30pm, someone came and got their dorky dog I had been watching. He's a French Bulldog. Anyway, my brother hasn'y been alone since. His adopted sister has been with him. My other brother. His wife. Friends. Cousins. I have to thank all of them for helping him. I'm a pretty negative and pessimistic person. Still, I try my best to find the silver lining in things. Comforting thoughts or a different way to think about things. Ashley's life had some bumpy patches. However, the last 7-8 of her years were probably the best of her life. She loved my brother very much. How she died is the saddest part. The part that really makes it hard not to cry. But, if I was going to pass away, I would want to be held by someone that made my life wonderful even if but for a short time. I'm glad she passed like that. That makes it the best part. So... some closing thoughts. I hope I didn't depress anyone with this, certainly if you have CF. My life was a sad one before even this. I haven't had a job in almost 11 years. I stopped going to school. No friends at all except for her. I've basically given up on life. Suffer from depression. I rarely even leave the house. Anyway, I always admired and even envied how Ashley was always so strong, chipper, and happy. I honestly didn't expect it. I always felt like she had more to be down about but no, she was always positive and ready to give a smile to anyone. I think that's why I looked forward to seeing her. She made me feel better about everything. It was like a, "If she can be happy than so can I" sort of thing. She never judged me about my flaws but did show concern. You hear people refer to lost loved ones as, "A sunny ray of light". At least the saying goes something along those lines. I always thought it was a cheap thing to say because it just feels over used but, no, it's actually quite fitting. Anydangway, there was a point I wanted to make. I came to the conclusion that any life, even one with a few crappy parts, is far better than no life at all. I can't say for sure if that's a conclusion I came to on my own exactly, but I settled on it a couple years ago and now I don't give it any more thought. There are good moments and great parts of life to strive for. Ashley found the best part of life with my brother. Don't feel like you're cursed or the product of an angry god. Don't feel like a burden to the people who love you. Certainly never blame yourself for something that's out of your hands. Though part of the reason I'm writing this is to help me cope with it all, another part is because people with CF can relate with Ashley more than those of us that don't have CF. I feel like that makes you closer to each other than those of us without it in some unique sort of way. I feel like by default, that automatically makes you all friends, and you deserved to know this particular friends story. So, stay strong. Live life. Stay happy. If Ashley can do it so can you... and so can I.
 
A

Anomie

New member
I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you're a better person for having known this girl and I'm glad you have such fond memories of her to cherish!
 
A

Anomie

New member
I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds like you're a better person for having known this girl and I'm glad you have such fond memories of her to cherish!
 
B

babycakes

New member
Sorry for your loss <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> I honestly believe she came in to your life for a reason. Go, go back to school.. go out and enjoy the life you have not been enjoying! You have just as much to give to someone as Ashley gave to you. Set yourself free of the barriers you've put up. Good Luck
 
B

babycakes

New member
Sorry for your loss <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-sad.gif" border="0"> I honestly believe she came in to your life for a reason. Go, go back to school.. go out and enjoy the life you have not been enjoying! You have just as much to give to someone as Ashley gave to you. Set yourself free of the barriers you've put up. Good Luck
 
E

Ellipsis

New member
Hmm maybe I should have left the things about me out so babycakes wouldn't get on my case. Heh I'm kidding of course. People that put up walls do it for two reasons; one is to protect ourselves from being hurt, and the other is to find out who cares enough to knock the walls down. I'll admit it closes you off but it's a great way to make friends that last. Well anyway that's enough about me. I will however thin my barrier a bit. I felt like talking about her a some more. Maybe they're are some curious people that might be interested. So when she was born, the doctors gave her 3 years to live. Then five. Eight. Fourteen. I didn't know about that until today. I can't say that I'm surprised. She gave the infection a hell of a fight from what I've heard. Even surprising the doctors. She was asleep to boot. Glad I never made her angry. She did have a couple jobs. I don't know what she did exactly but she did work at a department store in the office. Before that she worked at a hospital. I think filing and paper work. They had to let her go because of budget cuts or something along those lines but she stayed in touch with her co-workers there. She had been working towards getting a certificate in something. I don't know what precisely, just that it had to do something in the medical field. She tried explaining it to me but anything to do with hospitals and medicine zooms over my head for the most part. I think she said she wouldn't be a nurse just yet, but she would be setting up IVs and other things. I believe after she got the certificate, she was aiming to end up becoming a nurse. My grandmother is a retired nurse and Ashely was always swarming her with questions. The two of them hit it off pretty well. She use to tell us stories about hospital workers not being able to hit the vein, doing it herself, and poking fun at them if they didn't hit it at least on the 2nd try. Probably not hard to imagine even if you didn't know her that she would have made a great nurse. She did get a port. Dunno if anyone is on the fence about it but she says it was the best thing she had gotten done and wished she got it done sooner. If you're worried about people seeing it, I never noticed it. I honestly thought it would be on her wrist (watched "The Matrix" to many times). She did show me it once. Pretty inconspicuous really. Not a huge gamer. A Sonic the Hedgehog fan (Sonic 2). She got really good at Bejeweled. Wii Sports. Couple others. Much more into tv and movies. Big fan of that new show "Big Bang Theory". Admittedly I've never gave it a chance. While the few bits I have seen seemed pretty funny, I get an embarrassing number of the references while my family and her don't. It's like in some weird way, it's poking fun at nerds and geeks. It didn't help having to explain some of the references like schrodinger's cat. Yea, I didn't capitalize that. What of it? As far as how my family and I are doing... not good. It's been hitting me through out the day. Friends and family flying in. It's weird, seeing them sets me off. I did finally see my brother and he's pretty messed up. Oddly enough, he's helping me though this more than I have help him. He hasn't really had any free time yet... I won't go into why. I started wondering after my last post and if it was right for me to share what I did and what I have now. I don't really know. Maybe a little bit. It seems like it's in a greyish area. What I have said isn't even the tip of the ice burg as they say. It's impossible to sum up a life in words. I won't be posting in this thread again. Hopefully, I was able to give a at least small glimpse as to who she was and what she meant to me. The rest of it I'm keeping to myself, and if he asks, my brother. Don't worry too much. We'll be okay. Thanks to the people that posted, and the people that took time out to read my blabberings on. I suppose it would be best to move this to the "Remembering" section. You can decide moderators.
(Thank you! I actually came back to remove it myself. Mods are on the ball over here. In my defense, I was emotionally comprimised u_u )
Bye~
 
E

Ellipsis

New member
Hmm maybe I should have left the things about me out so babycakes wouldn't get on my case. Heh I'm kidding of course. People that put up walls do it for two reasons; one is to protect ourselves from being hurt, and the other is to find out who cares enough to knock the walls down. I'll admit it closes you off but it's a great way to make friends that last. Well anyway that's enough about me. I will however thin my barrier a bit. I felt like talking about her a some more. Maybe they're are some curious people that might be interested. So when she was born, the doctors gave her 3 years to live. Then five. Eight. Fourteen. I didn't know about that until today. I can't say that I'm surprised. She gave the infection a hell of a fight from what I've heard. Even surprising the doctors. She was asleep to boot. Glad I never made her angry. She did have a couple jobs. I don't know what she did exactly but she did work at a department store in the office. Before that she worked at a hospital. I think filing and paper work. They had to let her go because of budget cuts or something along those lines but she stayed in touch with her co-workers there. She had been working towards getting a certificate in something. I don't know what precisely, just that it had to do something in the medical field. She tried explaining it to me but anything to do with hospitals and medicine zooms over my head for the most part. I think she said she wouldn't be a nurse just yet, but she would be setting up IVs and other things. I believe after she got the certificate, she was aiming to end up becoming a nurse. My grandmother is a retired nurse and Ashely was always swarming her with questions. The two of them hit it off pretty well. She use to tell us stories about hospital workers not being able to hit the vein, doing it herself, and poking fun at them if they didn't hit it at least on the 2nd try. Probably not hard to imagine even if you didn't know her that she would have made a great nurse. She did get a port. Dunno if anyone is on the fence about it but she says it was the best thing she had gotten done and wished she got it done sooner. If you're worried about people seeing it, I never noticed it. I honestly thought it would be on her wrist (watched "The Matrix" to many times). She did show me it once. Pretty inconspicuous really. Not a huge gamer. A Sonic the Hedgehog fan (Sonic 2). She got really good at Bejeweled. Wii Sports. Couple others. Much more into tv and movies. Big fan of that new show "Big Bang Theory". Admittedly I've never gave it a chance. While the few bits I have seen seemed pretty funny, I get an embarrassing number of the references while my family and her don't. It's like in some weird way, it's poking fun at nerds and geeks. It didn't help having to explain some of the references like schrodinger's cat. Yea, I didn't capitalize that. What of it? As far as how my family and I are doing... not good. It's been hitting me through out the day. Friends and family flying in. It's weird, seeing them sets me off. I did finally see my brother and he's pretty messed up. Oddly enough, he's helping me though this more than I have help him. He hasn't really had any free time yet... I won't go into why. I started wondering after my last post and if it was right for me to share what I did and what I have now. I don't really know. Maybe a little bit. It seems like it's in a greyish area. What I have said isn't even the tip of the ice burg as they say. It's impossible to sum up a life in words. I won't be posting in this thread again. Hopefully, I was able to give a at least small glimpse as to who she was and what she meant to me. The rest of it I'm keeping to myself, and if he asks, my brother. Don't worry too much. We'll be okay. Thanks to the people that posted, and the people that took time out to read my blabberings on. I suppose it would be best to move this to the "Remembering" section. You can decide moderators.
(Thank you! I actually came back to remove it myself. Mods are on the ball over here. In my defense, I was emotionally comprimised u_u )
Bye~
 
M

megan420

New member
oh my goodness, im totally tearing up. I hope your brother makes it through this!!! Do me a favor and NEVER forget her, it sounds like she didn't have a lot of ppl and that one thing I feel I need when I die is loved ones; with CF it get get very lonely trust me I know. Its so wonderful that she got a chance at a "normal" life and family tho. Try and celebrate her life rather than morn her death. I hope she went peacefully and happy. I hope you are ok too. I send my thoughts and love out for Ashley and ur family!!!
 
F

fly30

New member
So sorry for your loss. She was much too going to go. My heart goes out to you and your family especially your brother. May she RIP xox
 
S

satijad

Guest
So sorry for your loss. I hope you, your brother and your family are coping well with this. Try and be cheerful keeping her thoughts in mind. The best way to remember her by is to try to be on the same path as she lived her life.

May she RIP and hope her story brings the best out of people as she did for others.
 
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