What do you do for your cf'r when her parent has given up?

CrisDopher

New member
Maybe you could look into petitioning for custody? It seems like you care more than her Mom does and the courts may see the wisdom in transferring legal custody so that the *right* person is making decisions.
 

CrisDopher

New member
Maybe you could look into petitioning for custody? It seems like you care more than her Mom does and the courts may see the wisdom in transferring legal custody so that the *right* person is making decisions.
 
W

witzersmom

Guest
it might not even be that she is an awful mom that abandoned her passion to care for her cfer, or that she cares more for the new additions. i am a very committed cf parent, but at times I get fed up and angry with my daughter, the love of my life, when she fights me about her cf routine, when I am trying my hardest and she lies to me about checking sugar, taking insulin, doing nebs. i then get very discouraged and feel shes too blame for exaserbations and hospitalizations. Im wrong for that, I know, but what she knows it takes away from my other kids when she is sick, and to ignore her daily health anyway?
Not defending your sister. but 17 is a trifling age, there may be more to the negativity. Just a thought.
 
W

witzersmom

Guest
it might not even be that she is an awful mom that abandoned her passion to care for her cfer, or that she cares more for the new additions. i am a very committed cf parent, but at times I get fed up and angry with my daughter, the love of my life, when she fights me about her cf routine, when I am trying my hardest and she lies to me about checking sugar, taking insulin, doing nebs. i then get very discouraged and feel shes too blame for exaserbations and hospitalizations. Im wrong for that, I know, but what she knows it takes away from my other kids when she is sick, and to ignore her daily health anyway?
Not defending your sister. but 17 is a trifling age, there may be more to the negativity. Just a thought.
 

KaiserWilly

New member
Just because by accident of birth her mother is unable or unwilling to show backbone does not mean that through your connection she can not receive what she needs to see herself through these trials. It is VERY likely that the Mom has several dysfunctional feelings including depression, anxiety and most deadly GUILT of "giving" her daughter this disease. Of course she did not purposely do any such thing but in an irrational mind compromised by other mental health issues, people can really lose their focus. Not that this makes me an expert but not only do I have CF and have seen the reaction from both my parents and my kids but I am also a Licensed Professional Counselor with two graduate degrees in mental health counseling. My health was not good enough to continue to do construction work and so I went to school and found I enjoyed learning and especially trying to help others with health issues.

People are sometimes like swords. If a sword has not gone through the fire enough times it will bend and be little more than a paperweight or stage prop. Too much heat with no quienching (releif provided by supportive individuals, their support team) and one will become too hard that they become brittle and can not withstand the continued abuse brought about by this nasty disease. However with a combination of challenges and support to give the survivor a chance to gain strength without becoming brittle the person can gain their victory in their life even if it is not as long as they had hoped nor are varied as they had dreamt as a small child. Sometimes our reason for living is to give the next person a shoulder to hold on to as they climb upward to their highest potential. We will not all reach THE pinnacle of the climb, but I pray that I don't fall short of MY potential, hopefully making a small difference in the lives of the other climbers. It really stinks to have CF but if I had to have it, I am proud to have the company of such brave individuals around me at a time when the researchers are SO CLOSE! I am probably too old to fully benefit from their efforts at 52 but there are so many younger CFers just waiting to burst forth into the life of their dreams, even if for a short time they must fight this dreaded disease. Als Salaam Bei Alakum (poorly spelled but Arabic for....) Peace be on you!
Kaiser Willy
 

KaiserWilly

New member
Just because by accident of birth her mother is unable or unwilling to show backbone does not mean that through your connection she can not receive what she needs to see herself through these trials. It is VERY likely that the Mom has several dysfunctional feelings including depression, anxiety and most deadly GUILT of "giving" her daughter this disease. Of course she did not purposely do any such thing but in an irrational mind compromised by other mental health issues, people can really lose their focus. Not that this makes me an expert but not only do I have CF and have seen the reaction from both my parents and my kids but I am also a Licensed Professional Counselor with two graduate degrees in mental health counseling. My health was not good enough to continue to do construction work and so I went to school and found I enjoyed learning and especially trying to help others with health issues.

People are sometimes like swords. If a sword has not gone through the fire enough times it will bend and be little more than a paperweight or stage prop. Too much heat with no quienching (releif provided by supportive individuals, their support team) and one will become too hard that they become brittle and can not withstand the continued abuse brought about by this nasty disease. However with a combination of challenges and support to give the survivor a chance to gain strength without becoming brittle the person can gain their victory in their life even if it is not as long as they had hoped nor are varied as they had dreamt as a small child. Sometimes our reason for living is to give the next person a shoulder to hold on to as they climb upward to their highest potential. We will not all reach THE pinnacle of the climb, but I pray that I don't fall short of MY potential, hopefully making a small difference in the lives of the other climbers. It really stinks to have CF but if I had to have it, I am proud to have the company of such brave individuals around me at a time when the researchers are SO CLOSE! I am probably too old to fully benefit from their efforts at 52 but there are so many younger CFers just waiting to burst forth into the life of their dreams, even if for a short time they must fight this dreaded disease. Als Salaam Bei Alakum (poorly spelled but Arabic for....) Peace be on you!
Kaiser Willy
 

jamoncita

New member
that's fucked up. my mom was the same way. she developed an alcohol problem shortly after i was diagnosed (but has since gotten help and is much better). if you've already talked with your niece's mother and she is not willing to get help, you should focus on helping your niece. sounds like she needs all the love and support she can get. you should suggest to your niece that she find a support group on sites like this one, where she can talk to others with cf.
 

jamoncita

New member
that's fucked up. my mom was the same way. she developed an alcohol problem shortly after i was diagnosed (but has since gotten help and is much better). if you've already talked with your niece's mother and she is not willing to get help, you should focus on helping your niece. sounds like she needs all the love and support she can get. you should suggest to your niece that she find a support group on sites like this one, where she can talk to others with cf.
 

Gammaw

Super Moderator
Guardianship. That may be your answer. She is not old enuff to make all her medical decisions or authorize treatments. You do not want a fed up caretaker doing it. Approach in an understanding manner. Mom u deserve a break. I understand. I would like to help u. I have the energy to take over for awhile til u are ready again. Its voluntary so Mom, U can terminate it if u feel I'm doing something wrong. ETC. Maybe talk to an attorney first to get your bearings and suggestions. An involuntary guardianship is also possible if necessary.
 

Gammaw

Super Moderator
Guardianship. That may be your answer. She is not old enuff to make all her medical decisions or authorize treatments. You do not want a fed up caretaker doing it. Approach in an understanding manner. Mom u deserve a break. I understand. I would like to help u. I have the energy to take over for awhile til u are ready again. Its voluntary so Mom, U can terminate it if u feel I'm doing something wrong. ETC. Maybe talk to an attorney first to get your bearings and suggestions. An involuntary guardianship is also possible if necessary.
 
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