Annoyed, upset

PedsNP2007 · Dec 4, 2008

Hi,
I was not going to write a post, but I still am upset and just wanted to vent.

I know this is ethically charged. I am a single woman with CF and despite several relationships, I have not found any guy who wants to be with me. I have had a pretty stable CF course with 1-2x hospitalizations per year (since I was 18), with FEV1 ranging from 60-70 (hasn't really changed in many years). I'm still active, working out 4-5x week, work full-time, and have a good nutritional status.

I want to be a mom. I've put so much hard energy into my career, which I am not going to give up when I am a mom. I want to do both, but know I will reduce my work hours when I have to.

So, I was planning an IUI for this month. I'm day 5 of my cycle and was doing the IUI on day 14. I went to the RE today for a f/u appt to discuss the possibility for clomid IF a few natural cycles do not yield an ovulation response.

Basically, he had some concerns (ie. being a single woman with CF) and is involving the ethics team to ensure this is an ethical thing to do.

This rubs me so wrong... I could have just had sex with guys and gotten pregnant that way. I am choosing to do the donor route, making sure CF trait isn't a significant risk (donor was tested for 100 known mutations). I have saved money over the few years. I have chosen to have a nanny to help me out. I have my family's support. I have arranged for the inevitable -- my extended family with kids who would love to take my child once I am no longer here. I have given this a lot of thought. If I wasn't concerned regarding the welfare of my future child, I would have already had a child doing the sex with an ex-boyfriend. It would have been a heck of a lot easier (AND CHEAPER!).

I emailed my pulmonologist to ask for some help. I just feel like my decision to be a single mom is out of my hands if I do it the IUI way, but is my decision if I go about the natural way. It's just not fair.

It's not like I want to be a single mom with CF. I would have loved to be in a stable, loving relationship, but it hasn't worked. My cf dr thinks that this is the best time in order to have as much time as one can with my child.

Oh well.

Jenn
30 yo cf

PedsNP2007 · Dec 4, 2008

Hi,
I was not going to write a post, but I still am upset and just wanted to vent.

I know this is ethically charged. I am a single woman with CF and despite several relationships, I have not found any guy who wants to be with me. I have had a pretty stable CF course with 1-2x hospitalizations per year (since I was 18), with FEV1 ranging from 60-70 (hasn't really changed in many years). I'm still active, working out 4-5x week, work full-time, and have a good nutritional status.

I want to be a mom. I've put so much hard energy into my career, which I am not going to give up when I am a mom. I want to do both, but know I will reduce my work hours when I have to.

So, I was planning an IUI for this month. I'm day 5 of my cycle and was doing the IUI on day 14. I went to the RE today for a f/u appt to discuss the possibility for clomid IF a few natural cycles do not yield an ovulation response.

Basically, he had some concerns (ie. being a single woman with CF) and is involving the ethics team to ensure this is an ethical thing to do.

This rubs me so wrong... I could have just had sex with guys and gotten pregnant that way. I am choosing to do the donor route, making sure CF trait isn't a significant risk (donor was tested for 100 known mutations). I have saved money over the few years. I have chosen to have a nanny to help me out. I have my family's support. I have arranged for the inevitable -- my extended family with kids who would love to take my child once I am no longer here. I have given this a lot of thought. If I wasn't concerned regarding the welfare of my future child, I would have already had a child doing the sex with an ex-boyfriend. It would have been a heck of a lot easier (AND CHEAPER!).

I emailed my pulmonologist to ask for some help. I just feel like my decision to be a single mom is out of my hands if I do it the IUI way, but is my decision if I go about the natural way. It's just not fair.

It's not like I want to be a single mom with CF. I would have loved to be in a stable, loving relationship, but it hasn't worked. My cf dr thinks that this is the best time in order to have as much time as one can with my child.

Oh well.

Jenn
30 yo cf

PedsNP2007 · Dec 4, 2008

Hi,
I was not going to write a post, but I still am upset and just wanted to vent.

I know this is ethically charged. I am a single woman with CF and despite several relationships, I have not found any guy who wants to be with me. I have had a pretty stable CF course with 1-2x hospitalizations per year (since I was 18), with FEV1 ranging from 60-70 (hasn't really changed in many years). I'm still active, working out 4-5x week, work full-time, and have a good nutritional status.

I want to be a mom. I've put so much hard energy into my career, which I am not going to give up when I am a mom. I want to do both, but know I will reduce my work hours when I have to.

So, I was planning an IUI for this month. I'm day 5 of my cycle and was doing the IUI on day 14. I went to the RE today for a f/u appt to discuss the possibility for clomid IF a few natural cycles do not yield an ovulation response.

Basically, he had some concerns (ie. being a single woman with CF) and is involving the ethics team to ensure this is an ethical thing to do.

This rubs me so wrong... I could have just had sex with guys and gotten pregnant that way. I am choosing to do the donor route, making sure CF trait isn't a significant risk (donor was tested for 100 known mutations). I have saved money over the few years. I have chosen to have a nanny to help me out. I have my family's support. I have arranged for the inevitable -- my extended family with kids who would love to take my child once I am no longer here. I have given this a lot of thought. If I wasn't concerned regarding the welfare of my future child, I would have already had a child doing the sex with an ex-boyfriend. It would have been a heck of a lot easier (AND CHEAPER!).

I emailed my pulmonologist to ask for some help. I just feel like my decision to be a single mom is out of my hands if I do it the IUI way, but is my decision if I go about the natural way. It's just not fair.

It's not like I want to be a single mom with CF. I would have loved to be in a stable, loving relationship, but it hasn't worked. My cf dr thinks that this is the best time in order to have as much time as one can with my child.

Oh well.

Jenn
30 yo cf

PedsNP2007 · Dec 4, 2008

Hi,
I was not going to write a post, but I still am upset and just wanted to vent.

I know this is ethically charged. I am a single woman with CF and despite several relationships, I have not found any guy who wants to be with me. I have had a pretty stable CF course with 1-2x hospitalizations per year (since I was 18), with FEV1 ranging from 60-70 (hasn't really changed in many years). I'm still active, working out 4-5x week, work full-time, and have a good nutritional status.

I want to be a mom. I've put so much hard energy into my career, which I am not going to give up when I am a mom. I want to do both, but know I will reduce my work hours when I have to.

So, I was planning an IUI for this month. I'm day 5 of my cycle and was doing the IUI on day 14. I went to the RE today for a f/u appt to discuss the possibility for clomid IF a few natural cycles do not yield an ovulation response.

Basically, he had some concerns (ie. being a single woman with CF) and is involving the ethics team to ensure this is an ethical thing to do.

This rubs me so wrong... I could have just had sex with guys and gotten pregnant that way. I am choosing to do the donor route, making sure CF trait isn't a significant risk (donor was tested for 100 known mutations). I have saved money over the few years. I have chosen to have a nanny to help me out. I have my family's support. I have arranged for the inevitable -- my extended family with kids who would love to take my child once I am no longer here. I have given this a lot of thought. If I wasn't concerned regarding the welfare of my future child, I would have already had a child doing the sex with an ex-boyfriend. It would have been a heck of a lot easier (AND CHEAPER!).

I emailed my pulmonologist to ask for some help. I just feel like my decision to be a single mom is out of my hands if I do it the IUI way, but is my decision if I go about the natural way. It's just not fair.

It's not like I want to be a single mom with CF. I would have loved to be in a stable, loving relationship, but it hasn't worked. My cf dr thinks that this is the best time in order to have as much time as one can with my child.

Oh well.

Jenn
30 yo cf

PedsNP2007 · Dec 4, 2008

Hi,
 I was not going to write a post, but I still am upset and just wanted to vent.
 
 I know this is ethically charged. I am a single woman with CF and despite several relationships, I have not found any guy who wants to be with me. I have had a pretty stable CF course with 1-2x hospitalizations per year (since I was 18), with FEV1 ranging from 60-70 (hasn't really changed in many years). I'm still active, working out 4-5x week, work full-time, and have a good nutritional status.
 
 I want to be a mom. I've put so much hard energy into my career, which I am not going to give up when I am a mom. I want to do both, but know I will reduce my work hours when I have to.
 
 So, I was planning an IUI for this month. I'm day 5 of my cycle and was doing the IUI on day 14. I went to the RE today for a f/u appt to discuss the possibility for clomid IF a few natural cycles do not yield an ovulation response.
 
 Basically, he had some concerns (ie. being a single woman with CF) and is involving the ethics team to ensure this is an ethical thing to do.
 
 This rubs me so wrong... I could have just had sex with guys and gotten pregnant that way. I am choosing to do the donor route, making sure CF trait isn't a significant risk (donor was tested for 100 known mutations). I have saved money over the few years. I have chosen to have a nanny to help me out. I have my family's support. I have arranged for the inevitable -- my extended family with kids who would love to take my child once I am no longer here. I have given this a lot of thought. If I wasn't concerned regarding the welfare of my future child, I would have already had a child doing the sex with an ex-boyfriend. It would have been a heck of a lot easier (AND CHEAPER!).
 
 I emailed my pulmonologist to ask for some help. I just feel like my decision to be a single mom is out of my hands if I do it the IUI way, but is my decision if I go about the natural way. It's just not fair.
 
 It's not like I want to be a single mom with CF. I would have loved to be in a stable, loving relationship, but it hasn't worked. My cf dr thinks that this is the best time in order to have as much time as one can with my child.
 
 Oh well.
 
 Jenn
 30 yo cf

BeccaRN · Dec 4, 2008

Hi,
I am sorry you are experiencing this. I went thru the same thing. I am married though. This guy was a complete idiot and he thought he was god. He refused to do IUI on me because he wanted me to do IVF with PGD and would only due it that way so he could irradicate the disease. He would do away with even the "carrier embryos". I asked him if he even knew how the disease worked because any child I have would be a carrier....he didn't know what he was talking about. I was gonna have to see a counseler and everything...we already had the test done on my hubby, not a carrier. I told him he wasn't god, and had no right to say these things to me and I thought he was unethical. Needless to say, I found a new doctor. It is your decision if you want to have a baby, with or without CF. I told that doc plainly, he was diminishing my life by saying that those embros are worthless. I may not be the healthiest person in the world, but I am glad I am here, I have had a good life, and I am glad my parents kept me....some people are morons. I say move on to another doctor who is familiar with CF and is comfortable. This is a stressful enough situation without having to deal with an idiot who thinks you having a child has anything to do with him making a ethical decision...I am sorry for the long post but you brought back all the emotions I felt that day, I wanted to slap that doctor across the face! Good luck.
Rebecca

BeccaRN · Dec 4, 2008

Hi,
I am sorry you are experiencing this. I went thru the same thing. I am married though. This guy was a complete idiot and he thought he was god. He refused to do IUI on me because he wanted me to do IVF with PGD and would only due it that way so he could irradicate the disease. He would do away with even the "carrier embryos". I asked him if he even knew how the disease worked because any child I have would be a carrier....he didn't know what he was talking about. I was gonna have to see a counseler and everything...we already had the test done on my hubby, not a carrier. I told him he wasn't god, and had no right to say these things to me and I thought he was unethical. Needless to say, I found a new doctor. It is your decision if you want to have a baby, with or without CF. I told that doc plainly, he was diminishing my life by saying that those embros are worthless. I may not be the healthiest person in the world, but I am glad I am here, I have had a good life, and I am glad my parents kept me....some people are morons. I say move on to another doctor who is familiar with CF and is comfortable. This is a stressful enough situation without having to deal with an idiot who thinks you having a child has anything to do with him making a ethical decision...I am sorry for the long post but you brought back all the emotions I felt that day, I wanted to slap that doctor across the face! Good luck.
Rebecca

BeccaRN · Dec 4, 2008

Hi,
I am sorry you are experiencing this. I went thru the same thing. I am married though. This guy was a complete idiot and he thought he was god. He refused to do IUI on me because he wanted me to do IVF with PGD and would only due it that way so he could irradicate the disease. He would do away with even the "carrier embryos". I asked him if he even knew how the disease worked because any child I have would be a carrier....he didn't know what he was talking about. I was gonna have to see a counseler and everything...we already had the test done on my hubby, not a carrier. I told him he wasn't god, and had no right to say these things to me and I thought he was unethical. Needless to say, I found a new doctor. It is your decision if you want to have a baby, with or without CF. I told that doc plainly, he was diminishing my life by saying that those embros are worthless. I may not be the healthiest person in the world, but I am glad I am here, I have had a good life, and I am glad my parents kept me....some people are morons. I say move on to another doctor who is familiar with CF and is comfortable. This is a stressful enough situation without having to deal with an idiot who thinks you having a child has anything to do with him making a ethical decision...I am sorry for the long post but you brought back all the emotions I felt that day, I wanted to slap that doctor across the face! Good luck.
Rebecca

BeccaRN · Dec 4, 2008

Hi,
I am sorry you are experiencing this. I went thru the same thing. I am married though. This guy was a complete idiot and he thought he was god. He refused to do IUI on me because he wanted me to do IVF with PGD and would only due it that way so he could irradicate the disease. He would do away with even the "carrier embryos". I asked him if he even knew how the disease worked because any child I have would be a carrier....he didn't know what he was talking about. I was gonna have to see a counseler and everything...we already had the test done on my hubby, not a carrier. I told him he wasn't god, and had no right to say these things to me and I thought he was unethical. Needless to say, I found a new doctor. It is your decision if you want to have a baby, with or without CF. I told that doc plainly, he was diminishing my life by saying that those embros are worthless. I may not be the healthiest person in the world, but I am glad I am here, I have had a good life, and I am glad my parents kept me....some people are morons. I say move on to another doctor who is familiar with CF and is comfortable. This is a stressful enough situation without having to deal with an idiot who thinks you having a child has anything to do with him making a ethical decision...I am sorry for the long post but you brought back all the emotions I felt that day, I wanted to slap that doctor across the face! Good luck.
Rebecca

BeccaRN · Dec 4, 2008

Hi,
 I am sorry you are experiencing this. I went thru the same thing. I am married though. This guy was a complete idiot and he thought he was god. He refused to do IUI on me because he wanted me to do IVF with PGD and would only due it that way so he could irradicate the disease. He would do away with even the "carrier embryos". I asked him if he even knew how the disease worked because any child I have would be a carrier....he didn't know what he was talking about. I was gonna have to see a counseler and everything...we already had the test done on my hubby, not a carrier. I told him he wasn't god, and had no right to say these things to me and I thought he was unethical. Needless to say, I found a new doctor. It is your decision if you want to have a baby, with or without CF. I told that doc plainly, he was diminishing my life by saying that those embros are worthless. I may not be the healthiest person in the world, but I am glad I am here, I have had a good life, and I am glad my parents kept me....some people are morons. I say move on to another doctor who is familiar with CF and is comfortable. This is a stressful enough situation without having to deal with an idiot who thinks you having a child has anything to do with him making a ethical decision...I am sorry for the long post but you brought back all the emotions I felt that day, I wanted to slap that doctor across the face! Good luck.
 Rebecca

Kristen · Dec 4, 2008

Honestly, I can see where your doctor is coming from. Think about it from the child's prospective instead of your own - what will happen if you pass away? Then it is will have no parent. And the risk of that happening is so much greater when you have CF. You are right, you could just go get knocked up by some random guy, but the doctor may be helping you do something he believes is unethical.

Kristen · Dec 4, 2008

Honestly, I can see where your doctor is coming from. Think about it from the child's prospective instead of your own - what will happen if you pass away? Then it is will have no parent. And the risk of that happening is so much greater when you have CF. You are right, you could just go get knocked up by some random guy, but the doctor may be helping you do something he believes is unethical.

Kristen · Dec 4, 2008

Honestly, I can see where your doctor is coming from. Think about it from the child's prospective instead of your own - what will happen if you pass away? Then it is will have no parent. And the risk of that happening is so much greater when you have CF. You are right, you could just go get knocked up by some random guy, but the doctor may be helping you do something he believes is unethical.

Kristen · Dec 4, 2008

Honestly, I can see where your doctor is coming from. Think about it from the child's prospective instead of your own - what will happen if you pass away? Then it is will have no parent. And the risk of that happening is so much greater when you have CF. You are right, you could just go get knocked up by some random guy, but the doctor may be helping you do something he believes is unethical.

Kristen · Dec 4, 2008

Honestly, I can see where your doctor is coming from. Think about it from the child's prospective instead of your own - what will happen if you pass away? Then it is will have no parent. And the risk of that happening is so much greater when you have CF. You are right, you could just go get knocked up by some random guy, but the doctor may be helping you do something he believes is unethical.

julie · Dec 5, 2008

Was he putting down your decision to be a single mom and have a baby, or was he just doing what he was "ethically required" to do and point out the obvious (possible) downsides of being a single parent?

I can understand where you are coming from, and I can also understand why the doctor would mention it (from a position of wanting to make sure you've covered all the bases). I'd actually be more concerned in a situation where a clinic DIDN'T discuss these things with you. It would lead me to believe they are all about $$$$ and #####'s

That being said, YOU need to do what works for YOU and if that means you are ready right now, then follow your heart and go for it.

I disagree with the statement that many people make about two parents being better than one. If it's a functional relationship, sure, both parents are better. But if the relationship is dysfunctional, sometimes just having one parent is better for everyone.

If you are ready, then do it!

julie · Dec 5, 2008

Was he putting down your decision to be a single mom and have a baby, or was he just doing what he was "ethically required" to do and point out the obvious (possible) downsides of being a single parent?

I can understand where you are coming from, and I can also understand why the doctor would mention it (from a position of wanting to make sure you've covered all the bases). I'd actually be more concerned in a situation where a clinic DIDN'T discuss these things with you. It would lead me to believe they are all about $$$$ and #####'s

That being said, YOU need to do what works for YOU and if that means you are ready right now, then follow your heart and go for it.

I disagree with the statement that many people make about two parents being better than one. If it's a functional relationship, sure, both parents are better. But if the relationship is dysfunctional, sometimes just having one parent is better for everyone.

If you are ready, then do it!

julie · Dec 5, 2008

Was he putting down your decision to be a single mom and have a baby, or was he just doing what he was "ethically required" to do and point out the obvious (possible) downsides of being a single parent?

I can understand where you are coming from, and I can also understand why the doctor would mention it (from a position of wanting to make sure you've covered all the bases). I'd actually be more concerned in a situation where a clinic DIDN'T discuss these things with you. It would lead me to believe they are all about $$$$ and #####'s

That being said, YOU need to do what works for YOU and if that means you are ready right now, then follow your heart and go for it.

I disagree with the statement that many people make about two parents being better than one. If it's a functional relationship, sure, both parents are better. But if the relationship is dysfunctional, sometimes just having one parent is better for everyone.

If you are ready, then do it!

julie · Dec 5, 2008

Was he putting down your decision to be a single mom and have a baby, or was he just doing what he was "ethically required" to do and point out the obvious (possible) downsides of being a single parent?

I can understand where you are coming from, and I can also understand why the doctor would mention it (from a position of wanting to make sure you've covered all the bases). I'd actually be more concerned in a situation where a clinic DIDN'T discuss these things with you. It would lead me to believe they are all about $$$$ and #####'s

That being said, YOU need to do what works for YOU and if that means you are ready right now, then follow your heart and go for it.

I disagree with the statement that many people make about two parents being better than one. If it's a functional relationship, sure, both parents are better. But if the relationship is dysfunctional, sometimes just having one parent is better for everyone.

If you are ready, then do it!

julie · Dec 5, 2008

Was he putting down your decision to be a single mom and have a baby, or was he just doing what he was "ethically required" to do and point out the obvious (possible) downsides of being a single parent?
 
 I can understand where you are coming from, and I can also understand why the doctor would mention it (from a position of wanting to make sure you've covered all the bases). I'd actually be more concerned in a situation where a clinic DIDN'T discuss these things with you. It would lead me to believe they are all about $$$$ and #####'s
 
 That being said, YOU need to do what works for YOU and if that means you are ready right now, then follow your heart and go for it.
 
 I disagree with the statement that many people make about two parents being better than one. If it's a functional relationship, sure, both parents are better. But if the relationship is dysfunctional, sometimes just having one parent is better for everyone.
 
 If you are ready, then do it!

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