UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

[EnergyGal]

Hi Jennifer

I am glad that you pointed out that your step Mom does a lot for you. Next time she passes a mean comment that hurts you, I would tell that you are hurting my feelings and that whatever she is saying may or may not be true and it does not matter as my Father is taking care of me and this has nothing to do with you. No offence lady step, but it is time to draw the line between my dad and myself. IT is best for our relationship if you do not intefere. My dad will always love me.

Say this and she will not answer you back.
Take care of yourself

 

[anonymous]

Hi Jennifer-
First time looking at the forum, yours is the first I read. My son has become chronically ill within the past 3 years, not with CF...but, ...he's in college, lives at home and we have gone through alot of emotions coming to terms with the big picture as well as daily realities like health insurance, etc. I really just have very little to say except I can totally validate your vent, as I see my son's feeling of being a burden sometimes, and that's a hard thing to see as a parent. If your dad didn't want to support you in every way he can, he would have retired and said he's done what he could. I think every once in a while, and hopefully he is not being unkind to you, but every once in a while, like say, a Sunday morning at breakfast, any man might say, I wish I could retire, I'd love to retire, imagine what i would do this week if I didn't have to work....and it is no message of anything to anyone, other than him stating his thought at the moment. And men... dad's, husbands, well anyone likes appreciation once in a while. Maybe next time, (since you're so in tune to your own feelings, and seem grounded in the ability to vent verses become crushed-(your vent struck me as very independent)), maybe next time you could say-I wish you could too dad, and i really appreciate what a dedicated provider you are to me.
I'm not preaching, or shaming, just looking at it from another view, that might be helpful to you.-Hope you had some fun at work-Take good care

 

[coltsfan715]

Hey Jennifer,
I am so sorry that your day has been so bad. I know how frustrating it can be when everything just seems to go wrong some days.

As for your step mom. My step mom is nice to me also. I don't live with my dad and her, but they pay for my copays on my meds and things that I can't cover. I hate that your step mom felt it necessary to kick you when you were already down. I know the mature thing is to ask her to not make comments like that cause it hurts your feelings, but honestly I think I would just have to look at her and say ya know, if it I were your kid and my dad was saying these things to her/him you probably wouldn't like it very much. If your stepmoms kid were in your situation and was going to school and trying to become self sufficient while having to deal with the things you have to deal with I doubt she would resent them being here as much as it sounds like she resents you being here when she make comments like that. My step mom I think is a bit more understanding because one of her sons has Cerebral Palsy so she has had to deal with a child/adult with an illness/disorder too.

Sometimes it helps to make the person think of how it would be if the situation was reversed.

Hope things start getting better.

Lindsey

 

[65rosessamurai]

My first thought was similar to an Anonymous post which was thinking what your father's thoughts were, in regards to you being supported. I've never had step parents, but feel there would be a different relationship between your step parents, and your natural parents. I'm sure, as you indicated, your step mother has been nice to you, but sometimes, some of the things they (people in general, including me) say, are without realizing what impact it has. Along with the car collision, at least because it is not your fault, the only problem would be having to deal with getting the claim and waiting for the repair--things could have been worse! (Because, fortunately, you caught the hit-and-run!)
I'm sure we all know you were venting, but no doubt various replies will help you out in handling the situation. It has been said, things happen for a reason, and today may had been more of a lesson, than a bad day. In this case, I'm sure things will turn out, because you ARE making efforts to change the situation with the power that you, yourself has.
Hang in there!

 

[Allie]

OH hon, I'm so sorry she said that to you. And then the car on top of it all, ugh. I'm sorry she wasn't more sensitive to your feelings *hug*

 

[JennifersHope]

I am home now.. I had a busy day at work.. and we all had so many sick kids that we went out for a drink.. I had one and half glasses of wine.. I am such a light weight HAA...

I can't thank you enough for all your support.. I know you understand,,, it is just horrible to feel like such a burden.. I have felt that way for a while.. and it is increasingly weighing on me more and more... it is true... I am the reason my dad can't retire right now, my mom has over a million dollars in her account and she hardly does anything to help me.. not that she should... no one owes me anything.... I just feel so bad for my dad...

My dad didn't really say anything when my step mom made the comment.. but I know for sure my dad would lay his life down and die for me...I think he thought it was cute that she stood up for him so much... but he worried about my reaction and told me that he knows I am doing the best I can... he loves me so much.. to the best of his ability..I think my step mom has for a while been frustated with all that my dad does for me... but she does for me because she loves my dad so much....

I guess I have for a while felt "depressed" thinking I am worthless.. and that my life is as well...and then hearing today the truth of what a pain I am just made it real....

She shouldn't have said the things she did, but she is human, and she has been supporting me for three years... that is a long time... I don't blame her at all....

Being newer to this diagnoise sucks... it has ruined my families life...and makes me feel like my future sucks butt.... I know that you guys understand.. I don't want you to misunderstand, my step mom is so nice to me.........she really is.. there just comes a time when everyone reaches their limit.... I have seen this in every relationship I have...

anyway, about my car, my dad wasn't mad, the car was parked and I wasn't in it.. but still it adds to the fact that because of me... their is more trouble...

I really can't thank you enough.... I was reading the posts at work and the nurse I was working with was asking me about the posts so I told he what happened and she was so amazed with the support I got... she told me she wished she had a support system like that...

Really for me being understood is half the process of healing for me...

Jennifer

 

[mousesmom]

Jennifer

I'm so sorry you're having a bad time. I am also supporting my daughter, and because there is not much that she can do in the way of employment, I will always have to do so. God gave her to me and I just pray that I will be aroung as long as she needs me. It's a parent's duty to take care of their children until they are independet.

Hope things get better for you soon

 

[nickandlivsmom]

Oh Jennifer- I feel bad you are having a bad day!!! You are such a wonderful, kind, hard working, ambitious woman and a very loving caring friend to all! You are such a GREAT role model to CFers and all by the way you do not let CF get in the way of your goals.
Sometimes I feel like it is very hard for people to understand what we go through everyday, even if they live with us. It is hard work taking care of ourselves! And there is a lot of emotional pain as well as physical. I feel guilty (like Christian said) that my husband has to work 2 almost full time jobs to support us. But he understands what I have to do each day and supports me in all that I do. But other family members seem to ignore the fact that I am sick and I feel like they look down upon me because I do not work. They will never know how I feel or what I go through each day.
You should be proud of who you are!!!! Only a few more weeks (6?)<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> and you will be finished with school!!!!! Don't let anyone make you feel worthless!!!!
I hope you are having a better day!!!! Cheer up!!!!<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> <<<BIG HUGS>>>>

 

[Scarlett81]

You know, once I said to my mother in law how useless I sometimes feel-how I have no impact on this planet-how I do nothing, and my husband just pays for my existance. She said to me, that I do something very valuable-besides taking care of my home and things-I take care of myself. And at the time, I thought-so what? How does that effect anyone? But-she said to me-really think about that. You care for your health so we all can be with you, love you, and have fun with you, and be blessed to have you in our family. And as time went by, I realized-wow, that is a big thing. It's a big thing that I didn;t just give up.
Like when you see a young, rebellious relative spinning out of control, or doing drugs, or whatever-you know the frustration you feel over that? The desperation to help a person who doesn't want help. Well, I've spared my family that.
And you have too.
This is maybe all new to you. And to your family. But this has not ruined your family! Sure-its a dissapointment. Of course! But, you and your family will have to find a way to channel all this into strength. These things can strengthen a family too, you know. Not tear them up.

 

[JennifersHope]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>icefisherman</b></i>

Hell yeah everyone! Jen, we all got your back!

Ben 23/cf</end quote></div>



You guys are awesome... Thanks so much for having my back.. It means a lot to me..

I don't want to come across the wrong way.. I am grateful... If it wasn't for my parents.. I would be homeless...My step mom is very good to me, she does more for me then she does for her own daughter and way more then my own mother does for me.. I can't blame her for being frustrated with my situation.. I am draining them dry...


I am done in 7 weeks with school.. and thankfully my salary will be more than enough for me to live very comfortably on my own if I work full time or part time but if I can't do that I am screwed....once I live on my own... I have no clue how I am going to take care of myself when I am sick.. or how I am going to shovel snow.. or do anything.... I get tired just managing what I have now which is nothing.. other then school and work....it is a very hopeless feeling....

I am so grateful for this website and all the support I get on it... It has been hard I don't share with anyone that I see in person how I feel because it makes me feel more like a burden which adds to my issues to begin with. I am also very used to speaking to my good friends who I don't anymore because he is to sick to talk now. I was seriously wanting to go to a counsoler to talk to someone,,,, that of course was before I did my pschy rotation and found out most of the ppl who are counsolers that I met.. really hated their jobs and had very little interest in what was being said...

I don't know what I would do if I didn't have this place to vent to and share how I feel... I think I would have gone insane by now..it is a weird feeling, I have love and support all around me, yet I still feel so lonely inside and like I am not understood....I go to CF clinic tomorrow and I am thinking.. that I will talk to my social worker about some things.. but knowing me, I probably will let fear of my doctor thinking I am nuts get in the way....

On a brighter note... so many of my doctors that I work with... and also the ones that I see as a patient are so genuinly excited for me and finishing school.. ONe of them offered to get me a limo so I can go out and celebrate with my friends... This was a doctor that has treated me at my work..... It is kind of cool.. everyone is pulling for me... It makes me feel so good, yet at the same time.. I have such a sad feeling about so many other things...

Thanks for letting me share..

Love,

Jennifer

 

[anonymous]

Jennifer, I think we all at times feel helpless, I'm married and feel just like you with your Dad, my Husband feels like he has to get a good, big job so that we can have insurance to cover me and enough money to pay for things, I feel down sometimes because I can't contribute more, but like others said, we take care of ourselves and that does bless others.

Just do the best you can and be happy with that.

We all love you and pray for you.

 

[LisaV]

Sometimes when I feel guilty when someone says something I don't listen real well - get a bit defensive - sort of diss what the other person is saying. Actually I think we all do that.

I remember once when my husband said "I wish you could quit work and stay home with me," that I answered "You'd be bored with me in a week". And another when I said "I wish I could retire and stay home with you," that he said "You'd be bored without work in a week". (We both wished we had the money for me to quit work, but needed me out there pulling in income and insurance.)

Our better more frequent responses were more like to his "I wish you could quit work and stay home with me,"or to my "I wish I could retire and stay home with you," were "do you?" or "me too" or "wouldn't that be nice" or "what would it take for that to be possible?"

Might try the latter responses to your dad if he ever says anything about wanting to retire again. It would probably keep the dialog going and might be less apt to cause your stepmother from snapping. My guess is that she was responding to your sort of blowing off/dissing what he said rather than seeming to hear it and empathize. Wives can be a bit snippy when they think someone isn't supportive of their husband - even if that someone is the beloved daughter.

Just another more wifely slant on things....

 

[vinsmom]

I too am a stepmom to two other children and I can't even imagine saying somthing like that! Shame on her!!!!!! That was thoughtless and very uncompassionate! Do what you can....your father will NEVER regret the measures he's taking to do what he needs to for you. That's what real parents are suppose to do for their children. I'll be thinking about you!

 

[JennifersHope]

.

 

[Lurking4now]

Part of the reason I decided to go from "anonymous" to a
user name is this message...really.  Three years ago, I gave
birth to a healthy (we thought) boy.  Now I am pregnant with
our second child, a girl.  Well, we are trying to get a blood
test for my son and there is a possibility my daughter will have CF
too.  I found myself asking how I went from having one healthy
child to two (possibly) children with CF in a matter of weeks.
 Luckily, through this website, I have totally come to terms
with the idea.  (Although I'm still scared about how to work
out all the little details).  Then I read this post and
really, truly thought about my life with my kids.  No matter
how long I have to work, it doesn't matter.  You know what
they give me in return?  Someone to hold in the middle of the
night...a warm cuddly hug and kiss to heal my heart...a tiny little
heart to capture my soul...and so so so much more.  Of course,
I'd love to stay in bed and hide under the covers rather than work
(I've thought that since the day I turned 16).  But every
minute is worth it for just a second of my children's happiness.
 I'm sure your dad feels the same way, and I think you feel
his love.  Sometimes people can't really understand that bond
(hint hint step mom) when they are on the outside looking in.
 And, you give so much to the people on this sight...I know
how much inspiration and hope you and others have given me on this
site.  So thank you.  <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

 

[jenniferp]

Scarlett81-
I thought Scarlett O'Hara said, "I'll worry about it tomorrow"????

Jennifer-
I'm sorry your feeling depressed, somedays your the windshield and somedays your the bug.
I do think your step mom is out of line by saying those hurtful things. You didn't ask for this disease, it's just not right to put so much guilt on you like that. I can't imagine how that must have hurt you.

I hope you feel better.

 

[JennifersHope]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Lurking4now</b></i>

 And, you give so much to the people on this sight...I know
how much inspiration and hope you and others have given me on this
site.  So thank you.  <img src=""></end quote></div>


That is very nice of you to say, it made me cry... I don't feel that way at all. I feel like I have been so whiney and negative lately..... and I hate that....

I am sorry that I have been so out of it.. and in constant need of venting.. I am sure I will snap out of this soon...

Thanks again for saying such nice things...

Love,

Jennifer

 

[Scarlett81]

Hey Jen-

As a Gone with the Wind buff, here's some trivial information:
She says "I won't think about that now...I'll think about that tommorrow", like 10 times in the movie. But, the final line of the movie, when Rhett leaves her is-"tommorrow is another day!!!!"
-with a Southern drawl of course.

Now you have a good day, Ma'm.<img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">