To adult Cfers...Do you ever realize....

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luke

Guest
When I read this post yesterday I was very irritated with the mother who posted this. So quite different from my normal knee jerk reaction I gave myself a cool down period. I have now read it again and can say with all certainty that this mother is probably one of the most selfish, self-involved people to ever post on this site. I realize that you help your child and you may want "credit" but that is not what a good parent does. You should take care of your child not for recognition but for the fact you have a sick child and that is your responsibility. I have made it a point in my life that when I am able to help others I should, but to never expect or want recognition. To give time, money or gifts to gain favor or popular opinion is disingenuous and negates any personal selflessness initially meant by the act. And after all...as unpopular of a statement that this may be you are half of the reason your child has CF. Now my rant is over I will say this, your child is your responsibility and he might always take you for granted. But at least that is better than being held forever accountable for neglecting his care and most likey worsening his condition.



Luke
 
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anonymous

New member
Where is the original poster?
Where are the 'thanks for the input' comments or any comments from that person?
Or have we been spammed again?
Elle
 
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anonymous

New member
After reading that original post, all I can say is that I would do all the hard things over again and again to have my sister back. When I was younger, I often felt left out because of all the attention she required. Thinking about her last few days makes those thoughts seem so tiny & selfish. If I could've given her a second more, I would've. She suffered more than any of the rest of us did & she usually had more of a sense of humor about the whole thing than we did.
 
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anonymous

New member
I couldn't agree more with what Luke said. I'm sure a lot of us would prefer to keep our illness completely hidden if we were capable. I wish nothing more then to be able to protect my family and the people i surround myself with from negative emotion. It isn't like we've asked to be sick, and it's not like we've asked to have to require so much extra just to function as a semi normal person, and we're not making up our symptoms in some sick attempt to gain attention. I have the highest respect for parents of CFers{or any other terminal illness} who help, and support their children with their every efforts but never complain. You, however, sound like you are trying to use your child's disease as an attention magnent, and getting pissy when you don't get that pat on the back you think you deserve with living with SUCH a terrible burden. that's kind of gross.
--Daizi/13/with CF
 
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ClashPunk82

New member
Yes I realize how much my family has done for me and if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be where I am today. I am a happy well adjusted person who has a great boyfriend and a happy life. But I also do think it's sort of a rudely put question. I think everyday about how this is affecting my family and how sorry I feel that I am putting them through this. I have another brother with CF that I worry about and another brother who is mentally delayed that I am very concerned about. I think more about my family than myself. I am going to be listed for a lung tx and I am not afraid of dying for the fact that i am scared to die but I am afarid to die because I don't want to leave my mother and father lonely and grieving. I don't want my other brother who is delayed to be put in some home I think about this stuff all the time about their welfare not my own. I appreciate everything my parents do for me and honestly if I didn't have them I probably already would have passed away at this point.
 
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anonymous

New member
I don't think the poster started this to create a fight or provoke negative feelings. Maybe they just need some reassurance that they aren't the only parent who has ever had this feeling-even just for a moment. Maybe this person is on the verge of depression and needed someone to tell them that professional help (sometimes even just talking to someone) might be necessary. I am sure EVERYONE on this site has had feelings towards someone else (mother, father, brother, sister, friend, cousin, lover.....) where they thought, "gees, I wonder if this person ever realizes how much I do for them, or how much I sacrifice for them". It's not something you sit and ponder 24/7 but when someone frustrates you, or does something that makes you feel like they are very ungrateful for what you do for them, YOU DO think about it.

I do agree the wording is a bit ??????? and has provoked some negative responses, but not everybody is good at getting their point across by writing. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but I just wanted to state my little 2 cents.


Julie (wife to Mark 24 w/CF)
 
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anonymous

New member
Maybe you're right about the original poster's intent, Julie, and about the reactions. I just read the whole slew of responses, and to be honest, it's hard to keep track of who said what to whom. I think the problem is that although the original question ("Do you realize...") is obviously rhetorical, it's poorly put because it can be taken more than one way. The writer probably should have simply written, "My child's CF is upsetting my life" -- a fair complaint, even if it probably belongs on some other board. Instead, her question implied something that many legitimately found insulting: "You ppl are a terrible burden, and you're too self-absorbed to even realize it." Whether the writer consciously intended it this way we'll never know. But her tone did suggest desperation and a little bitterness. What would Freud say? Anyway, I guess we should watch not only what we write but also how we write it, since on a message board like this, words are all we have. I can't blame ppl for reacting as they did.

Q
 
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