Wanting to be Pregnant, Just for the Sake of Being Pregnant?

[JennaB]

Hey everyone-

Lately, I have really been wanting to be pregnant, just for the sake of being pregnant. I know it sounds dumb, but I love the thought of maternity clothes, having the attention, etc... I think it's because I know it's something that I can't have. I kind of want a baby, but not as much as I want to know what it's like to be pregnant.

Now, I don' t have any plans on acting on my feelings, just wondering if anyone else felt the same way?

 

[Emily65Roses]

I never had a strong want to be pregnant until I found I wasn't able anymore (like a toddler who never wants a toy until the other kid is playing with it... ha). The strongest part of it is really that I want to be a mother. Not yet, quite clearly, as I'm only 21 and still in college. But I really want to be a mom some day, and hopefully, I'll get there. Through whatever means, I thoroughly intend to get there. Mike knows that, he wants to be a father just as much, and we've already discussed our options... Which way we want to go, what factors we have to look at, the price issue, etc etc.

But regardless, sometimes I still get upset. I wish I was able to get pregnant, to carry my own child, to give birth, and all that. Now I know anyone who has done it might try to make me feel better (reason I guess this is because people have said it to me before) as "well it's really painful, so at least you don't have to do it." And this is certainly true, but I already know some of the pain of labor. I never was pregnant, but the problems that I had in that area of things caused my uterus to contract on and off for 4 weeks, trying to rid itself of old blood. Four weeks came and went before anyone figured out what it was. So I have an inkling of the pain, I'm not completely unaware of it... and I still wish I could do it.

Back to my point, I very often wish I could. I definitely want kids, and will certainly be as happy as a fat kid eating cake when I can become a mother. But that doesn't mean I don't mourn the loss of knowing I won't be able to carry my own kids. I won't ever know the joy of pregnancy, the feeling of your baby growing inside you, etc. Not to mention, a lot of people take that privelege for granted, and that tends to irritate me. Kind of the same idea when people purposely fill their healthy clear lungs with smoke. You have something of perfect use... be thankful you have it, and take good care of it. Whether it be lungs, or a uterus (the organs I'm personally envious of <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">) or anything else that people take for granted.

So let me try to summarize myself... I want more than anything to be a mother some day, but I do as well wish I could become pregnant. So I share that with you. And for the record (I imagine you could guess as much since I feel the same, but...) it's not a dumb thing to want. <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

 

[anonymous]

Well, thats not exactly my way of feeling but sort of!!! I would love to have my own child. I want to know what it feels like when the baby kicks, when you stomache is so big you cant see your feet, waddling like a penguin!!! I want to feel all of those things and exxperience all those things... But I want to have a child with the love of my life, my husband. I want to see him holding our baby, the child calling us mommy and daddy...! Well, i am to far along with my lung function that if i was pregnant the baby and I would not survive the pregnance. My husband had originally wanted 2 kids. I feel like a piece of s***, knowing that i can not carry our babies!!! He tells me all the time that he would rather not have a baby than to risk loosing me. So my sister, my best friend in the whole world,and her husband, told me that if we could get a way to pay for the invitro that she will carry our baby for us. That was an eye opening jaw dropping thing! I couldnt believe that she would want to do this for us!!! So my husband and I are going to our consoltation on Monday the 11th!!! I am so excited!! Except, were are still not sure on how we are going to get the money but there has to be a way!!!! We are going to make it happen!

Cariann 20 w/CF and CFRD
Honolulu, HI

 

[Emily65Roses]

Your sister is awesome. Mine's only 17, but she has expressed that, depending on where she is in life, she'll definitely at least consider carrying a child for me and Mike.

That kind of offer baffles me. Only in a good way, of course. But wow. <img src="i/expressions/rose.gif" border="0">

Oh and while I'm thinking of it... Anyone who can't carry her own kids (for whatever reason): Do you ever feel defective, or like you're letting your partner down? It's a natural thing women are supposed to be able to do. And because I can't, sometimes it feels like I'm letting Mike down. Mind you, of course, he never makes me feel that way. If I tell him I feel like I'm letting him down, he looks at me like I've got 3 heads. He understands why it upsets me, but doesn't blame me for it, or hold it against me. Regardless... anyone else get that feeling?

 

[Purplelungs]

Yes...kinda makes me feel like I am not a woman at the same time. I dunno why. I love children. I wouldnt mind having my own. But my husband never really wanted kids so its like that extra pressure is off of me. But sometimes I cant help but feel like i'm broken in the woman sense. Even though I dont mind not having kids, sure sometimes it makes me sad. I do know that if we were ever to adopt that I would love that child like it came from my body anyway. If we are to have children at some point we will adopt....but I dont see us having kids and thats fine- I have plenty of nieces and nephews, dogs, and friend babies to spoil and love.
Amanda

 

[anonymous]

I feel the same way! I am afraid my lungs are also too far along to carry a baby and I am still in college so I wouldn't have a baby for a while anyway if i could. The WORST part for me is when I have a big belly and people ask if i am pregnant....cause everytime that happens it makes me think about the fact that I never will be pregnant and that was always something I wanted so badly. Like someone else said...if you adopt a baby i am SURE you would love him/her just as much as one that you carried, but knowing I never will carry a baby breaks my heart.

 

[anonymous]

Em,

My husband feels how you explained-from the male side. He can't have kids so he feels like he is letting me down and the same things that you expressed. And I know where your Mike is coming from, I look at him like he's from another planet because although I want children (and some day it will happen come hell or highwater) it's just not one of those things that is a deciding factor in whether I care about him and love him or not. I do and anything else really doesn't matter, whatever obstacle we encounter-at least I have a bestfriend to go through it with.

Julie (wife to Mark 24 w/CF)

 

[anonymous]

I know how you all feel. I want a child more than anything in the world, but I know that will probably never happen. It is even harder because my fiance already has a child with someone else, so it hurts me even more to know that he shares that special bond with someone else, but we will probably never share that. Every since I was like 13 I wanted to have a child of my own one day. That was probably because I didn't think I would ever be able to.

Sara w/CF

 

[Shavonica]

I am with you guys, I want a baby so bad!! More then anything and it also seems like we all want one for the same reason....because we have always been told that unless we are very healthy then we can't have a child. I love children so much and I am very jelous of everyone who has one. I am the same I want to feel the baby kicking and moving inside me and I think that a pregnant woman is the most beautiful thing in the world!!! I always wonder what my child would look like, and what their personality would be like. I hope that someday I will be able to experince that. So you are not alone I am right here with you experincing the samething

 

[anonymous]

Hi Jenna,
I do not have CF (I am a carrier) but I did want to comment on your post. I don't think it is dumb at all to want to be pregnant. I found that from a very young age (16) I had a strong urge to become pregnant. I almost think it is our natural instinct or something. I had my first child when I was 18, a boy, now 11 years old. I struggled with infertility for several years afterward, maybe it was a blessing because I sure couldn't have afforded another.lol. But, I remarried at 22 and by then the urge was with me all the time. I was charting and planning and trying all the time but nothing. For 2 years my husband and I tried. He didn't have any children and he wanted them badly. I began to feel like a failure and just the sight of a pregnant woman made me want to cry. My husband and I seperated when I was 24 and before the divorce was final his new girlfriend was pregnant. I was devastated. In 1999, at 25 I met my current husband, he had a boy the same age as mine, w/CF. We became serious pretty quickly, although we hadn't discussed children or marriage I wasn't taking BC because after 7 years with no pregnancy I had pretty much hung it up. About 5 months after we began dating I found out while in the ER that I was pregnant! I thought I had a kidney infection, unfortunately, I was having a miscarriage. But, this actually brought new hope to me, I thought, at least I know I can get pregnant and about 6 months later I found out I was pregnant with my daughter (3 CF Carrier). I always wanted a big family and discovering I was a carrier was really hard on me, it meant I would be taking a very big risk if we decided to have another baby. This news did not come easily to me. The thought of never being pregnant again was very hard to swallow.
I am 18 weeks pregnant with a boy and my due date is 9/5/05. My husband and I had decided not to have anymore children and this time I got pregnant while taking BC. I am enjoying this pregnancy because I know it will be my last (husband is having a vasectamy (sp?)), however, I am having a hard time connecting with this pregnancy because I am so scared the baby will have CF. I had my amnio on 3/22 and the wait for results is pure agony. This pregnancy is much different than the others, I have been very sick and I have a lot of pain throughout my whole body, maybe cause I'm 30 now, I don't know. Everyone keeps asking me, "Are you excited?" and I just want to walk away without answering. I'm just having a really tough time. I hope my results come soon, so I can either accept this condition and move on or just be relieved. Sorry this turned into a biography.lol. I really just wanted to say your feelings are natural and normal not dumb.
Jen

 

[HollyCatheryn]

Obviously, one has to weigh the realities of the desire to be pregnant rationally. We know (or at least most of us, but I am awestruck at the girls who make the news who do NOT) htat pregnancy is a means to an end. The end of course being motherhood, caring for a child for the entirety of your lifetime. I, too, had that urger, desire or whatever you want to call it from an early age. I think that because of CF in our lives, we have a heightened awareness of the preciousness of life. I always knew that whatever else I ended up having in my life or being - I wanted to be a mother. For me, though many people do not feel this way, adopting a child was not a second choice or something to fall back on. I knew that even if I was able to have biological children and carry them I still wanted to adopt. I have been around adopted children all my life because I have several adopted cousins. However, this did not replace my true NEED to experience pregnancy.I was blessed with the ability to experience that 3 1/2 years ago. I gave birth to my daighter almost 3 years ago now (WOW!). All those women who whine about pregnancy or labor have never experienced anything like the struggle to get pregnant against tough odds or experienced pain that serves no BENEFIT. Women who have experienced infertility (as far as I have encountered) NEVER complain about pregnancy and birth. They are overwhelmingly grateful. I found pregnancy to be an exhilerating time. There is nothing like brimming over with new life. Nothing. There is nothing like knowing that you have been chosen to bring a soul into the world or like feeling and knowing that creation is happening inside you. It is amazing. I also found that other than the heaviness and crowding that came at the very end (last few weeks to a month) I was very comfortable and felt really well. I know a mom with CF who gave birth to full-term twins and she thoroughly enjoyed her pregnancy as well. Her doctor was equally pleased with her health. Birth. Birth is hard work, but if you let your body do what it was made to do, you will be able to not only get through it, but even ENJOY it! I've known moms that truly love to give birth - I've done it only once, but I'm in that category. I used to think the others were NUTS. There is a very rational reason for all of this - especially factoring in CF. Pregnancy and birth are our last best hope that our bodies will do SOMETHING right. And you know what, they can. Not everyone's can of course (not even every healthy woman), but the odds are actually in our favor if our health is generally good and stable. Not to preach or persuade, but simply to encourage. Take good care of yourself. If you find that when the time comes that you really to desire, NEED, motherhood as much as a pregnancy (a good test is whether you would be just as happy to <EM>mother</EM> a non-biological child as biological), be encouraged that there is a good chance that you CAN.

 

[vickysmommy]

To the original poster,
I used to have the same feelings when I was a teenager, wanting to be pregnant just for the attention, but then the need grew to me actually wanting a child to love and raise for my own, so I went against all odds and 6 months ago had a healthy baby girl.

 

[JennaB]

Thanks for all the support, ladies! It makes me feel much better that other people share the same feelings that I do. I am not ready at this point to even think seriously about having a child, but I do have a feeling that it may be an option in the future. Thanks again for the support.

 

[WinAce]

<blockquote>Quote
<hr>Pregnancy and birth are our last best hope that our bodies will do SOMETHING right.<hr></blockquote>

Your bodies <i>are</i> doing something right. With any luck, being caring, sensitive, wonderful human beings whose existence would be unquestionably worthwhile, regardless of your ability to birth kids. As a guy, I won't pretend to know what it's like to want to be pregnant, and not be able to; but try not to ever let that lead you to thinking there's something wrong with you.

 

[anonymous]

hello everyone ... i'am kinda new to this website. i'am 22 i just found out im 6 weeks pregnant. i'am so happy cause all my teenage years i've been told that with my fev's and my health i could never hold up to a pregnancy........well news flash!! now that i've got older i have done really well. i havent been in the hospital but 1 time in 5 years. thats a huge change for me. i was diagnosed at 6 weeks old and been fighting a hard battle ever since. almost lost me several times.i had a very hard child hood. always wanted babys i tried for 7 years and never succeded. so i thought naturally i thought i couldnt get pregnant at all. now im with someone very special that treats me very well i know im leaving out alot of details in my life lol i'am just really excited about my baby. i'am just nervous about making it threw it ok and having a healthy baby. my fev's are 78% anyone got anything POSITIVE to tell me?? lol good luck to all i hope it works out for everyone and live the best you can. i live everyday as if it were my last. dont take anything for granted!!!

jennifer22w'cf

 

[anonymous]

hi 18 w cf i think i might be pregnant but im not sure see i been trying for two years and just two days ago i felt sick at work like morning sickeness and was very rare on me because i been healthy my period was 2 days early but i dont think is my period since is not much. i know people that have hed there periods even when they were pregnant. anyway plese help me i dont want to do a pregnancy test until "my period" is completly gone what do you think

 

[anonymous]

to the above poster
you said that your period was not much, well that could be implantation bleeding and because you said it was early that is what it kinda sounds like. you should go ahead and test

 

[2sickkids]

I think women just feel they should have kids. Alot of them any way. It has something to do with comments people make when your playing with dolls as a kid about growing up to be a mom. When I was told I couldn't have kids I really felt like I had failed and would never be able to do the only thing I ever wanted to do. I ended up with 2 sons but had medical help with that and they told me after my first surgery I had less then a 10% chance of becoming pregnant and I would probaly not make it to term. After the second one they said I had less then a one in a million chance. The last pregnancy they said they might lose me and my baby. I still have to listen to stupid people tell me I risked my life twice and didn't even end up with healthy kids. But for some odd reason the only times in my life my blood pressure has not been high is when I was pregnant. I can't fight the doctors any more and am going to finally have to have at least a partial hyst. Cause having my kids with out drugs hurt less then the pain my body causes. But I remember how it felt when the words came out of my doctors mouth you'll never be able to carry a baby to term if you can ever concieve. It felt like some one had punched though my chest and ripped my heart out.