What Would You Do?

NanaOf8Girls · Oct 10, 2008

Since Graysons birth over 5 months ago, One of my sons has only seen her once. He and his family live closeby and they had a daughter a few months before Graycie was born. Even when we found out before her birth that she had CF he and his wife acted like my daughter wasn't even pregnant, wouldn't even talk about her. I know that he doesn't do well with sickness and i have tried to talk to both of them. We are a very close family and my other son had a daughter a few months before grayson was born also but has gone to see her and is himself getting tested to see if he carries the CF gene also. My daughter is now saying that when Grayson comes home friends and family that didn't vistit her or ask about her are NOT invited to her house to see her. What do you think? I am afraid that this is going to cause a huge problem in our family......Sorry so long but with the holidays coming up and Grayson hopefully coming home by the end of the month i want to do something to head off this problem!!!!

NanaOf8Girls · Oct 10, 2008

Since Graysons birth over 5 months ago, One of my sons has only seen her once. He and his family live closeby and they had a daughter a few months before Graycie was born. Even when we found out before her birth that she had CF he and his wife acted like my daughter wasn't even pregnant, wouldn't even talk about her. I know that he doesn't do well with sickness and i have tried to talk to both of them. We are a very close family and my other son had a daughter a few months before grayson was born also but has gone to see her and is himself getting tested to see if he carries the CF gene also. My daughter is now saying that when Grayson comes home friends and family that didn't vistit her or ask about her are NOT invited to her house to see her. What do you think? I am afraid that this is going to cause a huge problem in our family......Sorry so long but with the holidays coming up and Grayson hopefully coming home by the end of the month i want to do something to head off this problem!!!!

NanaOf8Girls · Oct 10, 2008

Since Graysons birth over 5 months ago, One of my sons has only seen her once. He and his family live closeby and they had a daughter a few months before Graycie was born. Even when we found out before her birth that she had CF he and his wife acted like my daughter wasn't even pregnant, wouldn't even talk about her. I know that he doesn't do well with sickness and i have tried to talk to both of them. We are a very close family and my other son had a daughter a few months before grayson was born also but has gone to see her and is himself getting tested to see if he carries the CF gene also. My daughter is now saying that when Grayson comes home friends and family that didn't vistit her or ask about her are NOT invited to her house to see her. What do you think? I am afraid that this is going to cause a huge problem in our family......Sorry so long but with the holidays coming up and Grayson hopefully coming home by the end of the month i want to do something to head off this problem!!!!

NanaOf8Girls · Oct 10, 2008

Since Graysons birth over 5 months ago, One of my sons has only seen her once. He and his family live closeby and they had a daughter a few months before Graycie was born. Even when we found out before her birth that she had CF he and his wife acted like my daughter wasn't even pregnant, wouldn't even talk about her. I know that he doesn't do well with sickness and i have tried to talk to both of them. We are a very close family and my other son had a daughter a few months before grayson was born also but has gone to see her and is himself getting tested to see if he carries the CF gene also. My daughter is now saying that when Grayson comes home friends and family that didn't vistit her or ask about her are NOT invited to her house to see her. What do you think? I am afraid that this is going to cause a huge problem in our family......Sorry so long but with the holidays coming up and Grayson hopefully coming home by the end of the month i want to do something to head off this problem!!!!

NanaOf8Girls · Oct 10, 2008

Since Graysons birth over 5 months ago, One of my sons has only seen her once. He and his family live closeby and they had a daughter a few months before Graycie was born. Even when we found out before her birth that she had CF he and his wife acted like my daughter wasn't even pregnant, wouldn't even talk about her. I know that he doesn't do well with sickness and i have tried to talk to both of them. We are a very close family and my other son had a daughter a few months before grayson was born also but has gone to see her and is himself getting tested to see if he carries the CF gene also. My daughter is now saying that when Grayson comes home friends and family that didn't vistit her or ask about her are NOT invited to her house to see her. What do you think? I am afraid that this is going to cause a huge problem in our family......Sorry so long but with the holidays coming up and Grayson hopefully coming home by the end of the month i want to do something to head off this problem!!!!

JazzysMom · Oct 10, 2008

I really feel for you & your daughter. In addition to having the CF dx you have a type of alienation.

I am sure your son is scared. I am sure he even worries about his own child or carrier status, but that by no means makes it right.

I would think if he was in your daughters place that he would want ALL the family support he can get.

THAT being said.....your daughter is going to have enough to deal with when the baby comes home. Having to stress over who came to visit or who didnt & not allowing them or allowing them to the house is really going or should be the least of her problems.

I understand its principle on her part, but she needs to put her strength & energy towards her child. Allowing others actions drain her emotionally/physically is not in the best interest of the baby.

Maybe you could print out the responses to this & let her read it. We all understand how family can let you down. Many of us have learned to let go of our expectations because it is terribly upsetting to be constantly disappointed by the ones that are you would expect to be part of your support system!

HUGS to all of you for a peaceful outcome/resolution especially for the holidays!

JazzysMom · Oct 10, 2008

I really feel for you & your daughter. In addition to having the CF dx you have a type of alienation.

I am sure your son is scared. I am sure he even worries about his own child or carrier status, but that by no means makes it right.

I would think if he was in your daughters place that he would want ALL the family support he can get.

THAT being said.....your daughter is going to have enough to deal with when the baby comes home. Having to stress over who came to visit or who didnt & not allowing them or allowing them to the house is really going or should be the least of her problems.

I understand its principle on her part, but she needs to put her strength & energy towards her child. Allowing others actions drain her emotionally/physically is not in the best interest of the baby.

Maybe you could print out the responses to this & let her read it. We all understand how family can let you down. Many of us have learned to let go of our expectations because it is terribly upsetting to be constantly disappointed by the ones that are you would expect to be part of your support system!

HUGS to all of you for a peaceful outcome/resolution especially for the holidays!

JazzysMom · Oct 10, 2008

I really feel for you & your daughter. In addition to having the CF dx you have a type of alienation.

I am sure your son is scared. I am sure he even worries about his own child or carrier status, but that by no means makes it right.

I would think if he was in your daughters place that he would want ALL the family support he can get.

THAT being said.....your daughter is going to have enough to deal with when the baby comes home. Having to stress over who came to visit or who didnt & not allowing them or allowing them to the house is really going or should be the least of her problems.

I understand its principle on her part, but she needs to put her strength & energy towards her child. Allowing others actions drain her emotionally/physically is not in the best interest of the baby.

Maybe you could print out the responses to this & let her read it. We all understand how family can let you down. Many of us have learned to let go of our expectations because it is terribly upsetting to be constantly disappointed by the ones that are you would expect to be part of your support system!

HUGS to all of you for a peaceful outcome/resolution especially for the holidays!

JazzysMom · Oct 10, 2008

I really feel for you & your daughter. In addition to having the CF dx you have a type of alienation.

I am sure your son is scared. I am sure he even worries about his own child or carrier status, but that by no means makes it right.

I would think if he was in your daughters place that he would want ALL the family support he can get.

THAT being said.....your daughter is going to have enough to deal with when the baby comes home. Having to stress over who came to visit or who didnt & not allowing them or allowing them to the house is really going or should be the least of her problems.

I understand its principle on her part, but she needs to put her strength & energy towards her child. Allowing others actions drain her emotionally/physically is not in the best interest of the baby.

Maybe you could print out the responses to this & let her read it. We all understand how family can let you down. Many of us have learned to let go of our expectations because it is terribly upsetting to be constantly disappointed by the ones that are you would expect to be part of your support system!

HUGS to all of you for a peaceful outcome/resolution especially for the holidays!

JazzysMom · Oct 10, 2008

I really feel for you & your daughter. In addition to having the CF dx you have a type of alienation.
 
 I am sure your son is scared. I am sure he even worries about his own child or carrier status, but that by no means makes it right.
 
 I would think if he was in your daughters place that he would want ALL the family support he can get.
 
 THAT being said.....your daughter is going to have enough to deal with when the baby comes home. Having to stress over who came to visit or who didnt & not allowing them or allowing them to the house is really going or should be the least of her problems.
 
 I understand its principle on her part, but she needs to put her strength & energy towards her child. Allowing others actions drain her emotionally/physically is not in the best interest of the baby.
 
 Maybe you could print out the responses to this & let her read it. We all understand how family can let you down. Many of us have learned to let go of our expectations because it is terribly upsetting to be constantly disappointed by the ones that are you would expect to be part of your support system!
 
 HUGS to all of you for a peaceful outcome/resolution especially for the holidays!

folione · Oct 10, 2008

I've not been following your story, so are you saying that the baby with CF is still in the hospital and one of her uncles has not been to the hospital to see her?

I've never seen acts of spite (like disinviting the uncle from the homecoming) turn in to useful bridge mending no matter how justified they might seem. I think I'd lean more toward just flat out asking what the problem is and telling the uncle how upsetting it is to be a CF parent let alone feeling shunned. Time for uncle to get over it and show some empathy.

folione · Oct 10, 2008

I've not been following your story, so are you saying that the baby with CF is still in the hospital and one of her uncles has not been to the hospital to see her?

I've never seen acts of spite (like disinviting the uncle from the homecoming) turn in to useful bridge mending no matter how justified they might seem. I think I'd lean more toward just flat out asking what the problem is and telling the uncle how upsetting it is to be a CF parent let alone feeling shunned. Time for uncle to get over it and show some empathy.

folione · Oct 10, 2008

I've not been following your story, so are you saying that the baby with CF is still in the hospital and one of her uncles has not been to the hospital to see her?

I've never seen acts of spite (like disinviting the uncle from the homecoming) turn in to useful bridge mending no matter how justified they might seem. I think I'd lean more toward just flat out asking what the problem is and telling the uncle how upsetting it is to be a CF parent let alone feeling shunned. Time for uncle to get over it and show some empathy.

folione · Oct 10, 2008

I've not been following your story, so are you saying that the baby with CF is still in the hospital and one of her uncles has not been to the hospital to see her?

I've never seen acts of spite (like disinviting the uncle from the homecoming) turn in to useful bridge mending no matter how justified they might seem. I think I'd lean more toward just flat out asking what the problem is and telling the uncle how upsetting it is to be a CF parent let alone feeling shunned. Time for uncle to get over it and show some empathy.

folione · Oct 10, 2008

I've not been following your story, so are you saying that the baby with CF is still in the hospital and one of her uncles has not been to the hospital to see her?
 
 I've never seen acts of spite (like disinviting the uncle from the homecoming) turn in to useful bridge mending no matter how justified they might seem. I think I'd lean more toward just flat out asking what the problem is and telling the uncle how upsetting it is to be a CF parent let alone feeling shunned. Time for uncle to get over it and show some empathy.

JORDYSMOM · Oct 10, 2008

Of course it's hard to say what your son is feeling, because only he knows that. Do you think that maybe his lack of involvement is some sort of a defense mechanism? What I mean is, maybe he's been afraid. CF is scary, and if he googled it, he probably feels that you may lose the baby. Maybe he is afraid to let himself get attached, so that if she didn't make it, he wouldn't hurt so bad. I don't know if that makes sense, and maybe it isn't even the case, but just a thought. My sister and I were pregnant at the same time once. She miscarried twins, and my son was born (Jordan). For a very long time, she wouldn't come see him. I later learned it was for that very reason. We were able to get past it, and we did have everyone together for Christmas that year.

I'm sure your daughter is feeling hurt that her brother isn't there to support her, and that is understandable. I do hope, though, that she will allow him to come visit when he is able to. You may even have to get tough with everyone, and tell them to put it all away, and do what's right for the baby. She deserves to know her uncle, and the problems between he and her mother shouldn't be imposed on her. I know that's easier said than done, especially when emotions are running so high, but I think it's necessary.

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. If you need to talk, I'd be more than happy to listen. Just PM me.

On a brighter note, I'm so happy that you may finally be taking little Grayson home. Hang in there Nana.

Stacey

JORDYSMOM · Oct 10, 2008

Of course it's hard to say what your son is feeling, because only he knows that. Do you think that maybe his lack of involvement is some sort of a defense mechanism? What I mean is, maybe he's been afraid. CF is scary, and if he googled it, he probably feels that you may lose the baby. Maybe he is afraid to let himself get attached, so that if she didn't make it, he wouldn't hurt so bad. I don't know if that makes sense, and maybe it isn't even the case, but just a thought. My sister and I were pregnant at the same time once. She miscarried twins, and my son was born (Jordan). For a very long time, she wouldn't come see him. I later learned it was for that very reason. We were able to get past it, and we did have everyone together for Christmas that year.

I'm sure your daughter is feeling hurt that her brother isn't there to support her, and that is understandable. I do hope, though, that she will allow him to come visit when he is able to. You may even have to get tough with everyone, and tell them to put it all away, and do what's right for the baby. She deserves to know her uncle, and the problems between he and her mother shouldn't be imposed on her. I know that's easier said than done, especially when emotions are running so high, but I think it's necessary.

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. If you need to talk, I'd be more than happy to listen. Just PM me.

On a brighter note, I'm so happy that you may finally be taking little Grayson home. Hang in there Nana.

Stacey

JORDYSMOM · Oct 10, 2008

Of course it's hard to say what your son is feeling, because only he knows that. Do you think that maybe his lack of involvement is some sort of a defense mechanism? What I mean is, maybe he's been afraid. CF is scary, and if he googled it, he probably feels that you may lose the baby. Maybe he is afraid to let himself get attached, so that if she didn't make it, he wouldn't hurt so bad. I don't know if that makes sense, and maybe it isn't even the case, but just a thought. My sister and I were pregnant at the same time once. She miscarried twins, and my son was born (Jordan). For a very long time, she wouldn't come see him. I later learned it was for that very reason. We were able to get past it, and we did have everyone together for Christmas that year.

I'm sure your daughter is feeling hurt that her brother isn't there to support her, and that is understandable. I do hope, though, that she will allow him to come visit when he is able to. You may even have to get tough with everyone, and tell them to put it all away, and do what's right for the baby. She deserves to know her uncle, and the problems between he and her mother shouldn't be imposed on her. I know that's easier said than done, especially when emotions are running so high, but I think it's necessary.

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. If you need to talk, I'd be more than happy to listen. Just PM me.

On a brighter note, I'm so happy that you may finally be taking little Grayson home. Hang in there Nana.

Stacey

JORDYSMOM · Oct 10, 2008

Of course it's hard to say what your son is feeling, because only he knows that. Do you think that maybe his lack of involvement is some sort of a defense mechanism? What I mean is, maybe he's been afraid. CF is scary, and if he googled it, he probably feels that you may lose the baby. Maybe he is afraid to let himself get attached, so that if she didn't make it, he wouldn't hurt so bad. I don't know if that makes sense, and maybe it isn't even the case, but just a thought. My sister and I were pregnant at the same time once. She miscarried twins, and my son was born (Jordan). For a very long time, she wouldn't come see him. I later learned it was for that very reason. We were able to get past it, and we did have everyone together for Christmas that year.

I'm sure your daughter is feeling hurt that her brother isn't there to support her, and that is understandable. I do hope, though, that she will allow him to come visit when he is able to. You may even have to get tough with everyone, and tell them to put it all away, and do what's right for the baby. She deserves to know her uncle, and the problems between he and her mother shouldn't be imposed on her. I know that's easier said than done, especially when emotions are running so high, but I think it's necessary.

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. If you need to talk, I'd be more than happy to listen. Just PM me.

On a brighter note, I'm so happy that you may finally be taking little Grayson home. Hang in there Nana.

Stacey

JORDYSMOM · Oct 10, 2008

Of course it's hard to say what your son is feeling, because only he knows that. Do you think that maybe his lack of involvement is some sort of a defense mechanism? What I mean is, maybe he's been afraid. CF is scary, and if he googled it, he probably feels that you may lose the baby. Maybe he is afraid to let himself get attached, so that if she didn't make it, he wouldn't hurt so bad. I don't know if that makes sense, and maybe it isn't even the case, but just a thought. My sister and I were pregnant at the same time once. She miscarried twins, and my son was born (Jordan). For a very long time, she wouldn't come see him. I later learned it was for that very reason. We were able to get past it, and we did have everyone together for Christmas that year.
 
 I'm sure your daughter is feeling hurt that her brother isn't there to support her, and that is understandable. I do hope, though, that she will allow him to come visit when he is able to. You may even have to get tough with everyone, and tell them to put it all away, and do what's right for the baby. She deserves to know her uncle, and the problems between he and her mother shouldn't be imposed on her. I know that's easier said than done, especially when emotions are running so high, but I think it's necessary.
 
 I'm so sorry your family is going through this. If you need to talk, I'd be more than happy to listen. Just PM me.
 
 On a brighter note, I'm so happy that you may finally be taking little Grayson home. Hang in there Nana.
 
 Stacey

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