Amen and Amen!We have an anti-child, anti-family culture. Think of it. We are pressured to give our tiny babies to baby-sitters at least once a week for time with husband (as if tiny babies really interupt a conversation or a nice walk together), then our toddlers need to be in Mother's Day Out, then they go to preschool. Then they go to school and we are pressured to schedule after-school activities. We are pressured to only have one or two children, at most three, so that we can get back to doing adult things and so we can spend more money on them (as if what children REALLY need is money spent on them). At my last hospital stay, it seemed as if all the difficulties in making it work, centered around my daughter being with me. They told me I should wean her and send her to stay with someone. They wnated me to stay in for 3 weeks. I kept trying to tell them that even if I did wean her, which I thought was not what SHE or I needed, she would still have to stay with me. We had just moved and had no friends in the area, my husband had to work and the family we had close-by was ill. I was IT. I pushed and finally they worked it out for me to do IVs at home. We've fought that from the beginning. Somehow, choosing to meet your child's needs is viewed as inherently detrimental to adult-life, but how much more adult can you get than caring for children and being totally responsible for them?I remember people giving us the same crap about "me" time or "couple" time. I kept telling them that we had our daughter because we wanted to be with her and raise her. In my experience, being focussed on "me" time only serves to make me discontent and selfish. By giving of my time freely, I lear what is really worth spending my time on. There have been times when I have not spend as much of it actively with my daughter (though we are never separated as a regular part of our routine). During those times, we have both suffered. This time when she needs AND wants me is so short. I have a much better chance of her wanting to be with me when she gets older if I am available to her now. If I spend all my time trying to get away from her now, why in the world would she want to be close to me when she's older and less dependant?Sorry about all that. This is obviously very close to my heart. I just try to remember that I am her parent, not her babysitter. I am the one who is supposed to be constant in her life, rather than to just drop in for a couple of hours of "quality time". Of course I will acknowledge that there are instances when we really need a sitter, but those are very specific circumstances, not just a planned part of our week. How does a child feel when you say that you just can't be sane ulness you get away from her for a while? Hmmmmm.
