When to tell someone you have CF especially when you are DATING them

[MikeInMT]

I have tried both ways, telling upfront, or waiting till I have to go in for a tune-up.. The later is the hardest on the person I dating. Its hard to get them to understand its normal for me to go in for a tune-up. My most recent ex I told up front. Her mom it turned out is a EMT, and did lots of research for her and my ex. She knew what she was getting into, and it did not stop her. but for differences in lifestyles we decided it be best to not be dating. We were together 6 wonderful months, and remain close friends. But I guess what I am getting at is you gotta decide for yourself if you want to tell up front or hide it for awhile. The problem with hiding is, is you could become attached to the person you dating, and you tell him down the road, and it scares him and he breaks it off. This will be a huge heart break on your part. I have had a few of these happen to myself. I wish you the best!
<br />Michael

 

[dukeblue1206]

I told my now wife after us hanging out for about 2 weeks. I am not one that coughs much so I could always easily hide it really cause I have always had a hard time letting others know about my CF. I still could not tell her to her face so I wrote her an email about it and even included links to CF stuff and let her know to feel free to ask me anything. I guess writing the email was my way of not being rejected to my face..lol..Well it worked cause just 3 weeks ago and 6 years later we got married. I think it is different for everyone though. Good Luck!!

P.S. She still has the email saved as well..hehe

 

[dukeblue1206]

I told my now wife after us hanging out for about 2 weeks. I am not one that coughs much so I could always easily hide it really cause I have always had a hard time letting others know about my CF. I still could not tell her to her face so I wrote her an email about it and even included links to CF stuff and let her know to feel free to ask me anything. I guess writing the email was my way of not being rejected to my face..lol..Well it worked cause just 3 weeks ago and 6 years later we got married. I think it is different for everyone though. Good Luck!!

P.S. She still has the email saved as well..hehe

 

[dukeblue1206]

I told my now wife after us hanging out for about 2 weeks. I am not one that coughs much so I could always easily hide it really cause I have always had a hard time letting others know about my CF. I still could not tell her to her face so I wrote her an email about it and even included links to CF stuff and let her know to feel free to ask me anything. I guess writing the email was my way of not being rejected to my face..lol..Well it worked cause just 3 weeks ago and 6 years later we got married. I think it is different for everyone though. Good Luck!!
<br />
<br />P.S. She still has the email saved as well..hehe

 

[RistaGirly]

I actually didn't have a choice telling my boyfriend, growing up, no one knew I had it, only me, my family and the doctors, and occasional school things, but my senior year of high school I met my boyfriend, we started dating on October 30th. 3 weeks later it was Thanksgiving, I went to NYC for the Thanksgiving Day parade, had dinner, spent the day there, etc...came home perfectly fine...2 days later, I was having uber stomach pains, I could hardly stand up. I went to the emergency room twice in one night, the second time, I was being rushed to the hospital my doctor was at about an hour away. The next day, my boyfriend woke up to a call from me, telling him that im in the hospital admitted for pancreatitis.
I was there for a week for that, and just as I was nearing the end of that week, my doctor came in saying he wanted to keep me there for 2 more weeks..
my boyfriend was stunned, speechless, had no idea what was going on. He asked what was wrong, and it had to come out that I had CF. He's researched it, and mainly goes by statistics, which annoys the crap out of me rather than staying to my actual CF case.
He still has yet to go to clinic with me and actually learn about how I myself am doing, other than just hearing about what meds im now on..and what i have to change and all...alot of the time he doesnt understand, it makes me want him to come to clinic, but he has a full-time job.
we've been toether 5 years...he's scared everyday that he's going to lose me, but we're basically best friends for life. im allowing him to take his time into learning about what i have, i know its scary, its scary for me. at times i get annoyed because he doesnt go with me. but sometimes people dont want to be smacked in the face with reality, and he's one of those kinds of people.


i have to say, i wouldnt go too long without telling, its really for the better.

 

[RistaGirly]

I actually didn't have a choice telling my boyfriend, growing up, no one knew I had it, only me, my family and the doctors, and occasional school things, but my senior year of high school I met my boyfriend, we started dating on October 30th. 3 weeks later it was Thanksgiving, I went to NYC for the Thanksgiving Day parade, had dinner, spent the day there, etc...came home perfectly fine...2 days later, I was having uber stomach pains, I could hardly stand up. I went to the emergency room twice in one night, the second time, I was being rushed to the hospital my doctor was at about an hour away. The next day, my boyfriend woke up to a call from me, telling him that im in the hospital admitted for pancreatitis.
I was there for a week for that, and just as I was nearing the end of that week, my doctor came in saying he wanted to keep me there for 2 more weeks..
my boyfriend was stunned, speechless, had no idea what was going on. He asked what was wrong, and it had to come out that I had CF. He's researched it, and mainly goes by statistics, which annoys the crap out of me rather than staying to my actual CF case.
He still has yet to go to clinic with me and actually learn about how I myself am doing, other than just hearing about what meds im now on..and what i have to change and all...alot of the time he doesnt understand, it makes me want him to come to clinic, but he has a full-time job.
we've been toether 5 years...he's scared everyday that he's going to lose me, but we're basically best friends for life. im allowing him to take his time into learning about what i have, i know its scary, its scary for me. at times i get annoyed because he doesnt go with me. but sometimes people dont want to be smacked in the face with reality, and he's one of those kinds of people.


i have to say, i wouldnt go too long without telling, its really for the better.

 

[RistaGirly]

I actually didn't have a choice telling my boyfriend, growing up, no one knew I had it, only me, my family and the doctors, and occasional school things, but my senior year of high school I met my boyfriend, we started dating on October 30th. 3 weeks later it was Thanksgiving, I went to NYC for the Thanksgiving Day parade, had dinner, spent the day there, etc...came home perfectly fine...2 days later, I was having uber stomach pains, I could hardly stand up. I went to the emergency room twice in one night, the second time, I was being rushed to the hospital my doctor was at about an hour away. The next day, my boyfriend woke up to a call from me, telling him that im in the hospital admitted for pancreatitis.
<br />I was there for a week for that, and just as I was nearing the end of that week, my doctor came in saying he wanted to keep me there for 2 more weeks..
<br />my boyfriend was stunned, speechless, had no idea what was going on. He asked what was wrong, and it had to come out that I had CF. He's researched it, and mainly goes by statistics, which annoys the crap out of me rather than staying to my actual CF case.
<br />He still has yet to go to clinic with me and actually learn about how I myself am doing, other than just hearing about what meds im now on..and what i have to change and all...alot of the time he doesnt understand, it makes me want him to come to clinic, but he has a full-time job.
<br />we've been toether 5 years...he's scared everyday that he's going to lose me, but we're basically best friends for life. im allowing him to take his time into learning about what i have, i know its scary, its scary for me. at times i get annoyed because he doesnt go with me. but sometimes people dont want to be smacked in the face with reality, and he's one of those kinds of people.
<br />
<br />
<br />i have to say, i wouldnt go too long without telling, its really for the better.

 

[BethanyAnne]

Michael,

May I ask what you meant by you broke it off because of different lifestyles? How exactly was their lifestyle different than yours?

Thanks!
Bethany

 

[BethanyAnne]

Michael,

May I ask what you meant by you broke it off because of different lifestyles? How exactly was their lifestyle different than yours?

Thanks!
Bethany

 

[BethanyAnne]

Michael,
<br />
<br />May I ask what you meant by you broke it off because of different lifestyles? How exactly was their lifestyle different than yours?
<br />
<br />Thanks!
<br />Bethany

 

[AleksandraKaczynska]

Hi, A bit off topic...
I always though that if my daughter can stand up one day and defend herself like in school: " so wha? I have cf " be strong enough to accept this and fight for hersels I'll be happy....
but there still is a question... when to tell others (not family friends and close friends) my Joanna has cf?

 

[AleksandraKaczynska]

Hi, A bit off topic...
I always though that if my daughter can stand up one day and defend herself like in school: " so wha? I have cf " be strong enough to accept this and fight for hersels I'll be happy....
but there still is a question... when to tell others (not family friends and close friends) my Joanna has cf?

 

[AleksandraKaczynska]

Hi, A bit off topic...
<br />I always though that if my daughter can stand up one day and defend herself like in school: " so wha? I have cf " be strong enough to accept this and fight for hersels I'll be happy....
<br />but there still is a question... when to tell others (not family friends and close friends) my Joanna has cf?

 

[sexxiej]

i have the same problem as you do...i cant seemt to tell guys that im dating what is wrong with me, i hide it BIG TIME...there are certain guys that i have grown up with that know of or a little about my CF..but like you said its different when it comes to guys you date..so i just tell them that i have cf, and i pull it up on the computer or make them look it up, its alot easier and can better explain how you got the disease, and well everything they need to know about it..

 

[sexxiej]

i have the same problem as you do...i cant seemt to tell guys that im dating what is wrong with me, i hide it BIG TIME...there are certain guys that i have grown up with that know of or a little about my CF..but like you said its different when it comes to guys you date..so i just tell them that i have cf, and i pull it up on the computer or make them look it up, its alot easier and can better explain how you got the disease, and well everything they need to know about it..

 

[sexxiej]

i have the same problem as you do...i cant seemt to tell guys that im dating what is wrong with me, i hide it BIG TIME...there are certain guys that i have grown up with that know of or a little about my CF..but like you said its different when it comes to guys you date..so i just tell them that i have cf, and i pull it up on the computer or make them look it up, its alot easier and can better explain how you got the disease, and well everything they need to know about it..

 

[coltsfan715]

My first boyfriend I never told - but he told me afterward that he knew the entire time. He also added that it would have been nice for me to tell him - I was in high school so it was a live and learn. Now I typically tell people pretty fast. It varies per guy and situation though. I dated a guy briefly about 6 months ago and I told him after about 1 month of dating. It was hard finding the right time though because it was something I wanted to tell him when it was just us and not a group of people. We only talked a few weeks after that and he just started drifting, so I let him go.

My current boyfriend found out on our first date. We had talked for about a month before we went out, and our first date was at the beach. I am post transplant and my scars are on my back and fairly obvious when wearing a bathing suit. He asked me what they were from, so I had to come clean on the first date. It hasn't scared him off and if anything it has made our relationship better in ways. He has researched things because he had no clue what CF was when we went out the first time. He is asking questions and genuinely curious and concerned.

I think personally the best thing to do is to gauge by the person you are with, if you think there is something there and that they deserve to know then tell them. If they can't handle it and leave then let them go, otherwise things will be fine. For me I kind of have a blanket statement that I tell all people when they ask what CF is and I use that when I get the "What is Cystic Fibrosis?" question. I just say it is a recessive genetic disease that affects your respiratory, digestive and at times the reproductive system. From there I just answer questions as they come.

Good Luck and it will get easier over time, but admittedly it is hard to come clean at first.

Linds

 

[coltsfan715]

My first boyfriend I never told - but he told me afterward that he knew the entire time. He also added that it would have been nice for me to tell him - I was in high school so it was a live and learn. Now I typically tell people pretty fast. It varies per guy and situation though. I dated a guy briefly about 6 months ago and I told him after about 1 month of dating. It was hard finding the right time though because it was something I wanted to tell him when it was just us and not a group of people. We only talked a few weeks after that and he just started drifting, so I let him go.

My current boyfriend found out on our first date. We had talked for about a month before we went out, and our first date was at the beach. I am post transplant and my scars are on my back and fairly obvious when wearing a bathing suit. He asked me what they were from, so I had to come clean on the first date. It hasn't scared him off and if anything it has made our relationship better in ways. He has researched things because he had no clue what CF was when we went out the first time. He is asking questions and genuinely curious and concerned.

I think personally the best thing to do is to gauge by the person you are with, if you think there is something there and that they deserve to know then tell them. If they can't handle it and leave then let them go, otherwise things will be fine. For me I kind of have a blanket statement that I tell all people when they ask what CF is and I use that when I get the "What is Cystic Fibrosis?" question. I just say it is a recessive genetic disease that affects your respiratory, digestive and at times the reproductive system. From there I just answer questions as they come.

Good Luck and it will get easier over time, but admittedly it is hard to come clean at first.

Linds

 

[coltsfan715]

My first boyfriend I never told - but he told me afterward that he knew the entire time. He also added that it would have been nice for me to tell him - I was in high school so it was a live and learn. Now I typically tell people pretty fast. It varies per guy and situation though. I dated a guy briefly about 6 months ago and I told him after about 1 month of dating. It was hard finding the right time though because it was something I wanted to tell him when it was just us and not a group of people. We only talked a few weeks after that and he just started drifting, so I let him go.
<br />
<br />My current boyfriend found out on our first date. We had talked for about a month before we went out, and our first date was at the beach. I am post transplant and my scars are on my back and fairly obvious when wearing a bathing suit. He asked me what they were from, so I had to come clean on the first date. It hasn't scared him off and if anything it has made our relationship better in ways. He has researched things because he had no clue what CF was when we went out the first time. He is asking questions and genuinely curious and concerned.
<br />
<br />I think personally the best thing to do is to gauge by the person you are with, if you think there is something there and that they deserve to know then tell them. If they can't handle it and leave then let them go, otherwise things will be fine. For me I kind of have a blanket statement that I tell all people when they ask what CF is and I use that when I get the "What is Cystic Fibrosis?" question. I just say it is a recessive genetic disease that affects your respiratory, digestive and at times the reproductive system. From there I just answer questions as they come.
<br />
<br />Good Luck and it will get easier over time, but admittedly it is hard to come clean at first.
<br />
<br />Linds

 

[princessjdc]

I told my boyfriend now husband of 9 years that I had CF a month after we started dating. We were in his truck and I told him I had a drs appointment and he asked why and I told him that I had CF.

I told him a little bit about it and he also went on line and read a little about it. His mom done research on the disease and shared with him what she learned as well.

He never had questions until after we got married and he went with me to the drs. everything was good until the doc said I had psuedomonas and had like 4 years to live, then my hubby said he was ticked cause he didnt realize that I could die that fast!

But its been longer than 4 years and Im still here and my health is great, so the doc that told me this was wrong, I didnt see that doc too often anyways.

My husband still goes to the drs. with me, which I like so that way he can ask any questions that he wants. With him going with me he has learned a lot about this disease and as I learn more about this disease I always tell him what I learn so we both have the same knowledge about it.