Very Sad...

LouLou · Dec 6, 2008

I'm in tears for you Jenny. I've read every post but never commented because all I ever thought was that this was a very bad idea and that the children should not be with you. I do not place the blame on you at all. You gave it your very best. Like just1more always told you in many of your posts (I think it was just1more anyway) the agency made a bad decision in placing these two boys with you as a newbie and with cf.

I cry for you that your health had to suffer, that "the dream" wasn't fulfilled, that our society sucks so bad that we don't know how to handle our children better, and that well these two little souls are going to be back out there.

Why oh why do people have children when they can't support them? at least give them up...geesh!!

Take care of yourself and keep us updated on your progress back to baseline... and above because "What ever doesn't kill you makes you stronger!"

Thanks for sharing the journey with us.

LouLou · Dec 6, 2008

I'm in tears for you Jenny. I've read every post but never commented because all I ever thought was that this was a very bad idea and that the children should not be with you. I do not place the blame on you at all. You gave it your very best. Like just1more always told you in many of your posts (I think it was just1more anyway) the agency made a bad decision in placing these two boys with you as a newbie and with cf.

I cry for you that your health had to suffer, that "the dream" wasn't fulfilled, that our society sucks so bad that we don't know how to handle our children better, and that well these two little souls are going to be back out there.

Why oh why do people have children when they can't support them? at least give them up...geesh!!

Take care of yourself and keep us updated on your progress back to baseline... and above because "What ever doesn't kill you makes you stronger!"

Thanks for sharing the journey with us.

LouLou · Dec 6, 2008

I'm in tears for you Jenny. I've read every post but never commented because all I ever thought was that this was a very bad idea and that the children should not be with you. I do not place the blame on you at all. You gave it your very best. Like just1more always told you in many of your posts (I think it was just1more anyway) the agency made a bad decision in placing these two boys with you as a newbie and with cf.

I cry for you that your health had to suffer, that "the dream" wasn't fulfilled, that our society sucks so bad that we don't know how to handle our children better, and that well these two little souls are going to be back out there.

Why oh why do people have children when they can't support them? at least give them up...geesh!!

Take care of yourself and keep us updated on your progress back to baseline... and above because "What ever doesn't kill you makes you stronger!"

Thanks for sharing the journey with us.

LouLou · Dec 6, 2008

I'm in tears for you Jenny. I've read every post but never commented because all I ever thought was that this was a very bad idea and that the children should not be with you. I do not place the blame on you at all. You gave it your very best. Like just1more always told you in many of your posts (I think it was just1more anyway) the agency made a bad decision in placing these two boys with you as a newbie and with cf.

I cry for you that your health had to suffer, that "the dream" wasn't fulfilled, that our society sucks so bad that we don't know how to handle our children better, and that well these two little souls are going to be back out there.

Why oh why do people have children when they can't support them? at least give them up...geesh!!

Take care of yourself and keep us updated on your progress back to baseline... and above because "What ever doesn't kill you makes you stronger!"

Thanks for sharing the journey with us.

LouLou · Dec 6, 2008

I'm in tears for you Jenny. I've read every post but never commented because all I ever thought was that this was a very bad idea and that the children should not be with you. I do not place the blame on you at all. You gave it your very best. Like just1more always told you in many of your posts (I think it was just1more anyway) the agency made a bad decision in placing these two boys with you as a newbie and with cf.
 
 I cry for you that your health had to suffer, that "the dream" wasn't fulfilled, that our society sucks so bad that we don't know how to handle our children better, and that well these two little souls are going to be back out there.
 
 Why oh why do people have children when they can't support them? at least give them up...geesh!!
 
 Take care of yourself and keep us updated on your progress back to baseline... and above because "What ever doesn't kill you makes you stronger!"
 
 Thanks for sharing the journey with us.

TestifyToLove · Dec 6, 2008

Hon, you don't have to apologize. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. You gave these boys more than anyone else in their lives has EVER, and you simply are out of strength to give them. You did not damage them, and you are not responsible for healing them.

Please, take care of yourself, reclaim your health and then decide where to go from there.

The case worker who placed these boys in your home was 100% in the wrong. She flat-out knew you were not going to be able to handle it. But, seperating them would have required more paperwork and hassle for her. She walked all over you to avoid doing her job properly. If these boys are going to get the help they need, they desperately need to be managed alone. They are too much for ANY one person. And, to have dumped them on someone with no experience, no knowledge base and no understanding of just how signficant their needs were was INEXCUSABLE of this social worker. Shame belongs to her, not you, never you. You did the best you could with what you were given, you were never given the support you needed. And, they should have been seperated long before they were brought into your home.

Please don't let yourself feel guilty for this. This is not your fault. Its not your guilt to carry. Its a messed up world and messed up people do horrific damage to innocent children. Not being able to be superwoman is not something you have to be embarrassed, apologetic or ashamed of. You are only human. And, messed up people often damage innocent children beyond the point of being able to help them heal.

TestifyToLove · Dec 6, 2008

Hon, you don't have to apologize. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. You gave these boys more than anyone else in their lives has EVER, and you simply are out of strength to give them. You did not damage them, and you are not responsible for healing them.

Please, take care of yourself, reclaim your health and then decide where to go from there.

The case worker who placed these boys in your home was 100% in the wrong. She flat-out knew you were not going to be able to handle it. But, seperating them would have required more paperwork and hassle for her. She walked all over you to avoid doing her job properly. If these boys are going to get the help they need, they desperately need to be managed alone. They are too much for ANY one person. And, to have dumped them on someone with no experience, no knowledge base and no understanding of just how signficant their needs were was INEXCUSABLE of this social worker. Shame belongs to her, not you, never you. You did the best you could with what you were given, you were never given the support you needed. And, they should have been seperated long before they were brought into your home.

Please don't let yourself feel guilty for this. This is not your fault. Its not your guilt to carry. Its a messed up world and messed up people do horrific damage to innocent children. Not being able to be superwoman is not something you have to be embarrassed, apologetic or ashamed of. You are only human. And, messed up people often damage innocent children beyond the point of being able to help them heal.

TestifyToLove · Dec 6, 2008

Hon, you don't have to apologize. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. You gave these boys more than anyone else in their lives has EVER, and you simply are out of strength to give them. You did not damage them, and you are not responsible for healing them.

Please, take care of yourself, reclaim your health and then decide where to go from there.

The case worker who placed these boys in your home was 100% in the wrong. She flat-out knew you were not going to be able to handle it. But, seperating them would have required more paperwork and hassle for her. She walked all over you to avoid doing her job properly. If these boys are going to get the help they need, they desperately need to be managed alone. They are too much for ANY one person. And, to have dumped them on someone with no experience, no knowledge base and no understanding of just how signficant their needs were was INEXCUSABLE of this social worker. Shame belongs to her, not you, never you. You did the best you could with what you were given, you were never given the support you needed. And, they should have been seperated long before they were brought into your home.

Please don't let yourself feel guilty for this. This is not your fault. Its not your guilt to carry. Its a messed up world and messed up people do horrific damage to innocent children. Not being able to be superwoman is not something you have to be embarrassed, apologetic or ashamed of. You are only human. And, messed up people often damage innocent children beyond the point of being able to help them heal.

TestifyToLove · Dec 6, 2008

Hon, you don't have to apologize. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. You gave these boys more than anyone else in their lives has EVER, and you simply are out of strength to give them. You did not damage them, and you are not responsible for healing them.

Please, take care of yourself, reclaim your health and then decide where to go from there.

The case worker who placed these boys in your home was 100% in the wrong. She flat-out knew you were not going to be able to handle it. But, seperating them would have required more paperwork and hassle for her. She walked all over you to avoid doing her job properly. If these boys are going to get the help they need, they desperately need to be managed alone. They are too much for ANY one person. And, to have dumped them on someone with no experience, no knowledge base and no understanding of just how signficant their needs were was INEXCUSABLE of this social worker. Shame belongs to her, not you, never you. You did the best you could with what you were given, you were never given the support you needed. And, they should have been seperated long before they were brought into your home.

Please don't let yourself feel guilty for this. This is not your fault. Its not your guilt to carry. Its a messed up world and messed up people do horrific damage to innocent children. Not being able to be superwoman is not something you have to be embarrassed, apologetic or ashamed of. You are only human. And, messed up people often damage innocent children beyond the point of being able to help them heal.

TestifyToLove · Dec 6, 2008

Hon, you don't have to apologize. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. You gave these boys more than anyone else in their lives has EVER, and you simply are out of strength to give them. You did not damage them, and you are not responsible for healing them.
 
 Please, take care of yourself, reclaim your health and then decide where to go from there.
 
 The case worker who placed these boys in your home was 100% in the wrong. She flat-out knew you were not going to be able to handle it. But, seperating them would have required more paperwork and hassle for her. She walked all over you to avoid doing her job properly. If these boys are going to get the help they need, they desperately need to be managed alone. They are too much for ANY one person. And, to have dumped them on someone with no experience, no knowledge base and no understanding of just how signficant their needs were was INEXCUSABLE of this social worker. Shame belongs to her, not you, never you. You did the best you could with what you were given, you were never given the support you needed. And, they should have been seperated long before they were brought into your home.
 
 Please don't let yourself feel guilty for this. This is not your fault. Its not your guilt to carry. Its a messed up world and messed up people do horrific damage to innocent children. Not being able to be superwoman is not something you have to be embarrassed, apologetic or ashamed of. You are only human. And, messed up people often damage innocent children beyond the point of being able to help them heal.

tammykrumrey · Dec 6, 2008

Your health must come first and foremost. Plese don't feel so bad...it does sound like you have just done all you can, and that is all you can ever ask of yourself. Get yourself back to where you need to be healthwise!

It really sounds like this was not an ideal situation for you to be put into in the first place. I'm sorry that you feel so terrible...

Keep us updated. ((HUGS)) to you!

tammykrumrey · Dec 6, 2008

Your health must come first and foremost. Plese don't feel so bad...it does sound like you have just done all you can, and that is all you can ever ask of yourself. Get yourself back to where you need to be healthwise!

It really sounds like this was not an ideal situation for you to be put into in the first place. I'm sorry that you feel so terrible...

Keep us updated. ((HUGS)) to you!

tammykrumrey · Dec 6, 2008

Your health must come first and foremost. Plese don't feel so bad...it does sound like you have just done all you can, and that is all you can ever ask of yourself. Get yourself back to where you need to be healthwise!

It really sounds like this was not an ideal situation for you to be put into in the first place. I'm sorry that you feel so terrible...

Keep us updated. ((HUGS)) to you!

tammykrumrey · Dec 6, 2008

Your health must come first and foremost. Plese don't feel so bad...it does sound like you have just done all you can, and that is all you can ever ask of yourself. Get yourself back to where you need to be healthwise!

It really sounds like this was not an ideal situation for you to be put into in the first place. I'm sorry that you feel so terrible...

Keep us updated. ((HUGS)) to you!

tammykrumrey · Dec 6, 2008

Your health must come first and foremost. Plese don't feel so bad...it does sound like you have just done all you can, and that is all you can ever ask of yourself. Get yourself back to where you need to be healthwise!
 
 It really sounds like this was not an ideal situation for you to be put into in the first place. I'm sorry that you feel so terrible...
 
 Keep us updated. ((HUGS)) to you!

ladybug · Dec 6, 2008

I'm so sorry to hear all of this. I dont' have anything else to add to what others have mentioned, but just know I will keep you and the kids in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you start bouncing back soon. I recently got off a 5 1/2 course of IVs for the first time in my life... First time being I usually am on Ivs for 2 weeks, but nothing worked. Nothing helped until they switched my meds entirely (i.e. they had to change BOTH meds!)... I was sensitive to all 4 meds they tried, but the first two, we're thinking the bugs that were giving me problems, weren't the ones in that culture... Anyway, I hope there is a similar explanation for your case of not getting better. I know it sucks to be so frustrated and confused when you expect one result and get another.

... I wish you peace... In everything you're going through right now.

ladybug · Dec 6, 2008

I'm so sorry to hear all of this. I dont' have anything else to add to what others have mentioned, but just know I will keep you and the kids in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you start bouncing back soon. I recently got off a 5 1/2 course of IVs for the first time in my life... First time being I usually am on Ivs for 2 weeks, but nothing worked. Nothing helped until they switched my meds entirely (i.e. they had to change BOTH meds!)... I was sensitive to all 4 meds they tried, but the first two, we're thinking the bugs that were giving me problems, weren't the ones in that culture... Anyway, I hope there is a similar explanation for your case of not getting better. I know it sucks to be so frustrated and confused when you expect one result and get another.

... I wish you peace... In everything you're going through right now.

ladybug · Dec 6, 2008

I'm so sorry to hear all of this. I dont' have anything else to add to what others have mentioned, but just know I will keep you and the kids in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you start bouncing back soon. I recently got off a 5 1/2 course of IVs for the first time in my life... First time being I usually am on Ivs for 2 weeks, but nothing worked. Nothing helped until they switched my meds entirely (i.e. they had to change BOTH meds!)... I was sensitive to all 4 meds they tried, but the first two, we're thinking the bugs that were giving me problems, weren't the ones in that culture... Anyway, I hope there is a similar explanation for your case of not getting better. I know it sucks to be so frustrated and confused when you expect one result and get another.

... I wish you peace... In everything you're going through right now.

ladybug · Dec 6, 2008

I'm so sorry to hear all of this. I dont' have anything else to add to what others have mentioned, but just know I will keep you and the kids in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you start bouncing back soon. I recently got off a 5 1/2 course of IVs for the first time in my life... First time being I usually am on Ivs for 2 weeks, but nothing worked. Nothing helped until they switched my meds entirely (i.e. they had to change BOTH meds!)... I was sensitive to all 4 meds they tried, but the first two, we're thinking the bugs that were giving me problems, weren't the ones in that culture... Anyway, I hope there is a similar explanation for your case of not getting better. I know it sucks to be so frustrated and confused when you expect one result and get another.

... I wish you peace... In everything you're going through right now.

ladybug · Dec 6, 2008

I'm so sorry to hear all of this. I dont' have anything else to add to what others have mentioned, but just know I will keep you and the kids in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you start bouncing back soon. I recently got off a 5 1/2 course of IVs for the first time in my life... First time being I usually am on Ivs for 2 weeks, but nothing worked. Nothing helped until they switched my meds entirely (i.e. they had to change BOTH meds!)... I was sensitive to all 4 meds they tried, but the first two, we're thinking the bugs that were giving me problems, weren't the ones in that culture... Anyway, I hope there is a similar explanation for your case of not getting better. I know it sucks to be so frustrated and confused when you expect one result and get another.
 
 ... I wish you peace... In everything you're going through right now.

Very Sad...

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