A SENSITIVE ISSUE

mic10467

New member
I will be 39 tomorrow and I don't think of myself as having a "terminal" illness. I really don't understand trying to live with this label. There are so many different ranges of CF, with people living long, relatively normal lives. My mom never explained things to me about having a serioius disease, but agreed with me that what it said in the medical books defied what really seemed to be happening to me with my CF. Of course, my case was completely different because of not finding out til I was 18, despite a life of sickness. My younger brother, 34, is living well after a successful double-lung transplant last October. And now, I have to watch my older brother raise his son, 1 1/2 who was diagnosed with CF. Even between my brother with CF and I, is a big difference in attitude toward the CF. I spent alot of time fighting the CF, exercising, trying to find supplements that helped, drinking alot of water, doing whatever I could in my power to affect the CF. My brother seemed to take all of the medical literature to heart about this being a terminal disease, and therefore lost any power he had to fight it. We are blessed that his transplant was successful and he can live a better life now. One can argue that I have a mild disease, which is what I have heard for years, but I've been sick and I fight my way back. Is it that I have a mild disease, or is it that I somehow have developed a sense inside that I can fight the CF, that it isn't terminal or bigger than me. I have seen the difference in CFers lives who have different attitudes and also I've watched how my brother and I have lived our lives. One can choose the attitude and approach in life that they have toward the CF.

I think the greatest thing my mom gave me was the freedom of making up my own mind of what this CF really was. I don't really get the part about telling the child he has a terminal illness, with all due respect. That is a label medical people made up, even people with cancer, supposedly terminal, aren't always terminal. If your daughter hears from you that she is terminal, that is what she will think of herself. I think there is great power in a person's attitude of the CF, that directly affects the rate of illness. Which CFers are healthiest, the ones that live their lives as normal as they can, and still take care of their CF. Noone really knows how long a CFer will live, or how healthy he/she is going to be. I know that your innocent question wasn't meant to upset anyone, but it angers me, I'm sorry.

In my life, I've seen my fellow cfers and the way they either think of themself or are treated by their parents and to me it makes all the difference in this disease. As crappy as my growing up years were to not know I had CF, I consider it a great blessing that by time I did know, that I was able to make up my mind as to what CF is. I would ask you to let your daughter make up her mind as to what it means to her and how much she is going to let it affect her life. I think the advice that Lyndsey gave you was wonderful about talking openly with your daughter when she is old enough to comprehend certain issues such as terminal. It's a word other people made to label the disease, but each person is different.

I've been raised to really believe that what one thinks about most, subconsciously programs the direction of your life. The power of the mind is a great thing. If one is walking around thinking, I have a terminal illness, I'm dying, my CF is fatal, what kind of life can one live. The person would walk around feeling sorry for themself everyday, every minute of their life. When I hear these descriptions, I don't feel connected that they are the same thing that I live with.

Guess, I am from the free thinking school of thought. I think I'd be angry if my mother told me that my CF was terminal. I know I am angry at the books for saying that, because guess what I'm still here. All of the things that i did not let myself do at the age of eighteen through thirty because i had cf and wasn't going to live long anyways. It's taken me until 33 to understand I have CF and to live the life I was given the best I can. Some of us aren't terminal and then you are left with a life that you could of did more with. Just my thoughts. Let her live the best life that she was given, don't fill her mind with ideas to program how long her life is.

Michelle 39w/cf
 

mic10467

New member
I will be 39 tomorrow and I don't think of myself as having a "terminal" illness. I really don't understand trying to live with this label. There are so many different ranges of CF, with people living long, relatively normal lives. My mom never explained things to me about having a serioius disease, but agreed with me that what it said in the medical books defied what really seemed to be happening to me with my CF. Of course, my case was completely different because of not finding out til I was 18, despite a life of sickness. My younger brother, 34, is living well after a successful double-lung transplant last October. And now, I have to watch my older brother raise his son, 1 1/2 who was diagnosed with CF. Even between my brother with CF and I, is a big difference in attitude toward the CF. I spent alot of time fighting the CF, exercising, trying to find supplements that helped, drinking alot of water, doing whatever I could in my power to affect the CF. My brother seemed to take all of the medical literature to heart about this being a terminal disease, and therefore lost any power he had to fight it. We are blessed that his transplant was successful and he can live a better life now. One can argue that I have a mild disease, which is what I have heard for years, but I've been sick and I fight my way back. Is it that I have a mild disease, or is it that I somehow have developed a sense inside that I can fight the CF, that it isn't terminal or bigger than me. I have seen the difference in CFers lives who have different attitudes and also I've watched how my brother and I have lived our lives. One can choose the attitude and approach in life that they have toward the CF.

I think the greatest thing my mom gave me was the freedom of making up my own mind of what this CF really was. I don't really get the part about telling the child he has a terminal illness, with all due respect. That is a label medical people made up, even people with cancer, supposedly terminal, aren't always terminal. If your daughter hears from you that she is terminal, that is what she will think of herself. I think there is great power in a person's attitude of the CF, that directly affects the rate of illness. Which CFers are healthiest, the ones that live their lives as normal as they can, and still take care of their CF. Noone really knows how long a CFer will live, or how healthy he/she is going to be. I know that your innocent question wasn't meant to upset anyone, but it angers me, I'm sorry.

In my life, I've seen my fellow cfers and the way they either think of themself or are treated by their parents and to me it makes all the difference in this disease. As crappy as my growing up years were to not know I had CF, I consider it a great blessing that by time I did know, that I was able to make up my mind as to what CF is. I would ask you to let your daughter make up her mind as to what it means to her and how much she is going to let it affect her life. I think the advice that Lyndsey gave you was wonderful about talking openly with your daughter when she is old enough to comprehend certain issues such as terminal. It's a word other people made to label the disease, but each person is different.

I've been raised to really believe that what one thinks about most, subconsciously programs the direction of your life. The power of the mind is a great thing. If one is walking around thinking, I have a terminal illness, I'm dying, my CF is fatal, what kind of life can one live. The person would walk around feeling sorry for themself everyday, every minute of their life. When I hear these descriptions, I don't feel connected that they are the same thing that I live with.

Guess, I am from the free thinking school of thought. I think I'd be angry if my mother told me that my CF was terminal. I know I am angry at the books for saying that, because guess what I'm still here. All of the things that i did not let myself do at the age of eighteen through thirty because i had cf and wasn't going to live long anyways. It's taken me until 33 to understand I have CF and to live the life I was given the best I can. Some of us aren't terminal and then you are left with a life that you could of did more with. Just my thoughts. Let her live the best life that she was given, don't fill her mind with ideas to program how long her life is.

Michelle 39w/cf
 

Seana30

New member
yellowfrog,

Courtney was 10 when she was diagnosed, so she was aware something major was going on.

I have told Courtney all aspects of CF. I have not hidden anything from her. We also discuss that she can live a long and wonderful life. She is just going to have to take better care of herself than most.

We have talked about her doing all the "normal" stuff. Partying in college, staying up all night to cram for a test, taking a road trip with friends/ family.

SHE CAN DO ALL OF THIS. She is just going to have to plan better than most.

I WILL NEVER TELL COURTNEY SHE HAS LIMITATIONS! She can do anything she sets her mind to (she will just have to carry a big bag around with meds and nebs while she is doing it)!!

Seana
 

Seana30

New member
yellowfrog,

Courtney was 10 when she was diagnosed, so she was aware something major was going on.

I have told Courtney all aspects of CF. I have not hidden anything from her. We also discuss that she can live a long and wonderful life. She is just going to have to take better care of herself than most.

We have talked about her doing all the "normal" stuff. Partying in college, staying up all night to cram for a test, taking a road trip with friends/ family.

SHE CAN DO ALL OF THIS. She is just going to have to plan better than most.

I WILL NEVER TELL COURTNEY SHE HAS LIMITATIONS! She can do anything she sets her mind to (she will just have to carry a big bag around with meds and nebs while she is doing it)!!

Seana
 

Seana30

New member
yellowfrog,

Courtney was 10 when she was diagnosed, so she was aware something major was going on.

I have told Courtney all aspects of CF. I have not hidden anything from her. We also discuss that she can live a long and wonderful life. She is just going to have to take better care of herself than most.

We have talked about her doing all the "normal" stuff. Partying in college, staying up all night to cram for a test, taking a road trip with friends/ family.

SHE CAN DO ALL OF THIS. She is just going to have to plan better than most.

I WILL NEVER TELL COURTNEY SHE HAS LIMITATIONS! She can do anything she sets her mind to (she will just have to carry a big bag around with meds and nebs while she is doing it)!!

Seana
 

Allie

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>We have talked about her doing all the "normal" stuff. Partying in college, staying up all night to cram for a test, taking a road trip with friends/ family.

SHE CAN DO ALL OF THIS. She is just going to have to plan better than most.
</end quote></div>

Ye, yes, yes, that's why it's important for kids to know, so they can get in the important stuff. Then they know what goals are important to them early.
 

Allie

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>We have talked about her doing all the "normal" stuff. Partying in college, staying up all night to cram for a test, taking a road trip with friends/ family.

SHE CAN DO ALL OF THIS. She is just going to have to plan better than most.
</end quote></div>

Ye, yes, yes, that's why it's important for kids to know, so they can get in the important stuff. Then they know what goals are important to them early.
 

Allie

New member
<div class="FTQUOTE"><begin quote>We have talked about her doing all the "normal" stuff. Partying in college, staying up all night to cram for a test, taking a road trip with friends/ family.

SHE CAN DO ALL OF THIS. She is just going to have to plan better than most.
</end quote></div>

Ye, yes, yes, that's why it's important for kids to know, so they can get in the important stuff. Then they know what goals are important to them early.
 

CFHockeyMom

New member
Michelle,

I agree with you that your state of mind can definitely affect your health. That holds true CF or no CF. However, to dispute the fact that CF is a terminal disease - it is progressive and will kill you - is belittling all of those that have died from this terrible disease. Surely you are not suggesting that all of our friends that have died from CF have somehow brought it on themselves because they didn't have the right state of mind?

As Seana stated, just because a person has CF doesn't mean that they can't live a full life. They just have to make certain accomodations. That is the truth and many of us believe it is harmful to not honestly explain that to our children.

There is a distinct difference in telling your child the truth and telling your child their life is over. No one here is suggesting that the original poster (or anyone for that matter) tell their child that they will die by the age of 36. Again, that is a statistic. Some live longer and some not as long. There are still plenty of CFers not living 'til 36 and plenty of parents burrying their teens, adolescents, toddlers, and babies in spite of keeping a positive attitude and doing all but selling their soul to keep their CFer healthy.

Edited to say: Sean knows the statistics and is planning on beating them. He intends to be the longest living CFer ever. His positive attitude is based on the truth. Who could ask for more?
 

CFHockeyMom

New member
Michelle,

I agree with you that your state of mind can definitely affect your health. That holds true CF or no CF. However, to dispute the fact that CF is a terminal disease - it is progressive and will kill you - is belittling all of those that have died from this terrible disease. Surely you are not suggesting that all of our friends that have died from CF have somehow brought it on themselves because they didn't have the right state of mind?

As Seana stated, just because a person has CF doesn't mean that they can't live a full life. They just have to make certain accomodations. That is the truth and many of us believe it is harmful to not honestly explain that to our children.

There is a distinct difference in telling your child the truth and telling your child their life is over. No one here is suggesting that the original poster (or anyone for that matter) tell their child that they will die by the age of 36. Again, that is a statistic. Some live longer and some not as long. There are still plenty of CFers not living 'til 36 and plenty of parents burrying their teens, adolescents, toddlers, and babies in spite of keeping a positive attitude and doing all but selling their soul to keep their CFer healthy.

Edited to say: Sean knows the statistics and is planning on beating them. He intends to be the longest living CFer ever. His positive attitude is based on the truth. Who could ask for more?
 

CFHockeyMom

New member
Michelle,

I agree with you that your state of mind can definitely affect your health. That holds true CF or no CF. However, to dispute the fact that CF is a terminal disease - it is progressive and will kill you - is belittling all of those that have died from this terrible disease. Surely you are not suggesting that all of our friends that have died from CF have somehow brought it on themselves because they didn't have the right state of mind?

As Seana stated, just because a person has CF doesn't mean that they can't live a full life. They just have to make certain accomodations. That is the truth and many of us believe it is harmful to not honestly explain that to our children.

There is a distinct difference in telling your child the truth and telling your child their life is over. No one here is suggesting that the original poster (or anyone for that matter) tell their child that they will die by the age of 36. Again, that is a statistic. Some live longer and some not as long. There are still plenty of CFers not living 'til 36 and plenty of parents burrying their teens, adolescents, toddlers, and babies in spite of keeping a positive attitude and doing all but selling their soul to keep their CFer healthy.

Edited to say: Sean knows the statistics and is planning on beating them. He intends to be the longest living CFer ever. His positive attitude is based on the truth. Who could ask for more?
 
T

tammykrumrey

Guest
I have never told my daughters about the 'age'. They do know that they have CF and that it may take more work to stay healthy than their friends. They do know that people die from CF, but they also know that you are going to die anyways. Seeing that they only have each other, no other non-CF siblings involved, they really urge each other, even at a young age. For instance, the other night one of my girls turned her vest off early and didn't feel like finishing her PT. The other one yelled over at her that it was her choice, but that she was going to die earlier than her if she kept doing that. I was shocked, but stayed out of it. I just had to hear how the conversation was going to continue<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
All though I do have to admit, I do tell them that if they smoke, they will die. I am as straight forward as possible. I just don't want them to ever pick up the habit, or even a cigarette for all that matters. We stay completely away from smoke and they know it is bad for their (and all of ours) lungs. I cannot stand how my sinuses feel the next day either after being around smoke.
They know that people make choices in their lives, and I am just trying to teach them how to make good ones so that they can live a long life and beat the 'age' that we all read. I am sure that things will get more complicated as they get older, but at this age, it is working for us!
 
T

tammykrumrey

Guest
I have never told my daughters about the 'age'. They do know that they have CF and that it may take more work to stay healthy than their friends. They do know that people die from CF, but they also know that you are going to die anyways. Seeing that they only have each other, no other non-CF siblings involved, they really urge each other, even at a young age. For instance, the other night one of my girls turned her vest off early and didn't feel like finishing her PT. The other one yelled over at her that it was her choice, but that she was going to die earlier than her if she kept doing that. I was shocked, but stayed out of it. I just had to hear how the conversation was going to continue<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
All though I do have to admit, I do tell them that if they smoke, they will die. I am as straight forward as possible. I just don't want them to ever pick up the habit, or even a cigarette for all that matters. We stay completely away from smoke and they know it is bad for their (and all of ours) lungs. I cannot stand how my sinuses feel the next day either after being around smoke.
They know that people make choices in their lives, and I am just trying to teach them how to make good ones so that they can live a long life and beat the 'age' that we all read. I am sure that things will get more complicated as they get older, but at this age, it is working for us!
 
T

tammykrumrey

Guest
I have never told my daughters about the 'age'. They do know that they have CF and that it may take more work to stay healthy than their friends. They do know that people die from CF, but they also know that you are going to die anyways. Seeing that they only have each other, no other non-CF siblings involved, they really urge each other, even at a young age. For instance, the other night one of my girls turned her vest off early and didn't feel like finishing her PT. The other one yelled over at her that it was her choice, but that she was going to die earlier than her if she kept doing that. I was shocked, but stayed out of it. I just had to hear how the conversation was going to continue<img src="i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif" border="0">
All though I do have to admit, I do tell them that if they smoke, they will die. I am as straight forward as possible. I just don't want them to ever pick up the habit, or even a cigarette for all that matters. We stay completely away from smoke and they know it is bad for their (and all of ours) lungs. I cannot stand how my sinuses feel the next day either after being around smoke.
They know that people make choices in their lives, and I am just trying to teach them how to make good ones so that they can live a long life and beat the 'age' that we all read. I am sure that things will get more complicated as they get older, but at this age, it is working for us!
 

anonymous

New member
I was not told I even had Cf until I was 12. I did not find out from my parents, I found out from a book report a child did on CF. That being said I do not hate my parents for it. I know they were also scared and didn't want me to be. They wanted to shelter me. That being said, I do not agree that any child should not know that they have a disease

But from what I understand your child knows she has Cf but not the prognosis. I do not think you should sit her down and tell her the prognosis. I think you should make it that if she has questions she can ask you. My mother never said that the disease kills people early. Yes, I found that out myself but I choose not to think about it. She probably knows already but just doesn't want to talk about it. Just make sure you are open to discussing any worries she might have and she knows that.

When I finally did talk to my mom about how the avg age is 30ish she didn't dispute it but also told me how that age is constantly going up. giving some hope is not wrong as long as you back it up with evidence.

Sue 24w/CF
 

anonymous

New member
I was not told I even had Cf until I was 12. I did not find out from my parents, I found out from a book report a child did on CF. That being said I do not hate my parents for it. I know they were also scared and didn't want me to be. They wanted to shelter me. That being said, I do not agree that any child should not know that they have a disease

But from what I understand your child knows she has Cf but not the prognosis. I do not think you should sit her down and tell her the prognosis. I think you should make it that if she has questions she can ask you. My mother never said that the disease kills people early. Yes, I found that out myself but I choose not to think about it. She probably knows already but just doesn't want to talk about it. Just make sure you are open to discussing any worries she might have and she knows that.

When I finally did talk to my mom about how the avg age is 30ish she didn't dispute it but also told me how that age is constantly going up. giving some hope is not wrong as long as you back it up with evidence.

Sue 24w/CF
 

anonymous

New member
I was not told I even had Cf until I was 12. I did not find out from my parents, I found out from a book report a child did on CF. That being said I do not hate my parents for it. I know they were also scared and didn't want me to be. They wanted to shelter me. That being said, I do not agree that any child should not know that they have a disease

But from what I understand your child knows she has Cf but not the prognosis. I do not think you should sit her down and tell her the prognosis. I think you should make it that if she has questions she can ask you. My mother never said that the disease kills people early. Yes, I found that out myself but I choose not to think about it. She probably knows already but just doesn't want to talk about it. Just make sure you are open to discussing any worries she might have and she knows that.

When I finally did talk to my mom about how the avg age is 30ish she didn't dispute it but also told me how that age is constantly going up. giving some hope is not wrong as long as you back it up with evidence.

Sue 24w/CF
 

Seana30

New member
yellowfrog,

After rereading my post I feel I sounded a little snooty about it.

I don't pretend to know what is going to happen to Courtney. We have never dealt with major lung issues to date and hope we don't have to for many, many years.

I just want Courtney to live life to the fullest. None of us know how long we have on this earth, and I want all 3 of my kids to enjoy every minute of it.

My biggest wish for all of my kids, CF or not, is to play, laugh, smile, love, dance, and just plain enjoy their journey in life.

I apoligize if I sounded rude on my last post.

I wish you the best of luck!

Seana
 

Seana30

New member
yellowfrog,

After rereading my post I feel I sounded a little snooty about it.

I don't pretend to know what is going to happen to Courtney. We have never dealt with major lung issues to date and hope we don't have to for many, many years.

I just want Courtney to live life to the fullest. None of us know how long we have on this earth, and I want all 3 of my kids to enjoy every minute of it.

My biggest wish for all of my kids, CF or not, is to play, laugh, smile, love, dance, and just plain enjoy their journey in life.

I apoligize if I sounded rude on my last post.

I wish you the best of luck!

Seana
 

Seana30

New member
yellowfrog,

After rereading my post I feel I sounded a little snooty about it.

I don't pretend to know what is going to happen to Courtney. We have never dealt with major lung issues to date and hope we don't have to for many, many years.

I just want Courtney to live life to the fullest. None of us know how long we have on this earth, and I want all 3 of my kids to enjoy every minute of it.

My biggest wish for all of my kids, CF or not, is to play, laugh, smile, love, dance, and just plain enjoy their journey in life.

I apoligize if I sounded rude on my last post.

I wish you the best of luck!

Seana
 
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