=(

[CowTown]

For one thing, Allie's blog is the only one that has reached over 25,000 views. Most people's blogs have been viewed in the hundreds. That says a lot I'd say.

I thought Terri's response was quite genuine, nicely explained, and came from a caring place. I know how so many things on this forum (and all forums) can be misconstrued, time and time again. Then if someone apolgoizes and has peaceful intensions, like Terri - then move on. We're all individuals here and have to deal with opposition in life. I just thought Terri's response sounds very thoughtful and straight forward - how she usually is on this site.

I hope Allie can find some peace with herself as well, during this time of year. <img src="i/expressions/sun.gif" border="0">

 

[CowTown]

For one thing, Allie's blog is the only one that has reached over 25,000 views. Most people's blogs have been viewed in the hundreds. That says a lot I'd say.

I thought Terri's response was quite genuine, nicely explained, and came from a caring place. I know how so many things on this forum (and all forums) can be misconstrued, time and time again. Then if someone apolgoizes and has peaceful intensions, like Terri - then move on. We're all individuals here and have to deal with opposition in life. I just thought Terri's response sounds very thoughtful and straight forward - how she usually is on this site.

I hope Allie can find some peace with herself as well, during this time of year. <img src="i/expressions/sun.gif" border="0">

 

[julie]

I"m still not sure I understand what happened.

i'm sad that Allie is gone, she has been so helpful to me and is always willing to talk, even about things that are so sensitive and near and dear to her.

I'm sorry that Terri seems to be upset as well (not sure, am not speaking for her, just reading all this that has been going on in this thread). Nobody should have to apologize for their opinions, that's whtat makes the world go aroudn.

However, there does tend to be a streak of nastiness on this site infrequently. And admittadely, I've been a part of it in the past and caused some issues myself. it is what it is and it HAPPENS!!! All we can really do when it's done an over with is apologize for hurt feelings (not for opinions) and move on.

The thing I think allie needs to realize is many of us like her, and many of us need her and thrive from reading her blogs. At the same time, I understand she is still so fragile.... who wouldn't be?? and I understand that some approaching things might be hard on her. But she cant' always run away or try to hide from it. Allie, if you are reading this, I do care about you and for you and whether you know it or not, you mean a lot to me. Please take care of yourself in what you need to take care of and then come back and stick through it. Please do that for us and for yourself.

Terri, I hope you are doing ok as well. I want to talk....

 

[julie]

I"m still not sure I understand what happened.

i'm sad that Allie is gone, she has been so helpful to me and is always willing to talk, even about things that are so sensitive and near and dear to her.

I'm sorry that Terri seems to be upset as well (not sure, am not speaking for her, just reading all this that has been going on in this thread). Nobody should have to apologize for their opinions, that's whtat makes the world go aroudn.

However, there does tend to be a streak of nastiness on this site infrequently. And admittadely, I've been a part of it in the past and caused some issues myself. it is what it is and it HAPPENS!!! All we can really do when it's done an over with is apologize for hurt feelings (not for opinions) and move on.

The thing I think allie needs to realize is many of us like her, and many of us need her and thrive from reading her blogs. At the same time, I understand she is still so fragile.... who wouldn't be?? and I understand that some approaching things might be hard on her. But she cant' always run away or try to hide from it. Allie, if you are reading this, I do care about you and for you and whether you know it or not, you mean a lot to me. Please take care of yourself in what you need to take care of and then come back and stick through it. Please do that for us and for yourself.

Terri, I hope you are doing ok as well. I want to talk....

 

[julie]

I"m still not sure I understand what happened.

i'm sad that Allie is gone, she has been so helpful to me and is always willing to talk, even about things that are so sensitive and near and dear to her.

I'm sorry that Terri seems to be upset as well (not sure, am not speaking for her, just reading all this that has been going on in this thread). Nobody should have to apologize for their opinions, that's whtat makes the world go aroudn.

However, there does tend to be a streak of nastiness on this site infrequently. And admittadely, I've been a part of it in the past and caused some issues myself. it is what it is and it HAPPENS!!! All we can really do when it's done an over with is apologize for hurt feelings (not for opinions) and move on.

The thing I think allie needs to realize is many of us like her, and many of us need her and thrive from reading her blogs. At the same time, I understand she is still so fragile.... who wouldn't be?? and I understand that some approaching things might be hard on her. But she cant' always run away or try to hide from it. Allie, if you are reading this, I do care about you and for you and whether you know it or not, you mean a lot to me. Please take care of yourself in what you need to take care of and then come back and stick through it. Please do that for us and for yourself.

Terri, I hope you are doing ok as well. I want to talk....

 

[Emily65Roses]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>kayleesgrandma</b></i>
But as far as the rest of your reply, I am TOTALLY BEWILDERED. I never said it was Allie's fault that you defended her.</end quote></div>

I know, that's why I said:
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>emily65roses</b></i>
This has nothing to do with this particular drama</end quote></div>

It has nothing to do with anything you guys said. I was just adding it in because it fit in this spot and I felt it. People have said stuff like that to me before, so in this whole mess, I felt it. But you said nothing of the sort. It just... fit, given the situation.

 

[Emily65Roses]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>kayleesgrandma</b></i>
But as far as the rest of your reply, I am TOTALLY BEWILDERED. I never said it was Allie's fault that you defended her.</end quote></div>

I know, that's why I said:
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>emily65roses</b></i>
This has nothing to do with this particular drama</end quote></div>

It has nothing to do with anything you guys said. I was just adding it in because it fit in this spot and I felt it. People have said stuff like that to me before, so in this whole mess, I felt it. But you said nothing of the sort. It just... fit, given the situation.

 

[Emily65Roses]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>kayleesgrandma</b></i>
But as far as the rest of your reply, I am TOTALLY BEWILDERED. I never said it was Allie's fault that you defended her.</end quote></div>

I know, that's why I said:
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>emily65roses</b></i>
This has nothing to do with this particular drama</end quote></div>

It has nothing to do with anything you guys said. I was just adding it in because it fit in this spot and I felt it. People have said stuff like that to me before, so in this whole mess, I felt it. But you said nothing of the sort. It just... fit, given the situation.

 

[littledebbie]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Lilith</b></i>

There were many things that convinced Allie to leave, not just a heated discussion about Santa. People on this forum have hurt her more than once, telling her many things; Ry gave up and that's why he died so young, that he was stupid for refusing a transplant, that her opinion doesn't matter as much because she isn't herself a CF patient...and it goes on and on. Not to mention, I think she's had her religion attacked before, as well. Besides that, the Santa thing is incredibly stupid. She's Jewish! Of course her child doesn't believe in Santa and is probably going to tell other children that they're wrong! My own boyfriend used to do that as a child! Big deal! Santa doesn't even represent the true meaning of Christmas, anyway! So why did it turn into such an issue!? ...you know what, scratch that. I don't even want to know. The point is, Allie left for many reasons, all built up. And yes, she should have told people to kiss it once in a while, but that isn't her nature. She doesn't come right out and say, "Screw you!" And maybe, in retrospect, that's a good thing.</end quote></div>

Exactly! Well put.

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>kayleesgrandma</b></i>
I also apologize that I didn't understand the rules pertaining to the blogs--that's why this got so out-of-hand. I didn't know that only <b>certain</b> people were allowed to say what they wanted in their blogs, or allowed to make contradictory comments or replys. Is there a list of topics/subjects we are not supposed to discuss, because I dont't want to make this mistake again? I know we can't discuss transplants, child-bearing by CF parents, insensitve people, or Santa. Is there anything else that I shouldn't discuss? I really don't want to p*** off any more people. . .</end quote></div>

Ha! I am pretty sure we are all free to blog at will and as we see fit as long as you can live with having PISSED people off.

 

[littledebbie]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Lilith</b></i>

There were many things that convinced Allie to leave, not just a heated discussion about Santa. People on this forum have hurt her more than once, telling her many things; Ry gave up and that's why he died so young, that he was stupid for refusing a transplant, that her opinion doesn't matter as much because she isn't herself a CF patient...and it goes on and on. Not to mention, I think she's had her religion attacked before, as well. Besides that, the Santa thing is incredibly stupid. She's Jewish! Of course her child doesn't believe in Santa and is probably going to tell other children that they're wrong! My own boyfriend used to do that as a child! Big deal! Santa doesn't even represent the true meaning of Christmas, anyway! So why did it turn into such an issue!? ...you know what, scratch that. I don't even want to know. The point is, Allie left for many reasons, all built up. And yes, she should have told people to kiss it once in a while, but that isn't her nature. She doesn't come right out and say, "Screw you!" And maybe, in retrospect, that's a good thing.</end quote></div>

Exactly! Well put.

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>kayleesgrandma</b></i>
I also apologize that I didn't understand the rules pertaining to the blogs--that's why this got so out-of-hand. I didn't know that only <b>certain</b> people were allowed to say what they wanted in their blogs, or allowed to make contradictory comments or replys. Is there a list of topics/subjects we are not supposed to discuss, because I dont't want to make this mistake again? I know we can't discuss transplants, child-bearing by CF parents, insensitve people, or Santa. Is there anything else that I shouldn't discuss? I really don't want to p*** off any more people. . .</end quote></div>

Ha! I am pretty sure we are all free to blog at will and as we see fit as long as you can live with having PISSED people off.

 

[littledebbie]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Lilith</b></i>

There were many things that convinced Allie to leave, not just a heated discussion about Santa. People on this forum have hurt her more than once, telling her many things; Ry gave up and that's why he died so young, that he was stupid for refusing a transplant, that her opinion doesn't matter as much because she isn't herself a CF patient...and it goes on and on. Not to mention, I think she's had her religion attacked before, as well. Besides that, the Santa thing is incredibly stupid. She's Jewish! Of course her child doesn't believe in Santa and is probably going to tell other children that they're wrong! My own boyfriend used to do that as a child! Big deal! Santa doesn't even represent the true meaning of Christmas, anyway! So why did it turn into such an issue!? ...you know what, scratch that. I don't even want to know. The point is, Allie left for many reasons, all built up. And yes, she should have told people to kiss it once in a while, but that isn't her nature. She doesn't come right out and say, "Screw you!" And maybe, in retrospect, that's a good thing.</end quote></div>

Exactly! Well put.

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>kayleesgrandma</b></i>
I also apologize that I didn't understand the rules pertaining to the blogs--that's why this got so out-of-hand. I didn't know that only <b>certain</b> people were allowed to say what they wanted in their blogs, or allowed to make contradictory comments or replys. Is there a list of topics/subjects we are not supposed to discuss, because I dont't want to make this mistake again? I know we can't discuss transplants, child-bearing by CF parents, insensitve people, or Santa. Is there anything else that I shouldn't discuss? I really don't want to p*** off any more people. . .</end quote></div>

Ha! I am pretty sure we are all free to blog at will and as we see fit as long as you can live with having PISSED people off.

 

[Landy]

This is kind of out in right field, but as I would read Allie's blog, I could just feel the pain and grief/sadness she is going through and I felt inadequate to help or didn't want what I had to say to come out the wrong way & offend her, so I usually just didn't say anything.
I would feel so compassionate for her, but also I would feel helpless, as I'm one of these people that likes to help fix everything and obviously this isn't something that can be "fixed".
I also have wondered, and those of you that are close to her may know--what is she doing to help herself through this? Has she joined a support group for young widows, is she going to any kind of counseling, etc. I know that it will take time & <i>a lot </i>of it, but wondered if she's sought any professional to help her through this time?
I'm sure she is so grateful for all of you that have been there for her--that has to have helped a lot.
I can just feel her sadness, darkness & maybe hopelessness?? (not sure if that's the right word) and wish it could lessen somehow, both for her sake & for little Ahava's.
This is such a delicate situation & I don't want this to come out as being insensitive at all, just genuine concern.

 

[Landy]

This is kind of out in right field, but as I would read Allie's blog, I could just feel the pain and grief/sadness she is going through and I felt inadequate to help or didn't want what I had to say to come out the wrong way & offend her, so I usually just didn't say anything.
I would feel so compassionate for her, but also I would feel helpless, as I'm one of these people that likes to help fix everything and obviously this isn't something that can be "fixed".
I also have wondered, and those of you that are close to her may know--what is she doing to help herself through this? Has she joined a support group for young widows, is she going to any kind of counseling, etc. I know that it will take time & <i>a lot </i>of it, but wondered if she's sought any professional to help her through this time?
I'm sure she is so grateful for all of you that have been there for her--that has to have helped a lot.
I can just feel her sadness, darkness & maybe hopelessness?? (not sure if that's the right word) and wish it could lessen somehow, both for her sake & for little Ahava's.
This is such a delicate situation & I don't want this to come out as being insensitive at all, just genuine concern.

 

[Landy]

This is kind of out in right field, but as I would read Allie's blog, I could just feel the pain and grief/sadness she is going through and I felt inadequate to help or didn't want what I had to say to come out the wrong way & offend her, so I usually just didn't say anything.
I would feel so compassionate for her, but also I would feel helpless, as I'm one of these people that likes to help fix everything and obviously this isn't something that can be "fixed".
I also have wondered, and those of you that are close to her may know--what is she doing to help herself through this? Has she joined a support group for young widows, is she going to any kind of counseling, etc. I know that it will take time & <i>a lot </i>of it, but wondered if she's sought any professional to help her through this time?
I'm sure she is so grateful for all of you that have been there for her--that has to have helped a lot.
I can just feel her sadness, darkness & maybe hopelessness?? (not sure if that's the right word) and wish it could lessen somehow, both for her sake & for little Ahava's.
This is such a delicate situation & I don't want this to come out as being insensitive at all, just genuine concern.

 

[Emily65Roses]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Lynda</b></i>
I also have wondered, and those of you that are close to her may know--what is she doing to help herself through this? Has she joined a support group for young widows, is she going to any kind of counseling, etc. I know that it will take time & <i>a lot </i>of it, but wondered if she's sought any professional to help her through this time?</end quote></div>

I take it I'm one of "those close to her." <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> No, she doesn't just run around foaming at the mouth being nuts and enjoying it.

1. She's on anti-depressants
2. She goes to therapy once a week
3. She tried a widow's group, but it only pissed her off because it was little old ladies or people who lost their husbands in accidents and she couldn't relate, it just didn't work.
4. She's done grief counseling
5. She's in some group for "overcoming obstacles" or some crap like that
6. She's mentioned to me before that she does writing therapy (whatever the hell that is)

It's just SO ridiculously hard for her, that no matter what, she's still going to "be a little nutty" (mind you, no one else said that, I did). She tries to help herself in pretty much any way possible. Not to mention Ry's mother Hannah is VERY close to her, and they keep a close eye on her.

 

[Emily65Roses]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Lynda</b></i>
I also have wondered, and those of you that are close to her may know--what is she doing to help herself through this? Has she joined a support group for young widows, is she going to any kind of counseling, etc. I know that it will take time & <i>a lot </i>of it, but wondered if she's sought any professional to help her through this time?</end quote></div>

I take it I'm one of "those close to her." <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> No, she doesn't just run around foaming at the mouth being nuts and enjoying it.

1. She's on anti-depressants
2. She goes to therapy once a week
3. She tried a widow's group, but it only pissed her off because it was little old ladies or people who lost their husbands in accidents and she couldn't relate, it just didn't work.
4. She's done grief counseling
5. She's in some group for "overcoming obstacles" or some crap like that
6. She's mentioned to me before that she does writing therapy (whatever the hell that is)

It's just SO ridiculously hard for her, that no matter what, she's still going to "be a little nutty" (mind you, no one else said that, I did). She tries to help herself in pretty much any way possible. Not to mention Ry's mother Hannah is VERY close to her, and they keep a close eye on her.

 

[Emily65Roses]

<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote><i>Originally posted by: <b>Lynda</b></i>
I also have wondered, and those of you that are close to her may know--what is she doing to help herself through this? Has she joined a support group for young widows, is she going to any kind of counseling, etc. I know that it will take time & <i>a lot </i>of it, but wondered if she's sought any professional to help her through this time?</end quote></div>

I take it I'm one of "those close to her." <img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0"> No, she doesn't just run around foaming at the mouth being nuts and enjoying it.

1. She's on anti-depressants
2. She goes to therapy once a week
3. She tried a widow's group, but it only pissed her off because it was little old ladies or people who lost their husbands in accidents and she couldn't relate, it just didn't work.
4. She's done grief counseling
5. She's in some group for "overcoming obstacles" or some crap like that
6. She's mentioned to me before that she does writing therapy (whatever the hell that is)

It's just SO ridiculously hard for her, that no matter what, she's still going to "be a little nutty" (mind you, no one else said that, I did). She tries to help herself in pretty much any way possible. Not to mention Ry's mother Hannah is VERY close to her, and they keep a close eye on her.

 

[Landy]

Thank you, Emily, for answering my question.
I'm glad to know that she is doing all of that. I was afraid that possibly she was too paralyzed w/grief or that maybe it would have been too much additional stress to deal with, trying to get acquinted with new people in a support group or something to that effect. I didn't think she was enjoying it.
I had thought about the 80 year old widows too, that's why I said "young" widows support group.
Bless her heart, I know from her writings that this has been hard for her to endure. It doesn't help that she doesn't have much support from her immediate family either. I'm guessing that the first person to show her real, unconditional love was taken from her & that makes it 100X harder to deal with the loss. I'm so glad that Hannah is in close contact with her and that she is doing all that she can and just hope/pray that she'll start to see a little light soon.

 

[Landy]

Thank you, Emily, for answering my question.
I'm glad to know that she is doing all of that. I was afraid that possibly she was too paralyzed w/grief or that maybe it would have been too much additional stress to deal with, trying to get acquinted with new people in a support group or something to that effect. I didn't think she was enjoying it.
I had thought about the 80 year old widows too, that's why I said "young" widows support group.
Bless her heart, I know from her writings that this has been hard for her to endure. It doesn't help that she doesn't have much support from her immediate family either. I'm guessing that the first person to show her real, unconditional love was taken from her & that makes it 100X harder to deal with the loss. I'm so glad that Hannah is in close contact with her and that she is doing all that she can and just hope/pray that she'll start to see a little light soon.

 

[Landy]

Thank you, Emily, for answering my question.
I'm glad to know that she is doing all of that. I was afraid that possibly she was too paralyzed w/grief or that maybe it would have been too much additional stress to deal with, trying to get acquinted with new people in a support group or something to that effect. I didn't think she was enjoying it.
I had thought about the 80 year old widows too, that's why I said "young" widows support group.
Bless her heart, I know from her writings that this has been hard for her to endure. It doesn't help that she doesn't have much support from her immediate family either. I'm guessing that the first person to show her real, unconditional love was taken from her & that makes it 100X harder to deal with the loss. I'm so glad that Hannah is in close contact with her and that she is doing all that she can and just hope/pray that she'll start to see a little light soon.