To have more children (with possible CF) or not

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wannastayanonymous

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>dasjsmum</b></i>

hello



As you can see by my profile, we have four children...the first two had cf, but have been relatively well their whole lives, sure, they have some issues to deal with, but not like some others wcf.

My daughter (25) is married and plans on having a family (her husband is not a carrier)...she is determined not to let cf dictate how she lives her life... when they are ready to start a family they will (like every other young couple).



We decided to have another child after 15 years...our first two were very well, otherwise we probably wouldnt have. We didnt have any testing for cf. This child has cf also and has been a bit sicker than the other two.

Our fourth child was a surprise gift who does not have cf (but wishes he did so he could eat junk food).



None of my children would choose not to have been born, even with cf...my daughter has spoken to me about this. Life is a GIFT...every day is a gift, every life is a gift, even with cf or other problems.



I didnt know in advance that my kids had cf, and I could have with the third and fourth, but chose not to...I would have kept them anyhow, what was the point in knowing. I realise that people have different views on this...it is entirely personal and I make no judgment on any others.



For a fantastic view on life from a cf person who has been through everything possible and loves life to the utmost...read this



<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.pinkandsmiley.blogspot.com/
">"><a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.pinkandsmiley.blogspot.com/
"><br "><a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.pinkandsmiley.blogspot.com/
<br ">http://www.pinkandsmi...ogspot...
</a></a>
</a>



I realise this could be a bit confronting, my point of posting this blog link is to show what a fantastic outlook on life Emily has, despite everything she has been through, she wants to live more than anything else...it doesnt get worse (in cf) than Emily's experience, but be inspired by her optimism and courage...I think she's glad to be here!</end quote></div>


Unbelievable. Who do you think you are speaking for them?

I am not speaking for Emily, but I am speaking to the multiple friends I have that have CF, and myself.

I am not a bitter person, I love life most of the time, that doesn't mean I would risk hurting somebody for NO reason. That is all you are doing, taking that chance. I don't despise my parents, and wouldn't even if they knew they were both carriers. I can't believe you are trying to relate that to them despising you. They are just "bigger" people than you are, they aren't blaming you when you knowingly took that risk, and that risk will Kill them.............

You can try to rationalize it all you want. The facts are clear.
 
W

wannastayanonymous

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>dasjsmum</b></i>

hello



As you can see by my profile, we have four children...the first two had cf, but have been relatively well their whole lives, sure, they have some issues to deal with, but not like some others wcf.

My daughter (25) is married and plans on having a family (her husband is not a carrier)...she is determined not to let cf dictate how she lives her life... when they are ready to start a family they will (like every other young couple).



We decided to have another child after 15 years...our first two were very well, otherwise we probably wouldnt have. We didnt have any testing for cf. This child has cf also and has been a bit sicker than the other two.

Our fourth child was a surprise gift who does not have cf (but wishes he did so he could eat junk food).



None of my children would choose not to have been born, even with cf...my daughter has spoken to me about this. Life is a GIFT...every day is a gift, every life is a gift, even with cf or other problems.



I didnt know in advance that my kids had cf, and I could have with the third and fourth, but chose not to...I would have kept them anyhow, what was the point in knowing. I realise that people have different views on this...it is entirely personal and I make no judgment on any others.



For a fantastic view on life from a cf person who has been through everything possible and loves life to the utmost...read this



<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.pinkandsmiley.blogspot.com/
">"><a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.pinkandsmiley.blogspot.com/
"><br "><a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.pinkandsmiley.blogspot.com/
<br ">http://www.pinkandsmi...ogspot...
</a></a>
</a>



I realise this could be a bit confronting, my point of posting this blog link is to show what a fantastic outlook on life Emily has, despite everything she has been through, she wants to live more than anything else...it doesnt get worse (in cf) than Emily's experience, but be inspired by her optimism and courage...I think she's glad to be here!</end quote></div>


Unbelievable. Who do you think you are speaking for them?

I am not speaking for Emily, but I am speaking to the multiple friends I have that have CF, and myself.

I am not a bitter person, I love life most of the time, that doesn't mean I would risk hurting somebody for NO reason. That is all you are doing, taking that chance. I don't despise my parents, and wouldn't even if they knew they were both carriers. I can't believe you are trying to relate that to them despising you. They are just "bigger" people than you are, they aren't blaming you when you knowingly took that risk, and that risk will Kill them.............

You can try to rationalize it all you want. The facts are clear.
 
D

dasjsmum

New member
Hey wanttostay anonymous...

What right do you have to judge this person? Just because someone has cf doesnt mean their life is complete rubbish...my kids live really productive healthy lives.

My daughter has a degree in Occupational Therapy (Honours), works full time, is married, has a fantastic life...is heading over to Europe for a couple of months touring with her husband.

My son (27), works full time, plays sport, I just asked him if he wishes he wasnt born...he laughed...

CF is not the same for everyone.
 
D

dasjsmum

New member
Hey wanttostay anonymous...

What right do you have to judge this person? Just because someone has cf doesnt mean their life is complete rubbish...my kids live really productive healthy lives.

My daughter has a degree in Occupational Therapy (Honours), works full time, is married, has a fantastic life...is heading over to Europe for a couple of months touring with her husband.

My son (27), works full time, plays sport, I just asked him if he wishes he wasnt born...he laughed...

CF is not the same for everyone.
 
D

dasjsmum

New member
Hey wanttostay anonymous...

What right do you have to judge this person? Just because someone has cf doesnt mean their life is complete rubbish...my kids live really productive healthy lives.

My daughter has a degree in Occupational Therapy (Honours), works full time, is married, has a fantastic life...is heading over to Europe for a couple of months touring with her husband.

My son (27), works full time, plays sport, I just asked him if he wishes he wasnt born...he laughed...

CF is not the same for everyone.
 
D

dasjsmum

New member
Get a grip wantto stay anon...would you like to have this argument with my kids...you dont know them at all...who are you to speak for everyone with cf????
 
D

dasjsmum

New member
Get a grip wantto stay anon...would you like to have this argument with my kids...you dont know them at all...who are you to speak for everyone with cf????
 
D

dasjsmum

New member
Get a grip wantto stay anon...would you like to have this argument with my kids...you dont know them at all...who are you to speak for everyone with cf????
 
W

wannastayanonymous

New member
Read my last post Jo. Ask your son to. See what he has to say.

And regarding your last.

Answer me this. Would you knowingly put your children in any situation now that had a 25% chance your children would die from it? If yes, I don't need to respond further.
 
W

wannastayanonymous

New member
Read my last post Jo. Ask your son to. See what he has to say.

And regarding your last.

Answer me this. Would you knowingly put your children in any situation now that had a 25% chance your children would die from it? If yes, I don't need to respond further.
 
W

wannastayanonymous

New member
Read my last post Jo. Ask your son to. See what he has to say.

And regarding your last.

Answer me this. Would you knowingly put your children in any situation now that had a 25% chance your children would die from it? If yes, I don't need to respond further.
 
S

Scarlett81

New member
wannastay anon-your comment was uncalled for. If this women didn't care about her children she wouldn't have come to ask strangers for opinions. Keep the name calling to yourself-no one cares to hear it.

TO the original question and original poster-you know already what it feels like to be a parent, you know (so far) what it is like to have a child with Cf. I'm assuming you have discussed all the facts and scenarios of cf with your cf care team, such as life quality and life expectancy? If you haven't yet, have that open, not whitewashed conversation with them.
I have Cf, and am 7 months pregnant with my first child. When my husband and I decided to go ahead with pregnancy we decided beforehand that if he was a carrier we woulndn't proceed with pregnancy and would adopt. I didn't want to bring another cfer into the world, but I was comfortable and completely happy with adoption. Not everyone is, and that DOES NOT make them an evil person. I dont' think it is a moral issue like some people do. It is a personal issue. The moral issue in parenting is will you be there for your child no matter what, will you support them financially, will you put their needs in front of yours...those things are moral issues. This decision is a personal one and with all due respect to you, your family or anyone on the forum, I don't think you should be asking a website about this bc it has to do with you and your husband and kids and only you know you. It sounds like you may already have the answer in your heart anyway.
As Melissa said above it is impossible to predict whether or not a child will have resentful feelings when they get older. Most children that are raised in close, loving and expressive families only appreciate that love they received growing u, and don't wish that they weren't born. Still feelings of resentment can pop up and you should be prepared to handle them lovingly if they do bc they'd be normal.
I'd talk about this with your doctor, with a social worker or family counselor and your mate first and foremost.
 
S

Scarlett81

New member
wannastay anon-your comment was uncalled for. If this women didn't care about her children she wouldn't have come to ask strangers for opinions. Keep the name calling to yourself-no one cares to hear it.

TO the original question and original poster-you know already what it feels like to be a parent, you know (so far) what it is like to have a child with Cf. I'm assuming you have discussed all the facts and scenarios of cf with your cf care team, such as life quality and life expectancy? If you haven't yet, have that open, not whitewashed conversation with them.
I have Cf, and am 7 months pregnant with my first child. When my husband and I decided to go ahead with pregnancy we decided beforehand that if he was a carrier we woulndn't proceed with pregnancy and would adopt. I didn't want to bring another cfer into the world, but I was comfortable and completely happy with adoption. Not everyone is, and that DOES NOT make them an evil person. I dont' think it is a moral issue like some people do. It is a personal issue. The moral issue in parenting is will you be there for your child no matter what, will you support them financially, will you put their needs in front of yours...those things are moral issues. This decision is a personal one and with all due respect to you, your family or anyone on the forum, I don't think you should be asking a website about this bc it has to do with you and your husband and kids and only you know you. It sounds like you may already have the answer in your heart anyway.
As Melissa said above it is impossible to predict whether or not a child will have resentful feelings when they get older. Most children that are raised in close, loving and expressive families only appreciate that love they received growing u, and don't wish that they weren't born. Still feelings of resentment can pop up and you should be prepared to handle them lovingly if they do bc they'd be normal.
I'd talk about this with your doctor, with a social worker or family counselor and your mate first and foremost.
 
S

Scarlett81

New member
wannastay anon-your comment was uncalled for. If this women didn't care about her children she wouldn't have come to ask strangers for opinions. Keep the name calling to yourself-no one cares to hear it.

TO the original question and original poster-you know already what it feels like to be a parent, you know (so far) what it is like to have a child with Cf. I'm assuming you have discussed all the facts and scenarios of cf with your cf care team, such as life quality and life expectancy? If you haven't yet, have that open, not whitewashed conversation with them.
I have Cf, and am 7 months pregnant with my first child. When my husband and I decided to go ahead with pregnancy we decided beforehand that if he was a carrier we woulndn't proceed with pregnancy and would adopt. I didn't want to bring another cfer into the world, but I was comfortable and completely happy with adoption. Not everyone is, and that DOES NOT make them an evil person. I dont' think it is a moral issue like some people do. It is a personal issue. The moral issue in parenting is will you be there for your child no matter what, will you support them financially, will you put their needs in front of yours...those things are moral issues. This decision is a personal one and with all due respect to you, your family or anyone on the forum, I don't think you should be asking a website about this bc it has to do with you and your husband and kids and only you know you. It sounds like you may already have the answer in your heart anyway.
As Melissa said above it is impossible to predict whether or not a child will have resentful feelings when they get older. Most children that are raised in close, loving and expressive families only appreciate that love they received growing u, and don't wish that they weren't born. Still feelings of resentment can pop up and you should be prepared to handle them lovingly if they do bc they'd be normal.
I'd talk about this with your doctor, with a social worker or family counselor and your mate first and foremost.
 
S

sknoell

New member
No, I did not only listen to what Tess said because she said what I wanted to hear. I was just frustrated because the first few people who responded did not answer the question that I originally posted or were they the demographic I was polling, per say. They were just quick to judge just like you did.

Seemed like everyone here is more interested in chastizing people and being nasty then providing answers to questions.

I am a parent of a child with CF. I would never wish that on anyone. Do you think I wish my son was never born because he is sick and it might be tough on me. No, I love him and would not trade him for anything. I will be there with him to the end if necessary. His entire life is not about CF and it will never be. I will never let him pity himself. I have tons of friends who have children with problems. To be honest, my sons illness may cause death someday but would I not trade him for a child that has Downs or a severe case of Autism. At least he will live a very normal life.

If I was selfish, then I would just get pregnant and would not be on here asking the question. I know what dealing with CF is about and what we might have to deal with down the road but I was more interested in the emotional well being because it is a question my husband asked, not me. It is a concern of his how his children will deal with it if he chooses to have more.

This is a sensitive topic, I understand there are alot of opinions. I just want opinions based on what I asked not every other viewpoint under the son about CF.
 
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sknoell

New member
No, I did not only listen to what Tess said because she said what I wanted to hear. I was just frustrated because the first few people who responded did not answer the question that I originally posted or were they the demographic I was polling, per say. They were just quick to judge just like you did.

Seemed like everyone here is more interested in chastizing people and being nasty then providing answers to questions.

I am a parent of a child with CF. I would never wish that on anyone. Do you think I wish my son was never born because he is sick and it might be tough on me. No, I love him and would not trade him for anything. I will be there with him to the end if necessary. His entire life is not about CF and it will never be. I will never let him pity himself. I have tons of friends who have children with problems. To be honest, my sons illness may cause death someday but would I not trade him for a child that has Downs or a severe case of Autism. At least he will live a very normal life.

If I was selfish, then I would just get pregnant and would not be on here asking the question. I know what dealing with CF is about and what we might have to deal with down the road but I was more interested in the emotional well being because it is a question my husband asked, not me. It is a concern of his how his children will deal with it if he chooses to have more.

This is a sensitive topic, I understand there are alot of opinions. I just want opinions based on what I asked not every other viewpoint under the son about CF.
 
S

sknoell

New member
No, I did not only listen to what Tess said because she said what I wanted to hear. I was just frustrated because the first few people who responded did not answer the question that I originally posted or were they the demographic I was polling, per say. They were just quick to judge just like you did.

Seemed like everyone here is more interested in chastizing people and being nasty then providing answers to questions.

I am a parent of a child with CF. I would never wish that on anyone. Do you think I wish my son was never born because he is sick and it might be tough on me. No, I love him and would not trade him for anything. I will be there with him to the end if necessary. His entire life is not about CF and it will never be. I will never let him pity himself. I have tons of friends who have children with problems. To be honest, my sons illness may cause death someday but would I not trade him for a child that has Downs or a severe case of Autism. At least he will live a very normal life.

If I was selfish, then I would just get pregnant and would not be on here asking the question. I know what dealing with CF is about and what we might have to deal with down the road but I was more interested in the emotional well being because it is a question my husband asked, not me. It is a concern of his how his children will deal with it if he chooses to have more.

This is a sensitive topic, I understand there are alot of opinions. I just want opinions based on what I asked not every other viewpoint under the son about CF.
 
T

Tess

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>wannastayanonymous</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>sknoell</b></i>



Tess, Thank you, you are the type of person I was looking for an answer from. Someone in that exact situation. Sounds like your parents did a great job with you. You sound very levelheaded.</end quote></div>



You're kidding right?



By your reaction to only accepting sknoell's response, it is obvious you don't care about your childs health as much as you care about your desire to have kids. Who cares if they resent you? He or she might suffer their whole life.



Again, only thinking about yourself, and them being mad at you, not thinking about his or her quality of life.



Are you all seriously going to play games with people like this, and not tell them how absurd this is?



Next time you are very ill, and are puking your guts out until your stomach feels like it is going to burst, and your eyes are about to pop out, your back is about to break, you can't stop sweating as you gasp for air, and you wish you could just die to stop it all. Tell me you would knowingly do that to your child over, and over, and over. That is what a major coughing fit can feel like.



I wouldn't wish that on any (ok many) people, and you would do it to your son or daughter.



Can't wait to see your response. Bet you don't even consider what I said.



Sorry for being so direct, but somebody needs to.</end quote></div>

What were you actually trying to say here???

Sknoell started this post to gain the knowledge of CFer adults who were born after another cfer sibling....

Which I was and gave her my point of view...... She then thanked me for doing so, because I'm in the group she was expecting to have respond.

Not that everyone else doesn't have their thoughts too, we all have some opinion.


Good Luck Sknoell
 
T

Tess

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>wannastayanonymous</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>sknoell</b></i>



Tess, Thank you, you are the type of person I was looking for an answer from. Someone in that exact situation. Sounds like your parents did a great job with you. You sound very levelheaded.</end quote></div>



You're kidding right?



By your reaction to only accepting sknoell's response, it is obvious you don't care about your childs health as much as you care about your desire to have kids. Who cares if they resent you? He or she might suffer their whole life.



Again, only thinking about yourself, and them being mad at you, not thinking about his or her quality of life.



Are you all seriously going to play games with people like this, and not tell them how absurd this is?



Next time you are very ill, and are puking your guts out until your stomach feels like it is going to burst, and your eyes are about to pop out, your back is about to break, you can't stop sweating as you gasp for air, and you wish you could just die to stop it all. Tell me you would knowingly do that to your child over, and over, and over. That is what a major coughing fit can feel like.



I wouldn't wish that on any (ok many) people, and you would do it to your son or daughter.



Can't wait to see your response. Bet you don't even consider what I said.



Sorry for being so direct, but somebody needs to.</end quote></div>

What were you actually trying to say here???

Sknoell started this post to gain the knowledge of CFer adults who were born after another cfer sibling....

Which I was and gave her my point of view...... She then thanked me for doing so, because I'm in the group she was expecting to have respond.

Not that everyone else doesn't have their thoughts too, we all have some opinion.


Good Luck Sknoell
 
T

Tess

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>wannastayanonymous</b></i>

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>sknoell</b></i>



Tess, Thank you, you are the type of person I was looking for an answer from. Someone in that exact situation. Sounds like your parents did a great job with you. You sound very levelheaded.</end quote></div>



You're kidding right?



By your reaction to only accepting sknoell's response, it is obvious you don't care about your childs health as much as you care about your desire to have kids. Who cares if they resent you? He or she might suffer their whole life.



Again, only thinking about yourself, and them being mad at you, not thinking about his or her quality of life.



Are you all seriously going to play games with people like this, and not tell them how absurd this is?



Next time you are very ill, and are puking your guts out until your stomach feels like it is going to burst, and your eyes are about to pop out, your back is about to break, you can't stop sweating as you gasp for air, and you wish you could just die to stop it all. Tell me you would knowingly do that to your child over, and over, and over. That is what a major coughing fit can feel like.



I wouldn't wish that on any (ok many) people, and you would do it to your son or daughter.



Can't wait to see your response. Bet you don't even consider what I said.



Sorry for being so direct, but somebody needs to.</end quote></div>

What were you actually trying to say here???

Sknoell started this post to gain the knowledge of CFer adults who were born after another cfer sibling....

Which I was and gave her my point of view...... She then thanked me for doing so, because I'm in the group she was expecting to have respond.

Not that everyone else doesn't have their thoughts too, we all have some opinion.


Good Luck Sknoell
 
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