Young Adult looking for some help

countrygal9210 · Jan 10, 2011

I am going on 19 and just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. I am having some problems dealing with it and some other things in life which I had hoped someone out there could help me with...

I am having a hard time dealing with this breakup not just because 'I love him' lol. When I met him, I had just lost my father just the week before and I lost 5 more friends and family members while with him. I feel lost without him and I aint too sure how to cope I guess.
I have been thinking about getting back out into the dating world to try and move on like everyone has suggested but honestly I am scared too. I had a relationships before this one that my ex's mother said "I am going to die young. I am worthless. There is no point in loveing me..." Etc. All because I had Cystic Fibrosis. She never asked me about anything. She just assumed the internet was right about me and my health. After that I was single for about a year when I met the man I just split from. When I got together with him, I was scared my health was gonna cause problems or his family would hate me or everything would turn out like the previous relationship and even though he (the man i just broke up with) denies it, I seen how it affected him when I was in the hopsital or when we had a prego scare. i seen how hard it was on him to deal with me being sick, or how he was stressed over making sure he had insurance for me, or how he could afford to deal with my health if I got sick...and now I am scared to love again and put someone else in the unhappy position he was in.
What do I do?! I don't wnat to be alone (but I could handle it if I was..). How do I move on from all this?
I have been having alot of other issues too though. I am curious to how some of you with CF dealt with going to college and dealing with a job. I am worried about getting loans to go through school and getting sick and having to have a tune-up or anything along those lines. I just don't know what to do.
I want to move away. Go to a college I can cheer for. Make something of myself and start a life with someone. But I don't think I can do that all on my own. I just need to know what you did to get where you are today and things of that nature.

countrygal9210 · Jan 10, 2011

I am going on 19 and just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. I am having some problems dealing with it and some other things in life which I had hoped someone out there could help me with...

I am having a hard time dealing with this breakup not just because 'I love him' lol. When I met him, I had just lost my father just the week before and I lost 5 more friends and family members while with him. I feel lost without him and I aint too sure how to cope I guess.
I have been thinking about getting back out into the dating world to try and move on like everyone has suggested but honestly I am scared too. I had a relationships before this one that my ex's mother said "I am going to die young. I am worthless. There is no point in loveing me..." Etc. All because I had Cystic Fibrosis. She never asked me about anything. She just assumed the internet was right about me and my health. After that I was single for about a year when I met the man I just split from. When I got together with him, I was scared my health was gonna cause problems or his family would hate me or everything would turn out like the previous relationship and even though he (the man i just broke up with) denies it, I seen how it affected him when I was in the hopsital or when we had a prego scare. i seen how hard it was on him to deal with me being sick, or how he was stressed over making sure he had insurance for me, or how he could afford to deal with my health if I got sick...and now I am scared to love again and put someone else in the unhappy position he was in.
What do I do?! I don't wnat to be alone (but I could handle it if I was..). How do I move on from all this?
I have been having alot of other issues too though. I am curious to how some of you with CF dealt with going to college and dealing with a job. I am worried about getting loans to go through school and getting sick and having to have a tune-up or anything along those lines. I just don't know what to do.
I want to move away. Go to a college I can cheer for. Make something of myself and start a life with someone. But I don't think I can do that all on my own. I just need to know what you did to get where you are today and things of that nature.

countrygal9210 · Jan 10, 2011

I am going on 19 and just broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. I am having some problems dealing with it and some other things in life which I had hoped someone out there could help me with...
 
 I am having a hard time dealing with this breakup not just because 'I love him' lol. When I met him, I had just lost my father just the week before and I lost 5 more friends and family members while with him. I feel lost without him and I aint too sure how to cope I guess.
 I have been thinking about getting back out into the dating world to try and move on like everyone has suggested but honestly I am scared too. I had a relationships before this one that my ex's mother said "I am going to die young. I am worthless. There is no point in loveing me..." Etc. All because I had Cystic Fibrosis. She never asked me about anything. She just assumed the internet was right about me and my health. After that I was single for about a year when I met the man I just split from. When I got together with him, I was scared my health was gonna cause problems or his family would hate me or everything would turn out like the previous relationship and even though he (the man i just broke up with) denies it, I seen how it affected him when I was in the hopsital or when we had a prego scare. i seen how hard it was on him to deal with me being sick, or how he was stressed over making sure he had insurance for me, or how he could afford to deal with my health if I got sick...and now I am scared to love again and put someone else in the unhappy position he was in.
 What do I do?! I don't wnat to be alone (but I could handle it if I was..). How do I move on from all this?
 I have been having alot of other issues too though. I am curious to how some of you with CF dealt with going to college and dealing with a job. I am worried about getting loans to go through school and getting sick and having to have a tune-up or anything along those lines. I just don't know what to do.
 I want to move away. Go to a college I can cheer for. Make something of myself and start a life with someone. But I don't think I can do that all on my own. I just need to know what you did to get where you are today and things of that nature.

wbj3nocala · Jan 10, 2011

Well let me start with. You are "normal" the things you're writing about most everyone has experienced. But I know how you are feeling. I didn't even really date when I was in High School. When I did I didn't attempt to get too close. I thought the cough and being skinny was a turn off. Well that really was my issue. It didn't bother my circle of friends and the girls I knew would have been happy to date if I had only asked. Since that time in my life I've had several loves and "flings". I've found I do better when there is someone to share my life with. There is for me more purpose a desire to share my life. The emotional side of loving, caring and possibly raising children. For me that has promted me to take better care of myself. Seems silly, if I loved myself wouldn't I do these things anyway? But I've found in a relationship I take better care of myself than being "alone".

The disease CF doesn't "define" us but it does shape our lives in one way or another. You have to do the therapies or there's a consequence, take the medicine or treatment. You can't deny the CF or you're just fooling yourself. Better to be "compliant" now so that later you aren't wishing that if "only" I had done this or had listened to the doctors advice. We've all had these experiences but let me tell you the more compliant the better the out come "in general".

As far as school you can look into state sponsored "Vocational training/schooling". You may because of your CF get your education paid for so you don't have to depend of SSI and other assistance programs later. Usually with a higher level of education you probably won't have to work in a field that may demand more of you than you can give. But if you choose to work in a very manual field it may offer opportunities to stay more healthy. It hard to get this point across when writing. Every state is different but many offer education programs for residents with health issues. There are also grants and don't be afraid to ask about assistance.

You will find someone that will love/care for you and the CF is just something to deal with. If they can't deal with it then they didn't really care about the whole person (you). Everyone has issues, some are health related others are well harder to define. Don't settle keep your sights high. Shoot for the stars and fall short maybe. But aim low and sure enough you'll get what you didn't want. Don't be afraid of failure. Just try again until you get it right. Live life to it's full potential.

wbj3nocala · Jan 10, 2011

Well let me start with. You are "normal" the things you're writing about most everyone has experienced. But I know how you are feeling. I didn't even really date when I was in High School. When I did I didn't attempt to get too close. I thought the cough and being skinny was a turn off. Well that really was my issue. It didn't bother my circle of friends and the girls I knew would have been happy to date if I had only asked. Since that time in my life I've had several loves and "flings". I've found I do better when there is someone to share my life with. There is for me more purpose a desire to share my life. The emotional side of loving, caring and possibly raising children. For me that has promted me to take better care of myself. Seems silly, if I loved myself wouldn't I do these things anyway? But I've found in a relationship I take better care of myself than being "alone".

The disease CF doesn't "define" us but it does shape our lives in one way or another. You have to do the therapies or there's a consequence, take the medicine or treatment. You can't deny the CF or you're just fooling yourself. Better to be "compliant" now so that later you aren't wishing that if "only" I had done this or had listened to the doctors advice. We've all had these experiences but let me tell you the more compliant the better the out come "in general".

As far as school you can look into state sponsored "Vocational training/schooling". You may because of your CF get your education paid for so you don't have to depend of SSI and other assistance programs later. Usually with a higher level of education you probably won't have to work in a field that may demand more of you than you can give. But if you choose to work in a very manual field it may offer opportunities to stay more healthy. It hard to get this point across when writing. Every state is different but many offer education programs for residents with health issues. There are also grants and don't be afraid to ask about assistance.

You will find someone that will love/care for you and the CF is just something to deal with. If they can't deal with it then they didn't really care about the whole person (you). Everyone has issues, some are health related others are well harder to define. Don't settle keep your sights high. Shoot for the stars and fall short maybe. But aim low and sure enough you'll get what you didn't want. Don't be afraid of failure. Just try again until you get it right. Live life to it's full potential.

wbj3nocala · Jan 10, 2011

Well let me start with. You are "normal" the things you're writing about most everyone has experienced. But I know how you are feeling. I didn't even really date when I was in High School. When I did I didn't attempt to get too close. I thought the cough and being skinny was a turn off. Well that really was my issue. It didn't bother my circle of friends and the girls I knew would have been happy to date if I had only asked. Since that time in my life I've had several loves and "flings". I've found I do better when there is someone to share my life with. There is for me more purpose a desire to share my life. The emotional side of loving, caring and possibly raising children. For me that has promted me to take better care of myself. Seems silly, if I loved myself wouldn't I do these things anyway? But I've found in a relationship I take better care of myself than being "alone".
 
 The disease CF doesn't "define" us but it does shape our lives in one way or another. You have to do the therapies or there's a consequence, take the medicine or treatment. You can't deny the CF or you're just fooling yourself. Better to be "compliant" now so that later you aren't wishing that if "only" I had done this or had listened to the doctors advice. We've all had these experiences but let me tell you the more compliant the better the out come "in general".
 
 As far as school you can look into state sponsored "Vocational training/schooling". You may because of your CF get your education paid for so you don't have to depend of SSI and other assistance programs later. Usually with a higher level of education you probably won't have to work in a field that may demand more of you than you can give. But if you choose to work in a very manual field it may offer opportunities to stay more healthy. It hard to get this point across when writing. Every state is different but many offer education programs for residents with health issues. There are also grants and don't be afraid to ask about assistance.
 
 You will find someone that will love/care for you and the CF is just something to deal with. If they can't deal with it then they didn't really care about the whole person (you). Everyone has issues, some are health related others are well harder to define. Don't settle keep your sights high. Shoot for the stars and fall short maybe. But aim low and sure enough you'll get what you didn't want. Don't be afraid of failure. Just try again until you get it right. Live life to it's full potential.

blackchameleon · Jan 10, 2011

G'day Countrygal, i really like the way you put your concerns out there and are proactive in seeking advice to encourage you in a screwed up time. I dont have much to offer other than accept this is a tough tough time but you will see one day it is a test of your tenacity and courage to keep on top of your CF health right now as opposed to letting it slip like i did.....dumb me. When you meet someone else and you have fought hard during a depressed state, or even through clinical depression, yet remained healthy you will have your reward and a sense of self that builds an ability to overcome the negative mindset programmed into us re CF and reach even higher.
Cheers Blacky

blackchameleon · Jan 10, 2011

G'day Countrygal, i really like the way you put your concerns out there and are proactive in seeking advice to encourage you in a screwed up time. I dont have much to offer other than accept this is a tough tough time but you will see one day it is a test of your tenacity and courage to keep on top of your CF health right now as opposed to letting it slip like i did.....dumb me. When you meet someone else and you have fought hard during a depressed state, or even through clinical depression, yet remained healthy you will have your reward and a sense of self that builds an ability to overcome the negative mindset programmed into us re CF and reach even higher.
Cheers Blacky

blackchameleon · Jan 10, 2011

G'day Countrygal, i really like the way you put your concerns out there and are proactive in seeking advice to encourage you in a screwed up time. I dont have much to offer other than accept this is a tough tough time but you will see one day it is a test of your tenacity and courage to keep on top of your CF health right now as opposed to letting it slip like i did.....dumb me. When you meet someone else and you have fought hard during a depressed state, or even through clinical depression, yet remained healthy you will have your reward and a sense of self that builds an ability to overcome the negative mindset programmed into us re CF and reach even higher.
 Cheers Blacky

countrygal9210 · Jan 10, 2011

Thanks y'all I really appreciate your input.
I am very persitent about my medication but I do feel that when I am with someone I feel better about life and my CF. I feel like when I am alone, Nothing is worth while. Now I know this is more than likely not as true as I FEEL it is but I am just scared of trying to find a person I love and who can love me and not fret over my health and worrying whether things are gonna be ok or not. If you get what I mean.
However, I definately do my medicine no matter what. I stopped all my medicine after my dad passed and went in the hospital just a month after he passed. I learned after my dad passed not do that. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
But again thanks. As for college, Were you able to work and go to school? Cuz that's where I feel I am at a loss. I really want to get a job and go to college. Heck maybe even move somewhere else and start life out for myself. But as of now I can't do that because for me, It's hard to juggle things like work and school and keep up with my med's or sleep. Another thing is what did you mean when you were talking about the programs? The only things I have been informed of were scholarships (which fell threw. Every single one.) & then FAFSA (if i get anything at all) and loans.???
Thanks again! Appreciate it!

countrygal9210 · Jan 10, 2011

Thanks y'all I really appreciate your input.
I am very persitent about my medication but I do feel that when I am with someone I feel better about life and my CF. I feel like when I am alone, Nothing is worth while. Now I know this is more than likely not as true as I FEEL it is but I am just scared of trying to find a person I love and who can love me and not fret over my health and worrying whether things are gonna be ok or not. If you get what I mean.
However, I definately do my medicine no matter what. I stopped all my medicine after my dad passed and went in the hospital just a month after he passed. I learned after my dad passed not do that. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
But again thanks. As for college, Were you able to work and go to school? Cuz that's where I feel I am at a loss. I really want to get a job and go to college. Heck maybe even move somewhere else and start life out for myself. But as of now I can't do that because for me, It's hard to juggle things like work and school and keep up with my med's or sleep. Another thing is what did you mean when you were talking about the programs? The only things I have been informed of were scholarships (which fell threw. Every single one.) & then FAFSA (if i get anything at all) and loans.???
Thanks again! Appreciate it!

countrygal9210 · Jan 10, 2011

Thanks y'all I really appreciate your input.
 I am very persitent about my medication but I do feel that when I am with someone I feel better about life and my CF. I feel like when I am alone, Nothing is worth while. Now I know this is more than likely not as true as I FEEL it is but I am just scared of trying to find a person I love and who can love me and not fret over my health and worrying whether things are gonna be ok or not. If you get what I mean.
 However, I definately do my medicine no matter what. I stopped all my medicine after my dad passed and went in the hospital just a month after he passed. I learned after my dad passed not do that. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-wink.gif" border="0">
 But again thanks. As for college, Were you able to work and go to school? Cuz that's where I feel I am at a loss. I really want to get a job and go to college. Heck maybe even move somewhere else and start life out for myself. But as of now I can't do that because for me, It's hard to juggle things like work and school and keep up with my med's or sleep. Another thing is what did you mean when you were talking about the programs? The only things I have been informed of were scholarships (which fell threw. Every single one.) & then FAFSA (if i get anything at all) and loans.???
 Thanks again! Appreciate it!

missT · Jan 11, 2011

Hi countrygal, just wanted you to know that I went through the same feeling you are experiencing. When I was 18 I had a five year relationship. when we broke up I was devastated. I got through it with good friends who took me out, lots of different dates, and god. I prayed to god to get me through...and eventually I did. I always thought that I did not deserve happiness because I would die young. Well, I am happy to report to you that I am 40 and still here. I have lived a very normal life. I went to college and earned a BBA. I worked full time and still do. I ran a top fortune 500 company. I have traveled the world. I just want you to feel that there is a whole world out there...I did it and so can you. Also, there are so many meds that were not around when I was 18. Actually, the only thing I took at 18 was oral antibiotics (when I was sick and congested). You have no idea how long you are going to live so do not let anyone define you by CF. Live your life!!! I would never be in a relationship where I felt the other person feels bad for me. We ALL have things to deal with....trust me on this. Good Luck!

missT · Jan 11, 2011

Hi countrygal, just wanted you to know that I went through the same feeling you are experiencing. When I was 18 I had a five year relationship. when we broke up I was devastated. I got through it with good friends who took me out, lots of different dates, and god. I prayed to god to get me through...and eventually I did. I always thought that I did not deserve happiness because I would die young. Well, I am happy to report to you that I am 40 and still here. I have lived a very normal life. I went to college and earned a BBA. I worked full time and still do. I ran a top fortune 500 company. I have traveled the world. I just want you to feel that there is a whole world out there...I did it and so can you. Also, there are so many meds that were not around when I was 18. Actually, the only thing I took at 18 was oral antibiotics (when I was sick and congested). You have no idea how long you are going to live so do not let anyone define you by CF. Live your life!!! I would never be in a relationship where I felt the other person feels bad for me. We ALL have things to deal with....trust me on this. Good Luck!

missT · Jan 11, 2011

Hi countrygal, just wanted you to know that I went through the same feeling you are experiencing. When I was 18 I had a five year relationship. when we broke up I was devastated. I got through it with good friends who took me out, lots of different dates, and god. I prayed to god to get me through...and eventually I did. I always thought that I did not deserve happiness because I would die young. Well, I am happy to report to you that I am 40 and still here. I have lived a very normal life. I went to college and earned a BBA. I worked full time and still do. I ran a top fortune 500 company. I have traveled the world. I just want you to feel that there is a whole world out there...I did it and so can you. Also, there are so many meds that were not around when I was 18. Actually, the only thing I took at 18 was oral antibiotics (when I was sick and congested). You have no idea how long you are going to live so do not let anyone define you by CF. Live your life!!! I would never be in a relationship where I felt the other person feels bad for me. We ALL have things to deal with....trust me on this. Good Luck!

CountryGirl · Jan 12, 2011

Hi there, I wanted to respond and help you out but I knew that once I started writing it would turn into a huge post.

But I do reccommend you post this under "partners" as well, it will give you a whole new perspective from the loved ones of us CFers and CFers themselves. I think you'll get a lot more postings and help you out a lot more.

CountryGirl · Jan 12, 2011

Hi there, I wanted to respond and help you out but I knew that once I started writing it would turn into a huge post.

But I do reccommend you post this under "partners" as well, it will give you a whole new perspective from the loved ones of us CFers and CFers themselves. I think you'll get a lot more postings and help you out a lot more.

CountryGirl · Jan 12, 2011

Hi there, I wanted to respond and help you out but I knew that once I started writing it would turn into a huge post.
 
 But I do reccommend you post this under "partners" as well, it will give you a whole new perspective from the loved ones of us CFers and CFers themselves. I think you'll get a lot more postings and help you out a lot more.

Jeana · Jan 14, 2011

Just wanted to comment on the college part. Be sure that you talk to the college about accomodations. As I recall, although it's been 15 years, I was listed as disabled without having disability or medicare or anything. This allowed me to be excused from attendance requirements in language classes, have extensions or be offered exams at alternative times as needed for hospital stays, have tutoring, etc. I didn't ended up using everything that was available to me, but I had everything in place just in case. Anyway, just something to look into. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

Jeana · Jan 14, 2011

Just wanted to comment on the college part. Be sure that you talk to the college about accomodations. As I recall, although it's been 15 years, I was listed as disabled without having disability or medicare or anything. This allowed me to be excused from attendance requirements in language classes, have extensions or be offered exams at alternative times as needed for hospital stays, have tutoring, etc. I didn't ended up using everything that was available to me, but I had everything in place just in case. Anyway, just something to look into. <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">

Young Adult looking for some help

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