At a crossroad...

[KEC1984]

I am 26 years old, very healthy and have been married for 2 years now to a wonderful man. I lost my brother to cystic fibrosis when he was 17 and I was 14. I have CF as well, but it has been mild and I'm able to maintain very good weight and lung function.
Growing up, I was always told I'd never be able to have children. My mom instilled this in me, making comments that "she'll never have grandchildren." I never really played with dolls (some Cabbage patch and barbies here and there). My mom is a huge animal lover and that definitly seemed to have rubbed off on me.
It wasn't until recently that I realized I could have children and could probably lead a pretty normal life.
The problem is, I have no idea if I want kids or not. I think I lack that maternal instinct because it was always instilled in me that this would never been a possibility. My mother never talked to me or showed me ways of "being a mommy" when I was younger.
My husband is wanting to start a family and in addition to all the worries that come along with it having CF (what if they get CF too, what if I get sick, what if something happens to him, what if I die, etc. etc.)I'm struggling with the simple question of, do I want to become a mother. I'm the youngest in my family and never had any experiences babysitting or being around an infant, whereas my husband is the oldest of three.

My question is, has anyone else struggled with this? Was anyone else convinced and told by family and doctors that raising a family would never be an option, only to find out that this wasn't true? I'd love to hear about your thoughts and experiences.

 

[KEC1984]

I am 26 years old, very healthy and have been married for 2 years now to a wonderful man. I lost my brother to cystic fibrosis when he was 17 and I was 14. I have CF as well, but it has been mild and I'm able to maintain very good weight and lung function.
Growing up, I was always told I'd never be able to have children. My mom instilled this in me, making comments that "she'll never have grandchildren." I never really played with dolls (some Cabbage patch and barbies here and there). My mom is a huge animal lover and that definitly seemed to have rubbed off on me.
It wasn't until recently that I realized I could have children and could probably lead a pretty normal life.
The problem is, I have no idea if I want kids or not. I think I lack that maternal instinct because it was always instilled in me that this would never been a possibility. My mother never talked to me or showed me ways of "being a mommy" when I was younger.
My husband is wanting to start a family and in addition to all the worries that come along with it having CF (what if they get CF too, what if I get sick, what if something happens to him, what if I die, etc. etc.)I'm struggling with the simple question of, do I want to become a mother. I'm the youngest in my family and never had any experiences babysitting or being around an infant, whereas my husband is the oldest of three.

My question is, has anyone else struggled with this? Was anyone else convinced and told by family and doctors that raising a family would never be an option, only to find out that this wasn't true? I'd love to hear about your thoughts and experiences.

 

[KEC1984]

I am 26 years old, very healthy and have been married for 2 years now to a wonderful man. I lost my brother to cystic fibrosis when he was 17 and I was 14. I have CF as well, but it has been mild and I'm able to maintain very good weight and lung function.
<br />Growing up, I was always told I'd never be able to have children. My mom instilled this in me, making comments that "she'll never have grandchildren." I never really played with dolls (some Cabbage patch and barbies here and there). My mom is a huge animal lover and that definitly seemed to have rubbed off on me.
<br />It wasn't until recently that I realized I could have children and could probably lead a pretty normal life.
<br />The problem is, I have no idea if I want kids or not. I think I lack that maternal instinct because it was always instilled in me that this would never been a possibility. My mother never talked to me or showed me ways of "being a mommy" when I was younger.
<br />My husband is wanting to start a family and in addition to all the worries that come along with it having CF (what if they get CF too, what if I get sick, what if something happens to him, what if I die, etc. etc.)I'm struggling with the simple question of, do I want to become a mother. I'm the youngest in my family and never had any experiences babysitting or being around an infant, whereas my husband is the oldest of three.
<br />
<br />My question is, has anyone else struggled with this? Was anyone else convinced and told by family and doctors that raising a family would never be an option, only to find out that this wasn't true? I'd love to hear about your thoughts and experiences.

 

[mamaScarlett]

Well yes I was told the same thing by my parents and family-who were told it by my doctors. When I was engaged to my husband, my doctor tried to convince me to immediately tie my tubes. (I'm 28 now and expecting my 2nd child) But some treatments have come out since then that have helped me, and I started to work much harder to be healthy as I got older. I'm happy, relatively healthy and confident I made the right decision.
It hasn't been without its battles and lots of hard work though. I've had to work much harder than other moms for what I have-for my children, my health. But the reward is even greater of course.
The important thing to remember is that though many patients are told they can never have children, which is often a suggestion, for some women that will be true. Some women with cf just can't safely handle pregnancy. For others (like me) it turned out to be not true. There's no one size fits all rule with Cf. Its really different with everyone, and even more so with pregnancy.
It sounds to me at this point that you are more so trying to figure out not so much if its safe yet, but if being a mom is really for you. Its not for everyone (cf or not). Its a hard place to be in and one that only time can really answer. Eventually your gut will probably tell you what you really want. If its children, then you'll have to see whether your health can comply with that and what your options are.
I was one of those people that always wanted children-a born mother. I had to live with the agony of believing that I'd never have them. Until things improved for me to my surprise.

 

[mamaScarlett]

Well yes I was told the same thing by my parents and family-who were told it by my doctors. When I was engaged to my husband, my doctor tried to convince me to immediately tie my tubes. (I'm 28 now and expecting my 2nd child) But some treatments have come out since then that have helped me, and I started to work much harder to be healthy as I got older. I'm happy, relatively healthy and confident I made the right decision.
It hasn't been without its battles and lots of hard work though. I've had to work much harder than other moms for what I have-for my children, my health. But the reward is even greater of course.
The important thing to remember is that though many patients are told they can never have children, which is often a suggestion, for some women that will be true. Some women with cf just can't safely handle pregnancy. For others (like me) it turned out to be not true. There's no one size fits all rule with Cf. Its really different with everyone, and even more so with pregnancy.
It sounds to me at this point that you are more so trying to figure out not so much if its safe yet, but if being a mom is really for you. Its not for everyone (cf or not). Its a hard place to be in and one that only time can really answer. Eventually your gut will probably tell you what you really want. If its children, then you'll have to see whether your health can comply with that and what your options are.
I was one of those people that always wanted children-a born mother. I had to live with the agony of believing that I'd never have them. Until things improved for me to my surprise.

 

[mamaScarlett]

Well yes I was told the same thing by my parents and family-who were told it by my doctors. When I was engaged to my husband, my doctor tried to convince me to immediately tie my tubes. (I'm 28 now and expecting my 2nd child) But some treatments have come out since then that have helped me, and I started to work much harder to be healthy as I got older. I'm happy, relatively healthy and confident I made the right decision.
<br />It hasn't been without its battles and lots of hard work though. I've had to work much harder than other moms for what I have-for my children, my health. But the reward is even greater of course.
<br />The important thing to remember is that though many patients are told they can never have children, which is often a suggestion, for some women that will be true. Some women with cf just can't safely handle pregnancy. For others (like me) it turned out to be not true. There's no one size fits all rule with Cf. Its really different with everyone, and even more so with pregnancy.
<br />It sounds to me at this point that you are more so trying to figure out not so much if its safe yet, but if being a mom is really for you. Its not for everyone (cf or not). Its a hard place to be in and one that only time can really answer. Eventually your gut will probably tell you what you really want. If its children, then you'll have to see whether your health can comply with that and what your options are.
<br />I was one of those people that always wanted children-a born mother. I had to live with the agony of believing that I'd never have them. Until things improved for me to my surprise.

 

[rubyroselee]

Hi there,

You sound just like me! My parents never talked about me having children; they always told me that I would never be able to have children, that I'd be too sick or it would be too risky for my health. My mom seemed to always push me towards surrogacy or adoption when I was younger. I also did not have (nor did I like) any baby dolls, barbies, etc. I never really learned the maternal things that moms should know.

So when I did get married, I luckily found a lot of CF women through CF web sites that made me realize that having a child *IS* possible! Once I found out that other CF women were having babies, I talked to my CF doctor. He told me that it is a risk, but he thought I'd do well with the pregnancy. And sure enough, I'm alive and well and now a mom to two beautiful boys.

So just talk to your CF doctor about any questions or details you are concerned about and take it from there. Also talk candidly with your husband about the "what if's". Once you consider everything, the choice is yours!

 

[rubyroselee]

Hi there,

You sound just like me! My parents never talked about me having children; they always told me that I would never be able to have children, that I'd be too sick or it would be too risky for my health. My mom seemed to always push me towards surrogacy or adoption when I was younger. I also did not have (nor did I like) any baby dolls, barbies, etc. I never really learned the maternal things that moms should know.

So when I did get married, I luckily found a lot of CF women through CF web sites that made me realize that having a child *IS* possible! Once I found out that other CF women were having babies, I talked to my CF doctor. He told me that it is a risk, but he thought I'd do well with the pregnancy. And sure enough, I'm alive and well and now a mom to two beautiful boys.

So just talk to your CF doctor about any questions or details you are concerned about and take it from there. Also talk candidly with your husband about the "what if's". Once you consider everything, the choice is yours!

 

[rubyroselee]

Hi there,
<br />
<br />You sound just like me! My parents never talked about me having children; they always told me that I would never be able to have children, that I'd be too sick or it would be too risky for my health. My mom seemed to always push me towards surrogacy or adoption when I was younger. I also did not have (nor did I like) any baby dolls, barbies, etc. I never really learned the maternal things that moms should know.
<br />
<br />So when I did get married, I luckily found a lot of CF women through CF web sites that made me realize that having a child *IS* possible! Once I found out that other CF women were having babies, I talked to my CF doctor. He told me that it is a risk, but he thought I'd do well with the pregnancy. And sure enough, I'm alive and well and now a mom to two beautiful boys.
<br />
<br />So just talk to your CF doctor about any questions or details you are concerned about and take it from there. Also talk candidly with your husband about the "what if's". Once you consider everything, the choice is yours!

 

[LouLou]

A good first step is to get your spouse genetically sequenced which is a comprehensive test that will check for over 1000 mutations in your spouse. If he isn't found to have a mutation, it is very unlikely that your child would have any symptoms that resemble cf. If he is a carrier, it's just one more variable to through into the mixing pot.

I was not pushed at all to have kids. My mom didn't guilt trip me at all about not having grandkids but they made it clear that they had no expectations of me giving them any and told me it was fine. I did write a story when I was rather young (3rd grade) about my friend being my surrogate. I'm sure this idea was given to me by my parents. I guess to sum it up they didn't push me in one way or the other they just sort of left it out. And in terms of motherly instinct I've always had it. Although I've never really liked playing dolls although I did have an American Doll...barbies weren't my thing. My brother and I both got Cabbage Patch Kids. Moreover I was not into make believe play.

I always was motivated to take care of myself for the hope that one day I'd be able to be a mom one way or the other. When I married I held no bars with my husband about possibly not being able to give him children.

Another thing to keep in mind is you don't have to like babies and kids to like & love your baby/child very much. I don't like about 80% of babies/ children <5 yrs of age...not sure why.

 

[LouLou]

A good first step is to get your spouse genetically sequenced which is a comprehensive test that will check for over 1000 mutations in your spouse. If he isn't found to have a mutation, it is very unlikely that your child would have any symptoms that resemble cf. If he is a carrier, it's just one more variable to through into the mixing pot.

I was not pushed at all to have kids. My mom didn't guilt trip me at all about not having grandkids but they made it clear that they had no expectations of me giving them any and told me it was fine. I did write a story when I was rather young (3rd grade) about my friend being my surrogate. I'm sure this idea was given to me by my parents. I guess to sum it up they didn't push me in one way or the other they just sort of left it out. And in terms of motherly instinct I've always had it. Although I've never really liked playing dolls although I did have an American Doll...barbies weren't my thing. My brother and I both got Cabbage Patch Kids. Moreover I was not into make believe play.

I always was motivated to take care of myself for the hope that one day I'd be able to be a mom one way or the other. When I married I held no bars with my husband about possibly not being able to give him children.

Another thing to keep in mind is you don't have to like babies and kids to like & love your baby/child very much. I don't like about 80% of babies/ children <5 yrs of age...not sure why.

 

[LouLou]

A good first step is to get your spouse genetically sequenced which is a comprehensive test that will check for over 1000 mutations in your spouse. If he isn't found to have a mutation, it is very unlikely that your child would have any symptoms that resemble cf. If he is a carrier, it's just one more variable to through into the mixing pot.
<br />
<br />I was not pushed at all to have kids. My mom didn't guilt trip me at all about not having grandkids but they made it clear that they had no expectations of me giving them any and told me it was fine. I did write a story when I was rather young (3rd grade) about my friend being my surrogate. I'm sure this idea was given to me by my parents. I guess to sum it up they didn't push me in one way or the other they just sort of left it out. And in terms of motherly instinct I've always had it. Although I've never really liked playing dolls although I did have an American Doll...barbies weren't my thing. My brother and I both got Cabbage Patch Kids. Moreover I was not into make believe play.
<br />
<br />I always was motivated to take care of myself for the hope that one day I'd be able to be a mom one way or the other. When I married I held no bars with my husband about possibly not being able to give him children.
<br />
<br />Another thing to keep in mind is you don't have to like babies and kids to like & love your baby/child very much. I don't like about 80% of babies/ children <5 yrs of age...not sure why.

 

[KLeigh]

My doctors were really against it but my parents always believed in adoption or "finding a way" i.e. surrogacy. But with all the new meds out there it is completely possible to have your own children these days. Although i don't have any yet, my husband & i want children. I think, if anything, it makes you work a million times harder to get yourself healthier for your pregnancy. I have been working at it for a couple of months now & i am the healthiest I have been in 3 years. I honestly thought it was a lost cause but this website & the right doctors helped me see it's completely possible if you work for it!

 

[KLeigh]

My doctors were really against it but my parents always believed in adoption or "finding a way" i.e. surrogacy. But with all the new meds out there it is completely possible to have your own children these days. Although i don't have any yet, my husband & i want children. I think, if anything, it makes you work a million times harder to get yourself healthier for your pregnancy. I have been working at it for a couple of months now & i am the healthiest I have been in 3 years. I honestly thought it was a lost cause but this website & the right doctors helped me see it's completely possible if you work for it!

 

[KLeigh]

My doctors were really against it but my parents always believed in adoption or "finding a way" i.e. surrogacy. But with all the new meds out there it is completely possible to have your own children these days. Although i don't have any yet, my husband & i want children. I think, if anything, it makes you work a million times harder to get yourself healthier for your pregnancy. I have been working at it for a couple of months now & i am the healthiest I have been in 3 years. I honestly thought it was a lost cause but this website & the right doctors helped me see it's completely possible if you work for it!

 

[sunshine39656]

YES! I just always assumed I'd never have kids and never really put much thought into it. Now I'm 31 and have absolutely no idea if I even want kids (I'm also afraid I lack that maternal instinct) and am afraid that by the time my hubby and I decide we want them, I'll be too old to care for it/them. I've struggled with this for a long time, but in the end, I've decided that when/if my hubby decides it's time, that means he wants the child and will be there for me to help more when I'm down. If we never feel the time is right, then, I think I'll be okay with that. I'd rather have no children at all than to have children and not be able to care for them the way I'd want to as a Mommy.

 

[sunshine39656]

YES! I just always assumed I'd never have kids and never really put much thought into it. Now I'm 31 and have absolutely no idea if I even want kids (I'm also afraid I lack that maternal instinct) and am afraid that by the time my hubby and I decide we want them, I'll be too old to care for it/them. I've struggled with this for a long time, but in the end, I've decided that when/if my hubby decides it's time, that means he wants the child and will be there for me to help more when I'm down. If we never feel the time is right, then, I think I'll be okay with that. I'd rather have no children at all than to have children and not be able to care for them the way I'd want to as a Mommy.

 

[sunshine39656]

YES! I just always assumed I'd never have kids and never really put much thought into it. Now I'm 31 and have absolutely no idea if I even want kids (I'm also afraid I lack that maternal instinct) and am afraid that by the time my hubby and I decide we want them, I'll be too old to care for it/them. I've struggled with this for a long time, but in the end, I've decided that when/if my hubby decides it's time, that means he wants the child and will be there for me to help more when I'm down. If we never feel the time is right, then, I think I'll be okay with that. I'd rather have no children at all than to have children and not be able to care for them the way I'd want to as a Mommy.

 

[Walters03]

Growing up my parents never tried to tell me not to try and have children, but they have always been concerned for me and my health. When I was 16 I got pregnant, and had a miscarriage! The doctors thought that it would be a great idea for me to go on birthcontrol (depo shot) and see if it would make me sterile. I only recieved on monthly shot and that was all because I wanted to have children. Now here I am at the age of 30 and still no children. My husband and I have been together for the last 10 yrs and nothing. I'm starting to give up here really.

I wish everyone luck that is trying to have children.

 

[Walters03]

Growing up my parents never tried to tell me not to try and have children, but they have always been concerned for me and my health. When I was 16 I got pregnant, and had a miscarriage! The doctors thought that it would be a great idea for me to go on birthcontrol (depo shot) and see if it would make me sterile. I only recieved on monthly shot and that was all because I wanted to have children. Now here I am at the age of 30 and still no children. My husband and I have been together for the last 10 yrs and nothing. I'm starting to give up here really.

I wish everyone luck that is trying to have children.