No Im not bitter at all, I'm a pretty happy person, and I didn't mean to sound hostile, it's hard to read tones and intentions though typed words. And about the pep talk I just meant that I know it helps a lot of people with grave outlooks but I'm pretty positive and optomistic about life. No sadness or anger over here. But its also good to be realistic and prepared. So yeah no hard feelings between us, and I'm perfectly aware of and happy with my current situation and future.
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What to leave behind with loved one
- Thread starter duke1234
- Start date
I have two things to offer. Firstly, I don't think duke is being morbid or bitter, he is being realistic. My girls were, are the same way. Past tense for my Anna' who died on Easter Sunday and present tense for my Rachel who is still here fighting this horrible disease. Anna' and Rachel both would talk about the reality of CF, that the odds were stacked against them no matter how diligent they were/are because face it, that's CF. Just because you are realistic doesn't mean you've given up. Anna' was super about her treatments, got a double lung tx and felt that it was worth every single day she got extra. Enough to go through it again. Successful for some, not for others as is transplant in general. For Anna', she passed away hours after her second tx having nothing to do with rejection. But that's not the point here. She hoped to live, to find the perfect forever man, marriage, children, finish college, a career, she wanted it all. She'd say how she would likely never know wrinkles or grey hair. She'd "plan" her funeral, what she wanted anyway. Hospital stays got pretty boring. She'd also plan her wedding and tell me what kind of stroller she wanted when she had a baby. So by no means did she dwell on death, she accepted it as a fact just as an "old" person might. In the end, this was extremely helpful to us, we knew what she wanted and were able to give her that.
Duke 1234, Anna' didn't really leave anything behind specifically for anyone except a letter going into transplant. And let me add, this letter said nothing about not making it! Being a girl, she had two rings which we gave to her sister. We buried her with her favorite pair of earrings. But what I wanted to tell you was, what we were given by her friends/roommates, a scrapbook. These girls stayed up in the nights following Anna's death putting together this scrapbook of photos of their time together. It was healing for them and is one of our most cheerished albums. I really don't have any ideas but like David said, jewelry doesn't matter, it's what was important to you. Anna' had a "Build a Bear" monkey, her sister had given her when she left for her first transplant, Rachel now has it and sleeps with it every night. You mention wanting to give/leave something for your bestfriend. A photoalbum is my idea. Well actually, one of those photobooks you make on-line and it comes back to you bound. It is something he/she will be able to look back on and remember all your fun times. Look about your room and think about what you might have on a shelf from an event you went to together that you kept. Perhaps he/she did not keep it. Anna' kept ticket stubs to concerts. She put together a shadow box once for her boyfriend with the ticket stub to the concert they were at when they first met along with a photo and the songsheet. Girly things I'm sure but hey, I have girls!
Duke 1234, Anna' didn't really leave anything behind specifically for anyone except a letter going into transplant. And let me add, this letter said nothing about not making it! Being a girl, she had two rings which we gave to her sister. We buried her with her favorite pair of earrings. But what I wanted to tell you was, what we were given by her friends/roommates, a scrapbook. These girls stayed up in the nights following Anna's death putting together this scrapbook of photos of their time together. It was healing for them and is one of our most cheerished albums. I really don't have any ideas but like David said, jewelry doesn't matter, it's what was important to you. Anna' had a "Build a Bear" monkey, her sister had given her when she left for her first transplant, Rachel now has it and sleeps with it every night. You mention wanting to give/leave something for your bestfriend. A photoalbum is my idea. Well actually, one of those photobooks you make on-line and it comes back to you bound. It is something he/she will be able to look back on and remember all your fun times. Look about your room and think about what you might have on a shelf from an event you went to together that you kept. Perhaps he/she did not keep it. Anna' kept ticket stubs to concerts. She put together a shadow box once for her boyfriend with the ticket stub to the concert they were at when they first met along with a photo and the songsheet. Girly things I'm sure but hey, I have girls!
I have two things to offer. Firstly, I don't think duke is being morbid or bitter, he is being realistic. My girls were, are the same way. Past tense for my Anna' who died on Easter Sunday and present tense for my Rachel who is still here fighting this horrible disease. Anna' and Rachel both would talk about the reality of CF, that the odds were stacked against them no matter how diligent they were/are because face it, that's CF. Just because you are realistic doesn't mean you've given up. Anna' was super about her treatments, got a double lung tx and felt that it was worth every single day she got extra. Enough to go through it again. Successful for some, not for others as is transplant in general. For Anna', she passed away hours after her second tx having nothing to do with rejection. But that's not the point here. She hoped to live, to find the perfect forever man, marriage, children, finish college, a career, she wanted it all. She'd say how she would likely never know wrinkles or grey hair. She'd "plan" her funeral, what she wanted anyway. Hospital stays got pretty boring. She'd also plan her wedding and tell me what kind of stroller she wanted when she had a baby. So by no means did she dwell on death, she accepted it as a fact just as an "old" person might. In the end, this was extremely helpful to us, we knew what she wanted and were able to give her that.
Duke 1234, Anna' didn't really leave anything behind specifically for anyone except a letter going into transplant. And let me add, this letter said nothing about not making it! Being a girl, she had two rings which we gave to her sister. We buried her with her favorite pair of earrings. But what I wanted to tell you was, what we were given by her friends/roommates, a scrapbook. These girls stayed up in the nights following Anna's death putting together this scrapbook of photos of their time together. It was healing for them and is one of our most cheerished albums. I really don't have any ideas but like David said, jewelry doesn't matter, it's what was important to you. Anna' had a "Build a Bear" monkey, her sister had given her when she left for her first transplant, Rachel now has it and sleeps with it every night. You mention wanting to give/leave something for your bestfriend. A photoalbum is my idea. Well actually, one of those photobooks you make on-line and it comes back to you bound. It is something he/she will be able to look back on and remember all your fun times. Look about your room and think about what you might have on a shelf from an event you went to together that you kept. Perhaps he/she did not keep it. Anna' kept ticket stubs to concerts. She put together a shadow box once for her boyfriend with the ticket stub to the concert they were at when they first met along with a photo and the songsheet. Girly things I'm sure but hey, I have girls!
Duke 1234, Anna' didn't really leave anything behind specifically for anyone except a letter going into transplant. And let me add, this letter said nothing about not making it! Being a girl, she had two rings which we gave to her sister. We buried her with her favorite pair of earrings. But what I wanted to tell you was, what we were given by her friends/roommates, a scrapbook. These girls stayed up in the nights following Anna's death putting together this scrapbook of photos of their time together. It was healing for them and is one of our most cheerished albums. I really don't have any ideas but like David said, jewelry doesn't matter, it's what was important to you. Anna' had a "Build a Bear" monkey, her sister had given her when she left for her first transplant, Rachel now has it and sleeps with it every night. You mention wanting to give/leave something for your bestfriend. A photoalbum is my idea. Well actually, one of those photobooks you make on-line and it comes back to you bound. It is something he/she will be able to look back on and remember all your fun times. Look about your room and think about what you might have on a shelf from an event you went to together that you kept. Perhaps he/she did not keep it. Anna' kept ticket stubs to concerts. She put together a shadow box once for her boyfriend with the ticket stub to the concert they were at when they first met along with a photo and the songsheet. Girly things I'm sure but hey, I have girls!
I have two things to offer. Firstly, I don't think duke is being morbid or bitter, he is being realistic. My girls were, are the same way. Past tense for my Anna' who died on Easter Sunday and present tense for my Rachel who is still here fighting this horrible disease. Anna' and Rachel both would talk about the reality of CF, that the odds were stacked against them no matter how diligent they were/are because face it, that's CF. Just because you are realistic doesn't mean you've given up. Anna' was super about her treatments, got a double lung tx and felt that it was worth every single day she got extra. Enough to go through it again. Successful for some, not for others as is transplant in general. For Anna', she passed away hours after her second tx having nothing to do with rejection. But that's not the point here. She hoped to live, to find the perfect forever man, marriage, children, finish college, a career, she wanted it all. She'd say how she would likely never know wrinkles or grey hair. She'd "plan" her funeral, what she wanted anyway. Hospital stays got pretty boring. She'd also plan her wedding and tell me what kind of stroller she wanted when she had a baby. So by no means did she dwell on death, she accepted it as a fact just as an "old" person might. In the end, this was extremely helpful to us, we knew what she wanted and were able to give her that.
<br />
<br />Duke 1234, Anna' didn't really leave anything behind specifically for anyone except a letter going into transplant. And let me add, this letter said nothing about not making it! Being a girl, she had two rings which we gave to her sister. We buried her with her favorite pair of earrings. But what I wanted to tell you was, what we were given by her friends/roommates, a scrapbook. These girls stayed up in the nights following Anna's death putting together this scrapbook of photos of their time together. It was healing for them and is one of our most cheerished albums. I really don't have any ideas but like David said, jewelry doesn't matter, it's what was important to you. Anna' had a "Build a Bear" monkey, her sister had given her when she left for her first transplant, Rachel now has it and sleeps with it every night. You mention wanting to give/leave something for your bestfriend. A photoalbum is my idea. Well actually, one of those photobooks you make on-line and it comes back to you bound. It is something he/she will be able to look back on and remember all your fun times. Look about your room and think about what you might have on a shelf from an event you went to together that you kept. Perhaps he/she did not keep it. Anna' kept ticket stubs to concerts. She put together a shadow box once for her boyfriend with the ticket stub to the concert they were at when they first met along with a photo and the songsheet. Girly things I'm sure but hey, I have girls!
<br />
<br />
<br />Duke 1234, Anna' didn't really leave anything behind specifically for anyone except a letter going into transplant. And let me add, this letter said nothing about not making it! Being a girl, she had two rings which we gave to her sister. We buried her with her favorite pair of earrings. But what I wanted to tell you was, what we were given by her friends/roommates, a scrapbook. These girls stayed up in the nights following Anna's death putting together this scrapbook of photos of their time together. It was healing for them and is one of our most cheerished albums. I really don't have any ideas but like David said, jewelry doesn't matter, it's what was important to you. Anna' had a "Build a Bear" monkey, her sister had given her when she left for her first transplant, Rachel now has it and sleeps with it every night. You mention wanting to give/leave something for your bestfriend. A photoalbum is my idea. Well actually, one of those photobooks you make on-line and it comes back to you bound. It is something he/she will be able to look back on and remember all your fun times. Look about your room and think about what you might have on a shelf from an event you went to together that you kept. Perhaps he/she did not keep it. Anna' kept ticket stubs to concerts. She put together a shadow box once for her boyfriend with the ticket stub to the concert they were at when they first met along with a photo and the songsheet. Girly things I'm sure but hey, I have girls!
<br />
W
windex125
Guest
I agree with Liza as well a letter is just the best, nothing is more important than to have the written word in front of you, and for you to sit and write these letters telling each person what a difference they made in yr. life. How special they were, the fun times, the laughing you shared, the special place you may have gone together. How they made you forget even for a short amount of time how sick you were feeling that day. I've written my letters a few times and re-written them as well. I think it's a good thing. Good luck Pat-56/CF
W
windex125
Guest
I agree with Liza as well a letter is just the best, nothing is more important than to have the written word in front of you, and for you to sit and write these letters telling each person what a difference they made in yr. life. How special they were, the fun times, the laughing you shared, the special place you may have gone together. How they made you forget even for a short amount of time how sick you were feeling that day. I've written my letters a few times and re-written them as well. I think it's a good thing. Good luck Pat-56/CF
W
windex125
Guest
I agree with Liza as well a letter is just the best, nothing is more important than to have the written word in front of you, and for you to sit and write these letters telling each person what a difference they made in yr. life. How special they were, the fun times, the laughing you shared, the special place you may have gone together. How they made you forget even for a short amount of time how sick you were feeling that day. I've written my letters a few times and re-written them as well. I think it's a good thing. Good luck Pat-56/CF
markinohio
New member
As a father who lost a son at an early age, I would like to express my opinion. Our son died of cancer when he was three. We have many memories of our son and they were not physical things that he gave us. We have many pictures, videos, clothes, toys, etc.. All these things are memories of our son. One "special" item we have is that our son loved the movie "Toy Story" and when he was sick he would watch it over and over. Now when we see this movie, we remember how our son laughed. So, I gues I'm saying is that your family will have many memories of you that are not necessarily things you gave them, but just memories of your life. Although, giving them something special is a nice gesture.
markinohio
New member
As a father who lost a son at an early age, I would like to express my opinion. Our son died of cancer when he was three. We have many memories of our son and they were not physical things that he gave us. We have many pictures, videos, clothes, toys, etc.. All these things are memories of our son. One "special" item we have is that our son loved the movie "Toy Story" and when he was sick he would watch it over and over. Now when we see this movie, we remember how our son laughed. So,I gues I'm saying is that your family will have many memories of you that are not necessarily things you gave them, but just memories of your life.Although, giving them something special is a nice gesture.
markinohio
New member
<p>As a father who lost a son at an early age, I would like to express my opinion. Our son died of cancer when he was three. We have many memories of our son and they were not physical things that he gave us. We have many pictures, videos, clothes, toys, etc.. All these things are memories of our son. One "special" item we have is that our son loved the movie "Toy Story" and when he was sick he would watch it over and over. Now when we see this movie, we remember how our son laughed. So,I gues I'm saying is that your family will have many memories of you that are not necessarily things you gave them, but just memories of your life.Although, giving them something special is a nice gesture.
coltsfan715
New member
I agree with what some others have said. You don't have to leave something of value to the ones you love for it to be treasured. I have had a few very dear friends that have passed away and the most important things that I have from those people are pictures, pictures of them or of us together.
When I decided to have my transplant I had my plan for myself and I had separated some things that I wanted to go to specific people or relatives. I am a very sentimental type and I wanted to keep some things in the family and some I just wanted to go to people I cared for. The most important belonging of mine at the time was my teddy bear. I thought about it and no one really wanted it, so I decided if I kicked it I would be cremated with my teddy bear. I had porcelain dolls, that I had once collected, which I gave one to each of my family members and good friends with children.
For me NOW the most important thing is pictures and memories. If you are really concerned about it I would ask your family and friends what reminds them most of you or of your relationship. When my Nanny passed away I wanted two things, and my family thought I was crazy. I wanted her rocking chair and her orange juicer. Both were old and I remembered her rocking me to sleep in the chair and squeezing orange juice with me when I was younger. My other cousins wanted jewelry or dishes or her teddy bear collection and so on. To each person what reminds them most of you will be different. It might be something as little as a movie or a baseball card or as big as jewelry or whatnot. To each his own.
No need to make it a surprise, talk it over with them and get their opinions.
Best of Luck to you and I admire your choice.
Lindsey
When I decided to have my transplant I had my plan for myself and I had separated some things that I wanted to go to specific people or relatives. I am a very sentimental type and I wanted to keep some things in the family and some I just wanted to go to people I cared for. The most important belonging of mine at the time was my teddy bear. I thought about it and no one really wanted it, so I decided if I kicked it I would be cremated with my teddy bear. I had porcelain dolls, that I had once collected, which I gave one to each of my family members and good friends with children.
For me NOW the most important thing is pictures and memories. If you are really concerned about it I would ask your family and friends what reminds them most of you or of your relationship. When my Nanny passed away I wanted two things, and my family thought I was crazy. I wanted her rocking chair and her orange juicer. Both were old and I remembered her rocking me to sleep in the chair and squeezing orange juice with me when I was younger. My other cousins wanted jewelry or dishes or her teddy bear collection and so on. To each person what reminds them most of you will be different. It might be something as little as a movie or a baseball card or as big as jewelry or whatnot. To each his own.
No need to make it a surprise, talk it over with them and get their opinions.
Best of Luck to you and I admire your choice.
Lindsey
coltsfan715
New member
I agree with what some others have said. You don't have to leave something of value to the ones you love for it to be treasured. I have had a few very dear friends that have passed away and the most important things that I have from those people are pictures, pictures of them or of us together.
When I decided to have my transplant I had my plan for myself and I had separated some things that I wanted to go to specific people or relatives. I am a very sentimental type and I wanted to keep some things in the family and some I just wanted to go to people I cared for. The most important belonging of mine at the time was my teddy bear. I thought about it and no one really wanted it, so I decided if I kicked it I would be cremated with my teddy bear. I had porcelain dolls, that I had once collected, which I gave one to each of my family members and good friends with children.
For me NOW the most important thing is pictures and memories. If you are really concerned about it I would ask your family and friends what reminds them most of you or of your relationship. When my Nanny passed away I wanted two things, and my family thought I was crazy. I wanted her rocking chair and her orange juicer. Both were old and I remembered her rocking me to sleep in the chair and squeezing orange juice with me when I was younger. My other cousins wanted jewelry or dishes or her teddy bear collection and so on. To each person what reminds them most of you will be different. It might be something as little as a movie or a baseball card or as big as jewelry or whatnot. To each his own.
No need to make it a surprise, talk it over with them and get their opinions.
Best of Luck to you and I admire your choice.
Lindsey
When I decided to have my transplant I had my plan for myself and I had separated some things that I wanted to go to specific people or relatives. I am a very sentimental type and I wanted to keep some things in the family and some I just wanted to go to people I cared for. The most important belonging of mine at the time was my teddy bear. I thought about it and no one really wanted it, so I decided if I kicked it I would be cremated with my teddy bear. I had porcelain dolls, that I had once collected, which I gave one to each of my family members and good friends with children.
For me NOW the most important thing is pictures and memories. If you are really concerned about it I would ask your family and friends what reminds them most of you or of your relationship. When my Nanny passed away I wanted two things, and my family thought I was crazy. I wanted her rocking chair and her orange juicer. Both were old and I remembered her rocking me to sleep in the chair and squeezing orange juice with me when I was younger. My other cousins wanted jewelry or dishes or her teddy bear collection and so on. To each person what reminds them most of you will be different. It might be something as little as a movie or a baseball card or as big as jewelry or whatnot. To each his own.
No need to make it a surprise, talk it over with them and get their opinions.
Best of Luck to you and I admire your choice.
Lindsey
coltsfan715
New member
I agree with what some others have said. You don't have to leave something of value to the ones you love for it to be treasured. I have had a few very dear friends that have passed away and the most important things that I have from those people are pictures, pictures of them or of us together.
<br />
<br />When I decided to have my transplant I had my plan for myself and I had separated some things that I wanted to go to specific people or relatives. I am a very sentimental type and I wanted to keep some things in the family and some I just wanted to go to people I cared for. The most important belonging of mine at the time was my teddy bear. I thought about it and no one really wanted it, so I decided if I kicked it I would be cremated with my teddy bear. I had porcelain dolls, that I had once collected, which I gave one to each of my family members and good friends with children.
<br />
<br />For me NOW the most important thing is pictures and memories. If you are really concerned about it I would ask your family and friends what reminds them most of you or of your relationship. When my Nanny passed away I wanted two things, and my family thought I was crazy. I wanted her rocking chair and her orange juicer. Both were old and I remembered her rocking me to sleep in the chair and squeezing orange juice with me when I was younger. My other cousins wanted jewelry or dishes or her teddy bear collection and so on. To each person what reminds them most of you will be different. It might be something as little as a movie or a baseball card or as big as jewelry or whatnot. To each his own.
<br />
<br />No need to make it a surprise, talk it over with them and get their opinions.
<br />
<br />Best of Luck to you and I admire your choice.
<br />Lindsey
<br />
<br />When I decided to have my transplant I had my plan for myself and I had separated some things that I wanted to go to specific people or relatives. I am a very sentimental type and I wanted to keep some things in the family and some I just wanted to go to people I cared for. The most important belonging of mine at the time was my teddy bear. I thought about it and no one really wanted it, so I decided if I kicked it I would be cremated with my teddy bear. I had porcelain dolls, that I had once collected, which I gave one to each of my family members and good friends with children.
<br />
<br />For me NOW the most important thing is pictures and memories. If you are really concerned about it I would ask your family and friends what reminds them most of you or of your relationship. When my Nanny passed away I wanted two things, and my family thought I was crazy. I wanted her rocking chair and her orange juicer. Both were old and I remembered her rocking me to sleep in the chair and squeezing orange juice with me when I was younger. My other cousins wanted jewelry or dishes or her teddy bear collection and so on. To each person what reminds them most of you will be different. It might be something as little as a movie or a baseball card or as big as jewelry or whatnot. To each his own.
<br />
<br />No need to make it a surprise, talk it over with them and get their opinions.
<br />
<br />Best of Luck to you and I admire your choice.
<br />Lindsey
blindhearted
New member
I havent read everything, but I see where people say things about letters or photos. They are great things, but to me it sounds like you want something that is something of yours to give. Do you have a journal, art sketch book, or favorite book? You can give them that & write a special inscription to your friend in it. A high school ring or yearbook, A favorite painting, favorite CD, money clip, iPod w/ ur favorite music or music you enjoy together & makes you think of great times you shared when you listen to them, a favorite blanket (that doesnt smell or whatever), favorite band shirt (if you are close to the same size), favorite sports memorabilia...anything that would be important to you & when they see it, they think of you. My CF isn't quite to the point of yours but I am thinking about what to do in the near future. I have thought about this myself about my own possessions. Good luck <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
blindhearted
New member
I havent read everything, but I see where people say things about letters or photos. They are great things, but to me it sounds like you want something that is something of yours to give. Do you have a journal, art sketch book, or favorite book? You can give them that & write a special inscription to your friend in it. A high school ring or yearbook,A favorite painting, favorite CD, money clip, iPod w/ ur favorite music or music you enjoy together & makes you think of great times you shared when you listen to them, a favorite blanket (that doesnt smell or whatever), favorite band shirt (if you are close to the same size), favorite sports memorabilia...anything that wouldbeimportant to you & when they see it, they think of you. My CF isn't quite to the point of yours but I am thinking about what to do in the near future. I have thought about this myself about my own possessions. Good luck <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
blindhearted
New member
I havent read everything, but I see where people say things about letters or photos. They are great things, but to me it sounds like you want something that is something of yours to give. Do you have a journal, art sketch book, or favorite book? You can give them that & write a special inscription to your friend in it. A high school ring or yearbook,A favorite painting, favorite CD, money clip, iPod w/ ur favorite music or music you enjoy together & makes you think of great times you shared when you listen to them, a favorite blanket (that doesnt smell or whatever), favorite band shirt (if you are close to the same size), favorite sports memorabilia...anything that wouldbeimportant to you & when they see it, they think of you. My CF isn't quite to the point of yours but I am thinking about what to do in the near future. I have thought about this myself about my own possessions. Good luck <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">