To work or not to work?

kitomd21 · Sep 12, 2008

I need the opinions of other parents to CF children. I may have the opportunity to go back to work...I'm waiting for my employer's offer. I did ask for a 10% increase in salary in order for the financial side to make sense. We've taken our oldest out of daycare due to increased exposure risks to Ellie. One of the "teachers" at his daycare has accepted our offer to leave the daycare center and watch both kids in our home. She's taking courses for nursing school and is CPR certified.

My questions boil down to these...if you had the opportunity not to work (i.e., a single family income was feasible), would you do it? Did you or would you feel guilty if you didn't stay home to take care of your CF child? Did you or do you have fears of their health deteriorating and feeling awful that you lost time with them while they were "well"? I feel like I can't stay at home all day without a "break"...I feel like I would be a better mom by stepping out for a while...but I keep wondering if I'm horrible for leaving Ellie in someone else's care. I would only work 5 hrs/day...but I need to know how some of you reached your decision - especially if you could have gotten by on a single family income but decided to either return to work or stay home. Thanks....

kitomd21 · Sep 12, 2008

I need the opinions of other parents to CF children. I may have the opportunity to go back to work...I'm waiting for my employer's offer. I did ask for a 10% increase in salary in order for the financial side to make sense. We've taken our oldest out of daycare due to increased exposure risks to Ellie. One of the "teachers" at his daycare has accepted our offer to leave the daycare center and watch both kids in our home. She's taking courses for nursing school and is CPR certified.

My questions boil down to these...if you had the opportunity not to work (i.e., a single family income was feasible), would you do it? Did you or would you feel guilty if you didn't stay home to take care of your CF child? Did you or do you have fears of their health deteriorating and feeling awful that you lost time with them while they were "well"? I feel like I can't stay at home all day without a "break"...I feel like I would be a better mom by stepping out for a while...but I keep wondering if I'm horrible for leaving Ellie in someone else's care. I would only work 5 hrs/day...but I need to know how some of you reached your decision - especially if you could have gotten by on a single family income but decided to either return to work or stay home. Thanks....

kitomd21 · Sep 12, 2008

I need the opinions of other parents to CF children. I may have the opportunity to go back to work...I'm waiting for my employer's offer. I did ask for a 10% increase in salary in order for the financial side to make sense. We've taken our oldest out of daycare due to increased exposure risks to Ellie. One of the "teachers" at his daycare has accepted our offer to leave the daycare center and watch both kids in our home. She's taking courses for nursing school and is CPR certified.

My questions boil down to these...if you had the opportunity not to work (i.e., a single family income was feasible), would you do it? Did you or would you feel guilty if you didn't stay home to take care of your CF child? Did you or do you have fears of their health deteriorating and feeling awful that you lost time with them while they were "well"? I feel like I can't stay at home all day without a "break"...I feel like I would be a better mom by stepping out for a while...but I keep wondering if I'm horrible for leaving Ellie in someone else's care. I would only work 5 hrs/day...but I need to know how some of you reached your decision - especially if you could have gotten by on a single family income but decided to either return to work or stay home. Thanks....

kitomd21 · Sep 12, 2008

I need the opinions of other parents to CF children. I may have the opportunity to go back to work...I'm waiting for my employer's offer. I did ask for a 10% increase in salary in order for the financial side to make sense. We've taken our oldest out of daycare due to increased exposure risks to Ellie. One of the "teachers" at his daycare has accepted our offer to leave the daycare center and watch both kids in our home. She's taking courses for nursing school and is CPR certified.

My questions boil down to these...if you had the opportunity not to work (i.e., a single family income was feasible), would you do it? Did you or would you feel guilty if you didn't stay home to take care of your CF child? Did you or do you have fears of their health deteriorating and feeling awful that you lost time with them while they were "well"? I feel like I can't stay at home all day without a "break"...I feel like I would be a better mom by stepping out for a while...but I keep wondering if I'm horrible for leaving Ellie in someone else's care. I would only work 5 hrs/day...but I need to know how some of you reached your decision - especially if you could have gotten by on a single family income but decided to either return to work or stay home. Thanks....

kitomd21 · Sep 12, 2008

I need the opinions of other parents to CF children. I may have the opportunity to go back to work...I'm waiting for my employer's offer. I did ask for a 10% increase in salary in order for the financial side to make sense. We've taken our oldest out of daycare due to increased exposure risks to Ellie. One of the "teachers" at his daycare has accepted our offer to leave the daycare center and watch both kids in our home. She's taking courses for nursing school and is CPR certified.
 
 My questions boil down to these...if you had the opportunity not to work (i.e., a single family income was feasible), would you do it? Did you or would you feel guilty if you didn't stay home to take care of your CF child? Did you or do you have fears of their health deteriorating and feeling awful that you lost time with them while they were "well"? I feel like I can't stay at home all day without a "break"...I feel like I would be a better mom by stepping out for a while...but I keep wondering if I'm horrible for leaving Ellie in someone else's care. I would only work 5 hrs/day...but I need to know how some of you reached your decision - especially if you could have gotten by on a single family income but decided to either return to work or stay home. Thanks....

cyn · Sep 12, 2008

Hi. I may not be the response you're looking for since I don't have children, but I remember growing up with CF and my mom stayed home with me until I started school. I think she did this because she wanted to and could. It had nothing to do with my CF because my older sister doesn't have it. This was just her plan. I agree with you that it may be too much to stay at home without a break. I recently lost my job because I exceeded my FML and "had to resign" and I miss going to work. I am better now and wish I could find a good part-time job instead of full-time. I think I would really want that even more if we had children! I also understand how parents feel when they leave their children (but probably not to the extent that real parents do), but it is still important to take care of your needs, too. Your children are VERY IMPORTANT, but I agree that you may be a better parent by getting away and being better able to focus when you come home. Whatever your decision, good luck! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

cyn · Sep 12, 2008

Hi. I may not be the response you're looking for since I don't have children, but I remember growing up with CF and my mom stayed home with me until I started school. I think she did this because she wanted to and could. It had nothing to do with my CF because my older sister doesn't have it. This was just her plan. I agree with you that it may be too much to stay at home without a break. I recently lost my job because I exceeded my FML and "had to resign" and I miss going to work. I am better now and wish I could find a good part-time job instead of full-time. I think I would really want that even more if we had children! I also understand how parents feel when they leave their children (but probably not to the extent that real parents do), but it is still important to take care of your needs, too. Your children are VERY IMPORTANT, but I agree that you may be a better parent by getting away and being better able to focus when you come home. Whatever your decision, good luck! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

cyn · Sep 12, 2008

Hi. I may not be the response you're looking for since I don't have children, but I remember growing up with CF and my mom stayed home with me until I started school. I think she did this because she wanted to and could. It had nothing to do with my CF because my older sister doesn't have it. This was just her plan. I agree with you that it may be too much to stay at home without a break. I recently lost my job because I exceeded my FML and "had to resign" and I miss going to work. I am better now and wish I could find a good part-time job instead of full-time. I think I would really want that even more if we had children! I also understand how parents feel when they leave their children (but probably not to the extent that real parents do), but it is still important to take care of your needs, too. Your children are VERY IMPORTANT, but I agree that you may be a better parent by getting away and being better able to focus when you come home. Whatever your decision, good luck! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

cyn · Sep 12, 2008

Hi. I may not be the response you're looking for since I don't have children, but I remember growing up with CF and my mom stayed home with me until I started school. I think she did this because she wanted to and could. It had nothing to do with my CF because my older sister doesn't have it. This was just her plan. I agree with you that it may be too much to stay at home without a break. I recently lost my job because I exceeded my FML and "had to resign" and I miss going to work. I am better now and wish I could find a good part-time job instead of full-time. I think I would really want that even more if we had children! I also understand how parents feel when they leave their children (but probably not to the extent that real parents do), but it is still important to take care of your needs, too. Your children are VERY IMPORTANT, but I agree that you may be a better parent by getting away and being better able to focus when you come home. Whatever your decision, good luck! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

cyn · Sep 12, 2008

Hi. I may not be the response you're looking for since I don't have children, but I remember growing up with CF and my mom stayed home with me until I started school. I think she did this because she wanted to and could. It had nothing to do with my CF because my older sister doesn't have it. This was just her plan. I agree with you that it may be too much to stay at home without a break. I recently lost my job because I exceeded my FML and "had to resign" and I miss going to work. I am better now and wish I could find a good part-time job instead of full-time. I think I would really want that even more if we had children! I also understand how parents feel when they leave their children (but probably not to the extent that real parents do), but it is still important to take care of your needs, too. Your children are VERY IMPORTANT, but I agree that you may be a better parent by getting away and being better able to focus when you come home. Whatever your decision, good luck! <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

JazzysMom · Sep 12, 2008

I am speaking as a parent who has CF. The time away from my daughter when I am sick is a lot, BUT I do believe I was a better parent when I worked.

There are people that will argue that staying home with your child & not have someone else "raise" them is whats best.....blah blah blah

I FEEL FROM EXPERIENCE that even tho I adore my daughter I needed that adult time, that time out of the house without her, that time to feel like Melissa instead of JazzysMom. I do appreciate being able to have the time with her when she was little as I know many Moms dont have that choice, BUT

I also feel that when I worked I had more tolerance & almost appreciated the little things with her more. Granted I only worked a bit over a year after returning from Maternity leave, but that year was fantastic for me as an employee & as a Mom.

I think the biggest issue for you will be if your child needs to be admitted &/or on home iv's. The time you will need off & if this woman can handle doing the iv's without you.......OR will you want to leave your child during that time.

How understanding will your employer be? As much as I think the kids need us when CF is in our lives (whether they have it or the parent does) that they have to realize life goes on in spite of CF.

HUGS to you in what you decide.....

JazzysMom · Sep 12, 2008

I am speaking as a parent who has CF. The time away from my daughter when I am sick is a lot, BUT I do believe I was a better parent when I worked.

There are people that will argue that staying home with your child & not have someone else "raise" them is whats best.....blah blah blah

I FEEL FROM EXPERIENCE that even tho I adore my daughter I needed that adult time, that time out of the house without her, that time to feel like Melissa instead of JazzysMom. I do appreciate being able to have the time with her when she was little as I know many Moms dont have that choice, BUT

I also feel that when I worked I had more tolerance & almost appreciated the little things with her more. Granted I only worked a bit over a year after returning from Maternity leave, but that year was fantastic for me as an employee & as a Mom.

I think the biggest issue for you will be if your child needs to be admitted &/or on home iv's. The time you will need off & if this woman can handle doing the iv's without you.......OR will you want to leave your child during that time.

How understanding will your employer be? As much as I think the kids need us when CF is in our lives (whether they have it or the parent does) that they have to realize life goes on in spite of CF.

HUGS to you in what you decide.....

JazzysMom · Sep 12, 2008

I am speaking as a parent who has CF. The time away from my daughter when I am sick is a lot, BUT I do believe I was a better parent when I worked.

There are people that will argue that staying home with your child & not have someone else "raise" them is whats best.....blah blah blah

I FEEL FROM EXPERIENCE that even tho I adore my daughter I needed that adult time, that time out of the house without her, that time to feel like Melissa instead of JazzysMom. I do appreciate being able to have the time with her when she was little as I know many Moms dont have that choice, BUT

I also feel that when I worked I had more tolerance & almost appreciated the little things with her more. Granted I only worked a bit over a year after returning from Maternity leave, but that year was fantastic for me as an employee & as a Mom.

I think the biggest issue for you will be if your child needs to be admitted &/or on home iv's. The time you will need off & if this woman can handle doing the iv's without you.......OR will you want to leave your child during that time.

How understanding will your employer be? As much as I think the kids need us when CF is in our lives (whether they have it or the parent does) that they have to realize life goes on in spite of CF.

HUGS to you in what you decide.....

JazzysMom · Sep 12, 2008

I am speaking as a parent who has CF. The time away from my daughter when I am sick is a lot, BUT I do believe I was a better parent when I worked.

There are people that will argue that staying home with your child & not have someone else "raise" them is whats best.....blah blah blah

I FEEL FROM EXPERIENCE that even tho I adore my daughter I needed that adult time, that time out of the house without her, that time to feel like Melissa instead of JazzysMom. I do appreciate being able to have the time with her when she was little as I know many Moms dont have that choice, BUT

I also feel that when I worked I had more tolerance & almost appreciated the little things with her more. Granted I only worked a bit over a year after returning from Maternity leave, but that year was fantastic for me as an employee & as a Mom.

I think the biggest issue for you will be if your child needs to be admitted &/or on home iv's. The time you will need off & if this woman can handle doing the iv's without you.......OR will you want to leave your child during that time.

How understanding will your employer be? As much as I think the kids need us when CF is in our lives (whether they have it or the parent does) that they have to realize life goes on in spite of CF.

HUGS to you in what you decide.....

JazzysMom · Sep 12, 2008

I am speaking as a parent who has CF. The time away from my daughter when I am sick is a lot, BUT I do believe I was a better parent when I worked.
 
 There are people that will argue that staying home with your child & not have someone else "raise" them is whats best.....blah blah blah
 
 I FEEL FROM EXPERIENCE that even tho I adore my daughter I needed that adult time, that time out of the house without her, that time to feel like Melissa instead of JazzysMom. I do appreciate being able to have the time with her when she was little as I know many Moms dont have that choice, BUT
 
 I also feel that when I worked I had more tolerance & almost appreciated the little things with her more. Granted I only worked a bit over a year after returning from Maternity leave, but that year was fantastic for me as an employee & as a Mom.
 
 I think the biggest issue for you will be if your child needs to be admitted &/or on home iv's. The time you will need off & if this woman can handle doing the iv's without you.......OR will you want to leave your child during that time.
 
 How understanding will your employer be? As much as I think the kids need us when CF is in our lives (whether they have it or the parent does) that they have to realize life goes on in spite of CF.
 
 HUGS to you in what you decide.....

fourkidsmom · Sep 12, 2008

Well I have been home with my kids now for 3 yrs. I worked in a real estate office and loved my job. I do some work from my home for my mother-in-law and I have contact to the outside world that way. I do believe that is important. I do miss the office and how much I was appreciated. They still invite me to the company christmas parties- it was a great place to work. But my son has had about 6 surgeries since I have been off and I wouldn't feel right having someone other than myself or husband there. My sons hospital is 2 hours away. I feel like I have somewhat lost myself because I live for my kids and their needs-- but I think would I want it any other way? I am happy right now, I do fear when I go back to work I will have a hard time getting a job I like again. I do have to say the last 1 1/2 years my son has been the healthiest ever-- is this because of the care I am giving him? I like to think so-- and if this is the case then my job doesn't matter- I just want to know I have done everything I can for my son (and daughter with special needs) and if lord forbid something would happen to my son I have no regrets about how I handled things-- because I was there and did the best I could. Is this healthy for me to be so much involved in the care? Maybe not, but this is how I feel. Since I brought him in this world its my job to give him the best care I can. Financially-- we are NOT rich, we live paycheck to paycheck and have to budget and wants things we can't afford sometimes- but for the most part we have everything we need and more.

Fourkidsmom

fourkidsmom · Sep 12, 2008

Well I have been home with my kids now for 3 yrs. I worked in a real estate office and loved my job. I do some work from my home for my mother-in-law and I have contact to the outside world that way. I do believe that is important. I do miss the office and how much I was appreciated. They still invite me to the company christmas parties- it was a great place to work. But my son has had about 6 surgeries since I have been off and I wouldn't feel right having someone other than myself or husband there. My sons hospital is 2 hours away. I feel like I have somewhat lost myself because I live for my kids and their needs-- but I think would I want it any other way? I am happy right now, I do fear when I go back to work I will have a hard time getting a job I like again. I do have to say the last 1 1/2 years my son has been the healthiest ever-- is this because of the care I am giving him? I like to think so-- and if this is the case then my job doesn't matter- I just want to know I have done everything I can for my son (and daughter with special needs) and if lord forbid something would happen to my son I have no regrets about how I handled things-- because I was there and did the best I could. Is this healthy for me to be so much involved in the care? Maybe not, but this is how I feel. Since I brought him in this world its my job to give him the best care I can. Financially-- we are NOT rich, we live paycheck to paycheck and have to budget and wants things we can't afford sometimes- but for the most part we have everything we need and more.

Fourkidsmom

fourkidsmom · Sep 12, 2008

Well I have been home with my kids now for 3 yrs. I worked in a real estate office and loved my job. I do some work from my home for my mother-in-law and I have contact to the outside world that way. I do believe that is important. I do miss the office and how much I was appreciated. They still invite me to the company christmas parties- it was a great place to work. But my son has had about 6 surgeries since I have been off and I wouldn't feel right having someone other than myself or husband there. My sons hospital is 2 hours away. I feel like I have somewhat lost myself because I live for my kids and their needs-- but I think would I want it any other way? I am happy right now, I do fear when I go back to work I will have a hard time getting a job I like again. I do have to say the last 1 1/2 years my son has been the healthiest ever-- is this because of the care I am giving him? I like to think so-- and if this is the case then my job doesn't matter- I just want to know I have done everything I can for my son (and daughter with special needs) and if lord forbid something would happen to my son I have no regrets about how I handled things-- because I was there and did the best I could. Is this healthy for me to be so much involved in the care? Maybe not, but this is how I feel. Since I brought him in this world its my job to give him the best care I can. Financially-- we are NOT rich, we live paycheck to paycheck and have to budget and wants things we can't afford sometimes- but for the most part we have everything we need and more.

Fourkidsmom

fourkidsmom · Sep 12, 2008

Well I have been home with my kids now for 3 yrs. I worked in a real estate office and loved my job. I do some work from my home for my mother-in-law and I have contact to the outside world that way. I do believe that is important. I do miss the office and how much I was appreciated. They still invite me to the company christmas parties- it was a great place to work. But my son has had about 6 surgeries since I have been off and I wouldn't feel right having someone other than myself or husband there. My sons hospital is 2 hours away. I feel like I have somewhat lost myself because I live for my kids and their needs-- but I think would I want it any other way? I am happy right now, I do fear when I go back to work I will have a hard time getting a job I like again. I do have to say the last 1 1/2 years my son has been the healthiest ever-- is this because of the care I am giving him? I like to think so-- and if this is the case then my job doesn't matter- I just want to know I have done everything I can for my son (and daughter with special needs) and if lord forbid something would happen to my son I have no regrets about how I handled things-- because I was there and did the best I could. Is this healthy for me to be so much involved in the care? Maybe not, but this is how I feel. Since I brought him in this world its my job to give him the best care I can. Financially-- we are NOT rich, we live paycheck to paycheck and have to budget and wants things we can't afford sometimes- but for the most part we have everything we need and more.

Fourkidsmom

fourkidsmom · Sep 12, 2008

Well I have been home with my kids now for 3 yrs. I worked in a real estate office and loved my job. I do some work from my home for my mother-in-law and I have contact to the outside world that way. I do believe that is important. I do miss the office and how much I was appreciated. They still invite me to the company christmas parties- it was a great place to work. But my son has had about 6 surgeries since I have been off and I wouldn't feel right having someone other than myself or husband there. My sons hospital is 2 hours away. I feel like I have somewhat lost myself because I live for my kids and their needs-- but I think would I want it any other way? I am happy right now, I do fear when I go back to work I will have a hard time getting a job I like again. I do have to say the last 1 1/2 years my son has been the healthiest ever-- is this because of the care I am giving him? I like to think so-- and if this is the case then my job doesn't matter- I just want to know I have done everything I can for my son (and daughter with special needs) and if lord forbid something would happen to my son I have no regrets about how I handled things-- because I was there and did the best I could. Is this healthy for me to be so much involved in the care? Maybe not, but this is how I feel. Since I brought him in this world its my job to give him the best care I can. Financially-- we are NOT rich, we live paycheck to paycheck and have to budget and wants things we can't afford sometimes- but for the most part we have everything we need and more.
 
 
 Fourkidsmom

To work or not to work?

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