A CF comment towards me....

[Kelli]

Hey Everyone,
I have a question.
My niece who has CF always seems to be in competition with me. Always wants more attention, will be rude to me in front of others, gets jealous if I get something new, etc. She is 8 and I am 29, so it's not like we are anything like one another but she is constantly jealous, etc. It's hard to explain how the situation is without sounding childish. It's almost like the competition my sister and I had when we were younger. Always wanted to be smarter, prettier, better than the other.

Well my sister just had surgery and a lady from Church brought them dinner. I told my niece to get her enzymes before she ate. The church lady asked if I took the same ones and I explained that I don't need them. I have more of the lung stuff and my niece has more of the tummy stuff.

Well my niece looks up at her mom and loudly says "WELL THE LUNG STUFF WILL KILL YOU."

So my question is....is she doing this to be spiteful and try to hurt my feelings (when she knows she has CF too), just being a typical 8 year old and make off-handed remarks.

She understand A LOT about CF and we are very realistic with her. About a year ago she was talking about her brothers teeth falling out when he is old enough (he's 2 and I told her he'd need to be about 6 or 7 before his baby teeth come out) and I said I'd pull them out, she turns around and says "IF YOU ARE STILL ALIVE." So this isn't the first time she has said something.

Do we talk to her about it (as she might be worrying about it) or let it go so we don't tell her 'too much' before she is ready, etc. It's a fine line.

Have any of you dealt with this from a younger CF'er in the family? If so how do you deal with it? Or do we just let this slide? I don't know if I should bring it up to her mom (who heard everything) or just let it go. I don't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill but I'm also not going to put up with unkind words from her.

If someone said something like that to her, I think I'd claw their eyes out.

Let me know what you'd do.
Thanks,
Kelli
29 f. CF

 

[Kelli]

Hey Everyone,
I have a question.
My niece who has CF always seems to be in competition with me. Always wants more attention, will be rude to me in front of others, gets jealous if I get something new, etc. She is 8 and I am 29, so it's not like we are anything like one another but she is constantly jealous, etc. It's hard to explain how the situation is without sounding childish. It's almost like the competition my sister and I had when we were younger. Always wanted to be smarter, prettier, better than the other.

Well my sister just had surgery and a lady from Church brought them dinner. I told my niece to get her enzymes before she ate. The church lady asked if I took the same ones and I explained that I don't need them. I have more of the lung stuff and my niece has more of the tummy stuff.

Well my niece looks up at her mom and loudly says "WELL THE LUNG STUFF WILL KILL YOU."

So my question is....is she doing this to be spiteful and try to hurt my feelings (when she knows she has CF too), just being a typical 8 year old and make off-handed remarks.

She understand A LOT about CF and we are very realistic with her. About a year ago she was talking about her brothers teeth falling out when he is old enough (he's 2 and I told her he'd need to be about 6 or 7 before his baby teeth come out) and I said I'd pull them out, she turns around and says "IF YOU ARE STILL ALIVE." So this isn't the first time she has said something.

Do we talk to her about it (as she might be worrying about it) or let it go so we don't tell her 'too much' before she is ready, etc. It's a fine line.

Have any of you dealt with this from a younger CF'er in the family? If so how do you deal with it? Or do we just let this slide? I don't know if I should bring it up to her mom (who heard everything) or just let it go. I don't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill but I'm also not going to put up with unkind words from her.

If someone said something like that to her, I think I'd claw their eyes out.

Let me know what you'd do.
Thanks,
Kelli
29 f. CF

 

[Kelli]

Hey Everyone,
I have a question.
My niece who has CF always seems to be in competition with me. Always wants more attention, will be rude to me in front of others, gets jealous if I get something new, etc. She is 8 and I am 29, so it's not like we are anything like one another but she is constantly jealous, etc. It's hard to explain how the situation is without sounding childish. It's almost like the competition my sister and I had when we were younger. Always wanted to be smarter, prettier, better than the other.

Well my sister just had surgery and a lady from Church brought them dinner. I told my niece to get her enzymes before she ate. The church lady asked if I took the same ones and I explained that I don't need them. I have more of the lung stuff and my niece has more of the tummy stuff.

Well my niece looks up at her mom and loudly says "WELL THE LUNG STUFF WILL KILL YOU."

So my question is....is she doing this to be spiteful and try to hurt my feelings (when she knows she has CF too), just being a typical 8 year old and make off-handed remarks.

She understand A LOT about CF and we are very realistic with her. About a year ago she was talking about her brothers teeth falling out when he is old enough (he's 2 and I told her he'd need to be about 6 or 7 before his baby teeth come out) and I said I'd pull them out, she turns around and says "IF YOU ARE STILL ALIVE." So this isn't the first time she has said something.

Do we talk to her about it (as she might be worrying about it) or let it go so we don't tell her 'too much' before she is ready, etc. It's a fine line.

Have any of you dealt with this from a younger CF'er in the family? If so how do you deal with it? Or do we just let this slide? I don't know if I should bring it up to her mom (who heard everything) or just let it go. I don't want to make a mountain out of a mole hill but I'm also not going to put up with unkind words from her.

If someone said something like that to her, I think I'd claw their eyes out.

Let me know what you'd do.
Thanks,
Kelli
29 f. CF

 

[CaliSally]

I have not dealt with this personally. However, here is my opinion:

I don't think you should stand for her bad behavior, yet I doubt she really grasps how she sounds. I think she is speaking her mind (as kids do) on what she DOES knows without full understanding of, how what goes unsaid, might be hurtful to others.

Maybe her mom needs to help her understand that part (about being a "smarty pants,know-it-all, braggard" which ever name applies), help her understand more. Have you talked to your sister about this? (I'm confused as to who your neice belongs to). Sounds like she can be a little snooty and needs a little discipline. (But, I have no kids, so what do I know)

Maybe mom knows, but doesn't care. If that's the case, I would limit your time around them and solve the problem on your end. I had to "let go" of a jealous/needy sister, who couldn't accept my "no", or in your case, a sister who wouldn't address her daughter about her seemingly unkind words.

It sounds like this little girl could go into a tailspin fast, and a real pain in the ass teenager, if not corrected, soon. "Nip it in the bud" - Barney Fife.

 

[CaliSally]

I have not dealt with this personally. However, here is my opinion:

I don't think you should stand for her bad behavior, yet I doubt she really grasps how she sounds. I think she is speaking her mind (as kids do) on what she DOES knows without full understanding of, how what goes unsaid, might be hurtful to others.

Maybe her mom needs to help her understand that part (about being a "smarty pants,know-it-all, braggard" which ever name applies), help her understand more. Have you talked to your sister about this? (I'm confused as to who your neice belongs to). Sounds like she can be a little snooty and needs a little discipline. (But, I have no kids, so what do I know)

Maybe mom knows, but doesn't care. If that's the case, I would limit your time around them and solve the problem on your end. I had to "let go" of a jealous/needy sister, who couldn't accept my "no", or in your case, a sister who wouldn't address her daughter about her seemingly unkind words.

It sounds like this little girl could go into a tailspin fast, and a real pain in the ass teenager, if not corrected, soon. "Nip it in the bud" - Barney Fife.

 

[CaliSally]

I have not dealt with this personally. However, here is my opinion:

I don't think you should stand for her bad behavior, yet I doubt she really grasps how she sounds. I think she is speaking her mind (as kids do) on what she DOES knows without full understanding of, how what goes unsaid, might be hurtful to others.

Maybe her mom needs to help her understand that part (about being a "smarty pants,know-it-all, braggard" which ever name applies), help her understand more. Have you talked to your sister about this? (I'm confused as to who your neice belongs to). Sounds like she can be a little snooty and needs a little discipline. (But, I have no kids, so what do I know)

Maybe mom knows, but doesn't care. If that's the case, I would limit your time around them and solve the problem on your end. I had to "let go" of a jealous/needy sister, who couldn't accept my "no", or in your case, a sister who wouldn't address her daughter about her seemingly unkind words.

It sounds like this little girl could go into a tailspin fast, and a real pain in the ass teenager, if not corrected, soon. "Nip it in the bud" - Barney Fife.

 

[JazzysMom]

I agree with Sally. I am not sure what is driving her to be like this, but whether she has CF also or not....she is being disrespectful to you. I will admit its odd & I never had such a situation within my family. Hope you can get it rectified!

 

[JazzysMom]

I agree with Sally. I am not sure what is driving her to be like this, but whether she has CF also or not....she is being disrespectful to you. I will admit its odd & I never had such a situation within my family. Hope you can get it rectified!

 

[JazzysMom]

I agree with Sally. I am not sure what is driving her to be like this, but whether she has CF also or not....she is being disrespectful to you. I will admit its odd & I never had such a situation within my family. Hope you can get it rectified!

 

[MCGrad2006]

I def agree that something needs to be said to this child. She probably doesnt understand fully the repercussions of her hurtful words...maybe in some way she is jealous. Maybe she is in some way concerned, but just doesnt know how to show it. They may just need guidance. But I would DEF bring it up to kid or the mom. Maybe if you bring it up to her mom and you guys could tag team the kid to explain things better to her. Like her mom could say something while you are all together...and you could answer her questions, just explaining to the girl what her words meant or that they were hurtful.

 

[MCGrad2006]

I def agree that something needs to be said to this child. She probably doesnt understand fully the repercussions of her hurtful words...maybe in some way she is jealous. Maybe she is in some way concerned, but just doesnt know how to show it. They may just need guidance. But I would DEF bring it up to kid or the mom. Maybe if you bring it up to her mom and you guys could tag team the kid to explain things better to her. Like her mom could say something while you are all together...and you could answer her questions, just explaining to the girl what her words meant or that they were hurtful.

 

[MCGrad2006]

I def agree that something needs to be said to this child. She probably doesnt understand fully the repercussions of her hurtful words...maybe in some way she is jealous. Maybe she is in some way concerned, but just doesnt know how to show it. They may just need guidance. But I would DEF bring it up to kid or the mom. Maybe if you bring it up to her mom and you guys could tag team the kid to explain things better to her. Like her mom could say something while you are all together...and you could answer her questions, just explaining to the girl what her words meant or that they were hurtful.

 

[greatbay]

I have 3 thoughts on your niece:
1. She is 8 and your 29, she might feel that she deserves more attention from her Mom than you do because she is her daughter...could her Mom give you special attention around her?
2. She just might be scared you are going to die and kids have a funny way of handling that. My niece, w/o CF, whom I am very close to, was making similiar comments when she found out about my CF and after practically having to hog-tie her to get her to tell me why. She started crying and said she didn't want to lose me and it was the only thing she could say to get my attention. Kids' minds work in funny ways...Needless to say, comments have ceased because we have open discussions about the CF but she is always telling me to take my meds now.
3. Your niece may be worried about her own dying and it eases her mind about herself to say you will be dying first. Might need to delve into this more thoroughly. When my oldest daughter died, my nephew at the time was 7 and he feared he was going to die too, it was a terrible time for him and us, trying to convince him he would be okay...yet, your niece knows she could die so she is at the age that it is quite worrisome for her.
Hope some of this helps...good luck.

 

[greatbay]

I have 3 thoughts on your niece:
1. She is 8 and your 29, she might feel that she deserves more attention from her Mom than you do because she is her daughter...could her Mom give you special attention around her?
2. She just might be scared you are going to die and kids have a funny way of handling that. My niece, w/o CF, whom I am very close to, was making similiar comments when she found out about my CF and after practically having to hog-tie her to get her to tell me why. She started crying and said she didn't want to lose me and it was the only thing she could say to get my attention. Kids' minds work in funny ways...Needless to say, comments have ceased because we have open discussions about the CF but she is always telling me to take my meds now.
3. Your niece may be worried about her own dying and it eases her mind about herself to say you will be dying first. Might need to delve into this more thoroughly. When my oldest daughter died, my nephew at the time was 7 and he feared he was going to die too, it was a terrible time for him and us, trying to convince him he would be okay...yet, your niece knows she could die so she is at the age that it is quite worrisome for her.
Hope some of this helps...good luck.

 

[greatbay]

I have 3 thoughts on your niece:
1. She is 8 and your 29, she might feel that she deserves more attention from her Mom than you do because she is her daughter...could her Mom give you special attention around her?
2. She just might be scared you are going to die and kids have a funny way of handling that. My niece, w/o CF, whom I am very close to, was making similiar comments when she found out about my CF and after practically having to hog-tie her to get her to tell me why. She started crying and said she didn't want to lose me and it was the only thing she could say to get my attention. Kids' minds work in funny ways...Needless to say, comments have ceased because we have open discussions about the CF but she is always telling me to take my meds now.
3. Your niece may be worried about her own dying and it eases her mind about herself to say you will be dying first. Might need to delve into this more thoroughly. When my oldest daughter died, my nephew at the time was 7 and he feared he was going to die too, it was a terrible time for him and us, trying to convince him he would be okay...yet, your niece knows she could die so she is at the age that it is quite worrisome for her.
Hope some of this helps...good luck.

 

[nicolaj]

what an awful thing to say to you. i no shes a child, but i bet it still hurts you. were is she getting the information from that you will die because you have more lung problems? is her mother telling her this? i think you definately need to speak to your niece. if i was in your situation i would be extremely hurt by those comments. think its important you involve your nieces mom into the conversation.

nicola xx

 

[nicolaj]

what an awful thing to say to you. i no shes a child, but i bet it still hurts you. were is she getting the information from that you will die because you have more lung problems? is her mother telling her this? i think you definately need to speak to your niece. if i was in your situation i would be extremely hurt by those comments. think its important you involve your nieces mom into the conversation.

nicola xx

 

[nicolaj]

what an awful thing to say to you. i no shes a child, but i bet it still hurts you. were is she getting the information from that you will die because you have more lung problems? is her mother telling her this? i think you definately need to speak to your niece. if i was in your situation i would be extremely hurt by those comments. think its important you involve your nieces mom into the conversation.

nicola xx

 

[2perfectboys]

I was thinking the same way as Nicole, maybe she is just repeating what her mom has been telling her when they are not around u. 8 years old is way too young to be acting and talking this way. This needs to be stopped or if not avoid them for your own sanity.

Lori

 

[2perfectboys]

I was thinking the same way as Nicole, maybe she is just repeating what her mom has been telling her when they are not around u. 8 years old is way too young to be acting and talking this way. This needs to be stopped or if not avoid them for your own sanity.

Lori