Am I being selfish?

[JennifersHope]

I just need a little perspective if you don't mind.. I am due to graduate nursing school in May, and I am have started to do the pre employment interviews for my work to be on staff as an RN... I have worked so freaken hard to finish school. I have maintained a 4.0 in spite of the fact that I have been in the hospital every semester. I am in two honor societies and am the class representive. I am only saying that not to brag but to say that I really have worked so hard......


Anyway, the problem is, when I started nursing school, I was not dx with CF not that I am my whole support system is falling out from behind me. The people who mean the most to me and love me the most are not telling me that I am not using my brain in becoming a nurse. Now granted, I work in an emergency room, but I haven't not been any more sick that I have been my whole life. Just the normal stuff. When I worked on the regular med/surg floor there was way more germs on there from hospital aquired infections then in the ER. The ER has become part of my blood and I love it...

My close family and friends, minus my father, want me to either quit school and find a different job, or they want me to work in a clean place such as the OR or a Labor and delivery floor. Now granted, I am not stupid and I know I would be "safer there" what ever that means but I want to hear from others who have CF. Am I being selfish because I want to do what I want to do, finish school and work in an ER??? My PFTS last visit were 93 percent. I am on IVS and in the hospital on average three times a year, but I still don't culture anything on a regular basis.

Maybe I am just being selfish and maybe I am just bull headed, but I believe that without a goal and without doing something that I feel proud of and something where I am giving back, I won't feel good. My good friends from my church offered me my old job back as Childrens Director but the pay isn't good enough to support any type of living and besides I love my job.

I think I may be more open to ppl with CF then my friends and family who I am just feeling don't understand me. Don't get me wrong they love me to death. They have always supported me but I have always done what I thought they wanted me to do.

I feel sad now because I always had such a great sense of my family and friends being proud of me, now I think at my graduation that I am going to be sad to see that no one is happy for me. I also feel like now if I get sick I am up the creek because most ppl now think I am just asking for trouble. Someone even asked me if I felt suicidal and that is why I work in the ER.


Thanks for letting me vent, and I would really love to hear your input,

Jennifer
32 w/ Cf and Addison's disease....

 

[christyisnutz]

Jennnnnnnnnn,
Ok girl, you know I have put my two cents in before and I will again. I was one of the one's.. yes.. who talked to you last school year about "rethinking" your decision. Well, I know how passionately you want to be an RN, so I would in no way encourage you differently now. BUT... I do have to encourage you not to work in the ER. When I was working as a nurse in a general practice office, which you know isn't as germ infested at the ER, not only did I get sicker and sicker the longer I worked there, but I was exposed to TB and subsequently had a positive PPD (the same time the doc I worked for had a positive one). Now, thankfully, I took prophylactic meds and it never became "active", but I still wound up being let go from that job, b/c the doc I worked for was also a friend and knew how stubborn I was b/c I loved my job, and also knew I'd never leave if he didn't do that.
I am planning on taking some classes this year and becoming a certified diabetes educator. In the state of NC, you either have to be an RN or dietician to do that, and this is one way that (after 6 years), I can use my nursing education. That being said, I think that there are many many areas that you could work in, and therefore I don't encourage you to quit something you love and have devoted so much time and energy to.
I worry terribly though, that if you stay in the ER, you will find yourself getting sicker faster, and also coming in contact with things that you normally wouldn't. So yeah Jen, b/c I love you and care for you, I am one of the one's who thinks you should leave the ER. Instead of getting upset b/c your friends and family don't support you in your decision, just realize that we all want what's best for you.
In addition, I have been there. I had people tell me that I shouldn't be in nursing school, that I shouldn't be working in a doc's office, etc, and yes, as stubborn as I was, I didn't listen. I will never regret becoming a nurse, b/c I think that it helped me tremendously in understanding my own health. I do think though, that I put myself at great risk with the job location I chose. I just don't want you to wind up sicker than you have to be girl. It's only b/c I care.
Love ya,
Christy

 

[princessjdc]

Ok, I think you should do what you love to do and that is work in the ER, specially after you put in all that hard work in school to become what youve always wanted. It sounds like your doing good at keeping yourself healthy, as long as you keep that up and see your doc on a regular basis, I dont think your job would have that much effect on you. Your pfts look good, have you had a lung tx or do you still have your original lungs, just curious cause if thats your real lungs then wow, specially at your age. Also I dont think you would be suicidal for wanting to work in the ER. Just my opinion.

Christy has a good point also.

 

[kybert]

no way are you being selfish, if anything id say you are selfless! stick to what you want to do. if anyone else has a problem with it then they are the ones who are being selfish. how could one not admire what you do anyway? quality not quantity. as far as germs are concerned i see no problem working in an ER. im really unsure as to what your family thinks you will catch from there. if they are scared of you working in an ER then they should be scared of you walking in a crowded shopping centre!

 

[julie]

Jen I think that you should do what you love and enjoy. In the end, when you recall all the accomplishments, trials, joys, frustrations, failures, hardships, good times and such, you should never have to say, "gee, I wish I did this or that". I know that is MUCH easier said than done and it is very hard to have friends and family who "don't" (really) support what you do, but you will find that in time they will come around. I believe in your situation (as a later diagnosis) those closest to you don't knows as much about CF quite yet (as they will in the future) or they may hear all the negative parts of CF and fear for the worst for you-which is completely normal but doesn't do you a darn bit of good.

I know I am not your best friend or necessairly part of your support system, but I think that you should do what makes you happy and that your friends and family will come around eventually. There's nothing wrong with asking them kindly to keep their opinion about your choice, to themselves as they have previously voiced it to you. If they have respect, they will abide by that request. But, you do have a secondary support system here on this board and most of us will/do understand where you are coming from and will support you and assist you in your dreams. Push you at times like this... Go for it!

 

[Emily65Roses]

Unless that dream is killing kittens and kidnapping babies. Hahaha. But seriously, I agree with everyone else. I say go for it! <img src="i/expressions/heart.gif" border="0">

 

[luke]

Jennifer,

I would give the ER a shot too. If you end up getting sick more often then maybe you need to think about a change. You may need to work on a cardiac unit or in the OR where you patients aren't as likely to get you sick. Also keep in mind, there are other things nurses can do other than direct patient care such working for insurance companies and such. Don't let anyone tell you what you should do, it is your life and you are the only one that can make you happy.

On a personal note I worked in a hospital as a RT for 7 years and didn't suffer any ill effects. I now work in management in homecare so I very seldom do patient care. But on the occasion I will set up a CPAP or an apnea monitor just because I miss taking care of people.


luke bailey, mba rrt

 

[anonymous]

Hi Jennifer,
I am going to echo what everyone else said, do what you want to do and follow your passion. I was diagnosed with cf during nursing school as well and didn't change my plans after diagnosis. I was fortunate enough to work on a surgical floor for 10 years without any ill effects on my health (meaning I didn't pick up any infections from patients; I WOULD say that the schedule/long hours/physical work took a toll, but that would be the same in the ER, OR, maternity or whatever...) I had to retire after 10 years because it just became too much for me physically, but I am SO glad I didn't change my career plans after diagnosis and get stuck in a job I hated just because it was "safer" or made more sense to other people. I'm proud of what I accomplished. So I think you should go for it and respectfully let everyone who cares about you know that you appreciate their concern and respect their opinions, but that it is YOUR life and you are going to live it the way you want to. Good luck!!!

Kim
40 w/cf

 

[JazzysMom]

One thing that we CFers should no is that life is too short to make regretful choices. If you coose to stay & the ER & it kills you at least you died doing what you love & where. If it makes you sick enough to reconsider it, great. It if never affects you more than anywhere else, great. People who care are only looking out for your physical well being. They arent looking at the mental/emotional aspect. People will be upset with you. As long as you go into it responsible & do the best to maintain your heath then I say go for it. You only live once!

 

[NoDayButToday]

I say go for it and stick with what you love. Why have worked SO hard at school and wind up not working in the place you LOVE to work?

 

[Debi]

I can understand both sides of this issue: family and friends who don't want you to be sick and you, who wants to live a fulfilling life. I am still working full time at a job I love that involves lots of public contact. Over the years, when I have been hospitalized, people have "wondered" if maybe I should just quit working so I could relax more and have less contact with germs. Finally, I asked my doctor if I was just being stubborn and if he thought it would be better for me to quit. His response was really helpful. He reminded me of where I am: in my 50's with a disease that takes most people at a much younger age; a wonderful marriage, two awesome children, a job that I love, and making contributions on the planet that touch thousands of lives. He added: "Just keep doing whatever you've been doing, because it is obviously working. You will know, yourself, if and when it is time to make any changes." When I shared that with my family and friends, they completely got it. Ultimately, it's not the amount of time you're here that counts, it's the quality of the life you lead. You will know if and when it's time to leave the ER. And when it is, there are many other ways to use your skills. In the meantime, thanks for doing the work you do. The people you treat are truly blessed to have you care for them.

 

[HollyCatheryn]

Check out this woman's story. She is a doctor in England with CF. She had to face a lot of the same criticisms and judgements as what you are and will be facing. She made her own choices based on her needs and abilities and is very pleased with her life. <A class="" href="http://http://careerfocus.bmjjournals.com/cgi/content/full/324/7342/S118?RESULTFORMAT=1&hits=10&FIRSTINDEX=0&TITLEABSTRACT=walters&SEARCHID=1095256077441_393&gca=careerfocus;324/7342/S118&">http://http://careerfocus.bmjjournals.com/cgi/content/full/324/7342/S118?RESULTFORMAT=1&hits=10&FIRSTINDEX=0&TITLEABSTRACT=walters&SEARCHID=1095256077441_393&gca=careerfocus;324/7342/S118&</A>  If the link I placed doesn't work, go to  <A class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://http://www3.nbnet.nb.ca/normap/remarkablecfpeople.htm" target=blank>www3.nbnet.nb.ca/normap/remarkablecfpeople.htm</A> and click on Dr. Sarah Walters, 43 with CF.

 

[JennifersHope]

Hi,

Thank you so much for all your support and understanding. I am surprised at your responses in a good way... I thought for sure I would hear how selfish I was being and how lucky I should feel to be doing so well, and what and idiot I am for "risking" it.

In a way, I think if I would have heard that I would have been more likely to surrender my hopes and done what ppl want me to do. I tend to be a major people pleaser... and can't stand it when I am doing something that I know the ppl I love don't approve of. I tried to hook on the link of that women doctor with CF but I couldn' t get on for some reason.........

I guess especially lately, I feel like life is short, I totally feel the same way as most of you quality over quantity... I don't and won't live in a bubble no matter how much others want me to...In fact I don't see any good evidence of living in a bubble, I have very good friends who have never worked around others, or at least not for a long time, and they have done all there treatments, and everything they are supposed to and they ended up with Cepecia..... I mean come on.....................Germs are everywhere...

Anyway, I am going to finish school I just have to, I am glad that you don't think I am being selfish, I don't know where I am going to work, I do hope ultimately that I end up where every my "destiny" is.. and I hope I get over my need to please others and have other ppl approve of me...

Pretty much the conversations I have had today have been telling me that if I chose to live my life in such a reckless manor, the next time I am sick I will have no support from these people because I will have done it to myself, they said they will always love me, but can't stand by and watch me kill myself..

Now to someone who doesn' t have a heart of care, no big deal, screw them, but these are people who are very, very dear to me....I am just so anrgy that at a time when I should be happy that I am almost done.. I feel sad like I have betrayed my family and friends...


Thanks again for all your support. I am not a quitter I have never been one, and I pray I never become one.

Jennifer 32 w CF and Addison's who will become and RN in May........

 

[Debi]

I suspect that the people who are suggesting they might not be there for you if you get sick after choosing ER nursing are just afraid of losing you. Your family and true friends WILL be there for you if the going ever gets rough. Thank them for caring and just tell them thanks for supporting you in your choice. What's the point of being alive if you can't LIVE?

 

[Mockingbird]

<blockquote>Quote
<hr><i>Originally posted by: <b>Emily65Roses</b></i>
Unless that dream is killing kittens and kidnapping babies. <hr></blockquote>


... Awwww, man! *sigh* I guess it's back to school for me, then.

 

[ccflewallen]

I was behind you the whole time I was reading your message until you said that you were offered a job you used to have and you sais "no" because it didn't pay enough for your "kind of living". That is a littttle bit shelfish. It was at a church so hopefully I can safely assume you are a believer. It's good that you are looking for advice from other CFers, but there is a much higher power you should be turning to right now.

If working in the ER is THE ONLY JOB IN THE WHOLE WORLD THAT YOU WOULD EVER ENJOY, I might understand somewhat where you are coming from. But, if you are doing it because you know it will pay you ALOT OF MONEY, and I am sure it will, my advice is pray. The reason I say pray is because no one person is going to convince you to turn down a lot of money or a certain lifestyle except God. You are an adult. I will pray for your decision. With that said, I don't know what I would do either. But, if I were in the hospital that much, that might cause a little light to go off in my head. Good Luck!! and God Bless!!

Chris
26/m/wCF

 

[Purplelungs]

The money issue Jen was talking about is that the church job wouldnt pay enough for her to live on. She still has to consider co pays on meds, and other bills. She lives pay check to pay check as it is. Thats all she meant. Also if she took the church job she would loose her insurance coverage which is pretty good one. Just saying cus I know jen and we talked about this before.

 

[JennifersHope]

Thanks Amanda I appreciate you covering my back. I don't want to start a war.. I don't... I do believe in God, I was the Childrens' Director at my church for 7 years for little to no salary and no insurance.till the very end. That was my choice, I loved my job.

I really have a problem with you being a "believer" judging me. You called what I was doing selfish without knowing me, knowing my life and knowing anything about me. You who are a believer, judged me and broke the greatest commandment of loving one another...... I am just saying I got more love and support from non believers.. I am just saying how does that look?????? Doesn't make being a Christain any more appealing than eating dirt... Not our job to judge...

To everyone else please forgive the God talk, I just had to point this out....I never share my veiws on here as I have respect for yours and this is not discuss your religion website....and also, since I am human I do a piss poor job at representing God....

As Amanda pointed out, when I said support my life style let me be clear, PAY FOR MY MEDS, PAY FOR A ROOF OVER MY HEAD, PAY FOR A CAR TO DRIVE, PAY FOR FOOD. Right now, I am 32 years old, I live at home with my dad and his wife, My parents totally support me, my co pays which are several hundred dolars every few months, they pay for my car payments, insurance and my food. I will not live a life of poverty there is no reason too.....Also as a side note, I have volunteered and served in my church for years, I have also served the community I live in by running support groups for abused childeren, I have also run support groups for abused women, helped them find apartments and jobs. For years I worked with the homeless in NYC and fed them food weekly. I serve in my school and work at blood drives and health clinics for the poor all for free.

So please next time you judge me, do it with the same ounce of measurment you want to be judged....Please forgive me for being harsh toward you I am sure you didn't even realize that you were being judgemental....

Thanks,
Jennifer

 

[ccflewallen]

You are right. And I do apoligize for coming accross as though I were judging you. I did assume that you were living a life style that you didn't want to give up because of money. Thats the thing with these message boards. There is entirely to much interpreting of what people are trying to say. On that same token, you were not specific on your points and there are people who do not know you just like myself. What I saw was a question (Am I being selfish?), and a statement (the pay isn't good enough to support any type of living.) So again I do apoligize for making you feel as though I were judging you. I understand the harshness.

Sincerely,

Chris Flewallen

 

[CFHockeyMom]

Jen,

Go for it. Not only have you worked too hard to just let your dream pass you by but you can't let CF run your life. Yes, it's a part of your life and a part of your loved one's lives but if you don't follow your heart you will always regret it. The day may come that you feel differently but right now you have to do what you want. It's your life, live it!

In general, I think women have a tendancy to want to please everyone and don't want to upset anyone. That being the case, we are more likely so sacrifice our dreams/goals just to make others happy. The worst part of it is that we've been taught that doing what we want is selfish. Seems to me that when men do what they want, it's call ambition/dedication.

Anyway, I always tell my CFer he can be anything he wants to be when he grows up as long as he's willing to work hard for it. I'd never go back on that even if he chose a career that I deemed questionable. As an example, he went through a phase where he wanted to be a fire fighter. Not exactly a great job for a CFer but I'd support him if that's what he really wanted.

Good Luck!